Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

See this is weird to me.

First of all.. Straight definately did not teach me to work the steps.  If you think straight taught you to work the steps..you have not actually worked them.

Secondly...it seems this has turned into a weird pro drug, anti drug debate...similar to the pro life pro choice one.  I am pro choice but do not agree personally with abortion.  I believe people should be able to choose for themselves. Which is a belief system often mistakenly referred to as pro abortion.

I also happen to have chosen a lifestyle that does not include drugs..which in this forum makes me anti-drug...When in fact I believe people should be able to choose whether or not to use based on their personal choice, not because the government hasn't figured out how to make money off of it yet.

So.. why does it make people so uptight about me not getting high and choosing a model to live by that actually makes me happy?  It seems threatening or something?  I don't get it.

Oh geez.. Emirra.. I must apologize to you if you were in springfield straight during my time there.  zippity do da was the ONLY song I EVER asked for my entire time there.  Didn't matter what kind of rap it was.. I have no idea why I did that.

"Did staff ever talk about the methods they were using?"


Nothing specific I can remember..except the RSC stuff.  That was developed by a psychologist from howard university whose name I cannot remember.

Uh..I remember having to watch a video but I can't remember who it was by or really any of the content.  Sorry.. I had a whole notebook of stuff I was supposed to study.  I remember a dry erase board in the staff office with kids names on them.  I also remember a big board with pieces of paper and thumb tacks with HOMES assignments.  These were very deliberate as well.  

The one thing I remember clearly is that shane W. asked me what kind of staff member I wanted to be.  He asked if there was a character in a movie I would like to emulate.  I did have an idea about that and I spent one afternoon watching the movie and taking notes about the woman what I wanted to emulate.  

that's all for now.

You have no idea what you are saying to me, so I shant wig out.  This man became a hero of mine, he lived with the most integrity of any human being I've known.  He quit..did you read that part..  Lived, past tense..he died wow..three years ago last week.  weird.

The not remembering could also be part of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I believe that is the case for me.[ This Message was edited by: Sophie on 2005-09-10 15:06 ]

What was I thinking.. hmmm.

Well, I was on fifth phase for about 40 days and was asked if I was interested in being a fifth phase staff in training.  This meant..no newcomers,which was very appealing, no sitting in or standing beside group (I think).  It meant getting to hang out with some cool people, Jim WH*** and Shane W***h.

I remember my mom stating that if you are ready to not be in group etc.. then why don't they just graduate you.  I had no answer for her.

 I was terrified of screwing it up and not getting to graduate.  As I had heard of staff in training females being started over for allowing a male staff member to touch them or something like that.  I remember sitting in the back of group watching Craig St***** lead a rap and Brady M****k smacked the bottom of my shoe..I FREAKED OUT.... I whipped my head around and said DO NOT TOUCH ME so everyone could hear..it was insane...

I graduated on the last day of the minimum amount of days you could be on 5th phase..which I think was 62. I went on staff and made my 4 or 5 dollars an hour.

My whole life I was a "joiner", and a leader. President of this and that in high school. I was always looking for a tribe, a community.  Going on staff seemed like a way to join another tribe, be around people that I had spent the last 13 months around. I seriously had no idea what I would have done instead.  All I knew how to do before I signed myself in was, being on tour with the dead and doing drugs.  I had been doing that sort of thing for years.  The only other job I knew was working in health food stores. I felt scared to do that because I always used drugs and met other users in that situation.  So, I figured I should just hang around and be around other clean people.  

My situation was unique in that I really do have addiction, I knew I needed help and I was scared to go back to the way I was.  

After a while,(I really have no idea how long I was on staff) the fog lifted and I was better able to see the contridictions and atrocities.  I started to date a "cop-out" and then all hell broke loose. I remember hugging my old host sister in the parking lot after getting in trouble with execs. and telling her how fucked up the place was.  She copped out a week later and never went back. I told her parents about how fucked up stuff was and she got to stay home. Additionally, I saw that the staff knew that some kids in there didn't have drug problems...well, jr/sr staff knew and couldn't really do anything about it as the executive staff was relying on those families money in spite of whether or not their kids needed "rehabilitating".

I don't know if I answered your question.  I haven't thought about this for a long time.

I visited the columbia program.  There were about 40 kids there.. my group had like, 250.  It was small and weird..er..weirder .

I don't know how lucky plays into my life...  But yes, my life is good.. i've worked hard for it to be as good as it is.  Thanks for noticing.