Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Mission Mountain School => Topic started by: Anonymous on July 18, 2005, 04:01:00 PM
-
I really want to know one thing. Why is it that no one has argued with the fact that John Mercer, and unlicenced "therapist" or a man who concerns himself with helping girls is capable of listening and reading to a little girls sexual history in entire detail.
Little girls is correct, because I am not exagerating. Girls from 12-18. Girls going to mms where not being sent there because they were sex offenders, or anything of that sort. They did not need to disclose everything of that matter. Perhaps they had isssues with sex, but did not need to be analized by a man who has no professinality in dealing with such cases.
Cases in which John listened to young girls talk about masterbation and how they would touch themselves...their vagina. In such detail that was not necessary. What is the need for this man to listen to me talk about being molested and how exactly I was touched?
Why does he need to know where the man placed his hands on me and how it all occured? Why do I share it amongst 30 or so other girls..including staff? Why do people need to hear of me bearing such disgusting pain?
If I could I would have dealt with that one on one with a female therapist, but I had no choice.
If he had been female things wouldn't seem so strange...but don't you find it as odd?
and my entire files sit some where...I have no idea who's hands they go through...but it there for anyone to see, every detail.
And you inform me that this man has done nothing wrong to us. Perhaps he used us as a way to fulfill his own perversions because I WILL NEVER AGREE that that is right.
please argue with me. I will never agree.
-
and he places his elbow on his knee puts his fisted hand over half of his mouth..slithly..to prevent himself from smirking, and those blue eyes stare at you while you tell you most deepest dark secrets to a man you don't even know (and have no option of knowing)
please argue with me. I will never agree.
-
He had NO RIGHT. I am an incest survivor. I had therapy with a LICENSED THERAPIST, and never was this type of "detail-telling" a part of my therapy. The "TELLING" was about my feelings about what happened to me...my feelings about the person who did what they did..my feelings about that person today, and how to come to grips with what happened, and how to recognize that NONE OF IT WAS MY FAULT--that I was just a little girl who was hurt by the very person I should have been able to trust.
NO...he had NO RIGHT, no professional training, and no reason for doing this to you, or to any other little girl.
-
This guy sounds like a real perverted, sick fuck.
I'm sorry you guys had to go through that.
-
And 2 weeks later still on one dares to argue...
-
I dont know if you being sarcastic or not, but I will answer your queestion either way.
No one seems to arugue about the fact that John Mercer DID cross the lines with many girls. covincing them to talk about their previous sexual lives in detail, and some girls who were raped or molested. No one is making excuses for him like they have in every other posts. They have stated that John used "tough love" yes some can possibly understand that, but how can we make sense of this? Can anyone possibly say how that in any way was right?
-
If we agree on the same thing why do you keep on being sarcastic? I agree with you there is nothing to argue that's the whole point..yes he is very wrong. Many the young women in this forum keep on defending him..now since this issue has been brought up no one seems to be justufiying his actions. This is a clear example of something that happened EVIDENCE. Look at every other topic..someone is always justifying John Mercer's behavior. Does this mean that the whole "battle" has ended?
Please state why you agree. We need more statements made on this topic.
-
I believe anyone who forces little girls (and yes, girls age 12 are little girls) to divulge their very private sexual experiences, asking for every detail, is sexually abusive and has another agenda. Especially when this person is not even a therapist.
Think about it. I've read here where girls are forced to tell their sexual and drug histories and then if they really don't have any, they are forced to write about it anyway or they will suffer serious forms of punishments. To avoid those punishments they make up anything they can think of. Most of it they learned once they arrived at MMS. Then these "histories" are given to parents who believe their daughter is so far worse than they ever imagined and they leave her in the program for a couple of years instead of a few months. Quite clever, Mercer.
Practices at MMS are not based on long-term studies that are proven to help children with the host of emotional problems accepted at MMS.
How can they justify taking in girls with suicidal issues, cutting issues, depression, sexual abuse, rape, and the list could go on forever? How? They aren't qualified.
Maybe they have a therapist there, but what about the private "group" sessions done with Mercer and the girls? The ones where he forces them to reveal their deepest darkest secrets? He's made them tell all, sometimes revealing all of the horrible things that happened to them while they were raped, and then he sends them off to bed? No follow-through? What then?
Again, how can they justify that this is good for a child? I've read it here and I have no reason to doubt what these girls are saying. Too many stories to not believe them at this point. Even the girls who are pro-MMS will admit there were some things that went on there that they think were not right. The writing is on the wall.
