Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Hyde Schools => Topic started by: ` on May 30, 2005, 02:01:00 PM
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please send me a pm. tommyfromhyde are you out there? anyone who lives near the CT or ME school? THANKS
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I just graduated from hyde.
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If you will post your personal email address, I can write you concerning the deplorable conditions at Hyde. I do not know how to start a website, but I encourage anyone who does to please do so in order to expose what goes on!
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I'm not positive, but I believe Hyde was sued a few years ago. The CT. campus?
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Since you just graduated can you tell me what you think of Hyde, good and bad
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If you were thinking of sending your child to Hyde or if you are a student checking out Hyde,I urge you not to. Hyde is more of a Cult than a school with very poor adademics and many unqualified teachers. They spend a lot of time soliciting families to donate to the school, much more so than other boarding schools. The "character building" seemed more like punishment by humiliation!
Also check out the extremely high turnover rate of teachers. What does that tell you? As you see from this site, there are many negatives about Hyde and very few positives.
I would research Hyde much further before you enroll. You should continue talking to kids or parents who graduated. This is good for any school you are planning to attend.
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I didn't find out about them soliciting parents
for donations until several years after I got
out. My dad told me about it. It sounded like
that was the main focus of the parent seminars.
Donations were how you proved that you "gave a
shit about your kid". It was apparently a real
guilt trip if you didn't donate.To go to Journal of Applied Polymer Science go to http://www3.interscience.wiley.com (http://www3.interscience.wiley.com) and then journal search and put the journal number and year
-- Journal of Applied Polymer Science Vol. 47, 1984
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It was the TOTAL focus at the family weekends! They get all the parents in the hall each day of the weekend and put incredible pressure on you by using more senior parents who tell you how wonderful the school is and how you are not committed if you don't give. They do this to the teachers also, since many of them are former students.
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You forgot something. Hyde also assigns senior parents from the region to strong arm the other parents in their region to donate. This happens when they have the mandatory parent meetings each month. My parents told me about this.
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Boy there's a whole lot of negativity here..sheesh.
Hyde isn't for everyone, it's for people that aren't satisfied with the way things are going in their families...it's a lot of hard work. And you gotta agree the reason you even looked at Hyde in the first place is that your kid was pretty f***ed up..right..well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..if you know what I mean, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm reading this stuff.
I was a student and a faculty member and I've moved on, but I cherish the times I had as both student and staff member, it's a great place and it does wonders for the people who buy into the program, just like ANY program. The people who you're hearing from are the ones that wanted their kids fixed, without having to do any work themselves. As soon as the behavior looked better, they were out of there.
Regarding the fundraising...it's obvisous that nobody is getting rich there...the money is actually needed for stuff like electricity, food and good teachers...they could just raise the tuition $2500 per kid, but instead they use the family weekend money pitch as a community builder...again..if you don't buy into the program..you don't get why you're being asked for money.
This website/forum is not the place to find out if Hyde is right for your family...you should probably go up for an interview...it's free, you can see the school in action..good things and bad, and you can maybe learn about what your family should be dealing with and whether or not Hyde is the place for you.
And Tommy...There was no fund rasing in the parent seminars when you were there...it was really low key and done in the school meetings. Joe asked parents for money now and then, but when you were there in '76 the only fund raising was to a few really rich people that helped out with America's Spirit. By the way there's no mention of that on this site. I got to sing on Broadway and at the Kennedy Center, I would have never had that opportunity if I didn't go to Hyde.
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Is that last anon Sarah Carlin? If so I was in
your freshman class. BTW the only reason America's
Spirit was on Broadway was because Andy Mann's
father owned the Circle in the Square theatre.
AS was cornier than "Up With People!". No amount
of talent could save writing that bad!Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
--Anonymous
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On 2005-09-12 14:27:00, Anonymous wrote:
"If you were thinking of sending your child to Hyde or if you are a student checking out Hyde,I urge you not to. Hyde is more of a Cult than a school with very poor adademics and many unqualified teachers. They spend a lot of time soliciting families to donate to the school, much more so than other boarding schools. The "character building" seemed more like punishment by humiliation!
Also check out the extremely high turnover rate of teachers. What does that tell you? As you see from this site, there are many negatives about Hyde and very few positives.
I would research Hyde much further before you enroll. You should continue talking to kids or parents who graduated. This is good for any school you are planning to attend."
So ... has Hyde been sued or not? Seems to me the parent groups would know the answer to this question.
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I am sure Hyde has been sued plenty, but like everything they would keep it very quiet and hidden. When we were there, there was rumor that Hyde was sued and this is why Ken Grant left as Headmaster. Would be interesting to find out why they were sued.
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WHO are you?! You are as clueless as they get...
Rumors exsist because of f-ing jerks like you!!!!!!!!!!
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Seems that you need to go back to a school that can teach you how to spell! Also I question your "character" by the way you speak!! What did you learn from Hyde?
Were you there? Why don't you dispel the rumors by telling us what happened? What was the big scandal? Enquiring minds want to know!
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WHO ARE YOU?? Rumor it is not. Had to do with pervert Larry Dubinsky. How long did Hyde put up with his crap? Remember him being in charge of Deans area? He got off on listening to sexual transgressions. Loved to give the girls back rubs while he was coach and invite girls to his house to swim at night. U know very well about this Sarah. How did Hyde handle this? They bounced him around like the Priest scandals.
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This isn't Sarah Carlin...She's somewhere on an around the world trip...The Law suit was against Dubinsky, but the woman who sued Hyde was a wacko and took personal vendetta against the guy. And Ken Grant left him out hanging. The charges were thrown out of court. I'll admit Larry did do some stupid things, but there was NO hanky panky going on...Not like Bob Therell and Romy Marble in the 70's.
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On 2005-09-22 07:24:00, Anonymous wrote:
"This isn't Sarah Carlin...She's somewhere on an around the world trip...The Law suit was against Dubinsky, but the woman who sued Hyde was a wacko and took personal vendetta against the guy. And Ken Grant left him out hanging. The charges were thrown out of court. I'll admit Larry did do some stupid things, but there was NO hanky panky going on...Not like Bob Therell and Romy Marble in the 70's.
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u r wrong. lawsuit came from a student. if there was no hanky panky then why did his wife dump him?
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On 2005-09-22 07:24:00, Anonymous wrote:
"This isn't Sarah Carlin...She's somewhere on an around the world trip...The Law suit was against Dubinsky, but the woman who sued Hyde was a wacko and took personal vendetta against the guy. And Ken Grant left him out hanging. The charges were thrown out of court. I'll admit Larry did do some stupid things, but there was NO hanky panky going on...Not like Bob Therell and Romy Marble in the 70's.
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u r wrong. lawsuit came from a student. if there was no hanky panky then why did his wife dumb him?
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The student was a minor her mother persued the litigation and Larry and Donna are back together.
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By the way...you've got pretty good spell too, pretty ironic that the word you mispelled was dumb!
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And by the way...I mispelled "spell" on purpose.
Save your typing.
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On 2005-09-22 07:15:00, Anonymous wrote:
"WHO ARE YOU?? Rumor it is not. Had to do with pervert Larry Dubinsky. How long did Hyde put up with his crap? Remember him being in charge of Deans area? He got off on listening to sexual transgressions. Loved to give the girls back rubs while he was coach and invite girls to his house to swim at night. U know very well about this Sarah. How did Hyde handle this? They bounced him around like the Priest scandals."
Wow! not too smart to be back with him based on above, hee, hee
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And you gotta agree the reason you even looked at Hyde in the first place is that your kid was pretty f***ed up..right..well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..if you know what I mean, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm reading this stuff.
I was a student and a faculty member and I've moved on, but I cherish the times I had as both student and staff member,
According to Hyde, they are a "normal" boarding school. How come u r saying it is for "f***ed" up kids? U must obviously know since u say u were a faculty member. So is Hyde only for messed up people? From seeing all these posts I would think it is a drug rehab center, not a character based college prep school like they advertise
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Larry and Donna are divorced actually, but it has nothing to do with the lawsuit, that's absurd.
I know both of them and their family very well, and the lawsuit was just an unfortunate situation. He did not commit any crimes.
Ken Grant absolutely did not resign as headmaster because of any of this, he went back up to bath to work on the wilderness school...
you guys are ridiculous, I can't believe people are spending so much time making up rumors about this poor family.
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How can you state that Mr Dubinsky did not commit a crime? I remember while at Hyde Mr Dubinsky went way too far with the females! It was more than sexual harassment. He was always touching the girls in a sexual way. I remember one day when my friend came running to the dorm room crying because he had gone too far and when she tried to complain no one would listen. This is not rumor, this is fact, so how can you say he didn't commit a crime? Did you know the person who filed charges? Were you there when a supposed crime was committed? Why did he have to quit or resign if he didn't do anything wrong? I will give the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think you should make a statement that you can't back up.
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DUBINSKY WAS A PERVERT.
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I can back that statement up. i know him personally, I know his family personally, I've had lots of in-depth conversations about it.
He has never done anything of sexual nature to me or any of my friends...
I do know that many girls at Hyde have dealt with sexual harassment in the past and are very sensitive, which is understandable. i ALSO know that the girl who pressed charges had a personal vendetta against Mr. Dubinsky, but he is a great guy, and does not deserve to be spoken about it in such a manner. Of course had to resign because of the charges pressed against him, the school could not afford that kind of publicity in addition to the reputation that PEOPLE LIKE YOU give it.
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On 2005-09-28 21:41:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I can back that statement up. i know him personally, I know his family personally, I've had lots of in-depth conversations about it.
He has never done anything of sexual nature to me or any of my friends...
I do know that many girls at Hyde have dealt with sexual harassment in the past and are very sensitive, which is understandable. i ALSO know that the girl who pressed charges had a personal vendetta against Mr. Dubinsky, but he is a great guy, and does not deserve to be spoken about it in such a manner. Of course had to resign because of the charges pressed against him, the school could not afford that kind of publicity in addition to the reputation that PEOPLE LIKE YOU give it."
