Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones => Topic started by: Anonymous on June 01, 2005, 08:53:00 AM
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hey blownaway, you seem so angry lately. The stuff about Jill, Raps, your project; what's up? Has all this kicked up raw feelings or what? This may sound sarcastic, but it's truely not.
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Well if this isn't sarcastic and you really are concerned,then the least you could do is let BlownAway know who's asking...know what I mean?
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[ This Message was edited by: busted on 2005-06-01 09:11 ]
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On 2005-06-01 05:53:00, Anonymous wrote:
"hey blownaway, you seem so angry lately. The stuff about Jill, Raps, your project; what's up? Has all this kicked up raw feelings or what? This may sound sarcastic, but it's truely not. "
...lately?
...Always.
...Truly!
-yours
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blownaway, your creativity is spectacular.
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And your comments smack of sarcasm.
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it's too bad your guard is up, my sincerity is genuine!
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I sense you are someone I know.
What was the question?
Because coming to this site always kicks up stuff. I said months ago how pissed I was about the goings on of the "place", when I was there. In particular, the spectacular irony of a CEDU education- in preventing natural emotional growth, in my case. In many other cases growth becomes stunted afterwards...in trying to regain a sense of self. And self identity. We can't immediately deal with the outside world that we were jettisoned into...In practice the school said that it DID deal with socialization issues and reorientation to civil...CIVIL society. It didn't, and I don't pretend it did.
Here is a place that allows open discussion. We can all learn lots here about being a counselor. Being a teen. Or even a thing that was once called CEDU. But it is dead.
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What happens next? That's what I thought when I left RMA. I left this crazy place,this safe place, this world where I had grown so comfortable. I was an honest and forgiving woman, for God sakes. I held on so hard, to RMA, that it did stunt me. I could not move on. I could not find a place in the Natural World. I was misplaced and scared, and wierd. I felt like I had been dumped into the real world and I had no idea what to do. I thought I was better than everyone else because I completed something so impossible. I put myself above people.I experienced grief. My old life was dead and I was expected to act normal. My idea of normal was to walk around telling people my disclosures, I was terribly harsh with people, my friends, after all, "the harder the truth to tell, the truer the friend who tells it." I rubbed people the wrong way and was in no way normal. I felt out of place in my own skin, in my home, and in my family. All the people who knew me, were spread out over the country and I couldn't connect with them again.
Is it wierd that I truely loved RMA.? I loved my friends, and I was so happy to be healthy both mentally and physically.
I am still blunt, harsh sometimes. I don't tell strangers my disclosures anymore, but I am explosive and brutally honest. People think Im sarcastic, I am. I hold a grudge.I still grieve RMA. I grieve the purity I found in myself there.
I don't know why I tell you all this, perhaps to show you that I am sincere.
Blownaway, we did go to RMA at the same time, but you graduated way before me. I do remember you, but you won't remember me.
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This is exactly my point, anon. I understand why you grieve that closeness that would be hard to achieve anywhere else because of the intensity of experiences you shared at RMA. But ideally, RMA/CEDU should have been a place to help you live a normal, healthy life in the REAL world, and instead your ability to integrate was stunted--and that is a very common symptom of leaving CEDU.
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thanks for your words of encouragement!