Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Keep in mind that I have not seen Marcy in person since approx. 1995, but can still see her face and remember her looks.  She had long, wavy brown hair.

That said, I'll tell you that I have taken a closer look at those Golf Tournament photos from '06/'07 and did not recognize any of those folks.  I'll look through some more though, and will let you know if I recognize her.

Nothing wrong with a little psychic self surgery. In fact, short of total milieu control, which we know to be haphazard and harmful, there is no other way to do psychic surgery, is there? I almost wish I had done more acid.

Well, HBWR or Oliloqui are excellent replacements.  Bouncing Bear has some fine stuff and I can vouch for their products.  I've gone through BBB many times for procurement of entheogens.  I never did dig salvia d though; she's not really my ally.

Yes.  That's the one, that's Marcy.  Thanks for tracking this stuff down, Net Picker.

This stuff brings back some old memories: I remember now her telling us that she'd lived in Florida as a teen, and I also remember her, at DAYTOP, playing us that song ("Is This America?") on an acoustic guitar one time.  

However, the women in those photos?  I do not recognize any of them as being Marcy.  But I might have a closer look later on.

More later.

After deliberating with myself over this, I have decided to disclose these people's names.

DAYTOP outpatient started out in Richardson TX; I first went there in March of '92.  Then they gradually moved the operation to the Dresser building, near downtown Dallas, beginning in spring/summer of '93 and into early '94.  I graduated in approximately August of '93, and DAYTOP left TX entirely in approximately '96.

So here they are, all of them. These are the staff who were working at DAYTOP when I was there:

I'd love it if some of you floated these names around and tried to see what can be come up with on these people. Especially Marcy.

First is Ruben SILVERIO (maybe SYLVERIO, I cannot remember the proper spelling). A Puerto Rican DAYTOP grad from NYC.

Next, Marcy LANGSTEIN (pronounced Lang-STEEN) this is the one whom I refer to as "Marcia;" she was a totally bullying, confrontational "diesel dyke."  Again, I am not making fun of her; that's how she described herself to us at the time.  I remember her as a kd lang loving, folk-music playing, flannel and cargo-pants wearing, pickup truck driving type. She is also a DAYTOP grad from NYC; I think that she was a grad from the Queens outpatient facility.

If what I was told about her is true, then Marcy indirectly killed Mike GOMEZ through her abuse and negligence, IMO.

Mike GOMEZ was the kid I told of, whom Marcy (going against his parents' wishes) told that he was adopted, according to my sources. This led to Mike becoming very disturbed and running away, eventually getting killed while driving drunk. The kid had FASD, and was learning-disabled. We all treated Mike very poorly, and I regret that. He was the guy who was made to walk around with the pacifier.

The DAYTOP directors' names back in my time were these:

When I first got there in March of '92, the director's name was Mike GORMAN. He was a chain-smoking ex-jazzbo from NYC who claimed to have played the drums in Billie Holiday's band. He chain smoked filterless Pall Malls, spoke in this raspy voice, and he's the one the always went around with that "When you think you're looking good you're looking bad, and when you think you're looking bad, you're looking good" crap. He'd been to prison and had a small teardrop tattoo near one of his eyes, I cannot remember which one.  Mike Gorman graduated from DAYTOP way back in the '60s and had worked for their organization for a long time. He's been dead for over ten years. He was pretty old when I knew him, and I heard that he died in Florida at his daughter's house.  He died in '93.  I am pretty sure that Mike Gorman had been part of Synanon back in the day, too.

The next director after Mike was a guy named Eddie CINISOMO. He was a DAYTOP grad from NYC too and would always tell us that we were just statistics to him.  I don't know how or why he got removed from the directorship, but he did. He is dead now too, from some kind of natural causes, but I know no details of his death or the circumstances of it. His wife worked for DAYTOP too, as an administrator, but I do not remember her first name.

After Eddie was M*******  another Puerto Rican, ex-heroin addict.  I am not mentioning here name here to protect her privacy in case she is still alive.  She started out as a counselor in DAYTOP and eventually got promoted to director of our outpatient facility. She was (according to my sources) HIV positive but none of us knew it at the time, and I heard that she is dead now too. She's the one that went to work for Dallas' Phoenix House facility after DAYTOP was shut down in TX. She eventually died (or so I heard) from an AIDS related disease.