-
I have actually been waiting for someone specific to repond to this topic..Betsy? since you've been so protective of the school I would like to hear what you think about this topic. Or can you not justify this?
-
And some of you women went to this reunion, right? Did anyone confront JOHN and ask him WHY he did this? Or, did you just "play nice and pretend it just never happened?"
-
Only people who support the school went to the reunion. There would be no reason to confront John.
only person that showed was Kerry and she was very nervouse and understanding that people weren't to happy she was there.
B
-
Well, how nice that only supporters showed up, and no one dared make these abusive owners uncomfortable. How nice!
-
staff or students were upset that kerry went?
-
no one was upset that kerry went. she was just nervous about it. but talked to colleen, who greeted her with open arms.
-
yea- lol, i would have been shitting my pant if i had been in kerry's position, leaving mms not too long ago- being on the fence about the effectiveness about the school, etc.
but, those beautiful Mission Mountains may have been worth it! And if more than a handful alumni from my time had showed up, that may have made the experience worth it.
i want to see
sam
stephanie
tara
sarah m
jessica b.
melissa s
oh, hey, anyone know if addie h was there
she was such a love!!
-
Why can't Kerry speak for herself?
-
i'm sure she can but she doesn't check this ridiculous website anymore. it's not like our posting about her sent a message to her to check fornits IMMEDIATELY to respond for herself. she' sa friend of mine and i talked to her a lot at the reunion so i know what she was feeling
-
woah woah....and woah..What a way to avoid the whole issue..speaking of someting else. Well didn't John ever tell you not to change subjects when your being confronted. To all of you who keep on walking around this issue TALK ABOUT IT.
Why did a man without a thraputic licence have the right to listen in on young girls speaking of their detailed sexualities/ sexual experiences? You still have not said anything about it. WHY
Betsy I trully don't know you but I read many of your posts....I wish you would speak your mind on this topic because you seem very confident when speaking about other things but...seems as though you dare not justify this one.
I KNOW MANY OF YOU MMS ALUMNI HAVE READ THIS ..WHY HAVE YOU NOT MADE A COMMENT ABOUT IT?
If you believe John Mercer is right please explain..I would rather belive he is normal rather be in the position that I am right now beliveing that he used us for his own perverted reasons.
-
Whoever is writing this seems like they want an argument. Specifically, a reason to get into a nasty back and forth, which is personally what I think this website has become. It all seems to come down to "those who support it" and those "who dont" and I am making this assertion because of your pointed comment to Besty regarding this topic. Why hasn't Betsy responded? I don't know... But I would venture to guess it's because most of her posts are attacked. Point being, I am an advocate of MMS as well. And my response to your post is not for an argument, but for clarification from anothers perspective. And the first thing I am wondering is are you a student? It seems like you might be an outsider that is forming opinions based on those posts made by girls who had a negative experience at MMS. So please clarify that to help me understand better. (And if you are a student, my apology to you for the assumption).
As a sidenote, I am friends with girls who had negative experiences at MMS. I am empathetic towards their bad experience, just as they are willing to accept the fact that I had a good experience. So, to clarify, I AM NOT discounting those girls who had bad experiences. For some people MMS was just not meant to be and its unfortunate that they had to suffer 1-2+ years of their life there going untreated. My hearts are with you girls, for those of you who know who I am, you know that I support you fully.
Now onto the arguable topic that you are so desperate to have someone respond to...... I never had sex before MMS. I had made out with one guy. So my sexual history was of very little interest, except for the part that I masturbated. Like, a lot. And John never made me divulge in this part of my history. Do you know who did though? Some of the girls I was there with. One girl called me out in group about it, and even went as far as to call me a "sex addict" because I masturbated so much. That was pretty funny to me. If I moved the wrong way in my bunk, my bunkmate would be like "are you masturbating?!?!" as if it was a bad thing. And then they would call me out in group, or say something about it during my therapy time after my call with my parents. Anyway, I digress. So do I think John is a pervert? Absoloutly not. No way, never, uh-uh. And like you, I will never agreee or even entertain the thought that he was. I dont like to make assumptions about people that were there, so I guess I don't know what it was like for someone to share with their parents the intimate details of the 1-40 people they may have slept with. But I know what it has been like for me to share those details with my parents today, and in all honesty, it has helped.
