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Messages - aillecat2112

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16
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / IT'S TIME TO TAKE IT BACK TO THEM!
« on: April 19, 2002, 11:04:00 AM »
Wes,
   I'd also like to bring attention to several things (not so much for my benefit, as others possibly, since I will not be making the conference (again) due to financial situations).
   As you may know, or may not, I've worked with several different conference committees for queer areas of life (mostly transgendered people), and some may have money to get to the conference, but not stay on the premises. Has the conference committee thought about a "housing" committee that also rents hotel rooms for these types of people. Of course, they would generally have to prove they could not afford a hotel room... but you see what I'm getting at?

I feel like conference planning happens too late in our case, in the case of other conferences I've been involved with, the next conference was being planned at the one before, including dates, possible venues, and committees fopr the conference (ie. programming, housing, accessability, health (with a conference of this nature, it is good to have volunteer counselors on hand to help with possible panic, etc), etc)

I'm not sure if any of this has been done, but it feels like much of this conference stuff is done "seat of the pants", last I remember, it was January, almost Feb and people were just getting started. Thats not enough time to plan a real quality conference that can raise funds to pay for speakers, have quality programming for the next time, and help support a foundation (one of the orgs I belong to, the yearly conference is *the* fundraiser for the org.)

-Trish

17
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Survivor of Kids Of NJ
« on: April 19, 2002, 10:54:00 AM »
Quote
On 2002-04-10 00:53:00, Forever Young wrote:
I need help! I discovered these sites almost two years ago and since have been thinking about it since leaving the nest.  I went years thinking nothing of it.  Does anyone have any idea how fucked up I (lots of us) are because of that hole.  I like many others revert to myself in crisis and suffered horrific depression for a long time.  I feel like giving up.  I just don't see hope anymore.  I have little coping skills and have lost everything in the past few months.  I can't fight anymore.  I have cornered myself and fear I have no where to turn now.  My significant other left me (on my birthday) and since have been holed up at home.  I can't even pick up the phone.  Haven't eaten a meal in days.  Can't sleep.  Off on sick benefits (and never not worked in over 10 years).  I can honestly say I have no desire to look for work or have the ability to anyhow.  I lost my job when my depression got worse.  Which started after being haunted by these sites; realizing how much I had not dealt with after leaving Kids.  I have no friends, no family and soon no home.  I am scared I won't make it this time.  I see myself as getting weaker not stronger now.  Maybe it's just easier giving up because I have nothing anymore.  But I am hanging in there.  Yesterday I had hopefull thoughts and today I was scared of my actions.  



I was in Kids of NJ 89-90 and am a Canadian.







OK, so you aren't the only one :smile:

It was close to 8 years after being out when I totally broke down, it was also after finally finding information on the internet that let me know I wasn;t crazy about what happened. Shortly after I was in a psyche ward for 3 days, I had totally fallen apart, I have since been "treated" for PTSD, found out so much more about myself in the past 27 years than I ever knew before. Some really freaky things about why I don't remember most of KIDS of NJ...

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, much of this is difficult to process, but there is another side to come out on, and we come out better. Keep on keepin' on, k?

18
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / New Message Board.
« on: March 24, 2002, 09:37:00 PM »
Cool, I actually like ultimatebb, so this is nice...

Anyway, I know I don;t check in often enough, but I'm ok, I'm gonna be a Mommy come october, and Angela and I are very happy.

Hope everyone is happy, healthy, and sane this spring :smile:

love yas!

-Trish

19
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Well, Suprise, Suprise... Attn: AARC people
« on: January 07, 2002, 10:05:00 PM »
Quote
On 2002-01-07 13:01:00, Antigen wrote:
Holy crow

DFAF's mission statement



"Opposing efforts that would legalize, decriminalize or promote illicit drugs or promote illicit drug use."



What a friggin' joke!




I *told* you guys about that last night :smile: I love it when I'm right. :smile:

So how would one mount a quest to have them busted for tax laws for non-profit corps? They made a mistake by not incorporating 501c4.

20
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Tentative Meeting Date
« on: January 04, 2002, 10:07:00 AM »
speaking of AIM, talking in "real time" is always nice, and AIM is a fairly good way to do it. Maybe some of us can keep a private list of AIM nicks in order to contact one another?

