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Messages - shady grove

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196
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / the 15 year itch
« on: September 18, 2004, 08:38:00 AM »
Yet another giving this same testimony, yet still no answers why.

My wife, (overage grad), has been surfing this other sights for like 4 years. I never wanted to read them. She'd tell me about the posts, and I would say "those people want to blame everything on straight, or, why don't they just let it go and move on?"

Then I decided for some reason reason to start reading wes's sight and then the forum, and I spent the next 48 hrs in a daze. I couldn't stop talking about straight to her. Everything I could remember. I lost all kinds of sleep, thought about it at work. Cried some.

I've stayed clean of drugs since I was finally withdrawn after 2 years despite straight. It's now been almost 16 years. Haven't needed TBPITW so far. The only tools I gained there were the knowledge that help exists on the outside. Fact is, all the neuroses I came out of straight with, it's a wonder I don't get high.

BTW, just b/c I don't get high doesn't mean I love straight, or that I judge you guys who do.

Besides thestraights.com, what other sites are there. I want to learn more!

197
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Thanks straight
« on: September 16, 2004, 11:07:00 PM »
Did it. Still married after 7 years. I must say, though, that it is much more than straight that keeps us together.

It's nice to have someone so close that I can share this stuff with. We've both been out about fifteen years, and were not in there at the same time. To this day we still spend lots of time discussing it. She graduated overage after 13 months, while I was a hopeless 3-time cop-out with a two year program and eventual withdrawl. No kids though...I'm terrified of what we may produce!!

198
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Straight Experience
« on: September 16, 2004, 10:40:00 PM »
Don't think I could know you unless you came back to group as a graduate on OM nights. I was in there some years later, 87-89.

WR and everyone...thanks so much for the warm welcome. I am chilled and comforted at the same time for the same reason. You were there.

199
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / split off
« on: September 15, 2004, 08:59:00 PM »
Anyone remember split offs? This was the major guilt-type brainwashing that affected me alot. "I'm scared for this group..." Blah Blah. When there were alot of misbehavers and start-overs, staff would separate the girls and guys physically in separate rooms. Upper phasers would cry about how scared they were that the group was declared unstable...and everyone had a general anxiety about either being caught, accused or abused. It occured like every 6 months so it really had an effect. Only singing "straight is it" or nine to nine, etc...not the cutsey songs. And we would sing them over and over. They really thrived on surprising us...catching us offguard. What a shitty therapeutic technique!

200
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / the building
« on: September 15, 2004, 08:51:00 PM »
The rap after the parents left at springfield was called Review. This was a scary time b/c it was basically a shit list rap. Kudos for those who changed phases, etc, but mostly who's fucking up, and who's lying/breaking the rules. Sometimes it seemed to go on forever, ending with most of the group on the floor either restraining someone or being restrained. Does anyone remember the "tasteycake" song. The whole group would sing this to some misbehaver, the implication was that he was a big wuss. Humiliating. Alot of these kids, including me, reverted to a child-like way of acting. I wonder why? A way to cope.

I remember many fridays when review got out late and they didn't have enough homes for everyone that we must have left the building at like 2:00 AM. Not before standing heel to toe for another hour or more with a sweaty hand on my back.

 

When there were lots of misbehaver

201
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Straight Experience
« on: September 15, 2004, 08:40:00 PM »
last post was me, sorry

202
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / the building
« on: September 15, 2004, 02:19:00 PM »
I've been reading posts from people from other programs of straight and am struck by the similarities in buildings. I always assumed straight found some abandoned warehouse and simply made-do with what they got, but I am beginning to think there was an actual intended architectural layout. They all had intake rooms? They all had carpet rooms? Was there someone who said, "straight should have two tiny rooms to interogate/abuse people in, and squeeze them into in the mornings when they are too tired to stand while they wait in sweltering heat for hours finally to sit down and begin flailing their bodies around for the entire day. Also, they must sit in a carpetted room twice a week while in front of the executives." Were we too lowly to sit in chairs there?

I thought it was arbitrary.

Also, do the fla people actually know the semblers? As in, did they lead raps? Apparently, these people are the masterminds behind my trauma, but their names are new to me. We had a bunch of exectutive staff. Were executive staff members also shareholders? Was this a corporation or a not for profit?

203
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Straight Experience
« on: September 15, 2004, 02:02:00 PM »
WR, I really appreciate you posting that. I found myself just drawn in. I am amazed about the details you remember, and cause me to remember.

What people who aren't from straight need to remember about stories like this is that it was just ONE day. Every day was like this. For me, I spent 20 months on first phase. I can't beleive I survived.

I, too, am a rather recent re-discoverer of the torture I endured. After about two years in there, I finally just bought that I deserved, even caused, all that shit to happen. Unlike many on this site, I did needed an intervention for my problem, but not that kind. And when I got out my family was way into the straight thing. Parents met in there (new step mom), stepsis is a grad. In fact, I still can't criticize it around the folks without causing major disturbances in the family.

After 2 years in there (now 17) I went back to my old school and a new world on the outside. There was Ollie North, Millie Vanilli, and lots of talk on TV about crack and I had no idea where the hell I was. I guess that's why I just chose to forget/repress the whole straight thing. When i talked about it with people who were in there. I would just get terriobly repressed. Hell, anytime I drove into VA from MD I would get depressed. I had to assimilate back into the world, bringing with me all these new neuroses. Shortly later I would tell my family "well maybe it's a good program, but I was just not a good fit".

So I was very surprised to find out like 2 weeks ago that I still have some PAIN about that place. What's going on? I thought straight had made me some kind of "master of my emotions". But when I began thinking about some shit from then, and read a bunch of you all's posts, I started crying. Remebering the alienation, fear, humiliation, being trapped, hopeless. How I finally gave up and just "rotted" in there.

Sorry for running on

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