I just came on this board and am surprised that anyone who went to Hyde would defend Dubi. What kind of personal vendetta do u think this girl and all the other girls had who complained about his sexual touching? Why did everyone at the school call him "scary larry" if he was so innocent? Also, do u think it is appropriate that when he was in Dean's area he made people go into total detail about when they had sex with someone? It was so obvious he got off on it. He didn't just ask about sex, he wanted details of the acts you performed. He was a sick MF, no matter what you say and no matter how nice he might be to you. Great that u feel that way about him, but don't make a statement u know nothing about. Just because he didn't touch you doesn't mean he didn't touch others!
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Would someone please descibe what "Dean's Area" is?
I don't remember it from 1976 so it must be a
later innovation.He, who has nothing, and who himself belongs to another, must be defended by him, whose property he is, and needs no arms. But he, who thinks he is his own master, and has what he can call his own, ought to have arms to defend himself, and what he possesses; else he lives precariously, and at discretion.
--James Burgh 1774
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Oh it was there when you were there...It's where Mr. Bertschy's office was in the foyer in between the academic wing and the mansion. Dean's area is where you go to get the sentence and punishment when you break an ethic.
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Yeah, but dubinsky was at Woodstock after Bath, however he was transfered out of this position. Of course we will never know why, but it was obvious to most. I don't remember any other staff having the reputation he did.
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On 2005-09-29 13:40:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Oh it was there when you were there...It's where Mr. Bertschy's office was in the foyer in between the academic wing and the mansion. Dean's area is where you go to get the sentence and punishment when you break an ethic."
But it still would have been Mr. Bertschy's office.
He was still there then. :smokin:
Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense
--Buddha
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I was a Hyde student and intern. Hyde saved my life. Yes, I did my share of time on 2-4, and AM-PM, and the like....and it helped me.....profoundly.
It helped me learn that whatever I thought on the surface was about as deep as mud. It was the first time in my life someone demanded I take it to a deeper level and look within. That was not going to happen if they did not first exhaust my body and boundless defiant energy.
FWIW, this is extremely similar to what happens in basic training in the military, and there, just as at Hyde, there are some people who don't or won't get it....and stay angry for the rest of their lives.
Of course, I would wager that more than 75% of Hyde students were never on 2-4, and probably had minimal entre into AM-PM, so we are talking a subset of a subset here.
To this day, I use the lessons I learned at Hyde, and if you didn't learn them, you couldn't have been paying attention.
I am sure at various periods in its history people abused their authority. So what? That happens EVERYWHERE. Public schools, private schools, you name it.
I am also sure that Hyde had bad programs at times in its development. Hyde was, invariably, experimental at its start and hopefully still is, as education, like surgery, starts with theory and soft science and evolves.
FWIW, most of what is being stated here sounds like a bunch of whiny kids looking to blame someone for their lives.
Thirty years later Tommy, and this is where you are at? Trying to stir up a pot of shit to make you feel better about your life? To blame someone else?
Want to see what truly abusive schools do? Read the seeds forum.
I don't think Joe or Malcolm or any Gauld is God. I also think there has been way too much Gauld in the school, but unlike the abusive schools that really were "fix it" schools, promising parents an end-result, Hyde was light-years beyond that.
It may as well have pioneered extending family systems therapy to the high-school setting and requiring parents to be part of the process, and if need be, to change.
My recommendation is to take to heart the notion that every day you have the chance to start your life over. Why not choose today? Real abuse, sure, hold onto it as long as it serves you, but this stuff....well, I feel a cross between empathy and pity for you.
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Regarding the fundraising...it's obvisous that nobody is getting rich there...the money is actually needed for stuff like electricity, food and good teachers...they could just raise the tuition $2500 per kid, but instead they use the family weekend money pitch as a community builder...again..if you don't buy into the program..you don't get why you're being asked for money.
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Whoever wrote the above doesn't have a clue. I challenge you to do a Dunn and Bradstreet on Hyde and you will be very surprised how well off Hyde and the Gauld's are. They don't need fundraising for school supplies, they need it for their own pockets.
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On 2005-11-08 22:37:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Regarding the fundraising...it's obvisous that nobody is getting rich there...the money is actually needed for stuff like electricity, food and good teachers...they could just raise the tuition $2500 per kid, but instead they use the family weekend money pitch as a community builder...again..if you don't buy into the program..you don't get why you're being asked for money.
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Whoever wrote the above doesn't have a clue. I challenge you to do a Dunn and Bradstreet on Hyde and you will be very surprised how well off Hyde and the Gauld's are. They don't need fundraising for school supplies, they need it for their own pockets. "
Well, its actually "Dun" and Bradstreet, suggesting you haven't used the service much, because you won't get to their website with that spelling.
I also want to compliment you on doing a nice job of insinuating culpability without actually providing any real info, too.
For $129 I don't think anyone here is ready to pull a D&B, and my guess is that the private financials of the Gaulds wouldn't be there in the first place, but gee, since you've done it and know the results, why not share them with us?
Otherwise, I think its safe to assume this poster is suffering from anal leakage.
I challenge you to do a Dunn and Bradstreet on Hyde and you will be very surprised how well off Hyde and the Gauld's are.
I wanted to repeat this part because of how truly crafty it is. You make it seem like you have done a D&B, and you tell us we will be surprised at how "well off" they are (a statement you can make in all honesty without knowing the answer yourself).
Seriously....nice try. I can only guess if you were a Hyde student, you were one of the folks with serious integrity issues. You see, you told the literal truth, but my guess is it was dripping with gooey lies of innuendo.
Prove me wrong.....I think everyone here would love to be "surprised".
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On 2005-10-02 01:35:00, HydeFan wrote:
"I was a Hyde student and intern. Hyde saved my life. Yes, I did my share of time on 2-4, and AM-PM, and the like....and it helped me.....profoundly.
It helped me learn that whatever I thought on the surface was about as deep as mud. It was the first time in my life someone demanded I take it to a deeper level and look within. That was not going to happen if they did not first exhaust my body and boundless defiant energy.
FWIW, this is extremely similar to what happens in basic training in the military, and there, just as at Hyde, there are some people who don't or won't get it....and stay angry for the rest of their lives.
Of course, I would wager that more than 75% of Hyde students were never on 2-4, and probably had minimal entre into AM-PM, so we are talking a subset of a subset here.
To this day, I use the lessons I learned at Hyde, and if you didn't learn them, you couldn't have been paying attention.
I am sure at various periods in its history people abused their authority. So what? That happens EVERYWHERE. Public schools, private schools, you name it.
I am also sure that Hyde had bad programs at times in its development. Hyde was, invariably, experimental at its start and hopefully still is, as education, like surgery, starts with theory and soft science and evolves.
FWIW, most of what is being stated here sounds like a bunch of whiny kids looking to blame someone for their lives.
Thirty years later Tommy, and this is where you are at? Trying to stir up a pot of shit to make you feel better about your life? To blame someone else?
Want to see what truly abusive schools do? Read the seeds forum.
I don't think Joe or Malcolm or any Gauld is God. I also think there has been way too much Gauld in the school, but unlike the abusive schools that really were "fix it" schools, promising parents an end-result, Hyde was light-years beyond that.
It may as well have pioneered extending family systems therapy to the high-school setting and requiring parents to be part of the process, and if need be, to change.
My recommendation is to take to heart the notion that every day you have the chance to start your life over. Why not choose today? Real abuse, sure, hold onto it as long as it serves you, but this stuff....well, I feel a cross between empathy and pity for you."
Whiny kids who want to blame others? I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't blame Hyde for anything in my life now. I have a great life, and I thank god every day for it. But my Hyde experience was truly miserable and while I think some of the faculty meant well, it doesn't make up for the physical & mental cruelty, the arrogance & intolerance and the generally horrendous experience of being forced to spend three years at a place that just wasn't right for me in terms of educational and emotional development. Not to mention having severe depression treated as a character problem. It feels pretty damn good to get some of this off my chest. And I hope that prospective parents will get to hear about the terrible experiences that many students had there before deciding to put their families through that place.
As far as I'm concerned, they can take the diploma they gave me and shove it up their asses.
When I donate money to educational institutions, it goes to my college and law schools, because they truly gave me the opportunity to succeed and live a good life.
Of course the Hyde troll on this board will probably spew some nonsense about how I "didn't get it" or that Hyde actually laid the foundation for my sucess. And that's just nonsense. Like another poster said, it's just sour grapes and the arrogance to believe that their cult approach is the only path to success in life. Most of the people who really buy into their whole schtick don't do so well in the real world.
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Of course the Hyde troll on this board will probably spew some nonsense about how I "didn't get it" or that Hyde actually laid the foundation for my sucess. And that's just nonsense. Like another poster said, it's just sour grapes and the arrogance to believe that their cult approach is the only path to success in life. Most of the people who really buy into their whole schtick don't do so well in the real world."
You can set me up as the straw man if you want -- that is, to respond to my post as if I was saying something about you -- and then use that as your reference point to knock things back over the fence -- but the fact is my post was written in response to some specific posts written over 45 days ago, so unless you want to identify your prior posts, setting me up as your symbolic Hyde representative (which I'm not) seems dishonest.
Just so you know, to a fair degree, I don't have any major issues with what you've said here to the extent it isn't a reaction to me, and its just you just saying how you feel about your experience....but if (for instance) you were actually blaming Hyde on the state of your life now (30 years later aka TommyFromHyde), then depending on the context, I would probably be inclined to challenge that victim as being an unhealed if not profound distortion.
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On 2005-09-13 13:08:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Boy there's a whole lot of negativity here..sheesh.
Hyde isn't for everyone, it's for people that aren't satisfied with the way things are going in their families...it's a lot of hard work. And you gotta agree the reason you even looked at Hyde in the first place is that your kid was pretty f***ed up..right..well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..if you know what I mean, so it doesn't surprise me that I'm reading this stuff.
I was a student and a faculty member and I've moved on, but I cherish the times I had as both student and staff member, it's a great place and it does wonders for the people who buy into the program, just like ANY program. The people who you're hearing from are the ones that wanted their kids fixed, without having to do any work themselves. As soon as the behavior looked better, they were out of there.