-Trish

21
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / I'm back (kinda)
« on: July 01, 2001, 08:31:44 PM »
I'm back (kinda)
noone knew I really left aside from Ginger and Kim, I spent last  Thursday-Sunday in the local psyche ward, I signed myself in with some hesitation and fear, see, earlier in the day I had had so many memories come flooding backnin that I didn;t know how to handle it, at some point I cut the word KIDS into my arm and tried to cut my wrists, this was last Thursday, I'm now on a bunch of psyche meds and trust me, didn;t exactly want to do all that stuff, in fact I wasn't sure what I was thinking when I did it. It was just one big downward spiral of stuff, I wish I could.  explain more. So anyway, I'm back, I'm looking here once in a while, its difficult for me, when I found this stuff it opened Pandora's Box of memories and I'm dealing with it. Unlike alot of people, I never was on 5th phase or staff, I was thrown from just being  puton 2nd phase back into the world. I spent almost 2 years on first phase.  Its difficult reading stories of people who had a chance to "break":  it on thier own. I on the other hand kept fighting for two years to keep my sense of identity, while I kept being told how much of a freak I was. My  saving grace has to be I'm probably the most stubborn woman on the face of the earth, my partner/fiancee can attest to that (yes, those who have been talking to me read that right, the two lesbians have wedding bells in thier future)


Alot of times its not helping to hear "I got past it" when I'm going through it right now. , I want to know HOW. Right now, I'm almost reliant upon medications to get a good night sleep, reliant on medications to feel safe by myself, reliant on medications to be ok in the back of a car, I can;t go to presentations where people are sitting in rows, I'm missing a Depeche Mode concert tonight because I know that I wouldn;t have been able to handle it, I sent my fiancee and my best friend instead, and now I'm going to sleep for the next few hours. They kept me from living my life 2 years in  there, and now they've kept me from living 7 years after. Isn;t enough enough? If anyone's got ideas that are firm ideas, I'm willing to  give them a shot.  Ok meds kicking in, definitely sleep time.


22
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Question for everyone
« on: August 02, 2001, 12:06:19 AM »
Re: Question for everyone
so anyway , this is not the hardesr thing to do as long as the web hosting service allows you to run CGI scripts. I can probably whip up something in perl if I have the time to do it within the next week. Let me know, most of you know my email address.


-Trish


23
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Straight, Boston.
« on: June 01, 2001, 10:39:46 AM »
Re: Straight, Boston.
*nod* I used to drive by KIDS in Secaucus, NJ, possibly out of some morbid curiosity to get a glimpse of maybe who was still in there. As well as the fact that I saw some of the staff and graduates at meetings all over the place. The funny thing is, despite the damage  done to me, I still looked considerably less shell-shocked and paranoid than any one of them. And *they* still scared the crap outta me, I wonder what I did to them >http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif' alt=':)'>


For a while there was this network of  "cop-outs"  in NJ, and I was in contact with several of them, I have no clue what happened to them, really. I moved to Maryland to go to school, and play music for a living, then I came back to NJ and started slowly with transition, and now I'm in Massachusetts, having a great time in Northampton. Slowly but surely  "recovering".


-Trish


24
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / If you could ask Newton or Semblers or whoever 1 question?
« on: June 01, 2001, 10:57:08 AM »
Re: If you could ask Newton or Semblers or whoever 1 questio
This took a bit of thinking about, and to be honest, the motive for the question would be to make them feel very uncomfortable. It would have to be post-surgery, for me, I think in some ways I'm turning out to be a somewhat attractive woman, at Boston Pride, I was rarely taken for a transsexual woman. Most thought I was a pretty normal "leatherdyke", slightly butch, all woman >http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif' alt=':)'>


So....using that as a basis, the question I would ask Miller and Ruth Ann Newton would be: "so, do you remember a young man by the name of Patrick Lynch?..."


*giggle* that would hit them >http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif' alt=':)'>  assuming they remember their victims.


25
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Straight in Plymouth, MI 1987
« on: June 01, 2001, 03:32:33 PM »
hahaha, I love it, I wonder what tKIDS would have throught about the fact I'm a transsexual leather wearing, permanently pierced dyke.   its funny because they would say this is "druggie" behaviour, yet I don;t do drugs, make 90,000 a year and have been written about in technical journals. Go figure

26
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Re: Straight in Plymouth, MI 1987
« on: June 01, 2001, 08:18:31 PM »
welcome.

I'm pretty new around here too, just found all these wonderful resources for us. I was in KIDS of NJ in 93-94. Nice to "meet" you. Already 3 days after I found the list and message boards I have been made to feel welcome. Definitely a good place

27
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Hi All, guess this may be the right place?
« on: June 01, 2001, 11:30:53 PM »
sorry :)
as you guys can tell, I'm pretty open about my sexuality...for many reasons. I'm an activist, I spend alot of my time with activism for GLBTQ rights, and helping kids with issues they may have regarding sexuality, its not like it was there, where I have to make up how I feel, I'm finally in touch with how I feel about my own sexuality, not that it hasn;t caused its major damage. If I can stop this happening for one or two more people, or even more, my job is done, and I can rest at night. (maybe, its not working currently, my SO says I have "save the world syndrome")


The Republican party is denouncing "Fistgate" in MA, a LGBTQ sexual education seminar, that was instituted by Gov Celucci and Jane Swift, within this seimar they talk about very specific sexual practices of homosexual couples.


