Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Nonconformistlaw on October 20, 2005, 11:14:00 PM
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I want my childhood back! It was mine...Straight took it away without my permission. Whlie locked within those walls, glued to my blue chair, motivating my ass off on cue, and all the while in a state of fear and confusion...what was left of my childhood disappeared.
I WANT IT BACK! IT WAS MY CHILDHOOD...Straight had NO right to steal it from me!
I missed out on all the things normal teenagers take for granted. We all did.
I went to a formal dance a few years ago even though I despise formal shindigs. But I wanted to pick out a formal dress for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE at age 34. I picked out the most beautiful red dress I could find, and then I just started crying because I didnt get to do that in high school. As I write this it almost seems like such a trivial detail I missed out on...but it was one of those moments where I was painfully aware of how much was taken from me.
And as the years have passed, I've always noticed how I have hung on to childhood for dear life. On my 19th birthday, I promised myself that I would always be 19. I am an overgrown kid in a lot of ways and I know it was because of Straight. In my heart I am the teenager I was not allowed to be. Now matter how old I get...I will always be frozen in childhood.
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yeah.
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Once, not long ago I worked in a hospital and I told a counselor while in a personal conversation that, "I was having my second childhood." She, knowing that I had been thru Straight, looked me dead in the eye and said..."No, you are experiencing your first childhood", I was in my mid 30's at the time.
I agree, much was taken from me, almost my entire adolesence (sp). Rather than learning lessons that most learn during adolesence, I was being taught how to be "rational"...more or less I was being taught to think like a 45 y/o.
Simple things, like how to get along with the opposite sex and how to relate/date with the opposite sex. I missed it all. When conversations come up...the kinds of conversations that start off something like..."I wish I was 15-20 again" I always cringe...while others relish in the memories of thier youth, I shudder and do what I can to change the subject.
I was robbed.
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Right On! i have the same experience.
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Nonconformistlaw(At first your name was a little awkward but now it seems to roll, i like writin' the whole thing out) Uh... anyway, i know you been sayin' that you been like re-experiencing str8. i' been kinda doin' that too. i mean i always was thinkin' about str8 by myself for so long until i heard about this Str8 Inc. American Drug War P.O.W and Veterans Discussion Forum.(that sounds cool,huh ??) Now i'm sort of re-livin' some shit too. Thing is though...ain No goin' back. Can't step in the same river twice. Such is life. i'm 37 now myself. i still am the same way i' always been(Well, a little gnarlier, i reckon, for all the fuckin' 'n' fightin). i am like the river actually...
i fe'l what your sayin' about what you've lost. i fe'l that way too sometimes. There really is no justice for crimes committed. People should not be made to serve some use. When people are forced directly, as in by direct threat of loss of freedom of movement of body or mind(freedom of thought) or of bodily harm or loss of life, or indirectly as in by economic or social circumstances into servitude to some authority, whether that authority be one individual or the leaders of the G8 economic summit that is injustice. Justice is in the present. Peace.
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Pirate- I know what you mean. I can never go back and recover my childhood. But that's what is so hard to swallow about it. Straight deprived me of being a normal teenager....they robbed me of my childhood and had no right to do so. Yeah...that is injustice...taking away something that is lost forever. No lawsuit, money, apologies, publicity etc. will ever restore my childhood for me.
Reliving straight is no fun. But, one thing "good" about reliving the nightmare, is that its allowing me to grieve for the childhood that I lost because of Straight. And its forcing me to face that I will always be stuck (frozen) in my childhood to a large extent because of that loss. I never could do this before since I was so busy trying to forget.
Grieving sucks! :sad:
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They say get back,
I say fight back.
We wouldn't take it
if they did us
like they did Iraq...
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A woman by the name Elisabeth Kubler Ross MD put together an observation and called it the Five Stage Grief Model(5SGM).
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
I hope not to imply that this is the "end all" of observations of the grieving. Yet, in my own experience in regard to the Straight issue I have experienced all of the 5.
It is also my experience that the 5SGM is also a cyclic series. Meaning that this goes on and on thru our lives...least mine anyway. Also I have noticed the 5 don't always come in the order listed. There is a sister experience as well...uncover, discover and disgard. I read those words somewhere along the line and assumed them as my own because they mirrored my experience.
