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« on: April 17, 2002, 01:35:00 PM »
Hello everyone,
I have been a little uneasy since a friend told me about this site. To say the least, it's been unsettling. Anyways, after much contemplation I felt obligated to write at least once.
I was outside today piling up some wood I chopped from a tree that fell down in my yard. I started thinking about Kids and about a newcomer who came to the building on a beautiful day. After leaving his host dad's car he started counting and reached about 12 when he walked into the building. He then stated, "Well that's how much sunshine I'm gonna get today". When I was working in the yard (it's beautiful out today) I started counting. I reached about a thousand (counting slowly) before I drifted off. After a while I started counting again and reached around six hundred before I drifted off. I am truly grateful.
Since leaving Kids I play in a band, drink cheap bourbon, am covered from head to toe with tattoos and shoot up smack. Well, at least the band part is true but I made up the rest to sound cool. If you read Larry G's "time to feed the baby post" you probably know who I am.
I've been married for several years to a smart, sexy business woman and I am still doing social work but a lot differently than I was at Kids. My wife knows very little about the program except that it was tough, extensive and overcontrolling. How do you explain to someone about motivitating (busting your ass) with all your energy to get called on for a song like "You are My Sunshine" before you get grabbed on the beltloop by an oldcomer who takes you to the line for liver patte sandwiches and several unrecgnizable globs of nutrient, which upon returning to your seat you eat with a spork as slowly as possible because you do not want to get called on for being sat down (slammed) in morning rap, and when you finish your meal you stash your spork down your pants so you can; A) Try to use it as a tool to get out of your oldcomer's house in the middle of the night, B) Carve druggie rock songs in your arm (the most popular choice or C) Stab whoever you don't like or is in your way. By the way, thanks Todd L. - I now have stories to tell my future grandchildren about how I survived a spork attack committed by an angry, desperate, broken boy/man/prisoner (what is it exactly that we were at the time). I'm not at all bitter - it's kind of funny now in a pathetic way. You probably understand (although you might not agree) why I don't go into the details with my wife.
Life is good. I also have a nice house, two cars in the driveway - everything except the picket fence, but this is not the real reason I'm writing.
I have been a part of every Kids Program - Hackensack, El Paso, California, Salt Lake and finally back to North Jersey.
I did not have a very long program (Thank God I didn't come in five years later) so most of the time (over 6 years) I spent on staff and some of that time was as a clinical. The real reason I am writing is because after talking to friend who was in the program and on staff, I realized (God, it sounds like I'm trying out for T and R) that there were a lot of people I mistreated. I am writing for the purely selfish reason of relieving my conscience and hoping this haunted feeling I had when I came to this sight will go away. I apologize to everyone I sat back, confronted wrongly, humiliated, had the group mock, did not give my mother's cake to because they didn't earn talk and generally mistreated. There are two many evils to list. This is what I feel worst about and I am sorry.
I also would not worry about BM or as he calls himself, "winner". I believe both of those names are misleading and Erin B. would kick Bob M's ass if she caught him at a website with copouts. It may be Drew G, Tony K or it may not even be a graduate who is on "good standing". Most of us had his frame of mind at some point or another and maybe it makes him feel better. I wouldn't take their assaults to personally but you can do whatever you want - isn't that a great feeling. On a side note I am sure fartogone is not Mike O. and I doubt it's Tom S. I'm not sure who it is and haven't really looked into it because like he said, it doesn't matter.
I know just about ever one of the names except those who were in New Jersey the years I was in El Paso/California/Salt Lake City. I am sure you have figured out who I am by now, And if you didn't someone can tell you. Congratulations Craig and Christy - hey Craig, do you sill listen to Run DMC. Keep on drumming J. I hope no one is offended if I don't write back. Love ya Group