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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Anyhow,  today is my 1-year anniversary of sobreity, and subsequently my 1-year anniversary of entering the "AARC Family". In approximately 3 weeks I will again celebrate another anniversary, except this one will be "1 Year AARC-Free"... Say, I wonder if AA gives out keychains for that one? :razz:

Hey, I really like this idea. Let's everyone post our true anniversaries, the ones we have to look forward to. I'll start:

August 7, 2005: The third anniversary of my sobriety.

August 17, 2005: The first anniversary of the first time I felt truly safe in 2 1/2 years. (Also the first anniversary of my 18th birthday.)

August 21, 2005: The third anniversary of having been incarcerated against my will, against my rights and against the law in an abusive institution that proceeded to attempt the complete destruction of my self.

Mid-October 2005: The third anniversary of having lost all sense of self, all dignity, and all hope.

Mid-November 2005: The third anniversary of a most grotesque abuse of authority by an oldcomer. I was forced to stand in the bathroom with my oldcomer while she defecated. She proceeded to wipe herself with her hand. Then she approached me and forced her hand in my mouth.

Day After: The third anniversary of having been publicly chastised and humiliated for having spit out the water I'd had in my mouth during the incident.

Late November 2005: The third anniversary of a rape. In the dark of the AARC laundryroom where I'd been led by my oldcomer. At least three. none of whom I can Identify. Also the third anniversary of having lost the will to move, the will to fight, the will to live, the will to speak. I died inside that afternoon, and I'm still trying to get back. I can't speak anymore of that now.

December 31, 2005: Third anniversary of an escape. I walked out of a host home where the door to the bedroom had been left open and unalarmed. The door to the outside likewise. I ran as fast as I could, terrified and yet fighting against the urge to return, in bare feet. It was 3am, there was snow and I was in my pyjamas. I thought nothing, I just ran.

January 1, 2006: Third anniversary of reading a book for the first time in six months. Also, third anniversary of touching a piano for the first time in six months.

February 2006: Third anniversary of my first day at school post-AARC. I'd convinced myself (through considerable aid from AARC) that I was incompetent, unintelligent, patently lazy, and that I'd never yet accomplished a thing in my life. So I redid a full year of courses, believing that the marks I'd achieved previously at the gifted high school I'd been attending before AARC weren't good enough.

June 2006: Third anniversary of having spoken with someone unrelated to me since AARC. It took me that long to be able to speak.

June 2006: Third anniversary of my achievment of a 94% average, the second highest in my school.

July 2006: Third anniversary of the first time I'd laughed in close to a year.

Christmas 2006: Third anniversary of the first time I was able to kiss my sisters and tell them I loved them in a year and a half.

July 8, 2006: The first anniversary of having explicitly told someone of being raped. The first anniversary of breaking a destructive silence. The fisrt anniversary of choosing to never be victimized by this agin. The first anniversary of a very great anger. The first anniversary of an end to allowing this violence to continue.

Anyhow,  today is my 1-year anniversary of sobreity, and subsequently my 1-year anniversary of entering the "AARC Family". In approximately 3 weeks I will again celebrate another anniversary, except this one will be "1 Year AARC-Free"... Say, I wonder if AA gives out keychains for that one? :razz:

Hey, I really like this idea. Let's everyone post our true anniversaries, the ones we have to look forward to. I'll start:

August 7, 2005: The third anniversary of my sobriety.

August 17, 2005: The first anniversary of the first time I felt truly safe in 2 1/2 years. (Also the first anniversary of my 18th birthday.)

August 21, 2005: The third anniversary of having been incarcerated against my will, against my rights and against the law in an abusive institution that proceeded to attempt the complete destruction of my self.

Mid-October 2005: The third anniversary of having lost all sense of self, all dignity, and all hope.

Mid-November 2005: The third anniversary of a most grotesque abuse of authority by an oldcomer. I was forced to stand in the bathroom with my oldcomer while she defecated. She proceeded to wipe herself with her hand. Then she approached me and forced her hand in my mouth.

Day After: The third anniversary of having been publicly chastised and humiliated for having spit out the water I'd had in my mouth during the incident.

Late November 2005: The third anniversary of a rape. In the dark of the AARC laundryroom where I'd been led by my oldcomer. At least three. none of whom I can Identify. Also the third anniversary of having lost the will to move, the will to fight, the will to live, the will to speak. I died inside that afternoon, and I'm still trying to get back. I can't speak anymore of that now.

