Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Elan School => Topic started by: Free Press Reporter on August 14, 2005, 09:29:00 PM
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Grey ME 8/14/05
from the free press.
" A man posing as a journalist is found at a highway rest stop getting fucked by several transexual males. Only going by title The Elan Reporter, this man was taken away rubber dildo in one hand and ass lube in the other. When asked why as a reporter he would be doing these things, he blamed his childhood lust for a Martin Kruglik. It has been found by this reporter that he has infact admitted to smoking crack and masturbating to pictures of Mr Kruglick. Further investigation shows that this so called elan reporter has tried to smear M Kruglick name and defamate his character. When the Elan Reporter was asked about this he teary eyed addmited to makeing false statements to hopefully force M Kruglik into takeing him back. He even asked that I put in my article that he hopes M Kruglik will forgive him and that he still has his assless chaps in hope of M kruglik's return. It seems to be a gay males lust and disallusion that brought him into the arms of truck stop transsexuals, one he nick named his "assistant." we know what that means. This troubled gay male will probably continue his harassment after his release from county jail, since the gay male seems to only be able to take out his frustrations on being left by M kruglik; on M kruglik.
but sources say he is enjoying his mop wig and being traded for fruit cups too much to leave.
His assistant is quite disapointed since he is no longer on top, or was it bottom. Stay posted to further bulletins on this story."
This and more to come. Lets all hope the best for the troubled elan reporter and hope he is eating all his fruit cups; since he cant survive on jail house protein alone.
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This and more to come. Lets all hope the best for the troubled elan reporter and hope he is eating all his fruit cups; since he cant survive on jail house protein alone."
[/quote]
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:
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Isn't it funny how the same person has to post anoymously twice after posting some stupid tasteless post about the great Elan reporter?
At least the Elan reporter doesn't post anoymous responses to make it look like he/she has friends. Sounds like to me that M.Kruglik can't handle the truth.
Whats wrong Marty? you seemed a little shocked that there are actually people on the internet bashing you? Could it be that you were such a prick to kids in Elan and they are getting back at you? :question: Nah... Not Marty, taping tampons soaked in ketchup to 13 year old heads is quite normal for you isn't it Marty? ISN'T IT? :wstupid:
Thats right Marty, you would have to post anoymous responses to make it look like pople would supoort you. The truth is The Elan reporter might be an idiot for posting over and over again, but at least he/she has supporters that back him/her up?
You are the focus point at this board Marty, it is all coming around to haunt you now Marty. You had your time in the spotlight, now it is time to pay the fiddler. Did you actually think you could get away with what you done without any consquences? Again :wstupid:
No Marty, you will pay, YOU WILL PAY.You are a sick individual that has no concern for any teenagers welfare. You were abused as a kid and now you take your frustrations out on helpless teens and been doing it for many decades now.
Marty you have alot of angry "Now Adults" at you, you can't avoid this problem.From old schoolers to current,you have people from differnt generations that hate you. I would be very concerned for my welfare if I were you, and thats not a threat BTW, its a reality.
You have done some very bad things to kids in the past, bad things that will stay with these kids that are now adults, they havent forgot about you Marty, and certainly won't forget your face..If you are gonna abuse kids Marty you should've been a little smarter by living off the grid, you didn't think that this would never come back at you did you Martin? :wstupid:
The clock is ticking Martin, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, WHATCHA GONNA DO???????
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On 2005-08-14 23:23:00, Anonymous wrote:
" :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: "
Oh yes thanks for making this spinless idiot's day because he/she has no balls to stand up and tell the elan reporter how he/she feels. Either way your post is so bogus. Love having convo's withourself huh Martin? Go back to your teepee sicko, you are not wanted here unless you have the balls to answer us.
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You are the focus point at this board Marty, it is all coming around to haunt you now Marty. You had your time in the spotlight, now it is time to pay the fiddler. Did you actually think you could get away with what you done without any consquences?
These are NOT consequences!! This is just childish namecalling.
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On 2005-08-15 07:07:00, ShyGirl wrote:
"You are the focus point at this board Marty, it is all coming around to haunt you now Marty. You had your time in the spotlight, now it is time to pay the fiddler. Did you actually think you could get away with what you done without any consquences?
These are NOT consequences!! This is just childish namecalling.
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Sorry, ShyGirl, that's wrong. It's comedy designed to poke fun at a really nasty SOB named Marty Kruglik. Nothing more, nothing less. We have a fun time writing creative chronicles about Tatanka Fucker, but believe us... it's work sometimes.
Childish namecalling would be calling Marty Kruglik a few curse words and giving it a rest or making up some stupid song. This, however, is creative maddening prose.
