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Messages - MommaDebi

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The Seed Discussion Forum / Jason Dirk Walton
« on: July 06, 2003, 08:36:00 PM »
wow, I have not visited here in quite awhile.
Nor do I feel the need to argue with anybody that feels that the Seed did not adversley affect their life.

I am a big believer in the "actions & consequences" concept of life. Ask my 19yr old, he will tell you!

That being said, I must let you know that I feel a great deal of empathy for this person, Walton and for the people that he helped to kill.

I do know that my life was changed drastically by my admittance to the Seed. No I do not use drugs nor drink. It marked my high school years with fear, insecurity, an inability to trust and intentional crueltry from my peers.

These things marked my progression as an adult. No, I am not an unlawful citizen. I have raised a wonderful son, who is now in New College of Florida and is a "straight" child. I still am shy, unable to trust others and keep very much to myself.

I believe you should look at yourself a bit more honestly. IE Take a moral Inventory and see exactly what might have become of you should you not have had the experiences that you did.


Gee I haven't been hear in a while... I had so forgotten what it all looked like!
Thanks for letting me see it again, so disheveled and most of all~~ empty. :nworthy:

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / boundaries
« on: September 28, 2002, 05:01:00 PM »
I think the connection you are making is very valid...


 you know that you have all the power now!

We cannot change what happened to us, but we can change our reality now... I mean we can not change what other people do to us, but our reactions to it...

"every five years, I look back on my life and have a good laugh""

Best of luck to you, debi

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-09-28 14:02 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Body strip seaches
« on: September 28, 2002, 04:40:00 PM »
I too laughed out loud sitting here at my lonely computer....Only because I was thrilled that there was somebody out there that had more nerve than I did...I am in awe of that person's tenacity...
I was a shy 14yr old virgin at my time...I did not have those type of guts...

The Seed Discussion Forum / More Trivia
« on: September 28, 2002, 04:33:00 PM »
Thanks... I will have to chack up on this and see if there is anything I could do.

Ginger~~ do you have any ideas about what we can do about this SAFE place? UGH what a thought "Safe Place"....It can only be an UNSAFE PLace if it is like the Seed!!?? Right?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Straight - St. Pete - Springfield '81-'83
« on: September 26, 2002, 06:39:00 PM »
I think that, because of my experiences in the Seed and watching Straight arise from the ashes left by the Seed, I was able to raise my son with a degree of honesty and acceptance that I was never on the recieving end of....
I am clean and sober, because i choose to be.

My son is clean and sober because like all teens he prides himself on "Being Smarter Than Mom"!! :smile: I say "good for you!!"

I would never have placed him in a facility like these....I think it is all in the early childhood time that children are able to become who they are supposed to be...with support, honesty , encouragement and love.

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / atlanta straight--current occupations?
« on: September 26, 2002, 06:16:00 PM »
I worked as a kitchen prep cook for a couple of years,waitressed for awhile, then got sucked into restaurant management.
Did that from 19-31, when my son started school...Then I realised my job was to be with much as possible for a single parent...
Got remarried 5 yrs ago, and returned to school, changed my major twice...have one more year to graduate...Will recieve Bachelor's in Early Education K-3.:smile: won't that be the best job!! Hopefully I will get Kindergarten position....

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / boundaries
« on: September 26, 2002, 06:00:00 PM »
I used to be the same way...just spilled my guts out and made them uncomfortable...

I wondered why I did not seem to be able to make and keep friends? Yet I did not really tell people real truth about me...Then I got really quiet and actually stayed away from people, my hermit days....

Then, I learned to be the "Listener". this way people tell me things, I never share them with anybody else, and I learn from listening who those people are...way before I tell them much about myself.  

I also got involved in my community with a bit of volunteering, and I learned to golf (too much fun...also too bizzare that I actually golf) now I am able to speak about these aspects of my life without it being information they could hurt me with....unless they just give me too much grief about my golf scores!!! :smile:

This behavior had served me well for the past 10-12 years now. I have lots of acquaintances, and a handful of true friends who know my life experiences...I consider myself to be very lucky....


