166
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / James
« on: October 18, 2004, 09:22:00 PM »
Are you Shane from Chincoteaque?
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167
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Intakes and Birthdays
« on: October 18, 2004, 09:20:00 PM »
Yeah, I was in a horribly abusive home in Landover, MD. Oldcomer was fourteen and very violent b/c he had never done drugs (Emanuel C.) They sent me there, I believe, to put "fire under my ass" because it was in the ghetto and he was such a dick. Food very rationed. Host mom tried whole-heartedly to convince me that it was my fault that my Mom died of leukemia. "She just gave up b/c you were so bad". Saw the other newc get beaten alot and once pushed down the stairs. (Yes I reported it). Jason, I hope you're ok. Then one night the three of us fell asleep while listening to people (girls) partying and shooting off fireworks in the neighboring apartment on Jan 1.
168
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / James
« on: October 18, 2004, 07:11:00 AM »
Good to hear from you. [ This Message was edited by: shady grove on 2005-09-20 16:13 ]
169
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Intakes and Birthdays
« on: October 17, 2004, 11:50:00 AM »
I got into the car and my dad had his saudi employees got in on either side of the back seat. He said," we're going to straight".
I was scared but partly relieved. I heard straight was a very caring place with other kids who wanted to help me. I was in alot of pain, was planning my suicide and new I had no hope for sanity. Unless...unless this straight really could help. Maybe it could. I didn't want to stop smoking PCP and drinking, but I wanted the pain to stop. Maybe if I was taken to a legitamate rehab then, I would have gotten clean without emotional baggage 16 years later! But then, no other place had the success record, right? I can't blame him...he loved me.
I was scared but partly relieved. I heard straight was a very caring place with other kids who wanted to help me. I was in alot of pain, was planning my suicide and new I had no hope for sanity. Unless...unless this straight really could help. Maybe it could. I didn't want to stop smoking PCP and drinking, but I wanted the pain to stop. Maybe if I was taken to a legitamate rehab then, I would have gotten clean without emotional baggage 16 years later! But then, no other place had the success record, right? I can't blame him...he loved me.
170
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / James
« on: October 17, 2004, 11:43:00 AM »
Are you there?[ This Message was edited by: shady grove on 2005-09-20 16:12 ]
171
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / James
« on: October 17, 2004, 11:42:00 AM »
To james (I think):
You were from Va or NC. You were my newcomer after I had been there almost 2 years (mostly 1st phase), my dad had just married into a graduate family, I had a new sister staff member and they had forced me to move to 2nd phase. You were misbehaving and sent home with me (why?). I screamed at you as hard as I could. I had not been a screamer before this. I was freaked out and you were fucking around in the house. I screamed at you in group, too. I know I am not remembering your trauma completely, I was in trauma then too. Anyway, I'm not trying to justify my behavior, just give background for my apology. My punishment is that the guilt is really haunting me. :scared:
To anyone else I caused trauma. I am sorry. I have been healing from trauma for 16 years now, FWIT.
You were from Va or NC. You were my newcomer after I had been there almost 2 years (mostly 1st phase), my dad had just married into a graduate family, I had a new sister staff member and they had forced me to move to 2nd phase. You were misbehaving and sent home with me (why?). I screamed at you as hard as I could. I had not been a screamer before this. I was freaked out and you were fucking around in the house. I screamed at you in group, too. I know I am not remembering your trauma completely, I was in trauma then too. Anyway, I'm not trying to justify my behavior, just give background for my apology. My punishment is that the guilt is really haunting me. :scared:
To anyone else I caused trauma. I am sorry. I have been healing from trauma for 16 years now, FWIT.
172
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
« on: October 17, 2004, 11:03:00 AM »
I had a doctor about 6 months out of straight tell me my face had "low affect". Meaning expressionless. It's a diagnosis! I think I make alot of people uncomfortable b/c they can't tell if I'm kidding, angry, sad etc when I say things. :
:
:
173
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / springfield va 88/89
« on: October 17, 2004, 10:42:00 AM »
Yeah I knew Curtis. He was on staff? How where is he. Steve, I think I knew you. Va Beach?