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Oh yes thanks for making this spinless idiot's day because he/she has no balls to stand up and tell the elan reporter how he/she feels. Either way your post is so bogus. Love having convo's withourself huh Martin? Go back to your teepee sicko, you are not wanted here unless you have the balls to answer us."
what makes you think i am Marty? idiot maybe I just dont like you creeps and your mindless bashing. Take your medicine assole, you dish it you can also take it like it or not.
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I'm not the last person that posted and I'm certainly not Marty, HAHAHA, that's so funny that you little morons think that Marty actually think Marty has time to sit around and play these dumb games with you morons. I just agree that Elan reporter and assistant suck. I'm not posting as 2 people. If you guys are in so much denial that a couple different people think you are lame talentless boring assholes then that is just sad. You should check your huge egos. And check your sicko, gay, shit eating, fetish, homo erotic, non sense, and why you are so obsessed with Marty Kruglicks asshole and fucking him and his sex. You guys are the wierdos and the sickos. The truth is that the sick shit that Marty USE to be involved with died in the early 90's. Why wont you let it go away? You are the ones keeping it alive and staying sick. If someone gets better then why are you trying to keep it around? Why not let it go? Why keep the filth in your day to day life?Every one knows what happened. If you want to do something about it take it to court DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Posting dumb shit on fucking FOrnits does absoultly nothing except show the world what a fucking sick perverted bunch of retards you are. I don't think you guys were there for Martys shit anyways cuz the only thing you can say over and over again is the tampon incident. That certainly isn't the only thing that ever happened. You just read that from someone elses post.So don't try to make it like you are doing some good here or trying to expose Marty for what he is. You are just a waste of time and a sicko. You are a little boy obsessed with gay sex. Rent a porno or call a gay sex line. Stop taking up all the fucking room on the elan bored with your selfish thoughts. You are just jealous that Marty didn't give you any attention. Maybe explore the world of being a gay man. This really isn't the place for it. And don't blame Marty for the fact that you are obsessed with male feices and anal sex. It really isn't his fault.Oh yeah and did I mention you are a talentless asshile and that you totally completely fucking suck. Both of you. Yeah. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. :rofl: :rofl:
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<----------and there is my name, and I totally agree!!! Incredibly funny story! The other Marty bashers were getting old and redundant!!
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[ This Message was edited by: The Elan Reporter on 2005-10-26 07:05 ]
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sounds like an electrical malfuntion. don't worry, from time to time they get a little behind on their maintenance. If not kept properly lubed, elan robots can turn against their masters. Elan Factory Manual (Page 13.4) states: "Many elanbots periodically experience jolts of free thought; this is to be expected. In cases of ex-residents exhibiting such behavior, we recommend a harsh Verbal Reprimand and a dollop of 20W60 high friction lube. If the problem continues, please bring your elanbot to the nearest dealer (U.S. Residents: #5 Road, Poland, ME - European Union Residents: Stalag 13, Aushwitz GDR) for a fully brainwashing and regular interval servicing."
so you see, theres nothing to really be worried about. Don't be an idiot though, just take the time to read the manual.
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Pink, that was great.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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:wstupid: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :tup:
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Some geeks will take offense to that, some always do, but I am a firm believer that proper maintenance, along with constant reinforcement of elanspeak will keep your elan robot running strong years after their graduation date. Heres another little excerpt from Section 13.2: "At times, your elanbot may experience a tendancy to become unstable, causing danger to both you, your elanbot, and staff members. Factory technicians suggest calling 'House in the Dining Room' on a regular basis, at least once in the morning and twice at night, with occasional calls of "Headcounts". Failure to do so will only exacerbate the situation and may lead to expensive damage requiring facotry service and several "CHIEF!!!" calls."
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If that doesn't work, do you recommend a general meeting for my Elanbot?
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CERT (Certified Elan Robot Technician) Martin R. Kruglick and Tony Merret have written several more manuals on the subject, but stress the importance of using the proper lube and elanspeak when working on your elanbot. "A lot of times, the (elan) robots will leave the factory and almost immediately display free-thought; which is not covered under the warranty." claims Tony Merret. "I really can't stress enough the importance of not only keeping them lubed, but also choosing the proper *type* of lube."
Martin R. Kruglick suggests using high-grade, high-viscosity synthetic lube for aftermarket elan robots. "However, for my robots still in the factory, I prefer using a lubricant with high-resistance to cold temperatures and a lower viscous count, I don't want to damage them before they walk off the lot" Claims Martin.
