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Messages - MommaDebi

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Do you remember when?
« on: September 06, 2002, 05:33:00 PM »
I remember too. Thanks for the list, sure brought back memories.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Who's still there from Andrews to 84?
« on: September 05, 2002, 05:18:00 PM »
I agree.
I thought this was a forum in which we could agree to disagree. Especially when to put another down for their personal thoughts and perceptions, is "staff/group" behavior. It sorta lets them win when we stoop back to that behavior.
Welcome to you "friend in Fl"...

Is that how much it cost for my incarceration? My parents never talked about it in real terms....only that they were spending money to make me better!!

I guess my father got off cheaper since he was banned from coming to the Open Meetings, because he was too drunk!

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Tampa Screw-Up / Moving to Shelter
« on: September 04, 2002, 04:36:00 PM »

The Seed Discussion Forum / Do you remember when?
« on: September 03, 2002, 09:08:00 PM »
what a great message about learning from our past!

The Seed Discussion Forum / Do you remember when?
« on: September 03, 2002, 10:14:00 AM »
Greg you said:"Did we need in patient drug rehab? Hardly. So what then was it about?"

I agree that it is all about control.

My perception of a valid in-patient treatment program would be that there would be liscensed therapists doing valid therapy.

I imagine that I would have been better served to have had a bit of real therapy because the dysfunction so prevailent in my own home. Of course my parents did not seek this type of therapy out because their own faults would have been out in the open.

This is not just me being an angry person saying mean and vile things about my family.  Not only did I survive the Seed, but also physical abuse, emotional abuse and incest prepetrated by my brother (who of course never had to enter the Seed).

The Seed was just a way for my family to place the blame for anything wrong in my family squarely on my shoulders. I was and am the "Black Sheep" (even though I have been truly sober now for 20+ years, with my own healthy family unit, and a strong circle of supportive friends) because I refuse to play the game with my bio-family any longer.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Who's still there from Andrews to 84?
« on: September 03, 2002, 10:00:00 AM »
I strongly feel that my life would have been much healthier if I had never experienced the "comfort" inherent in the "Seed".

I learned valuable lessons while there:
1) don't trust people that "love me"
2) keep feelings hidden as then they can not be used against me
3) be a "loner", i certainly did not graduate with a multitude of friends to support me and my choices in life. (yes I did graduate...if it means anything; to me it just means that i learned to play the game and survive it)
4) my God  did not want me to grow from these types of experiences...

The Seed Discussion Forum / Do you remember when?
« on: August 29, 2002, 07:38:00 PM »
I think I can remember that occuring...
I also have a vague memory of somebody running directly from one of the raps, heading out the back (thru rolled up doors?). For some reason I seem to remember that those courageous people, that attempted to "split", generally went during our outside PE time. (rolling those shoulders... oooh, eeeeee, awwwwww).

I am sure that that particular person understands that you were only doing the very best you could under very strenuous circumastances...I believe that we all did the best we could during that time in our lives.

You were very young, as I and many others were, we were indeed "powerless", not like the steps demanded we atone for, but rather because we had no individual power, not in the group, not in our homes and not in the world at large.... Please forgive yourself.

PS)A person that I had dated ran from his oldtimers a few times before he was placed in PAR. Mark Sibilia..are you out there?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / STRAIGHT SURVIVORS REUNION
« on: August 24, 2002, 10:26:00 PM »
count me in on informal meet. Not sure if lots of people togather would be too reminiescient (spelling?) of group for me to cope with.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Tampa Screw-Up / Dark Skies
« on: August 24, 2002, 10:24:00 PM »
I would have loved to been able to see some of my "oldtimers" takendown a peg or two. Thanks for sharing that! I am always lurking.. looking forward to next installment..reminds me of the old time books or radio shows..lots of cliffhangers!

The Seed Discussion Forum / Singing in the Orange Bowl
« on: August 21, 2002, 01:04:00 PM »
Thanks to all of you that remembered us doing that! :smile:
Now I do recall that it was quite cold!

Luckily, my "Swiss cheese" brain does not hold all of the words to the songs!!
I can just recall sitting there singing  "High Hopes"....perhaps because I related to the song...Hoping to be free!

Is this Part one Continued or the beginning of Part Two?!

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Can I ask a question?
« on: August 19, 2002, 12:02:00 AM »
I saw that film once...don't remember the specifics...But I remember connecting to that woman who was left behind.

"Put it in the past" is a phrase I hate to hear.

I want one too! LOL  :smile:

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Can I ask a question?
« on: August 17, 2002, 04:54:00 PM »
Kaydee wrote:"To quote my parents "how long can you blame how you are on something that happened that long ago maybe its not them maybe it is you" "

First of all, I want to validate your feelings. I was not in the Straight program, but was in "The Seed" that started it all.

I for one felt a great sense of isolation. I did not trust people easily, especially those that claimed to "love me". I always felt that if the people in my life knew the "real me", they would not like me.I had a wall built up around myself for protection. I was always the "happiest" on the outside, but I allowed nobody to be emotionally close to me. I grieved a lot for what I felt I had lost in my life, with out even understanding what it was I was grieving for. I simply did not feel "normal".

The teen years are very important to the formation of a healthy adult. It is a time where you begin to learn what make you unique and special. When you begin to pull away from the family, yet understanding that the family is a safe haven that accepts you totally.Within the family unit, you are supposed to feel valued, cared for, nurtured, liked, and special.

I believe all of us were shortchanged and left emotionally bankrupt in a way. We learned to not trust others,& that our families did not accept us. We were told over and over many emotionally abusive things.

We learned to disguise our true feelings in oder to "play the game" and not get set back to phase 1 over and over (well atleast some of us did, :smile: ). It occured for many of us in the time of our life where we should have been discovering our own values and ethics. Yet we were told many times that our values were wrong, our beliefs wrong if they did not comform to the groups.

Your parent's quip is simply their way of staying in denial for the responsibility they hold at placing a fragile teenager in an emotional hellhole.

Be kind to yourself, understanding the effects these programs have, so that you might heal. Realise that you were just a child, that any of the things you had to do in order to survive the program are what many others were doing too.

Take one issue at a time and work on it.
Best wishes, debi

I have watched my son grow up with a sense of wonderment.It is sorta amazing to me that he feels so intelligent, so competent, so able and responsible. He can tell you what his "code of ethics" is to him, he enjoys having other adults' respect and trust. He can communicate effectively about his feelings, is willing to listen and negotiate, and enjoys a varied group of friends.

He actively chooses not to do drugs or drinks. (Although this mother has always said, "please don't drink, I'd rather you smoked pot, but you should not have to do either").I am happy he feels he has a choice. He likes himself, something that took me well into my 30's to learn to do.

He actually took part in his high school activities, went to football games, plays, chorus stuff,supporting his friends that were in these various things. I never did any of that as a teen.

He thinks that no matter what I will always be on his side. It has been very healing for me to see him grow into this young adult.

Thanks for listening to me. I hope I was able to help somewhat.

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