December 31, 2005: Third anniversary of an escape. I walked out of a host home where the door to the bedroom had been left open and unalarmed. The door to the outside likewise. I ran as fast as I could, terrified and yet fighting against the urge to return, in bare feet. It was 3am, there was snow and I was in my pyjamas. I thought nothing, I just ran.

January 1, 2006: Third anniversary of reading a book for the first time in six months. Also, third anniversary of touching a piano for the first time in six months.

February 2006: Third anniversary of my first day at school post-AARC. I'd convinced myself (through considerable aid from AARC) that I was incompetent, unintelligent, patently lazy, and that I'd never yet accomplished a thing in my life. So I redid a full year of courses, believing that the marks I'd achieved previously at the gifted high school I'd been attending before AARC weren't good enough.

June 2006: Third anniversary of having spoken with someone unrelated to me since AARC. It took me that long to be able to speak.

June 2006: Third anniversary of my achievment of a 94% average, the second highest in my school.

July 2006: Third anniversary of the first time I'd laughed in close to a year.

Christmas 2006: Third anniversary of the first time I was able to kiss my sisters and tell them I loved them in a year and a half.

July 8, 2006: The first anniversary of having explicitly told someone of being raped. The first anniversary of breaking a destructive silence. The fisrt anniversary of choosing to never be victimized by this agin. The first anniversary of a very great anger. The first anniversary of an end to allowing this violence to continue.

Article 37
States Parties shall ensure that:
(a) No child shall be subjected to torture or other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment. Neither capital punishment nor life imprisonment without possibility of release shall be imposed for offences committed by persons below eighteen years of age;
(b) No child shall be deprived of his or her liberty unlawfully or arbitrarily. The arrest, detention or imprisonment of a child shall be in conformity with the law and shall be used only as a measure of last resort and for the shortest appropriate period of time;
(c) Every child deprived of liberty shall be treated with humanity and respect for the inherent dignity of the human person and in a manner which takes into account the needs of persons of his or her age. In particular, every child deprived of liberty shall be separated from adults unless it is considered in the child's best interest not to do so and shall have the right to maintain contact with his or her family through correspondence and visits, save in exceptional circumstances;
(d) Every child deprived of his or her liberty shall have the right to prompt access to legal and other appropriate assistance, as well as the right to challenge the legality of the deprivation of his or her liberty before a court or other competent, independent and impartial authority and to a prompt decision on any such action.

Ask yourself honestly, does AARC satisfy any (or all) of these criteria?



Warning Signs of Potentially Abusive Facilities

1. The facility is not licensed.
2. Verbal and/or written communication between the child and his parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. is prohibited, restricted, or monitored on any level.
3. The facility requires that the parents and/or child sign a form releasing the program of liability in the event of injury to the child.
4. The program requests/demands/recommends that they have legal custody of children.
5. The program requires that children live in foster or "host" homes instead of allowing them to reside with their parents.
6. The child or parent or forbidden from discussing the daily happenings at the facility. Often this policy is called "confidentiality."
7. The child is denied access to a telephone.
8. Phone calls between children and parents are monitored.
9. The program uses confrontational therapy.
10. Parents must fulfill requirements of the facility before being permitted to visit their own children.
11. The facility is located outside the jurisdiction of the United States.
12. Children are restrained or otherwise physically prevented from leaving the facility.
13. The staff includes former students/clients of the facility.
14. Staff members claim that self-injury or cutting/carving on ones body is normal behavior for a child in treatment.
15. Parents are not allowed to remain with their child during the entire intake/entry process.
16. The program inflicts physical punishments on children such as exercising for extended periods of time, bizarre cleaning rituals (ie scrubbing floors with a toothbrush) or food restrictions.
17. The program uses humiliation to "break them down."
18. The program forces children to remain in solitary confinement/isolation/time-out for an unspecified amount of time.
19. Reading materials are prohibited or severely limited.
20. The facility does not have a clearly visible sign outside the building or descriptions of their location are vague.
21. The facility claims to modify behavior, yet has no licensed therapists on staff.
22. A licensed doctor or registered nurse is not present at any time during normal operating hours.
23. Current clients/students participate in the intake/entry process.
24. Staff members offer to help parents obtain a court order forcing the child into, or keeping the child in, the facility.
25. Children are observed while bathing, dressing, or using the toilet on any level of the program.
26. The facility claims to treat drug abuse, but does not conduct a drug screen prior to entry.
27. The facility does not allow children to follow their religion of choice.
28. Staff members must "approve" family members, siblings, friends, or employment.
29. Children are not afforded an education in accordance with state requirements.
30. Medication is recommended, prescribed, approved, or dispensed by anyone other than a medical doctor (MD).
31. Children are denied medications that have been prescribed by an MD.
32. Staff members, admissions personnel, referrers, etc. make statements indicating that "your child will die without" the program.
33. Children escort/supervise other children.
34. Children have to "earn" the "right" to speak during group/therapy sessions.
35. Children are denied outside activities on any level/phase.
36. Staff members must approve the withdrawal of children from the facility.
37. The facility expects total and unquestioned support of parents.
38. Children on any level/phase are forbidden to speak to other children in the facility.