No where in the whole process of the two is there really any reference to happiness. It's all about putting one foot infront of the other. Somedays are better than others, no doubt.
My mother said to me once while taking me to school..."I don't understand, high school age was the happiest time of my live. It should be the happiest time of your live". I think that was my first understanding that I could never truely be able to shake the whole Straight experience. I knew I would look back at my teen years and think Oh God, and this was suppossed to be the happiest time of my life? WTF? You see, it doesn't take much to allow smouldering embers to once again burst into flames.
Sooner or later the 'fire' simmers down and once again the coals rest beneath the surface, out of sight. And for a moment in time, I truely think all is well. Inevitably a name will be mentioned, or a memory will surface into conciousness and the flames are stoked once again. It's a cycle.
I don't know that I am "frozen in childhood", I have always hoped to evolve from the rage and in some respect I have accomplished that. However when I do revert back, I revert back to what I know and to what I was taught. I suspect I am not alone in this. I am glad ya broached the topic!
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On 2005-10-22 05:02:00, Woof-a-Doof wrote:
"A woman by the name Elisabeth Kubler Ross MD put together an observation and called it the Five Stage Grief Model(5SGM).
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Could you explain the bargaining part? Not sure what that implies in the grieving process.
"It is also my experience that the 5SGM is also a cyclic series. Meaning that this goes on and on thru our lives...least mine anyway. Also I have noticed the 5 don't always come in the order listed."
Seems like I spent the past 20 years in denial and acceptance. By that I mean that most of me denied that it happened, buried it, and the other part of me accepted in the sense that I thought I should "move on." From what I have been told that was an understandable reaction considering how traumatic Straight was...but not the healthiest reaction. I skipped the most important part...the pain (depression, anger, sadness, etc)
"No where in the whole process of the two is there really any reference to happiness. It's all about putting one foot infront of the other. Somedays are better than others, no doubt."
I noticed there is nothing remotely near happiness in the grieving process. Its one of the toughest things I've ever been through. Its absolutely miserable. But yeah, some days are better, or should I say, more bearable than others.
"Sooner or later the 'fire' simmers down and once again the coals rest beneath the surface, out of sight. And for a moment in time, I truely think all is well. Inevitably a name will be mentioned, or a memory will surface into conciousness and the flames are stoked once again. It's a cycle."
Hopefully the "fires" will simmer down before I have to go back to the real world! Right now it doesnt seem like "all will be well" anytime soon. I'm not looking forward to the cycle when something retriggers the memories. I cant exactly stop my life every time I start going through this. My hope is that I learn to live with it...and can learn to balance it with the real world. Is that possible?
Damn, you wrote a lot of things in your first post that I want to respond to that made me think. Oh well. One post at a time. Yesterday was too rough to post on this topic more than once...its a heavy one.
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Bargaining meaning "if you let this happen, I'll do this" etc. An example would be "if I don't have a heart attack right now, I'll stop smoking." Ahh yeah, you can imagine the insides of my brain now. :rofl:
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On 2005-10-21 02:59:00, Woof-a-Doof wrote:
"Once, not long ago I worked in a hospital and I told a counselor while in a personal conversation that, "I was having my second childhood." She, knowing that I had been thru Straight, looked me dead in the eye and said..."No, you are experiencing your first childhood", I was in my mid 30's at the time.
I agree, much was taken from me, almost my entire adolesence (sp). Rather than learning lessons that most learn during adolesence, I was being taught how to be "rational"...more or less I was being taught to think like a 45 y/o.
Simple things, like how to get along with the opposite sex and how to relate/date with the opposite sex. I missed it all. When conversations come up...the kinds of conversations that start off something like..."I wish I was 15-20 again" I always cringe...while others relish in the memories of thier youth, I shudder and do what I can to change the subject.
I was robbed."
I think right after I got out of Straight, the 7 years or so that I was wild was my way of extending my childhood (among other things like rebelling against/forgetting Straight). The moment I talked about picking out the dress...it was a moment I felt like a kid again, even though I was crying about my lost childhood. It was a small way to "re-experience" a moment of childhood as I would have wanted it to be back then.
But different from your experience, I guess my reaction became more of remaining stuck in childhood permanently, instead of later experiencing childhood for the first time in your 30's as you mentioned.
