Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Seed Discussion Forum => Topic started by: Anonymous on September 24, 2002, 09:15:00 PM
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As I lay awake last night, way past my regular sleeping time, my thoughts went to my old friends I have left behind. I remembered one guy named David who was in my high school who had been my friend after we were in the Seed at the same time. We never discussed the Seed at all. I never knew of his pain. He killed himself. He was not the only ex-seedling from Lakewood who killed himself.
I thought about the girl who was my best friend before she and then I were in the seed. I can not even carry on a normal conversation with her today because she is full of pain and rage and is constantly yelling at someone. She has no relationship with any of her family members.
I tried so hard to remember some of my other old friends from before the seed, but those memories are burried somewhere deep inside me.
I felt sad for a girl who was made to feel like an outcast in her own family. Like a dirty person to all the relatives. me.
I will not let the past define who I am today.
I am someone who experienced personal tragedy. Someone who survived abuse, humiliation and shame. Someone who was torn down. Someone who could not accept that definition of myself so I proved them all wrong.
I am a strong woman. I love with all my strength, but I also know how to set and maintain strong boundaries so that others cannot define me. I stand up for myself.
I look to my future with hope and happiness.
I look at my past with compassion for myself and the courage to gain understanding.
Sometimes random thoughts keep me awake. Sometimes they invade my dreams and make me remember and deal.
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Anon wrote "I will not let the past define who I am today."
I am so glad that you have been able to get to this point.
I too am able now to look back without so much anger, recognize what happened to me within my life, how it defined me, how it shaped the adult me....
While I wish that I had not gone through some of the things in my life, I understand that they are the forces that made me who I am....I like who I am...finally.
Best wishes