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The Seed Discussion Forum / seed loosing it's power over me!
« on: January 19, 2007, 10:10:53 AM »
For most of my adult life I have had nightmares in which my parents were putting me back in the seed. In these dreams, I have always been desperate and helpless and despite the fact that as soon as I woke I knew what I dreamt was no real danger the nightmares left me shaken and often unable to get back to sleep but I've noticed a change in my seed dreams of late. A few month ago I mentioned to my partner that I'd like to get to the point where I could remember during my dream that I was an adult now and that my parents did not have the power to commit me anymore. Soon after my dreams started changing in subtle ways. In a dream I had last week I had been re-admitted to the program. I was on my three nights and was still a teenager but I had an ally. A man who knew I wanted to spend as little time there as was possible until I graduated. He called and talked to the staff saying, I would be checking in with him instead of going to the seed sometimes then told me I had the day off. I wasn't in any way suspicious of him. I had confidence that he was honestly covering for me.
Since then I have had several other seed dreams. Dreams in which I try to help old friends who get sent into the program by warning them to keep a low profile. Dreams in which I am in the program, going through the motions but with full knowledge that it's all bullshit, full knowledge that I am fooling them and feeling no fear.
I haven't had a dream yet were I realized I was an adult and could just walk out of the place but in my dream last night I chose clothing to wear to the seed in my adult size not my twelve-year-old size.
I am getting there. The seed is loosing its power over my psyche. javascript:emoticon('8-)')
javascript:emoticon('8-)')
Since then I have had several other seed dreams. Dreams in which I try to help old friends who get sent into the program by warning them to keep a low profile. Dreams in which I am in the program, going through the motions but with full knowledge that it's all bullshit, full knowledge that I am fooling them and feeling no fear.
I haven't had a dream yet were I realized I was an adult and could just walk out of the place but in my dream last night I chose clothing to wear to the seed in my adult size not my twelve-year-old size.
I am getting there. The seed is loosing its power over my psyche. javascript:emoticon('8-)')
javascript:emoticon('8-)')