So all three of the directors at our outpatient facility are dead now. I do not know for sure, 100% about M*******, but feel that it is likely that she is indeed dead. She's not mentioned as part of Phoenix House's Dallas facility anymore.

Also on the staff as counselors were Greg THOMAS and Leroy BREWSTER. These two were these two huge black dudes that used to be football players. A kid named Mike told me, swore up and down, that he and another kid named Jerry once smoked a joint with Leroy on DAYTOP property and laughed about it together. Leroy supposedly UA'd them shortly thereafter but nobody involved cared. What are they gonna do, make me sit in the Chair? Was Mikes' reasoning. DAYTOP never kicked anybody out of the program, just shipped 'em too Athens if things got out of hand or if the kid was too rebellious or whatever. Greg Thomas was an ex-college football player who had to quit playing because of an injury and eventually started working "in the industry."  Leroy Brewster was a guy who used to deal Ecstasy in the mid '80s, and had worked for the Buckner orphanage before he got hooked up with DAYTOP.  I am pretty sure that Leroy was from Lake Highlands and went to Lake Highlands High School.

The other kids who eventually died were named T.J. THURMAN and Robert ROMAN. T.J. was the guy I told of who was a junkie and eventually got shot trying to steal somebody's car, and Robert was this Mexican kid who eventually joined a gang and got killed too.

One time in 1995, I was driving in Old East Dallas and saw Marcy out in her yard mowing her lawn, so I pulled over and got out of the car to say hi to her.  I do not recall our conversation much but do recall that she told me she was working for UPS.

Let's see what can be done to hold 'em accountable.

The name old DAYTOP Dallas outpatient staff psychologist (whom I referred to the other day) is Susan MERLIN (like the magician) and the old staff social worker's name is Joyce RATNER. Joyce eventually quit working for DAYTOP because (as she told me years later) she began to see how abusive they were.  I was in touch with Joyce a little bit over the years, off and on; as late as the year 2000/2001 I ran into her in a restaurant and we talked about "the old days" over lunch.  Joyce actually apologized to me for what they'd done.  I didn't "get it" at the time, what she was talking about, but sure do now.  Joyce was a really nice lady.

I actually believed that DAYTOP had helped me for years after the fact.

That place really, really screwed with my mind.  It took me fifteen years to see that.

Last I knew, Joyce was retired and I have no idea at all about whatever happened to Susan.

Some words of encouragement from The Chairman:

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

That's life
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life
That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My

Motivational Litmus Tests at Admission: Forced confession at the end of a confrontational intake interview that one was a baby, was stupid and needed help, and the surrendering of something of value to demonstrate one's commitment to recovery (e.g., money, property, one's hair).

Pull-ups: Immediate feedback from one community member to another regarding inappropriate behavior.

Image work: Demands to change physical appearance and demeanor (everything from how one talked to how one walked).

Haircut: A group session in which a relatively new member is "taken apart" by community elders and given prescriptions for improving his or her attitudes and behavior.

Learning Experience: An assignment intended as a form of self-confrontation and communication to other community members. Examples include being "busted" from a higher status position to the dishpan; wearing a diaper, a toilet seat or a sign (e.g., "I'm a baby. Please help me grow up.") for a prescribed period of time; or having one's head shaved.

The Synanon Game: A no-holds-barred group therapy that utilized verbal attack and ridicule to strip the participant's exterior image and defenses while supposedly toughening them on the inside.

Probes, Reaches, Trips, Marathons & Stews: Versions of the Synanon Game that could extend for prolonged periods of time (six to eight hours, to days).

The Fireplace Ritual (General Meeting): Meeting called of the whole community to confront a single individual's behavior.

This really takes me back, wow.  

Remember, everything I am telling you was taking place in TX, and the whole atmosphere and attitude about "treatment" and "rehabilitation" down there, whether it's some outpatient facility for Johnny Pothead or a maximum-security prison, is entirely punitive in its approach.

This punitive approach to "treatment" that was the "big thing" in TX the early '90s hurt a lot more people than it helped, needless to say.

