Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

I am a surviving mom, not a client. Last Saturday when I explained to a friend (I don't do this much for the following reasons) about SAFE. Their comment was that of disgust and said "Why did you put him in there? I would never forgive you if you did that to me". That was 4 days ago and I am still ashamed and so full of guilt. I can be OK for awhile until someone who hasn't been there states things of this sort. Then it all comes back.. I can't close my eyes to sleep, the feelings the picture of my son when we pulled him and they brought him to us haunts me. He was white (sun deprivation, self mutilated scars which were infected, shoeless,shuffling like a zombie, babbling, not making sense, crying, afraid it was a trick. He lost tolietry privlages, so his hair was greasy and acne was horrible.

He was only 13. He was a terrible misbehavior (that actually saved his life). I am his mother, his protector. Yet he would lay in the time out room for 10-12 hrs a day  and watch the ants. ANd when he was locked in for the night with the other 4 boys he would put his cheek against the wall as it was cool as he tried to block out the other client who was masturbating. Trying to stay in touch with reality. The wall was his reality for that moment.

My heart is full of so much pain.. The trigger "how could you do that" immediatly flooded me with how could I have done this to him. He is an incredible young man. He is now 16.  I have apologized over and over and over to him. He said "Mom it is ok you didn't know". Sometimes I think I would feel better if he would just wail on me. Maybe that would ease my guilt. Doubt it!

Good grief Charlie Brown. My son attended CCC (mandatory drug test) and guess where they send these kids PAR which MS Sembler is on the board. Why can't we get awy from these people?