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Topics - Withdraw

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Just stopping in...
« on: November 23, 2011, 05:29:50 PM »
Hi you all =)

Thank you. Hope you all have a peaceful holiday. I have been thinking of you quite a bit.


Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / I always come back to this..
« on: July 22, 2011, 05:24:30 PM »
I'm here studying for my Psych exam. It amazes me how insane Straight was to think for one second that what they were doing was helping children in any way at all. Here is what I was just reading:  

Frequent punishment, however, promotes only momentary compliance. The more harsh threats, angry physical control, and physical punishment children experience, the more likely they are to develop serious and lasting mental health problems. These include weak internalization of moral rules; depression, aggression, anti-social behavior and poor academic performance in childhood and adolescence; and depression, alcohol abuse, criminality and partner and child abuse in adulthood. (Afifi et al., 2006; Bender et al., 2007; Lynch et al., 2006)

Harsh punishment has several undesirable side effects:

> It models aggression
> It induces a chronic sense of being personally threatened, which promotes children to focus on their own distress rather than respond sympathetically to others.
> It causes children to avoid the punishing adult, who as a result has little oppurtunity to teach desirable behaviors.
> By stopping children's misbehavior temporarily, it offers immediate relief to adults, who may then punish more often - a course of action which can spiral into abuse.
> Adults who used corporal punishment are more accepting of it (Deater-Deckard et al., 2003). In this way, physical punishment may transfer from generation to generation.

(**And the real kicker for me is>>>)

Parents with conflict ridden marriages and with their own mental health problems are more likely to be punitive and also to have hard-to-manage children (Erath et al.; Knafo & Plomin, 2006)
This is taken from ::
Berk, Laura E. Exploring Lifespan Development. Boston ; Munich[u.a.: Allyn and Bacon, 2010. Print.

Reading this book makes me really think about how we were treated and all the lasting effects many of us have. I can't help but wonder if they knew what the outcome would be or IF we really were one of the experiments. It really makes me angry that we may never get any answers. But apparently many psychologists knew what the outcome would be to the kind of abuses we suffered, all along. I just can't ever wrap my mind around how it happened so easily right here in good ole FREE America. Sigh.

Anyhow, just venting it before I try to concentrate on this exam

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Turning it around
« on: July 02, 2011, 09:19:54 PM »
I don't have much of any other way to keep up with you all, except this forum. So, for those who are interested.. read on. For those who aren't stop reading here =)

College is getting really tough. I am going in my 3rd semester of nursing. I have been in school for 3 years - full time now. Just like I said I was gonna do =)

I just finished a Statistics class. OMFG, that is hard stuff for me! I get my grade on Tuesday. I am taking Psychology through the life span now, and English literature. These are all pre-reqs for my BSN.

I still love school, but the classes are really hard now. All I do is study, do homework or I am in bed ..... depressed about procrastinating on these things.

I will complete my Associates degree in Nursing next spring =D Yay! I am considering Anesthesiology or possibly Nurse Practitioner in Obstetrics.  I think I would absolutely hate working in a general family practice. Boring...Any way I go, I won't stop until I have a master's degree.

There is no fucking way in hell I am going to let Straight win anymore.

Dead, insane or jail.. my ass. How bout Doctor or at least a Master's degree. I hope everyday one of those mean straight staffers show up in my hospital ^.~

And yes, Psy =) This is on topic for Straight! This is my update on how I am overcoming adversity due to straight effects after 20 years of hell.

<3 you guys

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Rolling my own....
« on: January 15, 2010, 07:48:33 PM »
Well, Yes.. like some of you.. I also smoke cigarettes. Since the new FSC cigarettes came to Md. I have been quite ill. Symtoms like.. extreme fatigue, soar throat, suddenly coughing, sneezing, weird taste in my mouth, SEVERE headaches, body aches.. geesh the list goes on and on. So, today I started reading about this FSC stuff they started putting in the cigarettes, and low and behold It is an additive that is the same as carpet glue.. Now I don't know about you, but I wouldn't choose to be inhaling burnt carpet glue...And the symptoms that other people are experiencing match my own... SO>..

I went and did it.. I stood in the tobacco store and purchased all the stuff I need to roll my own until I quit once again. And the difference is amazing. So, if you smoke.. and are not ready to quit. Try rolling your own, the difference is incredible.

And if you are interested in the information about FSC additive, look it up.. and watch the youtube videos about it.. it is just amazing what the government does to us without us even realizing it!