I also know what you mean about not learning the normal adolescent lessons because of Straight. Instead of learning how to relate to/date the opposite sex, our normal human inclinations were completely suppressed. We were taught not to look, talk to, interact with, or even think about the opposite sex.
So when I got out of Straight, I was completely at a loss on how to act around the opposite sex. I think I acted like I never had contact with them at all, as if the concept was completely new to me. It took me a long time to start to relax and to start learning how girls were really supposed to interact with boys. Yeah, that is a glaring example of how damaging losing a chunk of childhood to Straight really was.
When people talk about wanting to be a teenager again, I cringe as well, for my childhood, before, during, and after Straight was no picnic. But at the same time I always wish that I hadn't had my childhood stolen from me by Straight, and then I feel a great loss.
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I'm watching Rocky and Bullwinkle right now. I much prefer The Simpsons to Extreme Makeover, which comes on at the same time. My favorite foods are cereal, pizza, and sweets.
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I guess you could say there is a flip side to being "frozen in childhood." There are times I like it when I dont think about how I got this way.
I still love cartoon characters! :grin: I decorate my Christmas tree with cartoon characters and use cartoon characters on my cell phone display. I also have tons of stuffed animals and use stuffed animals as Christmas decorations too. I'm very childlike during the Christmas season. :lol: I also drink mountain dew....never coffee.
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On 2005-10-25 13:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I'm watching Rocky and Bullwinkle right now. I much prefer The Simpsons to Extreme Makeover, which comes on at the same time. My favorite foods are cereal, pizza, and sweets. "
Into ATHF? Sealab 2021?
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Y'all, I think it's reel good to be like children. I think it's reel bad to get old and bitter. Amen. Belch.
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On 2005-10-25 09:44:00, dragonfly wrote:
"I want my childhood back just so that I can then become the adult I would have become without Straight's interference."
You still can. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.--Dale Carnegie
_________________
EST (Lifespring) '83
Salesmanship Club '84-'86
Straight, Inc. '86-'88
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On 2005-10-25 09:44:00, dragonfly wrote:
"I was on a path as an adolescent, I was seeking truth and calling attention to the falsehoods of society."
Yeah, I was just being a kid that saw falsehoods, so I rebelled against societies lies, and against my extremely autoritarian parents.
My parents ASSUMED that meant I was a child who did everything wrong and was "acting out." When my parents efforts to control me failed, Straight took over, and in the process set out to destroy what was left of "my childish" & "druggie" behaviors.
Well, Straight succeeded in depriving me of a normal adolescent experience, but failed to destroy "my childish" & "druggie" behaviors. Their actions made me even more determined to remain a teenager and to keep rebelling against the falsehoods of society.
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On 2005-10-26 11:15:00, 001010 wrote:
On 2005-10-25 09:44:00, dragonfly wrote:
"I want my childhood back just so that I can then become the adult I would have become without Straight's interference."
"You still can."
How?
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Well, Straight succeeded in depriving me of a normal adolescent experience, but failed to destroy "my childish" & "druggie" behaviors. Their actions made me even more determined to remain a teenager and to keep rebelling against the falsehoods of society. "
I can't wait to re-engage in mutual childish and druggie behavior at the next show NCL :rofl:
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On 2005-10-26 19:54:00, webcrawler wrote:
Well, Straight succeeded in depriving me of a normal adolescent experience, but failed to destroy "my childish" & "druggie" behaviors. Their actions made me even more determined to remain a teenager and to keep rebelling against the falsehoods of society."
I can't wait to re-engage in mutual childish and druggie behavior at the next show NCL ::cheers::
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Girls, did you post this on the Super Duper Badass Concert Thread?
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You know it girl!!! :exclaim: :grin:
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On 2005-10-26 20:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Girls, did you post this on the Super Duper Badass Concert Thread?"
No we posted about are night of drunkeness on Let it Bleed though :rofl:
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On 2005-10-26 20:36:00, webcrawler wrote:
On 2005-10-26 20:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Girls, did you post this on the Super Duper Badass Concert Thread?"
