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Topics - Rachael

Pages: 1 [2] 3
16
The Troubled Teen Industry / New York and Over the GW
« on: May 30, 2007, 11:17:58 AM »
So... this is coming up soon, who's going to be there?


Rachael

17
The Troubled Teen Industry / Contraband
« on: May 12, 2007, 08:16:09 PM »
Posted this on AARCSurvivor forum already...


For those of you in host home style centres, what stuff was contraband?


Ok, so I'm trying to remember what stuff had to be locked up in host homes. Here's what I remember:

- salt
- white sugar
- knives
- scissors
- razors
- shoes
- all cleaning products


What else am I forgetting? I think white flour may have been on there too...

18
News Items / Contraband
« on: May 12, 2007, 03:14:18 AM »
Ok, so I'm trying to remember what stuff had to be locked up in host homes. Here's what I remember:

- salt
- white sugar
- knives
- scissors
- razors
- shoes
- all cleaning products


What else am I forgetting? I think white flour may have been on there too...

19
News Items / Look Here
« on: May 08, 2007, 04:01:15 AM »
http://www.survivingthepast.ca


This is our story too.

20
The Troubled Teen Industry / Raps...
« on: May 06, 2007, 11:31:49 PM »
What the hell does the word mean? The entire time I was in program no one could explain to me what it meant, and that annoyed me to no end.

Is it an acronym, abbreviation of something else?

Thoughts, anyone?



Rachael

21
The Troubled Teen Industry / Parents
« on: May 04, 2007, 04:30:05 AM »
So having been obviously doing very well in my life for some time, I naively had thought that my mother had grown past her program thinking. I had only very lightly experimented w/ drugs prior to being institutionalized and haven't used at all since. I'm very clearly successful, and none of it has anything to do w/ program (ran after 6 months having not moved off "step one"). I thought that my mother had moved past all that bs and assumed she'd been clear of the program for years.

I experienced pretty severe abuse while there and my mother knows it. Anyway, I mentioned last week the potential of a lawsuit and asked if I would have her support. I specifically stated that I wasn't asking from a legal standpoint - just if I had her emotional, motherly type support. And she says - Well I'll have to think about it. I have friends there that I don't want to get hurt.

WTF?!?!?


Her program parent friends are more important than her daughter??? Her "friends" who supported/encouraged various abuses perpetrated by their kids deserve my mother's support more than I do.

This totally threw me for a loop (specifically, after explicitly stating how I was abused, I went into a complete disassociative fugue state and don't remember the next couple hours I spent curled up rocking on the floor), as I've had a fairly decent relationship w/ my mother for the last couple years.

So my question is, how do you all deal with parents or other family members who still accept the program or justify how you've been abused? Do you maintain contact, or lose even the somewhat good aspects of these relationships?


Rachael

22
The Troubled Teen Industry / Nightmare...
« on: May 02, 2007, 02:34:15 PM »
You know you're spending way too much time on fornits when...


Last night I had this horrible nightmare that theWho was in my house. He was this disembodied voice that kept interrupting in an argument I was having with my mother. It was like a smelly, foul wind blowing through my kitchen.... very, very wierd.


Anyway, I am going to go spend a couple days skateboarding to banish such nasty thoughts from my head... yuck.

23
Feed Your Head / Help Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!
« on: April 14, 2007, 07:42:48 AM »
This full-color illustrated book is a fun way for parents to teach young children the valuable lessons of conservatism. Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland.

"Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!" offers a witty alternative to the usual liberal fare, demonstrating the virtues of capitalism and true diversity of expression in words and pictures that both kids and adults can laugh along with.

With the nation’s libraries and classrooms filled with overtly liberal children’s books advocating everything from gay marriage to marijuana use, kids everywhere are being deluged with left-wing propaganda. "Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed" is the book conservative parents have been seeking. This illustrated book — the first in the "Help! Mom!" series from Kids Ahead — is perfect for parents who seek to share their traditional values with their children, as well as adults who wish to give a humorous gift to a friend.

-----------------------



Oh dear.

24
The Troubled Teen Industry / What it's like to survive...
« on: April 09, 2007, 03:00:35 PM »
REPOST of something from AARC Survivor forum:

 Lately, I've been talking about it a lot; with my sisters who were there on the sibling side and with my S/O Paul who was not. Thinking about it so much is taking its toll. I've felt panicky most of the time and I've kind of regressed back to this small, meek, terrified little girl that I used to be when I was 15. It's like all the years between just fell away, and I'm just as helpless as I was then.

