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« on: November 01, 2006, 12:28:02 PM »
Okay, so this guy who's "in recovery" has become a part of my group of friends over the past few months. He's not the only recovering type I hang out with, but he is the only one that talks about it constantly.
SO the other day he said "Straight didn't really hurt you" (Jason "Rar" from Ann Arbor, who in the fuck are you and what are you telling people?) and I obviously took issue to this. I told him that in no uncertain terms. He ran away. A friend gave him shit. He claims that he can tell that even though I have it under control right now, I'm an alcoholic, and in 15 years everyone will see what he's talking about. This opinion based not on my actual drinking patterns, but on a "gleam" he saw in my eye when people were talking about beer.
Okay, this is fucking with my head. I KNOW Straight hurt me. I got counseling for this shit. I know I'm not addicted to anything but cigarettes. I know that while I do sometimes choose to abuse alcohol, it's infrequent and it affects my life minimally. I know you can't diagnosis alcoholism based on eye gleams. But okay, I was brainwashed into believing I was an addict when I was 13 and having someone saying this shit to me again is just driving me insane. Even though I know I'm okay, and I think Straight was evil and insane, and I think people who view everything in the world through the lens of the 12 steps are fucked, I suppose part of me will always fear that I'm a heroin addict even if I've never done heroin and just in denial about it. And having someone around who's constantly accusing me of being full of shit and urging me to get honest is putting me right back there.
Other freinds say he's just "off" about this shit and it's not worth getting this upset about. And he's clearly an intensity junkie, in the way so many people who are addicted to 12 step meetings are, and thinks that anything that isn't a high-drama gut-wrenching confession is full of shit(I would know about that, I was one of those people about a million years ago). But I AM upset.
Okay I just needed to say that somewhere.