The same conservative Republican party helped support and subsidize the suffering and ordeals we all suffered. Its not communism people, I read Wes Fager's website, and while I agree, its not communism, its easy to use cold war terminology to denounce an institution, maybe the word "fascist" is more apropos, with an emphasis on Concentration Camps for "abnormal" people. People who do not fit within the norm of what their values seem to be. What are *they* so afraid of?


Heh, this started out to be an apology for the graphic nature of my last post, and ended up being a rant on the fascism of the Republican Party >http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif' alt=':)'>


Heh.

-Trish


28
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Hi All, guess this may be the right place?
« on: June 01, 2001, 10:22:26 PM »
LGBTQ at KIDS
yeah and there was no way to ask "are you gay?", "are you not what you seem?", howeer I know of at least me ond one oher "guy" in there were transsexual. I will hereafter refer to that person as "she" and "her", because it was so damned obvious.


I have no idea what her chosen name was, I know her legal name, sometimes I search for this person online, because it matters to me what happened to her I know how it screwed me up pretty badly. I was recently in contact with Dr. Trebach about LBGTQ at KIDS, since its not an issue thought about much, but besides stealing the rest of our lives, we were humiliated much more. I was forced to "admit" that I masturbated in women's clothes for fetish type reasons, when really it was part of my identity, I felt more myself, so that type of activity was more like bring myself closer to how I thought about myself so I felt comfortable with my sexual fantasies being a woman. I never once thought about men, I'm a dyke dammit >http://www.ezboard.com/intl/aenglish/images/emoticons/smile.gif' alt=':)'>  However I was forced to admit that too.


My big issues were with masturbation, because of the fact that I was told that doing it was losing my "Abstinence", even today I have issues with something that is a normal healthy part of people's sexuality. As a woman, and being on hormones, masturbation has become an enjoyable activity until the flashbacks start. I also, because of an abusive relationship that lasted for 5 years after I got out, have issues with orgasm, and can only do so with myself. SO as you can see, they screwed me up pretty bad sexually as well.


How many people can say "I was a girl trapped on the guys side?"


I suppose there weren't many of us, but those that were, I wouldn;t wish that one my worst enemy, unless it was Miller Newton, then I think it would be Poetic Justice.

-Trish


29
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Hi All, guess this may be the right place?
« on: June 02, 2001, 01:47:00 AM »
thanks
so I checked out that link....ummm wow. brought up alot of stuff, but its good, I didn't imagine all of it. Anyway, working at resolving all of this in my mind. I'm definitely going to try and be there in July, I think it would be good for me. Though, I have this crusader quality to me that won't quit, I'm very very tired of fighting the phantoms in my own head.


30
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Hi All, guess this may be the right place?
« on: June 01, 2001, 01:51:45 PM »
Hi All, guess this may be the right place?
and not the mailing list? Anyway, I know some people don't recognize the name, but anyone from KIDS between April of 93 to September/October of 1994 may remember Pat Lynch, now Trish Lynch, who is me. I was diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder, several years after KIDS.

In KIDS, it was a "drug problem", of which I definitely don't have, and a "sexual compulsion", if you stretch it, I guess the idea that you aren;t a man, but a woman due to hormonal disruptions when you were younger/in the womb, is quite a compulsion.


Having a difficult time lately with all of this, even though its been 7 years, I'm one tough-assed bitch who decided to ignore it all until I was in a better spot. SO I've survived physically, and I'm doing well financially and professionally, but now I'm finding that I'm having worse flashbacks and remembering alot I just didn;t remember, I'm now pretty agoraphobic, I can;t ride in the back seats of cars,  I feel like I see people from KIDS all over town (I live in Queertown, MA, Northampton, where the lesbians abound). I have trouble sleeping at night because of nightmares, so I'm about as sleep deprived as I was when I was there.


I've been searching on and off on the internet for years, since I'm internet woman, and ubergeek, and work for the worlds largest geek web site.  (Slashdot) for others, and it seemed all mention had dropped off the face of the earth until recently. Last night, while in a real funk, and trying to find something for my Therapist to work with, I found an archive of info kept by someone (Ginger maybe?)  which both made my night, and made it really rough for me and my SO (she's wonderful though)


Anyway, thats enough, I can;t say I'm ecstatic to be rehashing all of this, but knowing there are others of us out there may help me with finally healing and putting them behind me.


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