No we posted about are night of drunkeness on Let it Bleed though :rofl: "
I'll be sure to post about our "druggie" and "childish" behavior on the Super Duper Badass Concert Thread after the next Broadzilla show in the very near future! :grin:
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hoot hoot
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I'll be sure to post about our "druggie" and "childish" behavior on the Super Duper Badass Concert Thread after the next Broadzilla show in the very near future! :rofl:
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On 2005-10-26 21:06:00, webcrawler wrote:
I'll be sure to post about our "druggie" and "childish" behavior on the Super Duper Badass Concert Thread after the next Broadzilla show in the very near future! :rofl: "
Oh yeah....he was HOT!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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HOT!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: "
WTH were you drinkin there girl???????
I was crushin on the lil hardcore guys in their T's and knee length shorts myself :lol:
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On 2005-10-26 21:22:00, webcrawler wrote:
HOT!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: "
WTH were you drinkin there girl???????
I was crushin on the lil hardcore guys in their T's and knee length shorts myself :lol: "
I think I forgot to mention my tendancy to be sarcastic....that should explain what I "was drinking." :lol:
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So did you see any hot guys or not?
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I think I forgot to mention my tendancy to be sarcastic....that should explain what I "was drinking." :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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i been thinkin, (uh-oh) lately about what you meant by "frozen" and i think i can relate...
Like i seem to have like, some kind of a self-imposed learnin' disability... :rofl:
No...really. It's like ever since str8 i jus' can't trust anybody. i don' believe anyone. i only know the things i can teach myself. i don' trust any institutions. The only thing i really pay attention to now days are my deepest intuitional instincts.
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Like some kind of a self imposed limit to how much of the human world i'm even willing to take in. Like i am so defensive that i won't even listen. i recognize the things i already know in constantly changin' forms, but nothin' really changes. They play on the change, hoping it will foster some desireable behaviour in me. But they don' understand how i see through their forms.
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Don' tell nobody i tol'ja all this. :smokin: :grin:
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Pirate....everything you just said makes perfect sense. And much of your words are pretty much what I think.
Its really hard to explain what I meant by being frozen in childhood.
Its that in personality I am an overgrown kid. As if there is a part of me cannot progress to a adult mentality. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child...the way it really is, that is how I will always be.
After what we went through, how on earth could we every be able to trust authority. We were betrayed as children by authority. That betrayal will probably always stay with us, so the distrust seems like a normal reaction to severe betrayal. Of course the distrust is justified, but your right.
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On 2005-11-11 01:02:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:
"The only thing i really pay attention to now days are my deepest intuitional instincts. "
I read it "institutional instincts". Meaning nothing bad on you pirate.
Damn this board is heavy.
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What ?? ex-prisoner ?? You read intuitional as institutional ?? i wonder...
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Starry eyed...I know what you mean. I always analyze what everyone means by everything. Everything. Trust issues. I don't know where it came from, from my time in Straight where I learned the beautiful art of tearing myself to pieces and everyone else too. Seeing the bad in others from thinking they're lying. I don't know.
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Betrayed in a very deep way. Foresaken and caged. Confusion. Senses all enslaved. Seethin' with madness. Paranoid and deranged. Alone. The pscychic death by 1000 cuts. The silent rage.
"We are stardust we are golden..." -Joanie Mitchell
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Uh huh, institutional instincts. In other words, who know de difference. Got some paranoia? Got some head games? Got some ascetic habits?
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Always tweekin' my perspective, so ya'are...ex-prisoner.
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[ This Message was edited by: fedelta_a_verita on 2006-01-03 07:35 ]
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On 2005-10-20 20:14:00, Nonconformistlaw wrote:
"I want my childhood back! It was mine...Straight took it away without my permission. Whlie locked within those walls, glued to my blue chair, motivating my ass off on cue, and all the while in a state of fear and confusion...what was left of my childhood disappeared.
I WANT IT BACK! IT WAS MY CHILDHOOD...Straight had NO right to steal it from me!
I missed out on all the things normal teenagers take for granted. We all did.
I went to a formal dance a few years ago even though I despise formal shindigs. But I wanted to pick out a formal dress for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE at age 34. I picked out the most beautiful red dress I could find, and then I just started crying because I didnt get to do that in high school. As I write this it almost seems like such a trivial detail I missed out on...but it was one of those moments where I was painfully aware of how much was taken from me.