Last night, I'd been speaking with one of my sisters about AARC. Just little things like the jargon they used, what open meetings were like, how Christmas and Thanksgiving were, songs they played at homecomings -- really, nothing especially painful. But what we were talking about, I've been pushing away for years. Describing all the little details of AARC essentially recreated the environment in my mind, I was back there again.

After I went to bed, I couldn't forget, couldn't push it out of my head. I was back there. It's like I always have two realities - the present: the life I'm living, my partner and daughter, and myself, confident, intelligent, compassionate and strong; but on top of that reality is the past where I am still there and it never stopped happening. For the past year or two, reality number two has been weak and far away. It doesn't bother me most of the time, except for when I'm sleeping. But last night, reality number one lost and I was almost completely back there. I curled up in a little ball and hid under my duvet. I took Paul's ipod and tried to drown out my head with Kid koala. But I couldn't make it go away. I was clutching so hard to stay here and believe that it was over and long ago, but I couldn't. I didn't see my room around me anymore.

I don't know how long I was like that, but Paul came in to go to bed and found me tightly curled up, shaking, crying and generally freaking out. He was talking to me for some time and I remember nothing of it. He managed to get me up and dressed and put our daughter in my arms. I started to come back to here and be able to at least see what was going on around me. I was still seeing images, scenes from the past in front of me as if they were real. We went outside and walked along the river, and I came back. Things I was seeing went back to being passive memories that I could control. But I felt so weak, not scared or anything else. Emotionally, I'm just blank. But it feels like there is nothing left in me.

I'm still empty this morning. No emotion, which is better for the moment.


Rachael

25
In another recent topic, someone wrote the following to me:


Quote from: ""Buck""
Pray you are well [...]



In this case, it is entirely possible that this was meant sincerely and genuinely. Chances are, it was. And in writing the following, I mean no affront to the person wishing me well.

That being said, in most cases on this forum or in the outside world when I've run into an AARC grad/staffer, it is not meant in such a nice way.

The implication underlying this type of statement is that since I have not graduated AARC and embraced the AARC way, I could not possibly be doing well. The belief is that us poor AARC strays must be having such a hard go of it being "dead, in jail, or in the gutter".


So, having heard this one too many times, I'd just like to say:

I'm fine! I am happy! I love my life and the people in it!


I am doing well, at one point a year or two ago I listed some of the things I've been doing since escaping AARC, maybe it's time to do so again...

I work for an Oil and Gas company playing on computers and making more than any other person I've met my age (and it just gets better with pending raises). I absolutely love my job and the people I work with; I can't wait to get to work in the mornings. I spend my day fixing complicated technical problems, responding to emergency situations and speaking with interesting people from across Canada in French and English.

My partner and I celebrated our three year anniversary on Boxing Day 2006, and we are expecting a baby girl to be born anytime now (due March 3). We are both completely ecstatic to be starting a family together and it's all fallen into place just at the right time. Both of our families are closely involved and also very excited about the first grandchild/great-grandchild.

I am a semi-professional athlete and spend part of my summer every year traveling across N. America going to races with my partner and also my youngest sister who's just started competing with us. I compete in speedboarding and streetluge.

I'm on the Board of Directors for a non-profit organization that promotes safety and our sport. As well, our non-profit is now in the second year of putting on an event with a budget of just over $110 000.

And of course, the only point which most AARCites seem to care about... I have not used any mid-altering substance since two weeks before I entered AARC. That is to say, I have not used any drug at all, with the exception of the very occasional glass of wine or beer (never more than one, and certainly not at all since I've been pregnant). I didn't smoke before AARC and still don't, and I even stay away from caffeine, save the occaisional tea that may have a bit. Of course, before I entered AARC I had already decided not to use drugs again (and stated so on many occasions), so take that as you may.

So... that being said, thank you all for your concern, but I am doing marvelously.


Rachael

(posted earlier on the AARC Survivor Forum)

26
In another recent topic, someone wrote the following to me:


Quote from: ""Buck""
Pray you are well [...]


In this case, it is entirely possible that this was meant sincerely and genuinely. Chances are, it was. And in writing the following, I mean no affront to the person wishing me well.