Open Free for All / Flu?
« on: November 25, 2009, 03:58:34 PM »
How many of you all have experienced this years flu?

OMG, this is brutal. Monday night, I thought I was gonna die from the pain all over my whole body. The fever is coming and going now, so at least it isn't a constant anymore.

If you had the flu, did you take the anti-viral or just wait it out? How long did it take before you felt better? I am going on 3 days and I have a feeling - I still have several days to go.

One good thing is, I now have a reason to just stay in bed for Thanksgiving... I don't have to make up a reason to avoid my family again this year.... hehe. Although, in a lot of ways.. I would LOVE to spread this H1N1 to them! muhahaha

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / H.R 6358 and other questions
« on: March 26, 2009, 02:15:00 PM »
Hey you all! I must write an English paper with debatable discussion....7 pages. I have decided to write on Coercive thought reform used in Teen behavior modification programs and how it can lead to extreme consequences. My teacher has the typical view..."But some kids need it." I about hit the floor! And exclaimed, "Do kids really deserve the possibility of a Life sentence for minor offenses??!" She just looked at me really confused.. I'm pretty opinionated about this topic, as many of you know, But I need some help. I read about HR6358 and am still confused about how this bill will help kids in programs disguised as "specialty schools". Also, any fairly objective resources would be appreciated. I have to have 10 resources by Monday, and figured this would be a good place to ask. (Yes, I have found some on my own! But maybe I am overlooking something, or some point that I need to include for us as survivors. My paper will be written from an argumentative essay format. I will argue for the right's of kids and expose the facts about coercive thought reform.

I finally made it to college! My employer gave me a full scholarship to receive my Nursing degree. At my age, it seems like a long road.. But people just don't realize how much a traumatic experience like Straight will affect someones life. It took a long 18 or so years just to get where I should of been at 18. The struggle to conform to social norms is a bit tough for me, but the means will justify the end. (In this case) Conformity has never been natural for me.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / What we are....
« on: September 16, 2006, 01:52:05 AM »

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Happy Valentine's Day!
« on: February 14, 2006, 05:43:00 AM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2006-02-28 23:28 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Day Zero
« on: November 12, 2005, 05:44:00 PM »
I have been thinking about what is was like to be the person I was while in Straight. I have been trying to recall specific results of peticular asspects of Straight. I mean, How I responded to them While it was happening. I know how I am responding now to it all, but how did I respond then.

One thing that I keep thinking about is ~ What it meant to be frozen on Day Zero. I have some memory blocks there. I know I could not progress, could not apply for T&R, lived on "consequences, deprived in so many ways of the tools to physically exist w/integrity. But ONE thing that I am having faint memories of is: I wasn't allowed to speak. I was allowed to express my ~needs(asking for food, drink, etc..) even at Host homes. But I wasn't allowed to actually speak, *unless I was ready to comply. So staff would "stand me up for the ritual breakdown of my soul", then try to coerce a compliance from me after. Of which I would deny or be inable to pretend to comply. On those days....Host home would become hell..No sleep nights, "suicide watch nights", extreme restriction of nutrition. Exhusted, I would continue on, sitting there on my hands looking at the floor. During these times is when some person next to me would try to force me to motivate or face forward, etc.. Then that would lead to the violent restrainings for hours. Which in turn lead to the "standing me up degrading me once again" And the cycle would start again.

I look back and have to think: What was I thinking during all that, What made me ~inable to pretend to comply. How was I affected on a daily basis, what coping mechinism did I use to escape enough to just sit on my hands. What was it really like to be there with no way out and restricted to speak for 6.5 consecutive months.

See, I hear many of you saying you made some kind of progression, but I didn't. I was literally frozen at Day Zero for all that time. There was no "set back" for me. See for me, I was deprived and abused that entire time. I'm trying to express, I didn't get a break from the abuse.

Was it diffrent for those who progressed (even a tiny bit) psychologically? Did you get any relief from having some privledges(sp)? Like School, phone use, a little bit of freedom, some responsibilities. I read here about "phasers" having some diffrent issues than I. Like having to "be aware", constanly getting honest, making "straight-approved" choices in public, having responsibility of newcommers(other lives), feelings- due to having to show compliance by participating in the treatment of lower phasers. I see how all that was just as torturing as what happened to me.

I am in no way trying to minimize anyones experience. But I do see how it was diffrent, and how we all responded diffrently. But what asspects of our individual experiences influenced and ultimately harmed us.