And as the years have passed, I've always noticed how I have hung on to childhood for dear life. On my 19th birthday, I promised myself that I would always be 19. I am an overgrown kid in a lot of ways and I know it was because of Straight. In my heart I am the teenager I was not allowed to be. Now matter how old I get...I will always be frozen in childhood."
You're not the only one who feels this way. I feel like all the years I spent at Heritage School & Cross Creek Manor which totals 4 1/2 years did much more harm then good. After my release, I was behind mentally & emotionally compared to others who were my age. It's like my mind was temporarily frozen in time. Still to this day I feel about 5 years emotionally behind others my age. Another thing, is that I don't see myself as an adult???? Weird, huh?!!
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I never wanted to grow up anyway. Really you don't have to, it's overrated. It is nice to unfreeze things and get memories back. I don't think I am giving Straight more of my time, I am giving me more of my time. It is good to be fucking pissed, it is good to love people out there as fucking whacked as I am, troglodytes in our own caves sending out smoke signals. It is good to have someone as sweet as NCL write about lost childhood.
Did you know PTSD is known to cause memory problems?
There may be an outlined way for "counselors" to deal with all this, but myself I am tired of counselors, I am sick of being misinterpreted or having my words mixed up and my experience and stories stolen and corrupted to fit their agenda. None of them have ever truly dealt with me on my own terms. I respect what I was as a young person before Straight, I don't need another person's interpretation of that in their own way just like Straight, really, ingrained in my mind a certain interpretation which I so foolishly kept for too long. Like pirate, I saw through the authority, the imprisonment of school and all that.
I would really rather be stark crazy than live in the middle of a pitiful lie. I see me before Straight, then what they did to my mind, and I am done, I am fucking done. It is not giving my life to Straight to be messed up if I am messed up. Let me explain better by saying that all the grief and loss and anger felt opens up the truth, whereas before my miserable pathetic life was lies, Straight lies, like I had to do everything by myself, I had to keep going in the face of physical and mental pain, I was nothing and could get nothing for my life that I wanted, nothing I ever wanted was real or worthy.
THAT is the lie!
Love your madness, love your grief. Rise up from the fire, phoenix, and fly.
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You have no idea how bad my memory can be! I am extremely forgetful. I actually consider myself the worlds youngest alzteimer patient. There are times I get into arguements with those close to me, and they are able to remember word by word who said what, and I can't.
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On 2005-11-30 11:07:00, fedelta_a_verita wrote:
"Ma?am, in all humility and with the utmost respect if what you have related here is true then I strongly urge you to get some seriously intense long-term counseling without further delay."
For the record....I AM IN COUNSELING, and doing extremely well thank you. My counselor repeatedly tells me how strong & healthy I am despite having PTSD from Straight for the past 20 years. Also, please dont call me ma'am. I would not dream of calling you Sir.
"The fact that you are now thirty four and went in when you were anywhere from maybe twelve to fifteen or sixteen combined with what you have described not only indicates that you have focused on those few years spent in Straight as being representative of your entire childhood means that you have you given them those years that you were actually incarcerated there but the rest of your life to this point as well."
Please, please get your facts straight first. Again for the record, I am not 34 and have not been for awhile. I spent 15+ months in Straight, and close to 5 months in aftercare for a total of 20 months involvement in that hell-hole...I went in when I was 16 and did not "escape" until after the kidnapping when I was 18....
In addition, I did not say that I think Straight deprived me of my entire childhood....if you reread my original and subsequent posts, I was clearly referring to the time Straight DID take away from my childhood.
"I suggest to you that they have ?taken? nothing but that by your own admission you have given them everything ? the place no longer exists and still you give them your life. I say take your life back it is yours not theirs, live it for yourself, for the family you will have in the future, for the legacy you will leave to those whom you impact in the future. I say Straight is not worth a single second more of your life."
I disagree completely...Straight DID wrongfully steal 20 months of my childhood for no reason except their own financial gain. By my own admission in several posts, I have never, until lately, even acknowledged to myself the pain that fucking place caused me because I was so fucking busy getting on with my life and because I was so damned determined to not live in the past....the result of this is that I have only begun facing my Straight demons...the stolen part of my childhood is one of those demons.
What's more, my counselor also repeatedly validates that I have every right to feel angry at Straight for stealling 20 months of my childhood. Confronting these emotions now is the healthiest thing I have done in years.