Regarding the fundraising...it's obvisous that nobody is getting rich there...the money is actually needed for stuff like electricity, food and good teachers...they could just raise the tuition $2500 per kid, but instead they use the family weekend money pitch as a community builder...again..if you don't buy into the program..you don't get why you're being asked for money.
This website/forum is not the place to find out if Hyde is right for your family...you should probably go up for an interview...it's free, you can see the school in action..good things and bad, and you can maybe learn about what your family should be dealing with and whether or not Hyde is the place for you.
And Tommy...There was no fund rasing in the parent seminars when you were there...it was really low key and done in the school meetings. Joe asked parents for money now and then, but when you were there in '76 the only fund raising was to a few really rich people that helped out with America's Spirit. By the way there's no mention of that on this site. I got to sing on Broadway and at the Kennedy Center, I would have never had that opportunity if I didn't go to Hyde. "
i recall this w/joe asking for parents to give according the their conscience. as a student, I thought that sounded reasonable. don't knwo what went on behind closed dorrs buyt my folks never said they were presseured.
i also agree with most of this post. its possible America's Spirit were the glory years for the school, but nothing moved me as powerfully as that show.
what i really suspect on this board is some basic differences over how one builds character in a child. personally, i was terrified -- and delighted -- that i had to sing and dance in front of the school (or my summer school anyway).
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Just so you know, to a fair degree, I don't have any major issues with what you've said here to the extent it isn't a reaction to me, and its just you just saying how you feel about your experience....but if (for instance) you were actually blaming Hyde on the state of your life now (30 years later aka TommyFromHyde), then depending on the context, I would probably be inclined to challenge that victim as being an unhealed if not profound distortion."
Funny, I don't recall blaming Hyde on the state of my life.The sadist cannot stand the separation of the public and the private; nor can he grant to others the mystery of their personality, the validity of their inner self...in order for him to feel his maximum power, he wants the world to be peopled with concrete manipulatable objects...
-- ERNEST BECKER, The Structure of Evil, 1968.
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Forcing the kids to go through these "auditions" IS abuse. And if you aren't a good singer or dancer, being forced to do these things in front of an audience is not fun, nor is it character-building. It's just plain humiliating.
This board isn't about highlighting differences in how we can build character in our children. It's about people who have been hurt by the abuse, the hypocrisy, the arrogance, the forced intrusions into their families' private lives (done by amateurs) and the treatment of serious mental health issues as character flaws.
It's about people who want to get the word to families in crisis that there are better, kinder and more effective ways to deal with the problems they face. My parents made a bad choice. I forgive them. But I won't forgive Hyde, and like other people on this board, I don't want others to make the same mistake my parents did. I had issues, sure. But they panicked, and fell for Gauld's spiel instead of finding a place that could really help me. I hope other families can use the comments on this board to make better choices[ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2005-11-10 12:28 ]
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On 2005-11-10 12:27:00, Lars wrote:
"Forcing the kids to go through these "auditions" IS abuse. And if you aren't a good singer or dancer, being forced to do these things in front of an audience is not fun, nor is it character-building. It's just plain humiliating.
This board isn't about highlighting differences in how we can build character in our children. It's about people who have been hurt by the abuse, the hypocrisy, the arrogance, the forced intrusions into their families' private lives (done by amateurs) and the treatment of serious mental health issues as character flaws.
It's about people who want to get the word to families in crisis that there are better, kinder and more effective ways to deal with the problems they face. My parents made a bad choice. I forgive them. But I won't forgive Hyde, and like other people on this board, I don't want others to make the same mistake my parents did. I had issues, sure. But they panicked, and fell for Gauld's spiel instead of finding a place that could really help me. I hope other families can use the comments on this board to make better choices[ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2005-11-10 12:28 ]"
I vividly recall the FLC I attended where parents were expected to sing a song. I was fully prepared to do that and did so willingly. But (and this is one of those Hyde golden moments), I made the "mistake" of asking the seminar leader for a brief explanation of the rationale for the exercise. I naively assumed the group would have a brief and interesting discussion of the conceptual rationale and purpose. Wow, was I wrong! The seminar leader scolded me for questioning the exercise in any way, shape or form. I was told in no uncertain terms that our task was to do as asked and let the moment speak for itself.
Now isn't that sound educational role modeling? Teach students not to question or inquire. Teach them to accept orders with blind faith. Gee, doesn't that sound rather cult-like? This is yet another amazing example of Hyde's notorious hypocrisy. Lecture kids and parents about the importance of character. Then, throw ice cold water on their constructive questions.
Is it any wonder that there are so many people who resent and detest everything that is Hyde related? Hyde's lack of self awareness is mind numbing.
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Hmmmm. Well, when I was at Hyde, first thing is that I knew as part of coming to the school there was mandatory participation in singing or dancing. The second thing was I got to chose between the two, so I had a choice, so its hard for me (with a meager but not horrible voice) to see it even remotely resembling abuse.
What I remember is that when people got up there and were timid and made excuses and somehow showed attitide, they were challenged.
I learned from this. I learned to put myself out in the world boldly and with confidence, and not let my self-perceptions limit me.
I take to heart the words of Henry Miller: "All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous, unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.? ~ Henry Miller
That's what being a kid is about. And that's also the role of good teachers.
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We didn't get to choose anything. Getting up and doing this crap may have made some people feel braver, but from what I remember, the people who enjoyed this were the weak-minded types who bought into the cult hook, line & sinker.
While it's true that forcing one's self to do things they don't enjoy is part of succeeding in life, Hyde had an unhealthy fetish for that kind of thing.
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On 2005-11-10 15:11:00, Lars wrote:
"...but from what I remember, the people who enjoyed this were the weak-minded types who bought into the cult hook, line & sinker."
I totally agree. Singing and dancing. Pushing one's edge. Having someone ask more of you than you would ever ask for yourself. That stuff's for pansies, man!
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Singing and dancing is for people that enjoy it. Making a public spectacle of people who hate it is abusive. And by the way, I ask far more of myself every day of my life than the people at Hyde ever did.
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On 2005-11-10 16:08:00, Lars wrote:
"Singing and dancing is for people that enjoy it. Making a public spectacle of people who hate it is abusive. And by the way, I ask far more of myself every day of my life than the people at Hyde ever did."
So, you are saying you had no idea that performing arts was part of the required curriculum before going to Hyde?
What about sports. Should be totally optional right?
Is your theory is that the only thing that should be mandatory is basic academics?
Also, I'm interested how you learned to push yourself so hard as a teen. You sound like a veritable prodigy.
Did your parents send you to Hyde because they were secretly the one's who needed help?
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I had no idea that performing arts was part of the curriculum, certainly not in the way they forced it upon us.
Yes, sports should be optional.
I learned to push myself in college.
Funny how motivated you can get when you're doing things you actually enjoy and aren't being hounded into saying things you don't believe in.
And as for my family, that's none of your business. Unlike the folks at Hyde, I think things like that should stay in the family (and with a qualified therapist if that's necessary).
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On 2005-11-10 14:20:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Hmmmm. Well, when I was at Hyde, first thing is that I knew as part of coming to the school there was mandatory participation in singing or dancing. The second thing was I got to chose between the two, so I had a choice, so its hard for me (with a meager but not horrible voice) to see it even remotely resembling abuse.
What I remember is that when people got up there and were timid and made excuses and somehow showed attitide, they were challenged.
I learned from this. I learned to put myself out in the world boldly and with confidence, and not let my self-perceptions limit me.
I take to heart the words of Henry Miller: "All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous, unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.? ~ Henry Miller
That's what being a kid is about. And that's also the role of good teachers.
"
I'm pleased to know that the performance expectations worked out well for you. Obviously, however, they didn't work out for everyone. Some people at Hyde actually had a miserable experience because of the way Hyde handled the mandatory performance. This is yet another example of Hyde's shortsighted approach: one size fits all and, if you don't like the Hyde way, you should hit the highway. That approach may appeal to you; clearly, however, it's an approach that many, many Hyde veterans find offensive and patronizing.
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Anybody here notice how the pro-Hyde folks just can't resist trying to bait the people who are trying to get some things off their chests? Their sarcasm and condescension are a perfect example of why this place fosters an unhealthy mentality.
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I am so glad this topic is being discussed. My husband and I were shocked to find out we had to get up and sing in front of a group of strangers. This was supposed to give us "courage" and help us reach beyond ourselves. I hate Hyde for humiliating me. I feel ashamed that I didn't get up and say, "go to hell", and walk out. The problem with going against Hyde is that you can't just go get your kids things out of the dorm and take them home in the middle of the school year. No other school is going to accept them right away especially when Hyde doesn't cooperate with helping to place a kid after they leave.
The above example is NOT the way to bring out more confidence in someone. I had issues growing up that had to do with humiliation. At the time I had self doubt and an inferiority complex that I worked hard to get over. When Hyde forced me to sing, it brought back all those feelings of humiliation. One of Hyde's problems is that they think they know what is right for EVERYONE! They believe EVERYONE fits into the same mold. They don't have a CLUE about psychology or how to deal with someone who has been through a trauma in their life.
I wish someone could stop Hyde from practicing Psychology without a licensed Psychologist on hand! It makes me want to puke thinking about this whole thing! You ask why people have been silent and simply walk away from Hyde. Maybe you are now getting an idea of why. Many parents and students want to forget Hyde ever existed once they leave. No one wants to share the experiences with anyone because they feel ashamed that they bought into it, even if for a moment!
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On 2005-11-10 18:18:00, Lars wrote:
"Anybody here notice how the pro-Hyde folks just can't resist trying to bait the people who are trying to get some things off their chests? Their sarcasm and condescension are a perfect example of why this place fosters an unhealthy mentality."
Anybody here notice how many anti-Hyde people here lie about pretending they just want to get something off their chest when really they are here to try and prevent other students from going to Hyde? Their sarcasm, condescension and hypocracy are a perfect example of why Hyde-failures don't live in the real world.
Or were you just trying to bait me Lars?