In my current life, I have slept with people, had sex, I masturbated god forbid!!! One of those experiences I had though was extremely negative and painful for me: i was raped. And I told my parents. And it helped. My dad pays for my birth control; my mom and I talk about sex, or people I've slept with. When I was in high school, post MMS, I found out that I had cervical cancer. My parents were there for me through treatment and never made me feel bad; they only helped. Had all this occured before going to MMS, and I had shared it with my parents while John was sitting across his desk reading my history, I would have felt just as nervous and sad about it as I did when I did it on my own. Not because John was there, but because thats hard for anyone to look into the faces of their parents and tell them. in some ways, I was have felt more comforted knowing I had someone that I trusted and cared about- John- to listen to me without my parents. Someone who I could just fall apart to and someone who would give me advice. I was never that close with John while I was at MMS; I was personally much closer with Gary. But since leaving the school, I have maintained a very close relationship with John and Colleen and I speak/email with them close to 2-3 times a month.
I sat with girls during their histories. I can remember their names, their calls, their histories... And to be specific, I was a phone call partner for 5 girls during their history sharing. And John never got all creepy and googly eyed... His breathing didn't increase and he didnt get all excited and touch himself. He asked honest questions and led the girls through the sharing of a painful part of their lives with their parents. He was honest and helpful. He was understanding and supportive. Was he a dickhead sometimes? Yes. He was an asshole to me during that process, but he wasn't a pervert. He is not a pervert. Someone said "god help his children. I pray for them." Or something like that. My response? God bless his children for they are lucky to have a good hearted and caring father. And I apologize to those of you this may offend since I know you don't like John, but my whole point is not how great John is, but that he is not a sick pervert. Never was, never will be. Signed, NO NAME (I don't need an argument... The back and forth gives me a headache and I know the girls who I keep in touch with love me, despite the differences in our experiences).
-
Whoever is writing this seems like they want an argument. Specifically, a reason to get into a nasty back and forth, which is personally what I think this website has become. It all seems to come down to "those who support it" and those "who dont" and I am making this assertion because of your pointed comment to Besty regarding this topic. Why hasn't Betsy responded? I don't know... But I would venture to guess it's because most of her posts are attacked. Point being, I am an advocate of MMS as well. And my response to your post is not for an argument, but for clarification from anothers perspective. And the first thing I am wondering is are you a student? It seems like you might be an outsider that is forming opinions based on those posts made by girls who had a negative experience at MMS. So please clarify that to help me understand better. (And if you are a student, my apology to you for the assumption).
As a sidenote, I am friends with girls who had negative experiences at MMS. I am empathetic towards their bad experience, just as they are willing to accept the fact that I had a good experience. So, to clarify, I AM NOT discounting those girls who had bad experiences. For some people MMS was just not meant to be and its unfortunate that they had to suffer 1-2+ years of their life there going untreated. My hearts are with you girls, for those of you who know who I am, you know that I support you fully.
Now onto the arguable topic that you are so desperate to have someone respond to...... I never had sex before MMS. I had made out with one guy. So my sexual history was of very little interest, except for the part that I masturbated. Like, a lot. And John never made me divulge in this part of my history. Do you know who did though? Some of the girls I was there with. One girl called me out in group about it, and even went as far as to call me a "sex addict" because I masturbated so much. That was pretty funny to me. If I moved the wrong way in my bunk, my bunkmate would be like "are you masturbating?!?!" as if it was a bad thing. And then they would call me out in group, or say something about it during my therapy time after my call with my parents. Anyway, I digress. So do I think John is a pervert? Absoloutly not. No way, never, uh-uh. And like you, I will never agreee or even entertain the thought that he was. I dont like to make assumptions about people that were there, so I guess I don't know what it was like for someone to share with their parents the intimate details of the 1-40 people they may have slept with. But I know what it has been like for me to share those details with my parents today, and in all honesty, it has helped.
In my current life, I have slept with people, had sex, I masturbated god forbid!!! One of those experiences I had though was extremely negative and painful for me: i was raped. And I told my parents. And it helped. My dad pays for my birth control; my mom and I talk about sex, or people I've slept with. When I was in high school, post MMS, I found out that I had cervical cancer. My parents were there for me through treatment and never made me feel bad; they only helped. Had all this occured before going to MMS, and I had shared it with my parents while John was sitting across his desk reading my history, I would have felt just as nervous and sad about it as I did when I did it on my own. Not because John was there, but because thats hard for anyone to look into the faces of their parents and tell them. in some ways, I was have felt more comforted knowing I had someone that I trusted and cared about- John- to listen to me without my parents. Someone who I could just fall apart to and someone who would give me advice. I was never that close with John while I was at MMS; I was personally much closer with Gary. But since leaving the school, I have maintained a very close relationship with John and Colleen and I speak/email with them close to 2-3 times a month.