Apparently, despite my time spent in AARC and as an alleged "addict", I still don't quite have all the jargon down...

What exactly does TBPITW mean?

The following is a letter I have sent to the journalist from SAIT. I really don't care whether this person is legit or not. Two years after I escaped, I needed to finally record this stuff. Read if you'd like.


Hello,

I happened to find your post on a forum asking for stories regarding AARC. I'm not sure if it's too late, but I'd like to respond anyway.

I suppose I'd be classified as an anti-AARC-ite. I successfully escaped after five months of incarceration at the age of 16. Before I'd been placed in AARC (placed is such a gentle word, for such a violent act against a person), I'd used marajuana about 10 times and LSD four times. This usage occured over a two year period, so I averaged using less than once a month. I'd been drunk exactly once. I was enrolled in school (Calgary's QE gifted program) and was working for a human rights lawyer as a research assistant. I was fasttracking, meaning I was supposed to graduate at least one year early. I had a sense of myself, where I wanted to go with my life, and that I was generally following the right path. I had a strong sense of morality and civic responsibility. I'd participated in many actions of democracy, including being elected a representative of the youth of Canada to present a declaration to the G8 environmental ministers, and this I was and am now proud of. I was an accomplished musician, playing the piano and studying for my RC exams. I volunteered approximately 10 hours a week during school and 40-50 hours a week in the summer. I was a member of the Calgary Youth for Human Rights, Calgary Youth Volunteer Corps, Three Little Pigs Building Project, Food Not Bombs, the Sierra Youth Coalition, etc. I was vegan (meaning I ate no animal products: dairy, eggs, meat, white sugar...). I had an extremely close relationship with my younger sisters. I was an avid reader, a poet, a musician, photographer, and visual artist. I was a practicing Wiccan.

All of these things I've mentioned because in AARC they were taken from me. In AARC, these offenses were taken against my person (I am speaking to no one else's experience, however, I had it very easy):

1. I was not allowed to practice my religion. I was not allowed to speak of it. I was not allowed to read any of my religious texts. I was ridiculed as a "Satan-Worshipper".

2. I was not allowed to read anything but proscribed AARC literature.

3. I was not ever allowed to touch a musical instrument.

4. Everything I recorded was analyzed with scrutiny to find untoward things hidden in my poetry or drawings.

5. Ha! Being allowed to touch a camera! Ahaha! Yeah right.

6. I was allowed to speak with my family twice a week, when telling them "incidents". These incidents I rapidly was forced to invent or repeat. Thus, my family was convinced that my drug use extended much, much further than it really had. My sisters began to stare at me with revulsion.

7. In AARC, in order to make you feel powerless, you are not allowed to ask for anything (aside from asking to speak and go to the bathroom which are mandatory). As a result, I was unable to ask for the kinds of food I needed in order to be a healthy vegan. I was stuck eating white bread, lettuce and the occaisional fruit for the first month. At that point I was so weak from an utter lack of protein, iron, calcium, etc. that I was forced to consume dairy and eggs. I was applauded by everyone around mefor "letting go of part of the disease". I'd just let go of something so integral to my sense of morality, that my mind started to die. Because I'd not eaten dairy for so long, my body had stopped producing lactase - the enzyme necessary for digesting the sugar in milk. As well, I've always been allergic to eggs. I became extremely sick, vomitting and having diarrhea. These were all taken as signs of "detox" and proof that I'd done drugs more than I'd confessed to. Even as just a vegetarian, I suffered immensely. I still could not ask for the proper food I needed, and suffered constant ridicule. I was forced to prepare, serve and clean up meat dishes. I developed problems with eating. I would be unable to finish eating in the time allotted and wound up hungry. But above all, the worst was having been forced to give up something so integral to my sense of morality. I started to become broken.