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On 2005-11-10 22:52:00, Anonymous wrote:
Anybody here notice how many anti-Hyde people here lie about pretending they just want to get something off their chest when really they are here to try and prevent other students from going to Hyde?
Well shit. I would HOPE they'd want to prevent other kids from going through the same hell they did. Damn, what kind of people would they be if they just allowed this shit to go on? Here's to getting it all off your chest. ::cheers::
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On 2005-11-10 22:55:00, Anonymous wrote:
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On 2005-11-10 22:52:00, Anonymous wrote:
Anybody here notice how many anti-Hyde people here lie about pretending they just want to get something off their chest when really they are here to try and prevent other students from going to Hyde?
Well shit. I would HOPE they'd want to prevent other kids from going through the same hell they did. Damn, what kind of people would they be if they just allowed this shit to go on? Here's to getting it all off your chest. ::cheers:: "
All I'm saying is don't pretend you are all about getting it off your chest, when a very specific intention is to attack the school. These are different things and would likely evoke different responses from the throngs of pro-Hyde people on this site.
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Why can't they kill two birds with one stone? Hell, let them get it off their chests and if it prevents other kids from being put into that hellhole, well all the better!!
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On 2005-11-10 18:52:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I am so glad this topic is being discussed. My husband and I were shocked to find out we had to get up and sing in front of a group of strangers. This was supposed to give us "courage" and help us reach beyond ourselves. I hate Hyde for humiliating me. I feel ashamed that I didn't get up and say, "go to hell", and walk out. The problem with going against Hyde is that you can't just go get your kids things out of the dorm and take them home in the middle of the school year. No other school is going to accept them right away especially when Hyde doesn't cooperate with helping to place a kid after they leave.
The above example is NOT the way to bring out more confidence in someone. I had issues growing up that had to do with humiliation. At the time I had self doubt and an inferiority complex that I worked hard to get over. When Hyde forced me to sing, it brought back all those feelings of humiliation. One of Hyde's problems is that they think they know what is right for EVERYONE! They believe EVERYONE fits into the same mold. They don't have a CLUE about psychology or how to deal with someone who has been through a trauma in their life.
I wish someone could stop Hyde from practicing Psychology without a licensed Psychologist on hand! It makes me want to puke thinking about this whole thing! You ask why people have been silent and simply walk away from Hyde. Maybe you are now getting an idea of why. Many parents and students want to forget Hyde ever existed once they leave. No one wants to share the experiences with anyone because they feel ashamed that they bought into it, even if for a moment!"
Sorry about all of your trauma, but for as long as I have known of Hyde school THEY TELL EVERYONE up front that this is going to happen. Its been on their website for years. Its been core to their concept of character development from the earliest days. The current version from their website is below. Its one of the fundamental requirements of the school!
PERFORMING ARTS
All students and faculty members collaborate to produce two major musical productions per year?in the fall and spring?as well, as a number of smaller performances throughout the year. Parents, too, perform for their students at the annual Spring Fling?an event eagerly anticipated by the student body. Through Hyde?s infamous ?auditions,? students, as well as teachers, face their fears of public singing and generally overcome them with ease. Freshmen who timidly squeak out Row Your Boat for their first audition, unavoidably become seniors who belt out cheesy 80s rock ballads while sporting fake mullets. And, occasionally, a faculty member cannot resist inflicting a Guns and Roses classic on the community.
You will likely discover that there is a part of you that loves being on stage, and you will be in awe of yourself when you complete your first audition?whether or not you are a future Grammy winner.
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What a crock of new age, psycho babble BULLSHIT!! Put down the kool aid and back away s-l-o-w-l-y.
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Hyde "failures" don't live in the real world? I am shocked you would say such a thing! Anyone who went to Hyde knows that Hyde is far from the "real world."
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What about the kids or parents who love to perform? What good does this exercise do for them? Why would Hyde assume everyone hates to get up and sing in front of a crowd?
Another problem with the "one size fits all" program!
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On 2005-11-10 23:02:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Why can't they kill two birds with one stone? Hell, let them get it off their chests and if it prevents other kids from being put into that hellhole, well all the better!!"
The can, but then don't complain that your being baited by pro-Hyde people. That's just a moronic comment. Seems to me the anti-Hyde people here do more baiting, but since that's not quantifiable, why not accept to the extent this site is about advocacy, that that is going to be de-baited.
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On 2005-11-10 23:27:00, Anonymous wrote:
"What about the kids or parents who love to perform? What good does this exercise do for them? Why would Hyde assume everyone hates to get up and sing in front of a crowd?
Another problem with the "one size fits all" program!"
Um, well, I don't think they presume everyone hates it, and if they are the one's who love it, it might not do them as much good but that's the gestalt.
Hyde (to my recollection) holds performing arts, sports, academics and public service all to be equally important. The person who loves performing arts and can do it with ease, may have a much tougher time with sports, for instance, or academics, so their personal battle ground may not be to sing in front of everyone, but to perform on the soccer field or in the classroom.
For me that was a brilliant and revolutionary concept. Sure, whatever, I drank the cool-aid and I am still by the container, but this rings true for me in my experience of myself and others in life. There is a great chance that the natural vocalist will learn a lot more about themselves on the soccer field than they will singing, as that's where their character challenges are more likely to manifest.
It goes back to their founding philosphy that the people who slid by on some basic talent were often cheated in life because no one asked more out of them, no one presented them with obstacles where they had a better chance to learn about themselves than if they were allowed to just stay in their confort zone.
Call it psycho-babble from a cool-aide lover, but that's my take on it.
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On 2005-11-10 23:00:00, Anonymous wrote:
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On 2005-11-10 22:55:00, Anonymous wrote:
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On 2005-11-10 22:52:00, Anonymous wrote:
Anybody here notice how many anti-Hyde people here lie about pretending they just want to get something off their chest when really they are here to try and prevent other students from going to Hyde?
Well shit. I would HOPE they'd want to prevent other kids from going through the same hell they did. Damn, what kind of people would they be if they just allowed this shit to go on? Here's to getting it all off your chest. ::cheers:: "
All I'm saying is don't pretend you are all about getting it off your chest, when a very specific intention is to attack the school. These are different things and would likely evoke different responses from the throngs of pro-Hyde people on this site. "
I can't speak for others, but my personal motivation is not to attack Hyde per se. My motivation is to ensure that anyone who considers Hyde is fully aware of all of the school's practices, including all of the legitimate criticisms posted on this website. I call that living up to the ideals of truth, courage, and concern. And aren't those Hyde's very words?
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The Person Who Wrote About Performing Arts;
You are speaking about the students, and my question was about students and parents. What is a parent getting out of performing on stage when in fact they love to do it?
The answer is, it is doing nothing for the parent who enjoys it and humiliating the hell out of the other parent who dreads it!
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On 2005-11-10 22:52:00, Anonymous wrote:
]
Anybody here notice how many anti-Hyde people here lie about pretending they just want to get something off their chest when really they are here to try and prevent other students from going to Hyde? Their sarcasm, condescension and hypocracy are a perfect example of why Hyde-failures don't live in the real world.
Or were you just trying to bait me Lars?"
Buddy, you're a real class act. Just a true piece of shit to accuse someone of lying who has been absolutely truthful about his own painful experiences AND his sincere desire to see that other parents don't put their kids through hell. Go back to Bath - you truly belong there.
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Last post was mine.
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On 2005-11-11 05:41:00, Anonymous wrote:
"The Person Who Wrote About Performing Arts;
You are speaking about the students, and my question was about students and parents. What is a parent getting out of performing on stage when in fact they love to do it?
The answer is, it is doing nothing for the parent who enjoys it and humiliating the hell out of the other parent who dreads it!"
The performing arts discussion was started by a student about a student experience. When this is all anonymous with no names, its easy to get confused about which post responds to which, but the jist of my response was that I find it hard to believe any student gets through the gates without knowing they will be doing performing arts. Its on the website, and its part of their daily discussion with everyone, as its integral to their system, as is mandatory participation in sports.
I see some real value in having parents taste what their children are doing, but don't need to debate that.
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On 2005-11-11 07:10:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2005-11-10 22:52:00, Anonymous wrote:
]
Anybody here notice how many anti-Hyde people here lie about pretending they just want to get something off their chest when really they are here to try and prevent other students from going to Hyde? Their sarcasm, condescension and hypocracy are a perfect example of why Hyde-failures don't live in the real world.
Or were you just trying to bait me Lars?"
Buddy, you're a real class act. Just a true piece of shit to accuse someone of lying who has been absolutely truthful about his own painful experiences AND his sincere desire to see that other parents don't put their kids through hell. Go back to Bath - you truly belong there.
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Lars, you accuesed me of baiting people when you just wanted to get something off your chest. I have no issue with you getting stuff off your chest, but since I loved Hyde, I will take issue with your attempts to sway parents, and to provide a contrary opinion. You in turn have responded with viturperative name calling and judgements. (Something I am probably guily of as well.)
I would rather we just debate the issues, but you made a specific post NOT ABOUT your experience but about me and the pro-Hyde people. If you don't like my response, that's your problem, but I will do my best to honestly represent the good and bad about Hyde and try my best (not always possible) to not make this personal.
That said, when people like Tom Allan who experience Hyde for six months and ran away three times become one of the dominant posters here, along with Antigen, then I will question all of you. I don't know your facts, but I do know Tommy left long before he had the chance to get it....a small number leave Hyde like Tommy, and his posts are less than authorative.
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Lars, you accuesed me of baiting people when you just wanted to get something off your chest. I have no issue with you getting stuff off your chest, but since I loved Hyde, I will take issue with your attempts to sway parents, and to provide a contrary opinion. You in turn have responded with viturperative name calling and judgements. (Something I am probably guily of as well.)
I would rather we just debate the issues, but you made a specific post NOT ABOUT your experience but about me and the pro-Hyde people. If you don't like my response, that's your problem, but I will do my best to honestly represent the good and bad about Hyde and try my best (not always possible) to not make this personal.