For me, I think I was most influenced by Day Zero, because the consequences of Day Zero lasted the entire time for me. It never stopped or lightened up. Then poof! One day w/o notice, My parents took me home after an open meeting. I had shut down almost entirely for 6.5 months deprived of humaness and upon arrival home, I was expected to ~preform like a perfect teenager. I never had any therapy or professional decompression. I was scared to death, I didn't even know how to be a human anymore. I had not had any type of schooling during that time, and w/in 3 days I was back in school. I had no idea how to act or who I was anymore, Yet I was expected to perform "normally". I failed miserably. In some ways I am still failing and still unsure how to perfrom acceptably in social situations.

We're we supposed to get some "re-training" on higher phases? Is that what happened? I mean, I know phasers say they were Straght-trained, and that is how you acted in the world. But what if you had ~No re-training? What effect would that have? Is that where we differ? Is No re-training diffrent than Phaser-training?  Or is it the same with the same long term consquence?  I am truly not understanding. All I know is Day Zero. I have read 2 words over the past couple days "Decompression" and "re-training/learning". These are the 2 things I have been deprived of entirely. Was it because I never left Day Zero?

*Disclaimer- I do not wish to minimize anyones experience or seperate Straight Survivors. I do want to understand what happen to me diffrently, because I never left Day Zero.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / OK...... lets expose the conspiracy
« on: November 11, 2005, 02:46:00 AM »
Oh, After this week..

Betty Sembler is probably afraid, very, very afraid and frightened very, very frightened..... Of The truth comming out!  

I bet they never thought the truth would actually be revealed to the general public. I bet they counted on our memories staying supressed. I bet they believed no one would listen or we would never come together with a voice loud enough to get heard. I bet they never thought the whole story about them would be "put together".

I'm sure the Semblers and many who were involved listened in tonight and will be listening on Sunday. I wonder if they will try to defend themselves or cower(sp?) in the corner like they made us do, afraid.

I wonder if this story will snowball into the TV news or the local papers. How long will it take for people to put the puzzle together and take action? I can only speculate. A light has come on in our "hell", I am grateful.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / More than PTSD?
« on: November 11, 2005, 01:32:00 AM »
If therapy will help us. I want something more than PTSD treated. We all seem to have the same kind of "symptoms" and it goes alot farther than PTSD. It is much more complex than what I've read on PTSD. I'm not sure what it is we experience, but it's deep. When I have tried to go to therapy and the first visit the counselor asks you to start telling them what happened through my life and what I experience now. I think to myself "How much time do I have to talk?" And when I start to tell them, They seem overwhelmed and unsure where to start helping. Then after a few meetings, We have still not gotten all the information out. A few meetings later....I get frustrated because "the right" stuff isn't being adressed. They always try to fit me inside one of their labeled boxxes. Or spout off so many diagnosises, I just feel like giving up. Straight Inc. grew a horrible emotional/social disease inside of me that has no name, no treatment. Well, thats how I have felt about it. I want closure. I'm not sure how to find it, but that's what I want, Closure. It wasn't even until comming here I could put "how it happened" all together. One thing Straight took from me is, my idenity. I haven't been sure of myself or lived w/o great fear since I got out of Straight. Somehow all the feelings I experienced in Straight had become once removed, like it was a dream. Then after comming here I remembered the one thing I noticed right away upon leaving Straight, A thing I had never experienced before, Fear, Fear of almost everyone and everything. I remember now upon leaving Straight being afraid of the whole world, because I knew something about our world other people didn't know. I knew there were places people were taken to and not heard from again for long periods of time and when they did get out, they were not the same people as when they went in. That reality scared me the most. I remember thinking there was always someone behind me ready to restrain me and take me back or silence my knowledge in some way.

What we all experienced is just horrific. I feel like I was in a mass genecide of the free thinking teenager. Straight took so many things from my life. Things I can never retrieve or get back. The only thing I can hope for is Valadation.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Week 1
« on: October 15, 2005, 09:41:00 PM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2006-02-28 21:52 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / HTML test center
« on: October 07, 2005, 11:31:00 PM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2006-02-28 21:41 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Phaser vs Misbehavior
« on: October 04, 2005, 11:59:00 PM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2006-02-28 21:32 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Bedtime ??
« on: September 16, 2005, 03:29:00 AM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 22:40 ]

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