I sat with girls during their histories. I can remember their names, their calls, their histories... And to be specific, I was a phone call partner for 5 girls during their history sharing. And John never got all creepy and googly eyed... His breathing didn't increase and he didnt get all excited and touch himself. He asked honest questions and led the girls through the sharing of a painful part of their lives with their parents. He was honest and helpful. He was understanding and supportive. Was he a dickhead sometimes? Yes. He was an asshole to me during that process, but he wasn't a pervert. He is not a pervert. Someone said "god help his children. I pray for them." Or something like that. My response? God bless his children for they are lucky to have a good hearted and caring father. And I apologize to those of you this may offend since I know you don't like John, but my whole point is not how great John is, but that he is not a sick pervert. Never was, never will be. Signed, NO NAME (I don't need an argument... The back and forth gives me a headache and I know the girls who I keep in touch with love me, despite the differences in our experiences).
-
Sorry for posting twice. My computer was going slow and I accidently hit send twice. My mistake- I am not trying to "spam"
-
On 2005-09-05 18:29:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Whoever is writing this seems like they want an argument. Specifically, a reason to get into a nasty back and forth, which is personally what I think this website has become. It all seems to come down to "those who support it" and those "who dont" and I am making this assertion because of your pointed comment to Besty regarding this topic. Why hasn't Betsy responded? I don't know... But I would venture to guess it's because most of her posts are attacked. Point being, I am an advocate of MMS as well. And my response to your post is not for an argument, but for clarification from anothers perspective. And the first thing I am wondering is are you a student? It seems like you might be an outsider that is forming opinions based on those posts made by girls who had a negative experience at MMS. So please clarify that to help me understand better. (And if you are a student, my apology to you for the assumption).
As a sidenote, I am friends with girls who had negative experiences at MMS. I am empathetic towards their bad experience, just as they are willing to accept the fact that I had a good experience. So, to clarify, I AM NOT discounting those girls who had bad experiences. For some people MMS was just not meant to be and its unfortunate that they had to suffer 1-2+ years of their life there going untreated. My hearts are with you girls, for those of you who know who I am, you know that I support you fully.
Now onto the arguable topic that you are so desperate to have someone respond to...... I never had sex before MMS. I had made out with one guy. So my sexual history was of very little interest, except for the part that I masturbated. Like, a lot. And John never made me divulge in this part of my history. Do you know who did though? Some of the girls I was there with. One girl called me out in group about it, and even went as far as to call me a "sex addict" because I masturbated so much. That was pretty funny to me. If I moved the wrong way in my bunk, my bunkmate would be like "are you masturbating?!?!" as if it was a bad thing. And then they would call me out in group, or say something about it during my therapy time after my call with my parents. Anyway, I digress. So do I think John is a pervert? Absoloutly not. No way, never, uh-uh. And like you, I will never agreee or even entertain the thought that he was. I dont like to make assumptions about people that were there, so I guess I don't know what it was like for someone to share with their parents the intimate details of the 1-40 people they may have slept with. But I know what it has been like for me to share those details with my parents today, and in all honesty, it has helped.
In my current life, I have slept with people, had sex, I masturbated god forbid!!! One of those experiences I had though was extremely negative and painful for me: i was raped. And I told my parents. And it helped. My dad pays for my birth control; my mom and I talk about sex, or people I've slept with. When I was in high school, post MMS, I found out that I had cervical cancer. My parents were there for me through treatment and never made me feel bad; they only helped. Had all this occured before going to MMS, and I had shared it with my parents while John was sitting across his desk reading my history, I would have felt just as nervous and sad about it as I did when I did it on my own. Not because John was there, but because thats hard for anyone to look into the faces of their parents and tell them. in some ways, I was have felt more comforted knowing I had someone that I trusted and cared about- John- to listen to me without my parents. Someone who I could just fall apart to and someone who would give me advice. I was never that close with John while I was at MMS; I was personally much closer with Gary. But since leaving the school, I have maintained a very close relationship with John and Colleen and I speak/email with them close to 2-3 times a month.