That said, when people like Tom Allan who experience Hyde for six months and ran away three times become one of the dominant posters here, along with Antigen, then I will question all of you. I don't know your facts, but I do know Tommy left long before he had the chance to get it....a small number leave Hyde like Tommy, and his posts are less than authorative."
People like myself get angry whem you bait us (and you do, whether you realize it or not. It's a well known Hyde technique.) because we had a truly painful experience - something you just don't seem to understand. Maybe you don't mean it that way, but it comes across as malicious. I spent three years there and graduated with a diploma. I went through it all - 2/4, "auditions, "Family Learning Centers," "attitude trips," wrestling, getting reamed out for not snitching on others, sleep deprivation, and many other practices that I've becomed convinced over time (if I wasn't convinced at the time I endured them) are emotionally harmful.
If you loved it, wonderful for you. I know some kids & their families who thought it was a lifesaver. But for many, the "round peg in square hole" cliche sums it up very well. And I believe beyond any doubt that many of their practices and techniques are abusive, demeaning, and, in the case of their "seminars," dangerous theraputic malpractice.
I hated it everyday I was there, even after I learned to play their games and mouth their catchphrases. I just remember going off to college and not being able to stop smiling as I strolled around campus, even when I'd had nightmares about being back at Hyde and being told that I had to spend yet another year there. I remember getting my first college report card and seeing that I'd made the dean's list. No "lacks effort," or "needs to be more of leader," just the letter "A." I remember standing in the warm Arizona sunshine and feeling human again.
And that's why I won't set foot on the Hyde campus ever again. Why my charitable donations go elsewhere. Why I'd like to warn prospective parents about the place.
That's it - all the bile I needed to spill, all the warning I can give. If any prospective students or parents on this board want to know about anything I went through, just ask. I'll peruse these boards from time to time. Until then....
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On 2005-11-11 14:14:00, Lars wrote:
Lars, you accuesed me of baiting people when you just wanted to get something off your chest. I have no issue with you getting stuff off your chest, but since I loved Hyde, I will take issue with your attempts to sway parents, and to provide a contrary opinion. You in turn have responded with viturperative name calling and judgements. (Something I am probably guily of as well.)
I would rather we just debate the issues, but you made a specific post NOT ABOUT your experience but about me and the pro-Hyde people. If you don't like my response, that's your problem, but I will do my best to honestly represent the good and bad about Hyde and try my best (not always possible) to not make this personal.
That said, when people like Tom Allan who experience Hyde for six months and ran away three times become one of the dominant posters here, along with Antigen, then I will question all of you. I don't know your facts, but I do know Tommy left long before he had the chance to get it....a small number leave Hyde like Tommy, and his posts are less than authorative."
People like myself get angry whem you bait us (and you do, whether you realize it or not. It's a well known Hyde technique.) because we had a truly painful experience - something you just don't seem to understand. Maybe you don't mean it that way, but it comes across as malicious. I spent three years there and graduated with a diploma. I went through it all - 2/4, "auditions, "Family Learning Centers," "attitude trips," wrestling, getting reamed out for not snitching on others, sleep deprivation, and many other practices that I've become convinced over time (if I wasn't convinced at the time I endured them) are emotionally harmful.
If you loved it, wonderful for you. I know some kids & their families who thought it was a lifesaver. But for many, the "round peg in square hole" cliche sums it up very well. And I believe beyond any doubt that many of their practices and techniques are abusive, demeaning, and, in the case of their "seminars," dangerous theraputic malpractice.
I hated it everyday I was there, even after I learned to play their games and mouth their catchphrases. I just remember going off to college and not being able to stop smiling as I strolled around campus, even when I'd had nightmares about being back at Hyde and being told that I had to spend yet another year there. I remember getting my first college report card and seeing that I'd made the dean's list. No "lacks effort," or "needs to be more of leader," just the letter "A." I remember standing in the warm Arizona sunshine and feeling human again.
And that's why I won't set foot on the Hyde campus ever again. Why my charitable donations go elsewhere. Why I'd like to warn prospective parents about the place.
That's it - all the bile I needed to spill, all the warning I can give. If any prospective students or parents on this board want to know about anything I went through, just ask. I'll peruse these boards from time to time. Until then....
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Thank you Lars. That was a very thoughtful comment. Three years is a seriously long time for things to suck as bad as they sound in your post.
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Lars: You've made some very valuable comments here. Yes, some of them drip with anger, but that's perfectly understandable given your miserable Hyde experience. There are many former Hyde students and parents who feel exactly as you do -- full of intense resentment toward Hyde because of the school's often misguided, judgmental, and hypocritical protocols. I don't doubt that some people experience Hyde positively; they have their unique reasons for believing that it was a valuable experience. The stark reality, however, is that legions of others feel deeply damaged by their Hyde experience, and with good reason. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that while some people cherish their Hyde experience, for many, if not most, Hyde is a terribly destructive environment managed by people who live their myopic lives in a very tight cult-like circle. This is NOT a matter of disgruntled people refusing to buy into the Hyde system. Rather, it's a matter of a large group of perceptive people who eventually grasp Hyde's bizarre and twisted subculture.
It doesn't surprise me that Hyde resists outside influences; that's how truly fundamentalist cults operate.
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I had never done sports before I came to Hyde, and at first, it WAS torture. But then I found out that I really love to run. The endorphins are great. I'm in my late 20s and I'm in the best shape of my life.
The point is, I liked that Hyde made me try a lot of different things that I didn't want to do. It made me a Renaissance woman. I also loved seeing my mom sing, even if it was off-key. She tried really hard and showed me that she was human. I didn't need her to be a world class singer. I was inspired by her willingness to try something new.
I'm trying not to be insensitive about this one, but it's hard for me to see the performing arts program as child abuse. We live in a culture where kids can't swim in the back yard or play in a tree house without being watched because it's child abuse. As a result, I'm guessing that we're going to have a generation of very oblivious adults who don't know to look both ways before crossing the street. I had to take a math class in college. It was torture. However, I wouldn't call it abuse. I worked hard at it and learned how to make the most of a boring situation. Shouldn't kids learn how to "survive" the "torture" of kareoke? Sans alcohol?
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On 2005-12-09 12:53:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I had never done sports before I came to Hyde, and at first, it WAS torture. But then I found out that I really love to run. The endorphins are great. I'm in my late 20s and I'm in the best shape of my life.
The point is, I liked that Hyde made me try a lot of different things that I didn't want to do. It made me a Renaissance woman. I also loved seeing my mom sing, even if it was off-key. She tried really hard and showed me that she was human. I didn't need her to be a world class singer. I was inspired by her willingness to try something new.
I'm trying not to be insensitive about this one, but it's hard for me to see the performing arts program as child abuse. We live in a culture where kids can't swim in the back yard or play in a tree house without being watched because it's child abuse. As a result, I'm guessing that we're going to have a generation of very oblivious adults who don't know to look both ways before crossing the street. I had to take a math class in college. It was torture. However, I wouldn't call it abuse. I worked hard at it and learned how to make the most of a boring situation. Shouldn't kids learn how to "survive" the "torture" of kareoke? Sans alcohol?"
I love Hyde and thank them in my heart everyday I wake up...
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Whats all these cry babies beef with Hyde all about? It was a good school, a little tough, but jeez...These guys are acting like they were in San Quinton
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On 2005-12-09 12:53:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I had never done sports before I came to Hyde, and at first, it WAS torture. But then I found out that I really love to run. The endorphins are great. I'm in my late 20s and I'm in the best shape of my life.
The point is, I liked that Hyde made me try a lot of different things that I didn't want to do. It made me a Renaissance woman. I also loved seeing my mom sing, even if it was off-key. She tried really hard and showed me that she was human. I didn't need her to be a world class singer. I was inspired by her willingness to try something new.
I'm trying not to be insensitive about this one, but it's hard for me to see the performing arts program as child abuse. We live in a culture where kids can't swim in the back yard or play in a tree house without being watched because it's child abuse. As a result, I'm guessing that we're going to have a generation of very oblivious adults who don't know to look both ways before crossing the street. I had to take a math class in college. It was torture. However, I wouldn't call it abuse. I worked hard at it and learned how to make the most of a boring situation. Shouldn't kids learn how to "survive" the "torture" of kareoke? Sans alcohol?"
I don't think you're being insensitive. I just hope you understand that it was a deeply humiliating and embarrassing experience for many. We can agree to disagree. I loathed performing arts there more than I can adequately express in words. If you liked it, terrific for you.
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Hi,
I am also a Hyde alum, and I hated performing arts. Really. Still, I strongly believe it helped me develop the courage I rely on today, to get past obstacles that fall beyond my comfort level. I STILL hate speaking in front of people, and avoid it at all costs. But when I have to do it, I reach down to my "audition" experience, and remember that there is nothing I can't do.
Same thing with sports. I had never done sports until Hyde, and my first summer school I was aghast that I had to run a mile. I couldn't believe it, and definitely rebelled. But a few years later, I wound up finding an athleticism in myself I never knew existed. A character/physical trait I use on a daily basis now (I am 38).
Regarding being attacked at a family meeting, questioning the reasoning behind an exercise.. I am sorry that happend. Hyde is generally very open about discussing philosophy and the purposes behind certain activities. My only thought is that perhaps it sounded more like acting out rather than a constructive inquiry.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions about my Hyde experience. I have thought long and hard about it, and feel comfortable discussing any aspect.
Thanks,
Theresa Locklear, classes of '85 and '87
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On 2006-01-29 07:46:00, tlocklear wrote:
"Hi,
I am also a Hyde alum, and I hated performing arts. Really. Still, I strongly believe it helped me develop the courage I rely on today, to get past obstacles that fall beyond my comfort level. I STILL hate speaking in front of people, and avoid it at all costs. But when I have to do it, I reach down to my "audition" experience, and remember that there is nothing I can't do.
Same thing with sports. I had never done sports until Hyde, and my first summer school I was aghast that I had to run a mile. I couldn't believe it, and definitely rebelled. But a few years later, I wound up finding an athleticism in myself I never knew existed. A character/physical trait I use on a daily basis now (I am 38).