Furthermore, I have NOT given Straight shit and refuse to do so. However, the course of my life was forever altered by Straight...that's just a fact I cannot change...but I have chosen to find ways to channel that experience toward something productive...as in my goal to assist children involved in the Juvenile Justice System as a lawyer. I will fight the injustices done to children, including those injustices done in the name of treatment....That is "the legacy I will leave to those whom I impact in the future."
Finally, remembering Straight, never forgetting its horrors, is extremely important. STRAIGHT IS FAR FROM OVER....havent you heard about the Straight spin off's that still exist today and force the same exact damn fucked up "treatment" upon thousands of children?????????????? Yeah if Straight was dead it would be a different story, but its not dead.........only the Straight name is dead.
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On 2005-11-30 11:40:00, CCM girl 1989 wrote:
You're not the only one who feels this way. I feel like all the years I spent at Heritage School & Cross Creek Manor which totals 4 1/2 years did much more harm then good. After my release, I was behind mentally & emotionally compared to others who were my age. It's like my mind was temporarily frozen in time. Still to this day I feel about 5 years emotionally behind others my age. Another thing, is that I don't see myself as an adult???? Weird, huh?!!"
What you are saying is not weird at all! I completely see myself as an overgrown teenager, but a responsible one. I have always noticed how I was mentally and emotionally behind others my age. I am still that way to an extent. You nailed the reson why I call it "being frozen in childhood." Developmentally frozen in some respects...but being a overgrown kid has its fun side....you should see my Xmas decorations! :lol: :lol: Cartoon character ornaments, Xmas stuffed animals, snowmen, snowmen, snowmen....Its like I also retained some of my "childlike wonder" that kids have but lose by adulthood.......
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On 2005-11-30 12:22:00, ex-prisoner wrote:
"I never wanted to grow up anyway. Really you don't have to, it's overrated. It is nice to unfreeze things and get memories back. I don't think I am giving Straight more of my time, I am giving me more of my time. It is good to be fucking pissed, it is good to love people out there as fucking whacked as I am, troglodytes in our own caves sending out smoke signals. It is good to have someone as sweet as NCL write about lost childhood."
I agree.....and thanks ex-prisoner...although I dont think my response to "get help soon" was sweet...... :lol:
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On 2005-11-30 13:34:00, Anonymous wrote:
"You have no idea how bad my memory can be! I am extremely forgetful. I actually consider myself the worlds youngest alzteimer patient. There are times I get into arguements with those close to me, and they are able to remember word by word who said what, and I can't."
Oh you sound just like me. It is rather a tragedy. The world gets a bit more confusing and frustrating, land's sakes, when I can't find my something, I can't remember what I am always losing these days.
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Dear Nonconformistlaw,
Maybe I should take sometime and relive my youth? However, I am not into cartoon characters. I am sure your house is absolutely adorable though. Atleast you collect cute little things with a common theme! I am numb in that department. For a very long time after my treatment centers, I thought anything but bare white walls looked cluttered, and not right. How fucked up is that??? I am moving into a new home that is around 4,400 sq. ft. I think I better get over my past!!!!!! :lol:
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[ This Message was edited by: fedelta_a_verita on 2006-01-03 07:42 ]
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On 2005-12-01 05:36:00, fedelta_a_verita wrote:
"WOW! My apologies for any offense given. I read your post and saw it as a cry for help and an opportunity to provide you some beneficial advice from one whom has not only survived straight but has put it long in the past and moved on with life, now after reading your response I see your original post for what it really is and am much chagrined that I did not recognize it as such before, I?ll try not to make that mistake again. In all events best wishes to you, and again my apologies."
Yes, I was offended, but I was more upset about my post being misunderstood. You see, since being misunderstood to be a druggie, which I could not have possibly been (no drug use prior to Straight) directly lead to my wrongful incarceration in Straight...I have become extremely touchy when ANYONE turns something I say or do into something it was not (even if someone does this with the best of intentions). I cant handle being misunderstood in anyway....that is a direct result from Straight. I'm sure I will always be that way, but I hope to learn not to react quite so strongly....
I do appreciate when Straight survivors try to provide beneficial advice, for only survivors really know what Straight was like. Apology accepted. ::rainbow::