I sat with girls during their histories. I can remember their names, their calls, their histories... And to be specific, I was a phone call partner for 5 girls during their history sharing. And John never got all creepy and googly eyed... His breathing didn't increase and he didnt get all excited and touch himself. He asked honest questions and led the girls through the sharing of a painful part of their lives with their parents. He was honest and helpful. He was understanding and supportive. Was he a dickhead sometimes? Yes. He was an asshole to me during that process, but he wasn't a pervert. He is not a pervert. Someone said "god help his children. I pray for them." Or something like that. My response? God bless his children for they are lucky to have a good hearted and caring father. And I apologize to those of you this may offend since I know you don't like John, but my whole point is not how great John is, but that he is not a sick pervert. Never was, never will be. Signed, NO NAME (I don't need an argument... The back and forth gives me a headache and I know the girls who I keep in touch with love me, despite the differences in our experiences). "
I would have to agree. I am not an MMS supporter, and I don't like John. In fact, I loathe John but I still don't think he's a pervert. He's an asshole and on a power trip, but still not a pervert. In my years at MMS I was given lots of reasons to think John is a bad person, but never one to make me think he's a pervert.
-
HEEELLLLOOOOOO, You want a resoponse so bad Anon, here it is.
Now I agree this whole topic has gotten to a back and forth, whos right, whos wrong and its not about that..
Now its no secret I am a big advocate of MMS. I love the school and the people there.
If you have read other posts of mine you would know some of my history. But let me tell you again.
To be perfectly honest, I had never had sex before MMS. I was one of the first youngest girls to have gone to MMS. MMS opened in 1990 and I went in '94.I had just turend 13 before I went to Wilderness.
I had no sexual history, well i had a little one.I don't know how to say this without being rude or aggressive to other girls and their histories. The girls i went to school with were 15-18 years old. And honestly their histories scared me, I had no idea what you could or couldn't do while having sex and i sure found out. (I didn't mean to offend anyone, if i did im sorry)
Along with that. I didn't know of John Credentials or even cared tell later......long after MMS.
Once I found out I thought it was interesting, but it didn't matter. I talk to my parents about it and they knew but they still trusted.
I love John and would do anything for him and any of the other 5 founding staff.
During group john, mike and gary asked specifics but not inapproriate questions. Johns not the only one that was not certified that asked questions!
i even remember Deb group.
One of my first groups was with mike and deb, and it was around graduation time, i had befriended Jason, their son. I was being confronted by another student. Now i remember she had a hard time telling me and Deb said "its okay i know what your going to say"
She than told me i had sexual energy towrds Jason.
I didn't even knw what sexual energy was. I was than told i had to tell Jason I had sexual energy twords him and was not allowned to go near him.
So I don't think John was the only one that possibly crossed lines.
I know John deictated alot of what happened at MMS. But the other 4 staff agreeded. It was John and mIke that I felt were the "heads" of the school.
I don't remember questions being so inapproprate that I was uncomfortable, I do remember being uncomfortable just hearing what girls had to say.
Now after MMS I was raped and I told my mom and she said "im sorry you put yourself in that situation". Let me tell you.....NEVER, NEVER would i have heard that from John, or anyone at MMS.
John would have questions just like my therapist did. What, where, when, how. All of the above.
So bottom line NO i don't think it was in appropriate for john to ask what he did. Or even be hold group. John groups were insense and very hard....but never inappropriate. ( we didn't have confrence calls then where girls sat in)
The staff were supportive and helpful. Yes they all had there own way of doing it but none the less they were helpful and supportive.
John was not a pervert about any of this.
I know ive kinda answered in circles.
If you want more specifc topics answered just ask.
Ill try.
I know this isn't the response you wanted but it is a response.
-
I can see that the invasion of privacy as that- a violation, but not really in the pervey kind of a way. I did sometimes wonder if Mike ever got off, to be honest, but I didn't get that idea too often. I didn't sense John was getting off on it in the way I think, ANON you may be implying, I think it was a little subtler than that, it seemed to me only the sense of power he got in being able to force us to tell him everything. I have never heard of that being acceptable outside of MMS, either- "the 'forced-to-reveal-everything' or do labor and be prevented longer from going home" therapeutic-model . So, I don't agree with where ANON is leading, but I think the fact that it happened kind of indicative of way of violating your right to privacy or, at least you have a basic right not to reveal some things about yourself and not feel forced...know what I mean?