Regarding being attacked at a family meeting, questioning the reasoning behind an exercise.. I am sorry that happend. Hyde is generally very open about discussing philosophy and the purposes behind certain activities. My only thought is that perhaps it sounded more like acting out rather than a constructive inquiry.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions about my Hyde experience. I have thought long and hard about it, and feel comfortable discussing any aspect.
Thanks,
Theresa Locklear, classes of '85 and '87 "
You make reasonable points about what you got of Hyde's performing arts and athletic requirements. When handled properly, these can indeed by valuable experiences.
But I've also seen these events used by Hyde staff as opportunities to verbally abuse and humiliate both students and parents. I've personally witnessed students being yelled at and called names during athletic performances (we live within driving distance and try to show up to athletic events when possible). In a couple of these situations I was embarrassed for parents on the other team to know I was affiliated with Hyde. The Hyde staff were so unprofessional.
In my most recent FLC a couple of parents asked perfectly innocent, appropriate questions about Hyde's philosophy and the purposes of certain expectations (for example, the solo singing). I was appalled by the facilitator's response, which was something like, "Your job is to do what you're told to do. One of the reasons your kid challenges authority so much is that you've modeled how to do that, like now. I want you to accept that there's a good reason to do this. In time you'll figure it out." The Hyde facilitator was so dismissive and patronizing. That parent shut her mouth the rest of the time and now resents Hyde (for other reasons too).
So, I disagree with your point that Hyde is always open to people who question its philosophy. I've seen many examples of just the opposite. Have you ever seen Joe Gauld "go off" on a parent or student who questions or challenges Hyde's philosophy? Have you ever seen Joe point his finger and berate parents and students?
I guess you and I have had very different experiences at Hyde. I'm glad yours was good, but mine (and it seems many others') have been terrible.
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Thanks for your response. I am sorry your experience has been so negative.. what you describe does sound abysmal. My only recommendation would be to try and affect change in a positive way. One of the things I learned as a student at Hyde that I have probably used more than anything else, is when there is something going on that I don't like, I think about a proactive way to change it. For example, as a senior, I wanted some "privileges" that weren't given out at first. I wrote up a letter arguing my points in a clear, relatively unbiased way, and submitted that to someone, maybe the dean. It was discussed at a faculty meeting that I was invited to, and after some debate, our privileges were awarded.
The same could be true for you.. if there are staff at the school who are seemingly unprofessional at sporting events, I would write a proactive letter to the coach or the headmaster, stating your points and making a recommendation for change. I advise that this be done in positive tone, rather than an attacking one, as negatives are often responded in the same manner. I would be happy to work with you on this letter, should you decide to move forward with it.
Just as a side note.. when my son was 5, he went to a school in a building that had 2 schools in it. He complained to me one day that the other school gets morning recess (before school starts), but not his school. Since we were early to school every day, I recommended to him that he take a survey to find out if there were other students from his school interested in having morning recess. He found out that there were. He presented these findings to School Leadership Team, and after some debate, morning recess was enabled for his school as well.
Regarding the FLC, this is a little more sensitive but could be handled in a similar manner. I wonder if the timing of the question may have been awkward, and could have been taken off-line to avoid seeming like an attack or a distraction from the task at hand. Even still, another of the very big lessons I learned at Hyde was/is that if you are "churning" about a certain issue, you should deal with this feeling. Again, I recommend doing this in as positive of a tone as possible, to best enable a communication, rather than an attack/defense back and forth. And again, I would be more than happy to work with you or your friend to write a letter, most likely to the facilitator, regarding your/her experience.
I hope that helps in some way. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this more in-depth.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
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On 2006-01-29 09:45:00, tlocklear wrote:
"Thanks for your response. I am sorry your experience has been so negative.. what you describe does sound abysmal. My only recommendation would be to try and affect change in a positive way. One of the things I learned as a student at Hyde that I have probably used more than anything else, is when there is something going on that I don't like, I think about a proactive way to change it. For example, as a senior, I wanted some "privileges" that weren't given out at first. I wrote up a letter arguing my points in a clear, relatively unbiased way, and submitted that to someone, maybe the dean. It was discussed at a faculty meeting that I was invited to, and after some debate, our privileges were awarded.
The same could be true for you.. if there are staff at the school who are seemingly unprofessional at sporting events, I would write a proactive letter to the coach or the headmaster, stating your points and making a recommendation for change. I advise that this be done in positive tone, rather than an attacking one, as negatives are often responded in the same manner. I would be happy to work with you on this letter, should you decide to move forward with it.
Just as a side note.. when my son was 5, he went to a school in a building that had 2 schools in it. He complained to me one day that the other school gets morning recess (before school starts), but not his school. Since we were early to school every day, I recommended to him that he take a survey to find out if there were other students from his school interested in having morning recess. He found out that there were. He presented these findings to School Leadership Team, and after some debate, morning recess was enabled for his school as well.
Regarding the FLC, this is a little more sensitive but could be handled in a similar manner. I wonder if the timing of the question may have been awkward, and could have been taken off-line to avoid seeming like an attack or a distraction from the task at hand. Even still, another of the very big lessons I learned at Hyde was/is that if you are "churning" about a certain issue, you should deal with this feeling. Again, I recommend doing this in as positive of a tone as possible, to best enable a communication, rather than an attack/defense back and forth. And again, I would be more than happy to work with you or your friend to write a letter, most likely to the facilitator, regarding your/her experience.
I hope that helps in some way. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this more in-depth.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
"
I think one of the reasons that many of us have had an experience at Hyde so different from yours is that the student body seems to have changed significantly. My impression is that you were there 20 or so years ago (based on your age). I've heard Hyde administrators acknowledge that the current student body is much more likely to include students who come to the school with very significant mental health, behavior and substance abuse problems. Hyde now faces lots of competition and appears to be accepting lots of students who are different from the profile that existed when you were there.
A major part of the controversy at Hyde now has to do with these changes and the school's inability to meet these kids' needs. Many of us think Hyde is using its traditional "character education" model with a population that has lots of kids who need many services in addition to character education. That's why many parents are disappointed with Hyde. The school seems to work well for certain kinds of kids, but not others. The problem is that Hyde admits so many kids it isn't prepared to serve effectively.
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Hi,
Thanks for your response. What you say may be true, that the student body is different than it once was. I am not sure what the current admissions are doing. But, I have to admit, that when I went, Hyde had a reputation of accepting "f***-ups" as someone stated earlier in this thread. By saying that, I am some what admitting that I was a "f***-up" myself.. which is partially true.
The truth of the matter was that my parents lost control of me. Between a painful divorce, some mental illness, alcohol abuse and growing up basically unchaperoned, you could say I developed a bit of a "tude." This is actually normal self-protecting behavior, in an unsafe environment.
It took a safe, structured place, like Hyde, and some parental confrontation for me to realize I wasn't just the throw away I had grown up believing I was. It wasn't easy, especially not the performing arts, sports, or FLCs. Wasn't easy for my parents either. But in retrospect, I am, and they are, truly grateful to have had the experience.
I don't mean to discourage you from confronting Hyde in a proactive/positive way with regards to your feelings about their admissions process. By all means, if you see a change that should be made, you should recommend it! And again, I would be more than happy to assist in that effort.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
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On 2006-01-29 15:33:00, tlocklear wrote:
"Hi,
Thanks for your response. What you say may be true, that the student body is different than it once was. I am not sure what the current admissions are doing. But, I have to admit, that when I went, Hyde had a reputation of accepting "f***-ups" as someone stated earlier in this thread. By saying that, I am some what admitting that I was a "f***-up" myself.. which is partially true.
The truth of the matter was that my parents lost control of me. Between a painful divorce, some mental illness, alcohol abuse and growing up basically unchaperoned, you could say I developed a bit of a "tude." This is actually normal self-protecting behavior, in an unsafe environment.
It took a safe, structured place, like Hyde, and some parental confrontation for me to realize I wasn't just the throw away I had grown up believing I was. It wasn't easy, especially not the performing arts, sports, or FLCs. Wasn't easy for my parents either. But in retrospect, I am, and they are, truly grateful to have had the experience.
I don't mean to discourage you from confronting Hyde in a proactive/positive way with regards to your feelings about their admissions process. By all means, if you see a change that should be made, you should recommend it! And again, I would be more than happy to assist in that effort.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
"
Thanks for your posts Theresa. I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde. What is your career and what area of the country do you live?
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>> Thanks for your posts Theresa. I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde. What is your career and what area of the country do you live?
Hello,
Thanks for your interest. After graduation in 1987, I went to Earlham College, which is a Quaker school in Indiana. I graduated in 1991 with a BA in Philosophy of Religion and then joined the Teach for America program. I was placed in North Carolina, where I taught high school Science and Math at a rural public school. I met my husband (playing sports!) in NC and had my son, Grady. While Grady was small I taught myself computer programming, then moved back to New York and took a job as a software developer. In my move to NY, I also left my husband, and spent 6 years as a single mom in the city. Two years ago, my husband and I reconciled and Grady and I moved to Washington, DC to be with him. I am still doing software development here, but I recently took the official title of Technical Business Analyst.
Hope that helps. Again, please feel free to contact me with any questions about my experience at Hyde.
Best,
Theresa
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On 2006-01-29 21:19:00, tlocklear wrote:
">> Thanks for your posts Theresa. I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde. What is your career and what area of the country do you live?
Hello,
Thanks for your interest. After graduation in 1987, I went to Earlham College, which is a Quaker school in Indiana. I graduated in 1991 with a BA in Philosophy of Religion and then joined the Teach for America program. I was placed in North Carolina, where I taught high school Science and Math at a rural public school. I met my husband (playing sports!) in NC and had my son, Grady. While Grady was small I taught myself computer programming, then moved back to New York and took a job as a software developer. In my move to NY, I also left my husband, and spent 6 years as a single mom in the city. Two years ago, my husband and I reconciled and Grady and I moved to Washington, DC to be with him. I am still doing software development here, but I recently took the official title of Technical Business Analyst.
Hope that helps. Again, please feel free to contact me with any questions about my experience at Hyde.