That being said, in most cases on this forum or in the outside world when I've run into an AARC grad/staffer, it is not meant in such a nice way.

The implication underlying this type of statement is that since I have not graduated AARC and embraced the AARC way, I could not possibly be doing well. The belief is that us poor AARC strays must be having such a hard go of it being "dead, in jail, or in the gutter".


So, having heard this one too many times, I'd just like to say:

I'm fine! I am happy! I love my life and the people in it!


I am doing well, at one point a year or two ago I listed some of the things I've been doing since escaping AARC, maybe it's time to do so again...

I work for an Oil and Gas company playing on computers and making more than any other person I've met my age (and it just gets better with pending raises). I absolutely love my job and the people I work with; I can't wait to get to work in the mornings. I spend my day fixing complicated technical problems, responding to emergency situations and speaking with interesting people from across Canada in French and English.

My partner and I celebrated our three year anniversary on Boxing Day 2006, and we are expecting a baby girl to be born anytime now (due March 3). We are both completely ecstatic to be starting a family together and it's all fallen into place just at the right time. Both of our families are closely involved and also very excited about the first grandchild/great-grandchild.

I am a semi-professional athlete and spend part of my summer every year traveling across N. America going to races with my partner and also my youngest sister who's just started competing with us. I compete in speedboarding and streetluge.

I'm on the Board of Directors for a non-profit organization that promotes safety and our sport. As well, our non-profit is now in the second year of putting on an event with a budget of just over $110 000.

And of course, the only point which most AARCites seem to care about... I have not used any mid-altering substance since two weeks before I entered AARC. That is to say, I have not used any drug at all, with the exception of the very occasional glass of wine or beer (never more than one, and certainly not at all since I've been pregnant). I didn't smoke before AARC and still don't, and I even stay away from caffeine, save the occaisional tea that may have a bit. Of course, before I entered AARC I had already decided not to use drugs again (and stated so on many occasions), so take that as you may.

So... that being said, thank you all for your concern, but I am doing marvelously.


Rachael

27
News Items / Bizarre AARC myths
« on: February 02, 2007, 08:59:43 AM »
Just remembered something odd...

When I was in AARC, they told us all sorts of random stories from the outside world; some true, some not so much.

I just remembered one thing that mildly disoriented me after I left.

The entire time I was in AARC, Dr. Vause and other "counsellors" told us that light bulbs could no longer legally be sold off the shelves in grocery stores as too many crackheads/meth junkies were stealing them to fashion into pipe-like devices.

When I finally was able to go into a grocery store many months later, I was shocked to realize that you could still buy light bulbs without having to explain yourself to a cashier.


Why did they make that up? I have no idea.


Just one more of the inexplicable little things from that place.

28
As per the following:

Quote
On 2006-06-22 08:07:00, TheWho wrote:

"
Quote

On 2006-06-22 08:00:00, Anonymous wrote:


"There are questions about Who's employment on about 3 different threads.  He came in here a few minutes ago but ignored all those, made an inane comment to TSW and left.  Wonder why he won't answer the questions?





At first I really gave him the benefit of the doubt and chalked the talk of him being and Ed Con or such just Fornits paranoia but now...hmmmmmmm.  





Who?  Anything to say?"




Okay, why dont we start and Employment thread and all tell our stories and what we do."





I'll start:

I'm a professional geek for a big oil company. I do executive, bilingual (French/English) tech support, and various sys. admin things.


Ok, now you go the Who:





Where do you work????

Smashing my delusions on the rock of truth. (bet the crack heads will like that one)
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=13737&forum=7&start=0#169198' target='_new'>dragonfly


29
The Troubled Teen Industry / Une chanson....
« on: June 07, 2006, 12:56:00 PM »
S'il faut parler aux foules
Ou faire tourner le vent
Je n'ai pas de magie
Ou de feu de dragon
Je n'ai plus peur de toi
Je n'suis plus hors de moi...

Tout ne peux pas s'écrire
Sur un bout de papier
Tout ne peux pas se détruire
En actionnant un levier
Alors... je me souviendrai...

Je t'avais croisé
Sur les pavés
Baiser salé...

J'ai rattaché ma barque
Et me suis faite transparente
Le jeu de la colère
Sous le manteau du silence
Trou dans la mémoire
Juste à l'endroit des attentes
Je ne vais plus m'envoler
Au premier de tes souffles...