On the other hand, I have heard from alumni who thought Mike and John were getting off on it too. So, I sometimes wonder what the reality was. It makes me to quesy to think about, though.
-
BB,
Sounds like we have a lot in common. Ill get in touch with you through myspace! i would love to chat!!
-
sounds great Anon, either that or email me
[email protected]
hope to hear from you soon
B
-
I agree with you 100% :nworthy:
-
Anon,
what do u agree with?
thanks
-
I apologize for taking so long to respond. I have been extremely bussy. Anyway thank you for finally responding. My purpose in creating this topic was not to make any kind of argument. I wanted those who are attempting to protect the school to explain to me what exacly is right about a man without a PHd and licence trying to therapurize young girls. I want to know if you would let your own daughters- speak about their sexual experieneces to a man but more complex- a man masking himself as a therapist. Would you be concerned if your own relative, friend, or neighboor were presenting themselves as licenced therapists? What if you found out that your daughter was speaking to a grown man about her sexual experiences at a bench in the park? Or at school? Just because MMS is called a theraputic school does not make it right. John Mercer may be a sexual predator. There is no way around it. and no one else has said it but there it is. I will be calling whomever I can to have that man stoppped!
Also I a mission mountain school allumni. The school holds all of my personal records. Everything that has happened to me and every which way I was molested.I was never properly treated at MMS for what happened to me. I feel that I was used.
-
Sorry if I sound psycho about John how he listened to our sexual histories. I just want to make it clear that it really disgusted me having to retell him and about 34 other people about my private body parts and how other people touched me etc. I have never had to do something so strange. I honestly felt like I was being manipulated to tell every detail and having tom make up things to satisfy John when he said my sexual history wasn't long enough. Also when he asked me if I was sexually attracted to girls or other male staff at the school. Some things are supposed to keep to ourselves. invading my privacy. I felt so violated. I am currently seeking a therapist to help me through all of this.
-
QUOTE: Also I a mission mountain school allumni. The school holds all of my personal records. Everything that has happened to me and every which way I was molested.I was never properly treated at MMS for what happened to me. I feel that I was used. ///////////////////
If it were me I would contact an attorney and ask him or her to send a letter to Mercer asking to have all of my original personal documentation returned to me and ask that no copy be made. I konw you can't control what they do but it's a start at least.
It is disgusting to think that John possibly gets off on this stuff, I guess we don't know that for sure, it's just speculation for now. But from everything I've read it seems very suspect to me.
-
On 2005-10-21 11:19:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Sorry if I sound psycho about John how he listened to our sexual histories. I just want to make it clear that it really disgusted me having to retell him and about 34 other people about my private body parts and how other people touched me etc. I have never had to do something so strange. I honestly felt like I was being manipulated to tell every detail and having tom make up things to satisfy John when he said my sexual history wasn't long enough. Also when he asked me if I was sexually attracted to girls or other male staff at the school. Some things are supposed to keep to ourselves. invading my privacy. I felt so violated. I am currently seeking a therapist to help me through all of this.
"
Exactly!! I hear ya...therapy for 'therapuetic' experience- oh the irony...Really htere is so much to cover about MMS that was so 'psuedo- therapuetic' its hard to know where to begin. I wrote about my experience, (it's linked here: http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... forum=38&2 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=12349&forum=38&2) ) but so much was left out, like the point you make about the invasiveness of sexual histories- the detial, the constant confession ('disclosing') of sexual fantatasies. Also, I'm gay and there was an element in all that of demonizing sexual desire- and not just on a same-sex basis. Oh and the having to lie b/c John insisted on not being honest- virtually all my sexual molestation story was made up...something invasive has happen, but no to the degree I made it sound- but John was not satisfied with the truth. The whole sex thing was really creepy, I thought...lasting ill effects for sure.
Did you also find MMS made you regress? just the weird 'inner child' stuff that was popular for John while I was there- but it was equally creepy. I regressed into this almost infant like state- of course you weren't allowed to think critically, that was bad enough, but there was this whole emphasis...on acting like a kid b/c, as I understood the justification, maybe some of us were abused and didn't get a childhood so we should act like it out at school, where it was 'safe' (lol). I mean, everything was so absurd and inherently contradictory about his methods, but that stood out to me as almost the most damaging part that is so hard to explain. Not only was I a raw nerve when I left, I was oddly in this helpless infant-like state...anyone know what I'm mean?[ This Message was edited by: katfish on 2005-10-21 13:34 ]