Best,
Theresa
"
It's good to know that you're doing well.
I have a question: It seems that Hyde now accepts lots of kids with serious mental health issues and diagnoses. Do you think the school should have mental health professionals on staff to increase the chances that these students' needs will be met? Do you think it's very risky to accept these students without any mental health professionals? Or do you think the school's traditional "character education" approach is enough?
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It's good to know that you're doing well.
I have a question: It seems that Hyde now accepts lots of kids with serious mental health issues and diagnoses. Do you think the school should have mental health professionals on staff to increase the chances that these students' needs will be met? Do you think it's very risky to accept these students without any mental health professionals? Or do you think the school's traditional "character education" approach is enough?"
Thanks for your response.
I have to admit that I really do not know the difference between the numbers of kids at Hyde with mental health issues, then and now. I remember there being some issues while I was there, but as a student, my perspective was limited. I can tell you what I might do as a parent in that situation...
I am personally an advocate for what in public schools is known as an "inclusive classroom." Having a son who is severely dyslexic, having mental illness in my immediate family, and having been "low tracked" myself before Hyde, I tend to think that people that fall under these categories have a right to a good education.
I do not believe that "good education" for some should jeopardize the other, as I don't see the two as mutually exclusive. Rather, I strongly believe that in a safe environment, the inclusive paradigm, or diversity, is most beneficial for all, even those without "issues." It exposes otherwise sheltered kids to what they will have to learn to work with for their whole lives.
If there is a specific incident where you feel that a student at Hyde is not receiving the services that you believe he or she requires, then I think you should address that issue. Again, I recommend moving forward in positive and productive manner with a letter perhaps, of which I would be happy to help draft.
I really appreciate your thoughtful and open-minded responses. This dialog has been very gratifying for me. Thank you.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
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I can't edit my previous response. That second-to-last paragraph should read...
I must say that not being a mental health professional, or knowing the students or incidents that are troubling, I can't really weigh in one or another on whether there should be more professionals on staff at Hyde. If there is however, a specific incident where you feel a student is not receiving the services that you believe he or she requires, then I think you should address that issue. Again, I recommend moving forward in positive and productive manner with a letter perhaps, of which I would be happy to help draft.
Thanks again,
Theresa Locklear
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On 2006-01-30 16:46:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
It's good to know that you're doing well.
I have a question: It seems that Hyde now accepts lots of kids with serious mental health issues and diagnoses. Do you think the school should have mental health professionals on staff to increase the chances that these students' needs will be met? Do you think it's very risky to accept these students without any mental health professionals? Or do you think the school's traditional "character education" approach is enough?"
Thanks for your response.
I have to admit that I really do not know the difference between the numbers of kids at Hyde with mental health issues, then and now. I remember there being some issues while I was there, but as a student, my perspective was limited. I can tell you what I might do as a parent in that situation...
I am personally an advocate for what in public schools is known as an "inclusive classroom." Having a son who is severely dyslexic, having mental illness in my immediate family, and having been "low tracked" myself before Hyde, I tend to think that people that fall under these categories have a right to a good education.
I do not believe that "good education" for some should jeopardize the other, as I don't see the two as mutually exclusive. Rather, I strongly believe that in a safe environment, the inclusive paradigm, or diversity, is most beneficial for all, even those without "issues." It exposes otherwise sheltered kids to what they will have to learn to work with for their whole lives.
If there is a specific incident where you feel that a student at Hyde is not receiving the services that you believe he or she requires, then I think you should address that issue. Again, I recommend moving forward in positive and productive manner with a letter perhaps, of which I would be happy to help draft.
I really appreciate your thoughtful and open-minded responses. This dialog has been very gratifying for me. Thank you.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
"
All sounds so great when reading your posts Theresa, but the truth is many people I know have addressed Hyde on this and other issues and Hyde basically shows you the door if you don't like the way they do things. Of course if you walk out that door you lose your $50,000!! This is not an exaggeration, it is truth.
You seem very sincere and honest and it sounds like you are the type that Hyde should hire. Your posts indicate that all one has to do is address the school about troubling circumstances and Hyde will respond in a positive way! Trust me Theresa, this is not how Hyde operates these days. Joe Gauld has gone off the deep end and needs some psychological help himself. The schools are a mess and the arrogance and control has gotten out of hand. It doesn't sound like you are familiar with "this Hyde." I witnessed girls running to the bathroom to deal with their eating disorders. Hyde does nothing medically about this. They address it as a character problem. Same goes for ADD and many other afflictions that should be dealt with by professionals.
It just is not as simple as you would like to think Theresa. If it were, we wouldn't be having these discussions.
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I'm sure that Theresa would be glad to assist you in drafting a letter. :roll:
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Hi, Thanks for your response. What you say does sound troubling. And I am sorry for your negative experience. My only recommendation at this point would be to make a list of all the issues that are worrisome, and let's try and draft a rational and constructive letter.
One of the clichés that Hyde over-uses, which I have always found to be both antagonistic and insightful, may have some truth in this circumstance - if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. I don't mean to sound antagonistic myself in saying that, but I do fall back on that quite often in my own life.
Joe Gauld has always had a bit of a reputation of being, let's say, passionate. I am not going to defend him, as I don't know the specific incident(s) to which you are referring. In my experience however, if I am able to peel away the eccentricity of his expression, he often makes a good point, worth thinking about.
Thanks again for your response.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
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On 2006-01-31 05:58:00, tlocklear wrote:
"Hi, Thanks for your response. What you say does sound troubling. And I am sorry for your negative experience. My only recommendation at this point would be to make a list of all the issues that are worrisome, and let's try and draft a rational and constructive letter.
One of the clichés that Hyde over-uses, which I have always found to be both antagonistic and insightful, may have some truth in this circumstance - if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. I don't mean to sound antagonistic myself in saying that, but I do fall back on that quite often in my own life.
Joe Gauld has always had a bit of a reputation of being, let's say, passionate. I am not going to defend him, as I don't know the specific incident(s) to which you are referring. In my experience however, if I am able to peel away the eccentricity of his expression, he often makes a good point, worth thinking about.
Thanks again for your response.
Best,
Theresa Locklear
"
I have a very important question for you Theresa that I hope you will answer honestly. Are you still involved with Hyde? Do you facilitate or participate in seminars, family weekends, regional meetings, or FLC's?
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Hi,
The only way I am currently affiliated with Hyde is that I have been participating in an alumni list discussion (classes of '85-'90), in preparation for the 40th anniversary of the school this summer.
That is actually how I found this thread, as I was looking for Hyde logos for our reunion t-shirt, and I happened upon this site.
I worked for Hyde as an intern the summer after I graduated in 1987, but that is the extent of my Hyde professional experience. Honestly. :smile:
Thanks again for your responses!
Best,
Theresa
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Theresa...your posts read like a combination of sales brochures for Hyde and the typical manipulative style of a program graduate (I graduated from a similar program from a similar time). People here have expressed their personal concerns and you either questioned their validity (i.e. parents asking about the exercises) by stating that the parents must have been out of line in some way or another. Other than that...your responses are so canned that if I were one of these parents trying to converse with you I would begin to wonder if Hyde has created/hired some sort of "Bot"/person to answer questions on it's behalf here on Fornits.
You say that you only came across this site while looking for a logo for T-shirts. Did you really expect to find one here? Does Hyde not have one on their website?
I have got a great idea...if you want to prove what you say...you have read numerous concerns and complaints from people on this board...yet the only response that you throw into the pot is that they were somehow wrong/came off the wrong way...or you will help them draft a letter.
well...start drafting...post it here for all of us to see...apparently if anybody complains they are saying the wrong thing or saying it at the wrong time...well...show us how it is done...show us a complaint letter that addresses the issues that people have problems with and that actually changes things at Hyde.
You are not offering much of a solution to the problems that these parents have experienced...therefore...you must be part of the problem.
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If it's such a bad place than why are so many teachers former students?
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It says a lot about your character that you played along for three years and had the gall to accept a diploma. For many people, including me, a diploma represents a person's integrity and people like you demean that immensely.
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They do have two people who are mental health counselors that work as subcontractors at the school and both of them are excellent resources.
Melinda
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Our daughter spent 4 months at Hyde during the Fall of 2004. We pulled her out after Christmas and sent her back to her old school. Hyde was helpful in forwarding her transcripts to her school. Her old school did give her credit for her classes at Hyde. So we had no problem in that end. Hyde also did not give us a hard time about pulling her out. Of course we did not get our tuition back.
There were several areas which concerned us with respect to Hyde. The quality of education is lacking but that was not the reason we sent our daughter there in the first place. We sent her to Hyde for her behavioral issues as many parents do. We hoped that they could help her. What I did find was that Hyde is not a therapeutic school. But they try to act like one. They ask families to bare their souls and disclose at times, painful stories in FLC's. The students are constantly in groups dealing with issues. But they don't have the counselors to deal with this in a healthy, safe manner. Using unqualied, young, inexperienced facilitators, I feel, is dangerous. I was very concerned about the age and experience of the staff. I think that many of the staff have their own issues and did not interact with my daughter in a positive,constructive, healthy manner. I do agree that Hyde is run like a cult. My daughter felt like she could trust no one.
I am happy to say that the time at Hyde straghtened my daughter out, but it was not because of Hyde's positive influence. My daughter knew that if she didn't get it together she was going to a therapeutic boarding school and would be gone for many more months. I think that I wanted to send her to Hyde because I wasn't ready to take the "therapeutic boarding school" route at the time. I thought that Hyde could be a satisfactory alternative. It is not. I would not recommend Hyde to prospective parents and students. I don't think it offers a healthy program to help teens in crisis.
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On 2006-01-31 14:42:00, dack wrote:
"Our daughter spent 4 months at Hyde during the Fall of 2004. We pulled her out after Christmas and sent her back to her old school. Hyde was helpful in forwarding her transcripts to her school. Her old school did give her credit for her classes at Hyde. So we had no problem in that end. Hyde also did not give us a hard time about pulling her out. Of course we did not get our tuition back.