What Is Covered Under Warranty? : Section 15 of the manual covers all your warranty questions, mainly pertaining to the electrical systems and the programming of your elan robot; if a unit displays *ANY* signs of free thought please thouroughly read this section of the manual before taking it to your dealership.
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Section Nine pertains to some preventive therapies that, in conjunction with proper lubing, can help keep your elan robot functioning ( :wink: ) much the way they did from the showroom floor.
The last few pages of Section Nine provide a handy FAQ section about some of these therapies.
Section 9-5: Frequently Asked Elan-Robot Questions:
Q: MY ELAN ROBOT SEEMS TO WORKS FINE; I'VE PURCHASED THE 'EXPEDITOR GT' MODEL WITH THE OPTIONAL PROPAGANDA PACKAGE; BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I TAKE IT ON THE FORNITS FORUMS, THERE IS CONSIDERABLE HESITATION - CAN I GET MY PROPAGANDA UNIT UPDATED?
A: Congratulations on your purchase! The Propaganda Package equipped on the Expeditor GT, the Department Head, and the Coordinator GR4 is elan's premiere unit, equipped with several override controls and twin-baffling self-loathing techniques. While your unit is able to defeat any type of free thought - hesitation is to be expected while on the Fornits Forums, due only to the higher velocity of anarchy which can interfere with some of the processors lower functions.
Q: MY ELAN ROBOT HAS STARTED TO CURSE AND STUTTER, WITH CONSTANT MISSPELLINGS AND THE INTELLIGENCE OF A THIRD GRADER, WHAT CAN I DO?
A: Elan Robots are typically purchased for their slavish obedience to the party line; therefore education can be a serious drawback. To prevent unique words, thoughts, and ideas from backing up the main processing unit, all Elan Robots recieved (1) one high school diploma equivelant to a third grade education. The stuttering and cursing are most likely a result of prior programming before pickup at the factory and can be cured with proper lubrication, or encounter groups.
Q: AN ENCOUNTER GROUP? WMY FRIEND TOLD ME TO JUST KEEP TAKING IT FOR GENERAL MEETING AND THEY WILL FIX THAT.
A: No, no, no! General Meetings, or GMs are not intented to be used as curative measures against unwanted behavior, but are used less often, and as a last ditch attempt to reinforce awry programming flaws from the factory. Overuse of a GM to correct minor intelligence deficits will only result in more problems. You've probally also noticed an oily residue accumulating in the cranial area suggesting an overuse of General Meetings. Encounter groups are a far less damaging and much more cost effective solution to your Elan-Robots technical woes. Take it in to be serviced for a few encounter groups, and the cursing and stuttering sensations should begin to fade. While your at it, make sure to lube up your Elanbot for smoother functioning.
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Wow, I guess you idiots cannot read. I said your shit is tired and old and boring. You seriously think it's good. then keep telling yourself that. Truth is I haven't read all the way through a whole post YET. I skim the extremely long posts see the words "fecal matter, mongoloid, shit eating, indian dance, ass rape" over and over again and think wow these guys are real morons. Really easily entertained. I have no love for the elan staff. And I couldn't care less if they all rot in hell. I just think you guys are a big waste of time and effort. if you have so much spare time, then why not use it to really do something. Like really take them down. Write up some REAL documentation for court. Instead of wasting your time on Fornits being a weird ass sick pervert. I mean why don't you think about yourself for a minute and how fucking creepy you are. I mean this is kinda creepy how much you think about Marty isn't it? I really don't waste my time reading your redundant 1000 word 5th comedy level poop joke posts. If I want comedy I leave it to the professionals. I just wish you would check your fucking ego and realize that you AREN'T fucking funny. If you got up at a comedy club and read some of this shit, people would suggest you be taken away in a straight jacket. They would sit there confused or reccomend you tell your jokes at a 6th grade dance. That's all I have to say on the matter.
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Quit whinin' fucker - it's funny stuff. This is nothing more than a forum about Elan, so your hypothetical idea about them presenting their material at a comedy club doesn't really hold up, now does it? Of course it might not go over well bcuz no one would get it. Not the case here. So why don't you stop trying to police this forum and stick your head back where itr belongs. :lol:
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you all mr pink and reporters free and elan are pathetic. the time you guys put in here truly shows what dickless wonders you all are. Do you guys jerk off together online too, should we call you fuks the one hand typeing crew? Seriously clean off your keyboards and leave your parents basements every now and again. Loosers. No one but your anon counter parts and you guys enjoy those stupid mindless posts. everyone here knows half the anon posts agreeing with you are you idiots responding to your selves. you idiots have your fun, but people like me and others tired of your shit and living in the Real world wont deal much longer. You will be getting your own medicine back at you.