"...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh..." {Indigo Girls~~ "The Watershed"}

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-09-26 15:04 ]

The Seed Discussion Forum / Random thoughts after midnight
« on: September 26, 2002, 05:45:00 PM »
Anon wrote "I will not let the past define who I am today."

I am so glad that you have been able to get to this point.

I too am able now to look back without so much anger, recognize what happened to me within my life, how it defined me, how it shaped the adult me....

While I wish that I had not gone through some of the things in my life, I understand that they are the forces that made me who I am....I like who I am...finally.

Best wishes

The Seed Discussion Forum / More Trivia
« on: September 26, 2002, 05:40:00 PM »
I knew about the St Pete Times relentless pursuit of truth surrounding "The Seed".

My father did not allow me to read the paper though, stopped his subscription so none was at the house. But I did start working almost as soon as I graduated, so I always read the paper during the bus ride downtown.

Perhaps that is the reason why i love that paper sooo much. They don't/won't deliver here in Sarasota... so I actively drive 7 miles to get one on the days I don't go to school at St Pete's USF campus!

It still amazes me that these people were so able to avoid having any type of professional you think that this could occur today?? Is it occuring anywhere without oversight??

The Seed Discussion Forum / Just curious...
« on: September 24, 2002, 08:46:00 AM »
Images and Ego....
I thnk you are so right, during a time that we should have been learning to feel confident, yet secure in the knowledge that we had parental support (a safe haven at home), we were left with a distorted self image.
I guess I should just say "I".... I learned that there was no help out there. Nobody would believe me about anything... I did try to reach out to some teachers but because I was a "drug addict", my father was able to negate anything I said.

The Seed Discussion Forum / of politics and seedlings
« on: September 22, 2002, 10:29:00 PM »
Always thought there was something just not quite right with old Charlie..

The Seed Discussion Forum / Did you know?
« on: September 22, 2002, 10:27:00 PM »
Susie Connors...that name brought back memories...thanks

I am so sorry. I wish I had something wise to offer.I can only think that if you give her some time,perhaps you can mend it.

Six children...I hope that they are ok through all of this. :sad:

Good luck.

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-09-18 19:27 ]

The Seed Discussion Forum / Just curious...
« on: September 18, 2002, 10:19:00 PM »
I have been following some of the threads here and at the Straight threads.

I am curious about one thing.I know that I was not a drug addict prior to my time spent in The Seed. I had only smked pot a few times, of course nobody believed me. My list grew longer...I had to get "honest" to get out, so did we all I think.

However,later I did "make my list" all too real.I did in fact become an addict. Speed was my main thing....I still miss it and am coming up to my 21st yr of real sobriety.

I am not beating my breast or saying other people can not use drugs recreationally. I just know that I can not do certain things myself, I like certain ones of them far too much for my health.I suppose (I was a 77 lb, 5'3" woman at 23, on a feeding tube in the hospital)I  should just be glad that I survived it.  

I do not participate in AA/NA much any longer as I have no need for that, there was a time I did need it, but not for about the past 12 years. This sober person is who I am now...I am comfortable with it. Although there are many meetings I have attended in the past 3-4 years, because people asked me to take them.  

As a parent I also felt the need to not be a hypocrite, "Do as I say, not as I do" always got to me as a teenager.

However, I was wondering how many of us did have to "make the list real."??

I am also curious about our children.My son (18) opts not to participate in the ritual drinking, drugging and smoking that so many teens do. I raised him with openness and honesty.

He knows of my past (The Seed, all my drugs, and my recovery) and likes to think that he is "smarter than Mom". I have often told him, as he became a teen, that if he were to feel the need to do anything, I'd rather have him smoke pot than drink alcohol.

I happen to believe: alcohol + male teens= violence. I have never seen a pot smoker become overly aggressive and feel the need to prove himself!

I thought a couple of times that he might have gotten high, but did not press it, because he was home on time, straight A's, and treated me with courtesy and respect.So "Good for him", I thought. "Doing a normal teen thing!"

How did everybody else handle these issues? Is our cautious treatment of our own teens due to the mistreatment we recieved by our families and The Seed?? Or are we more permissive?

Thanks for listening.

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