There were several areas which concerned us with respect to Hyde. The quality of education is lacking but that was not the reason we sent our daughter there in the first place. We sent her to Hyde for her behavioral issues as many parents do. We hoped that they could help her. What I did find was that Hyde is not a therapeutic school. But they try to act like one. They ask families to bare their souls and disclose at times, painful stories in FLC's. The students are constantly in groups dealing with issues. But they don't have the counselors to deal with this in a healthy, safe manner. Using unqualied, young, inexperienced facilitators, I feel, is dangerous. I was very concerned about the age and experience of the staff. I think that many of the staff have their own issues and did not interact with my daughter in a positive,constructive, healthy manner. I do agree that Hyde is run like a cult. My daughter felt like she could trust no one.
I am happy to say that the time at Hyde straghtened my daughter out, but it was not because of Hyde's positive influence. My daughter knew that if she didn't get it together she was going to a therapeutic boarding school and would be gone for many more months. I think that I wanted to send her to Hyde because I wasn't ready to take the "therapeutic boarding school" route at the time. I thought that Hyde could be a satisfactory alternative. It is not. I would not recommend Hyde to prospective parents and students. I don't think it offers a healthy program to help teens in crisis."
Thanks for telling your story. We too had to pull our daughter out of Hyde. Our reasons were almost idential to yours. We were shocked to discover how so many young and inexperienced staff were at Hyde handling so many complicated issues. And you're right about the FLCs. We were amazed to see how these groups were run like therapy groups and that they were run by Hyde staff who had so many of their own issues and no mental health training or degree. I know that some people find Hyde useful. But there are so many who run in the other direction once they realize what Hyde is all about.
I'm very glad your daughter got back on her feet. It's too bad it cost you so much financially and emotionally. Many of us have learned about the serious problems at the Hyde School in a similarly painful way. I agree with you that parents should try to find other schools that are healthier. Although Hyde may help some, it's definitely not worth the risk. Just look at the school's track record.
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On 2006-01-29 21:19:00, tlocklear wrote:
">> Thanks for your posts Theresa. I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde. What is your career and what area of the country do you live?
Hello,
Thanks for your interest. After graduation in 1987, I went to Earlham College, which is a Quaker school in Indiana. I graduated in 1991 with a BA in Philosophy of Religion and then joined the Teach for America program. I was placed in North Carolina, where I taught high school Science and Math at a rural public school. I met my husband (playing sports!) in NC and had my son, Grady. While Grady was small I taught myself computer programming, then moved back to New York and took a job as a software developer. In my move to NY, I also left my husband, and spent 6 years as a single mom in the city. Two years ago, my husband and I reconciled and Grady and I moved to Washington, DC to be with him. I am still doing software development here, but I recently took the official title of Technical Business Analyst.
Hope that helps. Again, please feel free to contact me with any questions about my experience at Hyde.
Best,
Theresa
"
Theresa, You seem like a thoughtful, fair-minded person. I respect your views about Hyde. The problem I have is that what you have to say about Hyde is so different from what many other people report. Are you concerned about all that you read on this website? Are you concerned about the horror stories that many have told about how their kids went to Hyde with serious mental health issues but the school didn't have any professionals to deal with that? Are you concerned about the very high turnover among Hyde teachers? The fact that so many FLCs are run like therapy groups but the staff don't have any training to deal with those issues? That so many people are describing how abusive Joe Gauld has been to them? That so many students who start at Hyde leave before graduation?
You seem to be one of Hyde's success stories. I applaud you. The strong impression I'm getting, however, is that for every success story like yours there are many sad stories with bad endings. That's not the way it should be.
Many other schools for teens who are having difficulty don't have the terrible reputation Hyde has (although some do). Why is that?
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On 2006-01-31 14:42:00, Anonymous wrote:
"They do have two people who are mental health counselors that work as subcontractors at the school and both of them are excellent resources.
Melinda"
When did the school hire mental health counselors? When did that start? Why did Hyde decide to do this?
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Theresa, You seem like a thoughtful, fair-minded person. I respect your views about Hyde. The problem I have is that what you have to say about Hyde is so different from what many other people report. Are you concerned about all that you read on this website? Are you concerned about the horror stories that many have told about how their kids went to Hyde with serious mental health issues but the school didn't have any professionals to deal with that? Are you concerned about the very high turnover among Hyde teachers? The fact that so many FLCs are run like therapy groups but the staff don't have any training to deal with those issues? That so many people are describing how abusive Joe Gauld has been to them? That so many students who start at Hyde leave before graduation?
You seem to be one of Hyde's success stories. I applaud you. The strong impression I'm getting, however, is that for every success story like yours there are many sad stories with bad endings. That's not the way it should be.
Many other schools for teens who are having difficulty don't have the terrible reputation Hyde has (although some do). Why is that?"
Hi,
Thank you for you thoughtful and inviting response.
I wish I could be more help to you. I can really only speak from my own experience, and what I might do in your situation. What I can recommend is to view each problem in it's own light and address it, rather than grouping them all together, so they seem overwhelming. For example, if there is a particular issue with a particular student who is not getting the services that you think he or she needs, then I would deal with that. If there is a particular incidient where Joe was abusive to you, then I suggest addressing that particular incident with him or someone with whom you feel comfortable at the school.
With regards to teacher attrition, having been a high school teacher for only two years myself, I have first hand experience with being "burnt out." And I didn't have to coach, and be a dorm parent, and lead wilderness trips, and eat every meal with students, and lead counseling groups, and attend FLCs, and... deal with kids that may or may not have mental health issues. This is a tall order for an individual, and I applaud them for holding out the entire year, if they aren't cut out for that.
About FLCs... I can tell you that my father was a psychiatrist, and he embraced the program. FLCs are intense and provoke a lot of emotional issues for students and parents. Sometimes more than they expect. FLCs are tough, no question. But they really can be quite rewarding and moving.
If kids, and parents for that matter, can go through this reflection process with an open mind, or even just begin to be open to observations and feedback, then Hyde will most likely work out for them. If not, they might leave. I believe there may be some statistics on students who leave, and actually return later in life, telling their stories of self-discovery. In fact, someone from my alumni list posted a remarkable story about a student from our year that didn't make it through Hyde as a teen:
http://hyde.edu/galleries/default-file/ ... er2004.pdf (http://hyde.edu/galleries/default-file/AlumniNewsWinter2004.pdf) (pages 9-10)
It's a tough program. It may not be for everyone. I married a guy who I think would have had a pretty tough time there. He deals with emotional stuff on a very private level, and opening up at all, let alone in front of a group would have been a stretch for him. And his folks? Forget it.. "ain't no way..." to quote my mother-in-law. :smile:
But I think he would admit that it was through a similar process to what Hyde offers that eventually brought us back together, after six years of divorce.
If there are further steps that I can help you take toward addressing some of your concerns, feel free to contact me: [email protected]
Best,
Theresa Locklear
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Theresa made a good point regardingthe occupation of her Father. I can tell you that there is a huge number of children who have parents who are psychiatrists, Psychologists or Ed. Consultants. If professional help didn't work at home, why the hell should Hyde hire them!
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I miss Hyde.
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Maybe your family can take care of everything on their own.
Many people do need help. Hyde is an option for help. Many families/people benifit from help. Too many times keeping family "secrets" did not help people. For many - when you see what others can do and how they are changing and working - it can help. Many women talk with other women and learn how they are working on something so that they can learn from others.
As for the sports. I never was the MVP, but I learned sooo much from participating. High School is a few short years. Being challenged on a variety of levels is good for many.
It is too bad that it didn't work for you. It worked for me and many others.
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On 2006-02-03 19:39:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Maybe your family can take care of everything on their own.
Many people do need help. Hyde is an option for help. Many families/people benifit from help. Too many times keeping family "secrets" did not help people. For many - when you see what others can do and how they are changing and working - it can help. Many women talk with other women and learn how they are working on something so that they can learn from others.
As for the sports. I never was the MVP, but I learned sooo much from participating. High School is a few short years. Being challenged on a variety of levels is good for many.
It is too bad that it didn't work for you. It worked for me and many others."
As you can see, some people value their Hyde experience. Others don't. Hyde has had lots of problems, in addition to its "successes." There are many families who have had painful, horrible Hyde experiences. Any parent who is thinking about sending their child to Hyde needs to look at all of this information. I think parents should be extremely concerned about Hyde's very unusual and high attrition rate, the large number of very unhappy families and students, the unusually high turnover among its faculty, and the unprofessionalism at the school, particularly for students who need mental health services. I'd factor all of that information in with the positive stories about Hyde. For me, there's no way I'd take the chance of sending my child to Hyde, especially since there are many good alternatives.
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You may contact me at [email protected]
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some of that is not completly true, when you visit the school it is not presented in an honest way, they get choice "on-track" students to be tour giudes and they are told what they can and cannot say, my friend was told that she couldnt give tours anymore because she was being too honest, other times when i have visited schools they always have an option to sit in on class, on my interview i asked if thats wht i would be doing and i was suprised to find out that all there is is an interview and a tour, when i attended it made more sense, if perspectivce studentswere to sit in class they would see how things really work which is often times teachers don't even come to class, most students are unprepared or have other things going on in class that take precedence such as, appointments, 2-4, sports games, academics are a low priority and it would be apparent from sitting in on classes
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i've seen videos, it was terrible. they have all these pictures of it all around school and they talk about it constantly as if it were some amazing accomplishment, thanks for that bit of info, i understand it better now, ha, thats totally somthing they would do
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They have so much trouble keeping their students here they make booklets to send to parents on how to deal with runaways
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On 2006-04-22 08:08:00, Anonymous wrote:
"They have so much trouble keeping their students here they make booklets to send to parents on how to deal with runaways"
How many kids run away from Hyde these days? When I was there about a half dozen would run each year. Most of these kids had real serious mental problems, and I don't think they got much help at Hyde.
What does the pamphlet say to parents about how to handle runaways? Sheesh, would you send your kid to a school that so many kids want to run from, and where the problem is big enough that the school has to prepare a booklet advising parents about how to handle this?