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Why do you give a fuck? If this stuff bothers you so much, why do you waste your time reading it? Dumbfuck! Elan Reporters sophisticated sense of humor is beyond your paltry mind, obviously you just don't "get it" because it's so far over your head. Eat shit and leave Elan Reporter and Elan Reporter's Assistant alone, cockface.
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[ This Message was edited by: The Elan Reporter on 2005-10-26 07:05 ]
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[ This Message was edited by: The Elan Reporter on 2005-10-26 07:06 ]
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[ This Message was edited by: The Elan Reporter on 2005-10-26 07:06 ]
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The Elanobot training manual is a fine addition to our repertoire. The anonymous board police can lick my balls.
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Once again, on what planet does talling poop jokes make you sophisticated you assanine moron! You people amaze me!!! And the comedy club remark should stand up considering that you yourself said that people from other forums who didn't even go to Elan find this syuff. HILARIOUS. So think before you talk fucktard.
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sorry....
elan reporter and mark rosenblow are HILARIOUS and BRILLIANT.
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"sophisticated sense of humor" come on beating a dead horse with pre pubescent dick and fart jokes.?. I do get it, your a bunch of teenagers. Thats probably why you still live in your parents basement. ass.
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Face it, The Elan Reporter, myself and Pink OWN this fucking board now. And Marty, Tony Merett and any other criminals will be ridiculed here until Judgement Day or the hi-yuhs come home.
Didn't go to Elan? I went to Elan. Elan Reporter went to Elan. Pink went to Elan. And so far, I don't know anyone on this board who praises us who didn't go to Elan.
You are a jealous putrid individual who is not even worthy of being scalped by Marty and is certainly not worthy of the mystery that is the hi-yuh hi-yuh.
If you don't like our prose, fly away, young Starling. Fly fly... fly fly... fly fly...
Well, hello, Clarice...
::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod::
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On 2005-08-17 16:49:00, Elan Reporter's Assistant wrote:
"Face it, The Elan Reporter, myself and Pink OWN this fucking board now. And Marty, Tony Merett and any other criminals will be ridiculed here until Judgement Day or the hi-yuhs come home.
Didn't go to Elan? I went to Elan. Elan Reporter went to Elan. Pink went to Elan. And so far, I don't know anyone on this board who praises us who didn't go to Elan.
You are a jealous putrid individual who is not even worthy of being scalped by Marty and is certainly not worthy of the mystery that is the hi-yuh hi-yuh.
If you don't like our prose, fly away, young Starling. Fly fly... fly fly... fly fly...
Well, hello, Clarice...
::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: "
,
Hmmmmmm! OR,are they all so fucking stupid that they are the SAME PERSON!
Got that PINK-O FAG
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This is the gayest crap I have ever read. Pinko and you gay ass reporters must be from planet gayzor. I haven't seen this board this gay since that gay ass Jordan fag was around gaying thing up. Christ you fags are gay!
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I never comment on the elan board, but I do make the reporter's stuff regular reading, its funny as hell, it really is. Some times it gets alittle gross, yes, but mostly he is very intertaining. They reporters have my backing.
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On 2005-08-17 18:37:00, Anonymous wrote:
"This is the gayest crap I have ever read. Pinko and you gay ass reporters must be from planet gayzor. I haven't seen this board this gay since that gay ass Jordan fag was around gaying thing up. Christ you fags are gay!"
YEAH, YOU TELL'EM :exclaim:
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You obviously have an obsession with being gay -- one so extensive that there could only be one possible explanation: You are deathly afraid of the fact that you yourself are gay.
And come up with a better handle than "Anonymous." You're really boring me.
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On 2005-08-17 18:46:00, OverLordd wrote:
"I never comment on the elan board, but I do make the reporter's stuff regular reading, its funny as hell, it really is. Some times it gets alittle gross, yes, but mostly he is very intertaining. They reporters have my backing."
:tup: :tup: :tup: :tup: :tup: :tup:
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On 2005-08-17 17:10:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2005-08-17 16:49:00, Elan Reporter's Assistant wrote:
"Face it, The Elan Reporter, myself and Pink OWN this fucking board now. And Marty, Tony Merett and any other criminals will be ridiculed here until Judgement Day or the hi-yuhs come home.
:wstupid: damn fucking straight
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hi-yuh-hi-yuh-hi-yuugh
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damn i just love messing with html code :smokin: :flame:
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how do you do that? :silly:
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Lumb Duck - looks cool as hell though :grin:
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On 2005-08-17 16:49:00, Elan Reporter's Assistant wrote:
"Face it, The Elan Reporter, myself and Pink OWN this fucking board now. And Marty, Tony Merett and any other criminals will be ridiculed here until Judgement Day or the hi-yuhs come home.
