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Messages - snowhite

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Please forgive me
« on: June 26, 2002, 12:36:00 AM »
I am a surviving mom, not a client. Last Saturday when I explained to a friend (I don't do this much for the following reasons) about SAFE. Their comment was that of disgust and said "Why did you put him in there? I would never forgive you if you did that to me". That was 4 days ago and I am still ashamed and so full of guilt. I can be OK for awhile until someone who hasn't been there states things of this sort. Then it all comes back.. I can't close my eyes to sleep, the feelings the picture of my son when we pulled him and they brought him to us haunts me. He was white (sun deprivation, self mutilated scars which were infected, shoeless,shuffling like a zombie, babbling, not making sense, crying, afraid it was a trick. He lost tolietry privlages, so his hair was greasy and acne was horrible.

He was only 13. He was a terrible misbehavior (that actually saved his life). I am his mother, his protector. Yet he would lay in the time out room for 10-12 hrs a day  and watch the ants. ANd when he was locked in for the night with the other 4 boys he would put his cheek against the wall as it was cool as he tried to block out the other client who was masturbating. Trying to stay in touch with reality. The wall was his reality for that moment.

My heart is full of so much pain.. The trigger "how could you do that" immediatly flooded me with how could I have done this to him. He is an incredible young man. He is now 16.  I have apologized over and over and over to him. He said "Mom it is ok you didn't know". Sometimes I think I would feel better if he would just wail on me. Maybe that would ease my guilt. Doubt it!

The Seed Discussion Forum / OUTRAGEOUS
« on: June 25, 2002, 06:21:00 PM »
Some of these wonderful folks no me. No I was not a client, I was the parent. My son was in SAFE in 98 (worse yr of our life). I beleive had we not kidnapped him when he did he would be dead, his medical condition  was that severe.

My heart still crys in pain when I remember the day we went up pulled him and they brougt him to us. We took a body home but it took us months to find our child in that body.

The Seed Discussion Forum / OUTRAGEOUS
« on: June 24, 2002, 11:27:00 PM »
Good grief Charlie Brown. My son attended CCC (mandatory drug test) and guess where they send these kids PAR which MS Sembler is on the board. Why can't we get awy from these people?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Feelings resurfaced
« on: June 23, 2002, 04:51:00 PM »
I defintly need to make contact with you. My e-mail address is [email protected]. Please make contact. I am also Palm Harbor/Clearwater.

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