ok flashback to another time - Dec 31, 1978. I'm sitting on front row and have been in the program for 5 days now. I hate the place, but have been "cooperating" now for the time I have been in straight. I was promised that I could leave on my 18th birthday if "...I would only sign yourself in..." (quote from Helen Petermann) So here goes... It's about 8am and I'm waiving my hand wildly over my head trying to get called on.
John L - yes Mike
Mike - It's my birthday today (grin)
John L - yes Mike, I know that - happy birthday to you.
Mike - thanks John, now that I'm 18 I want to leave the program.
John L- now Mike do you really want to leave the program? You know that you will wind up dead or insane or in jail.
Mike - I still want to leave, I was promised on my intake I could leave when I was 18.
John L - well Mike, I'm not going to stop you from leaving, but....these 300 kids in the group love you so much and want you to stay straight, so they will stop you.
Mike (in my head "oh shit") I bolt for the back door which is guarded by another kid on his phases. I make about 10 steps when I am gang tackled by 4 other kids. I go down very hard, smashing my face into the concrete floor. I then tried to get up , but I was pinned down to the ground. I start screaming and swearing and stuggling to get up. I am pinned. I am not allowed to move. I get flipped over onto my back and am sat on; one kid on each arm and leg and one to hold my head. I scream, stuggle and curse. This goes on for some time until I am physically exahausted and go limp. I am still sat on. One of the kids starts whispering to me "...you will never get out of here until you are straight" and then proceeds to thump me in the chest w/his knuckle. I start struggling all over again. The kid on my left leg starts sticking me in the foot with some kinda stick or twig or something. I go crazy and stuggle again until I can't struggle any more. I am now crying cause I am so mad and exhausted adn hurt. After the morning rap is over, I am picked up and sat again on the front row. I slump down in my chair and cry. The 2nd phaser behind me whispers in my ear that I am a druggie pussy.
When I get home that night, I have bruises on my legs, and arms where I was held down.
God it sucked to be in straight.
I try and leave a few days later...I will re-live that when the day comes. 24 frikkin years later adn I still live w/the straight memories. Sometimes I wish they would just go away...
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
-- Albert Einstein