[ This Message was edited by: shady grove on 2005-09-20 16:11 ]
[ This Message was edited by: shady grove on 2005-09-20 16:11 ]
174
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
« on: October 16, 2004, 08:43:00 AM »
This thread is awesome! Thanks so much for bringing it up. Thanks Day jerk for your post.
OCD was a huge casualty for me b/c of straight. I remember the first day it started. I was on "consequences" for getting honest about something. So I realized these rules were important. To survive, i needed to be good at the rules. Surviving means make it through the day without humiliation or feeling terribly separated from the group. There began "headgaming" in straight out of it became handwashing, lock checking, funny-breathing-to-avoid-smells, checking-money-for-blood-by-pressing-it-to-credit-receipts (worked in a gas station booth, afraid of aids)and general obsessiing about everything in my life. When they first tried to put me on meds, the OCD got so much worse b/c it was tied-in to my fear of drugs. I got through that on my own, somehow, and now do take zoloft for OCD and depression. And it is keeping the suicidals away, thankfully.
I am sure that the straight life was a prime place for activating this shit. I can't say it's the total cause, b/c my wife and step sis who went through don't do this, and frankly can't understand it. But it effected everyone differently. Definately putting me in a place where survival depended on hypervigilance was not a good combo for me.
Trying to work through it has been hard, simply b/c no one understands it. I would bring these credit card receipts to my therapist. He wouldn't know what to say. Forget about trying to find someone in NA that got any of it. But my sponsor knew at least how to help me off a spaz. It's alot better now, but still working on it.
Thanks again all.
OCD was a huge casualty for me b/c of straight. I remember the first day it started. I was on "consequences" for getting honest about something. So I realized these rules were important. To survive, i needed to be good at the rules. Surviving means make it through the day without humiliation or feeling terribly separated from the group. There began "headgaming" in straight out of it became handwashing, lock checking, funny-breathing-to-avoid-smells, checking-money-for-blood-by-pressing-it-to-credit-receipts (worked in a gas station booth, afraid of aids)and general obsessiing about everything in my life. When they first tried to put me on meds, the OCD got so much worse b/c it was tied-in to my fear of drugs. I got through that on my own, somehow, and now do take zoloft for OCD and depression. And it is keeping the suicidals away, thankfully.
I am sure that the straight life was a prime place for activating this shit. I can't say it's the total cause, b/c my wife and step sis who went through don't do this, and frankly can't understand it. But it effected everyone differently. Definately putting me in a place where survival depended on hypervigilance was not a good combo for me.
Trying to work through it has been hard, simply b/c no one understands it. I would bring these credit card receipts to my therapist. He wouldn't know what to say. Forget about trying to find someone in NA that got any of it. But my sponsor knew at least how to help me off a spaz. It's alot better now, but still working on it.
Thanks again all.
175
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / How To Beat Straight
« on: October 15, 2004, 07:24:00 AM »
What do you think you are accomplishing with posts like that?
All you've done is wreck your credibility with us, which I guess you don't care about anyway.
Please, is there some way you can be a little more constructive. Clearly something Carmel said pissed you off, is it necessary to be so bombastic and inflammatory? :em:
All you've done is wreck your credibility with us, which I guess you don't care about anyway.
Please, is there some way you can be a little more constructive. Clearly something Carmel said pissed you off, is it necessary to be so bombastic and inflammatory? :em:
176
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / effects of brainwashing on teenagers
« on: October 14, 2004, 06:38:00 PM »
I also really wonder how much everything I do has been greatly influenced by straight. Especially the way I interact with others. Do I show compassion appropriately? Do I overreact, am I stringent? I definately have a black or white thing going on. All or nothing.