Époumone-toi
Même si tu souffles
Je brule et ne me consume pas
Eh non!

Je ne suis pas génie
Je ne suis pas fée
Je ne suis pas un ange
Je n'ai plus peur de toi
Je ne suis pas génie
Je ne suis pas fée
...
Je n'ai plus peur de toi

Je n'ai plus peur de toi
Même quand le temps me pèse lourd
Quand rôde au fond de moi
Un étrange ruisseau
Que la force de la vague
Et la lune me gardent...

Trop de mélancolie
Dans ma constellation
Mais ça, je l'ai toujours eu
Je ne pose plus de questions
Je me souviendrai...

Je t'avais croisé
Sur les pavés
Baiser salé...

J'ai retiré l'écharde
Et attisé l'arrogance
Savouré mes combats
Avoué mes regards
Une raclure se dessine
Dans ma peau de lézard
Je ne vais plus m'envoler
Au premier de tes souffles...

Souffle

Rien ne m'emportera
Même si tu souffles
je brûle et ne me consume pas
Eh non!

Je ne suis pas génie
Je ne suis pas fée
Je ne suis pas un ange
Je n'ai plus peur de toi
Je ne suis pas génie
Je ne suis pas fée
...
Je n'ai plus peur de toi

What is a committee?  A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.    
-- Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960


30
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Anniversaries
« on: July 08, 2005, 08:23:00 PM »
Quote

Anyhow,  today is my 1-year anniversary of sobreity, and subsequently my 1-year anniversary of entering the "AARC Family". In approximately 3 weeks I will again celebrate another anniversary, except this one will be "1 Year AARC-Free"... Say, I wonder if AA gives out keychains for that one? :razz:




Hey, I really like this idea. Let's everyone post our true anniversaries, the ones we have to look forward to. I'll start:

August 7, 2005: The third anniversary of my sobriety.

August 17, 2005: The first anniversary of the first time I felt truly safe in 2 1/2 years. (Also the first anniversary of my 18th birthday.)

August 21, 2005: The third anniversary of having been incarcerated against my will, against my rights and against the law in an abusive institution that proceeded to attempt the complete destruction of my self.

Mid-October 2005: The third anniversary of having lost all sense of self, all dignity, and all hope.

Mid-November 2005: The third anniversary of a most grotesque abuse of authority by an oldcomer. I was forced to stand in the bathroom with my oldcomer while she defecated. She proceeded to wipe herself with her hand. Then she approached me and forced her hand in my mouth.

Day After: The third anniversary of having been publicly chastised and humiliated for having spit out the water I'd had in my mouth during the incident.

Late November 2005: The third anniversary of a rape. In the dark of the AARC laundryroom where I'd been led by my oldcomer. At least three. none of whom I can Identify. Also the third anniversary of having lost the will to move, the will to fight, the will to live, the will to speak. I died inside that afternoon, and I'm still trying to get back. I can't speak anymore of that now.

December 31, 2005: Third anniversary of an escape. I walked out of a host home where the door to the bedroom had been left open and unalarmed. The door to the outside likewise. I ran as fast as I could, terrified and yet fighting against the urge to return, in bare feet. It was 3am, there was snow and I was in my pyjamas. I thought nothing, I just ran.

January 1, 2006: Third anniversary of reading a book for the first time in six months. Also, third anniversary of touching a piano for the first time in six months.

February 2006: Third anniversary of my first day at school post-AARC. I'd convinced myself (through considerable aid from AARC) that I was incompetent, unintelligent, patently lazy, and that I'd never yet accomplished a thing in my life. So I redid a full year of courses, believing that the marks I'd achieved previously at the gifted high school I'd been attending before AARC weren't good enough.

June 2006: Third anniversary of having spoken with someone unrelated to me since AARC. It took me that long to be able to speak.

June 2006: Third anniversary of my achievment of a 94% average, the second highest in my school.

July 2006: Third anniversary of the first time I'd laughed in close to a year.

Christmas 2006: Third anniversary of the first time I was able to kiss my sisters and tell them I loved them in a year and a half.

July 8, 2006: The first anniversary of having explicitly told someone of being raped. The first anniversary of breaking a destructive silence. The fisrt anniversary of choosing to never be victimized by this agin. The first anniversary of a very great anger. The first anniversary of an end to allowing this violence to continue.

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