8. I was most certainly not allowed to participate in any activism or volunteerism in AARC. But on top of that, I was not allowed to speak of it either. I was told that I was lying, or twisting what had actually happened. I was not ever allowed to speak of anything I'd ever done well, except if I were lamenting over having given something up for drugs (which I'd never done). So I lost a part of my life. I completely suppressed those good parts of my life. I still have trouble remembering much good from the years before AARC, and must rely on other people's stories, journals and pictures and my awards. AARC made me want to forget those good things. I wanted to be an alcoholic/drug addict. Because then I would've been able to leave, and return to my school, family and music.

9. I was never allowed to touch a musical instrument. My training deteriorated. I would stand at the wall during RAPs (surely you know what those are by now) and behind my back on the wall fingerplay the pieces in my head. I have fallen so far behind since going into AARC that I've still not done (2 1/2 years later) the exam I was supposed to that year.

10. Every example of political protest I was involved in was taken as a blatant act of rebellion. My political beliefs were held up to public scrutiny and destroyed. I would be told the occasional tidbit about what was going on in the world (we were not allowed to know anything about the news as a rule) like the pending Iraq war that was chosen to bring me down further. (By the way, my happiest day in AARC was when my sister whispered in my ear one day [entirely against the rules] that the Kyoto accord had been ratified.)

11. My position as a research assistant to this lawyer was terminated against my will, obviously. However, not only did this happen, but never was this woman contacted. Neither AARC nor my family thought to inform my employer that I was not going to return.

12. Because of missing the school that I had while in AARC and the result of having not been able to read or write for five months, I had fallen behind in school. I am now graduating a year late rather than a year early. This is in large part because AARC convinced me that I knew nothing, and that all of my successes had been manipulations of one sort or another. I was convinced that I hadn't deserved any of the academic success I'd earned. So, I chose to repeat over a year of courses.

13. I was told constantly - and I mean at least once every 15 minutes for the entire duration of my stay in AARC - that I was lying about my drug use, that I had used more than I'd told them. The fact that they didn't ever the entire time I was in AARC believe how much I'd used, was part of what helped me have the strength to leave. However, I was almost convinced that I'd done a lot more than I actually had, especially after having been forced to say so endlessly.

14. I was prevented from receiving adequate sunlight or exercise.

15. I came out of AARC anemic, severely lacking B12, calcium and Vit. D, and malnourished.

16. I was forced to listen to graphic stories of prostitution, intercourse, and sexual abuse as I'd never been exposed to before.

17. On entering AARC, I was forced to strip and be deloused (despite not having lice).

18. On entering AARC, my offensive haircut (a mohawk) was shaved off.

19. On entering AARC, I was forced to sign forms without being given adequate time to read them and then ridiculed ofr trying.

20. I was consistently chastized for using "big words" to the extent that I was not allowed to speak if I used inappropriate language (words like facetious).

21. Unable to speak unless given permission (and only about certain things), I began to spell out in sign language behind my back or in my lap what I really wanted to say.

22. I was not allowed to think. Anytime a newcomer appeared to be dwelling in their thoughts, they were told "Get out of your head!" and in one way or another were forced to do so. The only time available to actually think was when in bed. However, the intense rigors of the day and already constrained time for sleeping meant that I rarely took that luxury.

23. One count of extreme psychological abuse which I will not disclose.

24. And much more....



To address a couple of your questions:

AARC has hurt me far more than helped me for reasons cited above.

The staff at AARC are in as desperate a predicament as the clients. They are all suffering from the extreme effects of long-term psychological/emotional (possibly sexual and physical) abuse. They need to be evaluated by professionals after so long in the pseudo-profession of AARC.

I was not addicted upon entering AARC.

The best thing about AARC was the fire it lit in me. I became so fearful of being kidnapped/drawn back in there that I created an impenetrable fortress around myself. When I ran, I ran 3000km away, and threw myself into school. For a time, I had a minimum of three trusted persons (a lawyer, a counsellor, and a good adult friend) always alerted to my whereabouts and ready to leap into action rescuing me from AARC. I learned to trust my no one. My freedom and the ability to live my life the way I chose is worth more than anything. That is the best thing about AARC.

The worst thing about AARC was the absolute destruction of any self-confidence or sense of self that I used to have. It left me a wreck. A shell. I have recovered mostly, for I am strong. However, I have deep scars. Some I don't think will disappear.

I am in no way affiliated with AARC.



Thank you for looking for this story,

Rachael


ps. Feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.
[ This Message was edited by: Rachael on 2005-01-07 00:22 ][ This Message was edited by: Rachael on 2005-04-10 18:34 ]