It often sucks alot.
I was a major "headgamer" in straight. I beleive I went there with the wiring for OCD, and then that environmnent exploited it shamelessly. It has been a MAJOR struggle in the last 16 years...medication, therapy, self hatred, etc.
Incidentally, there are many others here besides VA people that will understand your issues perfectly. If anything, Fl and NJ programs were worse than ours.
I am very thankful I never had to meet that Miller Newton fucker!
It often sucks alot.
I was a major "headgamer" in straight. I beleive I went there with the wiring for OCD, and then that environmnent exploited it shamelessly. It has been a MAJOR struggle in the last 16 years...medication, therapy, self hatred, etc.
Incidentally, there are many others here besides VA people that will understand your issues perfectly. If anything, Fl and NJ programs were worse than ours.
I am very thankful I never had to meet that Miller Newton fucker!
177
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / pooh bang!
« on: October 14, 2004, 09:28:00 AM »
We had a get out of your head thing too. I almost forgot. Thanks for the reminder.
You face your fist palm side up in someone's face and then open the fist fast. To imply that some awakening magic was coming forth from your opening fist. People wanting to be spiteful would do it very close to your face. Annoying.
You face your fist palm side up in someone's face and then open the fist fast. To imply that some awakening magic was coming forth from your opening fist. People wanting to be spiteful would do it very close to your face. Annoying.
178
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / pooh bang!
« on: October 13, 2004, 04:41:00 PM »
I have always been interested in Straight slang and traditions. It's totally cool to read ex-straightlings from other programs use the same lingo we did. It's like we were in there together. So my question is:
Do people from other programs recognize the bizarre words: Pooh, Pooh Bang, Cu, or Cugga Mugga
These were words that we would actually say to each while in group or being walked to the toilet. They were also accompanied by hand signals. Offically it was considered "talking out" and was discouraged, but somehow was not illegal like actually talking.
Glossary:
Pooh-yes (hand signal was an ok sign)
Pooh Bang-exuberant agreement
Cu-no (fold your four fingers toward the plam and pronate the wrist)
Cugga Mugga-strong disagreement
If people from other areas are familiar with these terms, that is so fucked-up! Please let me know.
Do people from other programs recognize the bizarre words: Pooh, Pooh Bang, Cu, or Cugga Mugga
These were words that we would actually say to each while in group or being walked to the toilet. They were also accompanied by hand signals. Offically it was considered "talking out" and was discouraged, but somehow was not illegal like actually talking.
Glossary:
Pooh-yes (hand signal was an ok sign)
Pooh Bang-exuberant agreement
Cu-no (fold your four fingers toward the plam and pronate the wrist)
Cugga Mugga-strong disagreement
If people from other areas are familiar with these terms, that is so fucked-up! Please let me know.
179
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Names of people I remember, Straight VA '85
« on: October 13, 2004, 04:32:00 PM »
Marcus your name is terribly familiar. I just got there in jan 87, so you may not rmemeber me. I am interested, yet terrified, in Va reunion but live in Fl now.
Tom, I think I know you. From suitland, MD?
Geoffrey A.
Tom, I think I know you. From suitland, MD?
Geoffrey A.
180
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Springfied VA late 85, Stoughton MA 86
« on: October 13, 2004, 04:12:00 PM »
I thought only overagers went through that fast! Were you overage?
Also, for the one who stayed copped out for 2 years, where/how did you live? On the street?. That sucks!
There goes that Ira name again. I'm sure this is the same guy I knew. He was still there in Jan 87...diabetic, right? He was one of those long-timers, 3 years plus I bet. From NY I believe.
Later
Also, for the one who stayed copped out for 2 years, where/how did you live? On the street?. That sucks!
There goes that Ira name again. I'm sure this is the same guy I knew. He was still there in Jan 87...diabetic, right? He was one of those long-timers, 3 years plus I bet. From NY I believe.
Later