Didn't go to Elan? I went to Elan. Elan Reporter went to Elan. Pink went to Elan. And so far, I don't know anyone on this board who praises us who didn't go to Elan.
You are a jealous putrid individual who is not even worthy of being scalped by Marty and is certainly not worthy of the mystery that is the hi-yuh hi-yuh.
If you don't like our prose, fly away, young Starling. Fly fly... fly fly... fly fly...
Well, hello, Clarice...
::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: ::nod:: "
if your only achievment is to make the same jokes here and "own" this board. Well I guess i can only say HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.............
what pathetic statements you keep typeing about your self ASS Istant keep bending over you fukn flamer, please keep thinking you own this board,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
OH GOD...
Okay ima keep fucking with you just to keep reading your responses. Fuckin priceless. What am I jealous of? do tell. whats your gain?
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LONG LIVE ELAN REPORTER, ELAN REPORTER'S ASSISTANT, MARK ROSENBLOW AND ALL THE OTHER SANE FOLKS HERE.
IT'S HILARIOUS TO WATCH YOU RILE UP THE DAMAGED, PUSSY, DERANGED FOOLS WHO CRY WHENEVER YOU WRITE ONE OF YOUR TICKLINGLY HILARIOUS RANTS.
3 CHEERS!
those weepy semi-retarded do-gooder imbeciles are SO EASY to bother!
I LOVE it!!!!
Hilarious. ::bigsmilebounce:: ::bangin:: ::bangin:: ::boohoo:: ::boohoo:: :flame:
Keep it up!
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The best part is when the retards respond to them, EVERY TIME. It's like they are programmed to do EXACTLY what the genius Reporter and Co. want.
Most of them can barely speak, they just grunt and curse and complain.
I'm with you,
Elan Reporter and co. are fricken AMAZING.
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Assistant once again agreeing with himself as an anon. 2 times even. Still cant answer real questions though, lame duck bitch
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I don't promise you a great many things, but I promise you I am very much not the Elan Reporter.I am a totally separate anon giving praise where praise is due.
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He's not the assistant either. I assure you.
We have our fans on here. Me suh dance around campfire with joy.
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At least the Elan reporter doesn't post anoymous responses to make it look like he/she has friends. Sounds like to me that M.Kruglik can't handle the truth.
Whats wrong Marty? you seemed a little shocked that there are actually people on the internet bashing you? Could it be that you were such a prick to kids in Elan and they are getting back at you? Nah... Not Marty, taping tampons soaked in ketchup to 13 year old heads is quite normal for you isn't it Marty? ISN'T IT?
Thats right Marty, you would have to post anoymous responses to make it look like pople would supoort you. The truth is The Elan reporter might be an idiot for posting over and over again, but at least he/she has supporters that back him/her up?
You are the focus point at this board Marty, it is all coming around to haunt you now Marty. You had your time in the spotlight, now it is time to pay the fiddler. Did you actually think you could get away with what you done without any consquences? Again
No Marty, you will pay, YOU WILL PAY.You are a sick individual that has no concern for any teenagers welfare. You were abused as a kid and now you take your frustrations out on helpless teens and been doing it for many decades now.
Marty you have alot of angry "Now Adults" at you, you can't avoid this problem.From old schoolers to current,you have people from differnt generations that hate you. I would be very concerned for my welfare if I were you, and thats not a threat BTW, its a reality.
You have done some very bad things to kids in the past, bad things that will stay with these kids that are now adults, they havent forgot about you Marty, and certainly won't forget your face..If you are gonna abuse kids Marty you should've been a little smarter by living off the grid, you didn't think that this would never come back at you did you Martin?
The clock is ticking Martin, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, WHATCHA GONNA DO???????
OH ELAN REPORTER DOES POST ANONYMOUSLY NEVER DOES STATE HIS REALY NAME JUST ELAN REPORTER.
TO SCARED TO I GUESS HE DOESNT WANT THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM TO REALLY COME OUT ON HERE SO HE HIDE BEHIDE A FAKE NAME!!!!!!!
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Respect the hi-yuh!!!
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WORD LIFE TO THE HI_YUH_HI_YUH!!!
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On 2005-08-19 07:20:00, Elan Reporter's Assistant wrote:
"He's not the assistant either. I assure you.
We have our fans on here. Me suh dance around campfire with joy."
yes he is your a pathetic ass wipe agreeing and sticking up for your self again, a closet case and a mental case in one tightly wound idiot.