DAYTOP terminology and practice in my day included the "haircuts"; we'd use the term "pull up", also we'd call it "reeling in"; we also called them "learning experiences or L.E.-s"; we'd do "Image work" and this was also called "learning to recognize one's physical attitudes;" we did the encounter groups once or twice a week, those two marathon groups, the one "Gut Check" session in the year and a half or so that I was there, and "haircuts" whenever they were considered necessary.  

The name of the annual DAYTOP Halloween party/dance was Gaudenzia.

Each new member (I forget the term for newer members and think that they were simply called "younger members") was assigned a "big brother" or "big sister" to help them adjust to the program and to keep them "reeled in" properly.

Also there was a lot of the use of the word "gut," as in "you need to check your gut" or "that makes my gut flip," etc.  

For example: if somebody new was "copping an attitude" we'd "reel them in" by arranging a "haircut" with that person's "big brother" and some "coordinators" or "counselors."  We'd confront this person on their "image problem" and "physical attitudes" and then after the "haircut" they'd be given an "L.E." like sitting in The Chair for awhile with a sign on their back, or walking around with a sign that said, "ask me to bark like a dog"  or a pacifier on a string around their neck.  If the person would still not come around, then they'd be confronted in the "encounter group" and then if they were still had not made the proper attitude adjustment they'd be "called out" before the entire "DAYTOP family" in "morning meeting," which I suppose was a variation of the Fireplace Ritual, in an effort to help "pull them up."

More later.  My head is spinning, and I need time to process and recollect this stuff.

My therapists are actually out of town this week, taking a much-deserved vacation.  So this board IS my therapy right now.  I sincerely hope that nobody minds.

Here's a couple more things that I'll add while I am thinking about it:

The director of the place I'll call her "Marylin",the one who I was told is/was HIV positive?  I never did tell of how I found out about her.  To make a long story short (and I'll spare you the details; they're probably not important) I was told of this by my friend Billy, who was told by his mother.  Billy's mom was a genuine heroin addict and was originally told of it by "Marylin" herself during a private counseling session.  Billy's mom (she's gone now too, BTW) had Hep C and they were discussing blood-borne illnesses that are transmitted through shooting up.  That's when Marylin, so the story goes, shared her status.  I do not know if Marylin was legally obligated under state law to tell any of us of her supposed HIV-positive status at the time or not, but she didn't, and I did not know of it until after I'd graduated.  If it's indeed true (and it might not be, for all I know) that she was HIV-positive , she was working in close proximity with minors, for God's sake.  But Marylin never told me or anybody of the other kids at the time, and I do not even know this for an absolute fact, in any case.  I take it on very good authority though; I take Billy's word for it.

Also the Marathon Groups...we did two of them while I was there.  This was long so ago...I do not remember them being all that intense or traumatic, really; they were just, like, extended encounter groups that into more personal and detailed stuff, and we not supposed to yell.  Another type of group confession thing, basically a different version of the "Gut Check" exercise that we had to go through that one time with Jeff and Nathan.  The Marathon Group was set in a room in which the lights were dimmed, there was soft music on, and it was smaller, ten or fifteen of us I'd say.  They were six or so hours in duration.  Basically, we were told to confess and reveal all of the most personal details of our lives, how it made us feel, and we were supposed to confront one another one hangups, suppressed emotions, "Tell us how that made you feel" stuff, and the like.  They really tried to get into your business during those sessions.  But again, the haircuts and encounter groups were much more brutal, and in retrospect  much more traumatizing to me, than the Marathon Groups.  They were still not pleasant, but the Encounter Groups and haircuts were much more "in your face" and the Marathons were sort of subtle and laid-back.

We were a bunch of kids that they were subjecting to this shit; we were all between 14-18 years old.  There were a couple of kids who were as young as 12-13.  During one group session, this 12- year old girl (she was really young to be there) started talking about horrific sexual abuse that had been inflicted upon her; this girl had no boundaries, and I do not know what the counselors ever did about her situation. She'd come out of something called the Letot Center, that particular girl.  There were a few girls that had come from Letot.  I myself was 19 when I graduated from the program; I was one of the oldest, if not THE oldest.  Looking back I can see now just how wildly inappropriate that place was for a bunch of teenagers, especially a casual high-school potsmoker like me.  There was one "staff psychologist" but I do not know what she did all day or what her background was; she worked in the offices in the back and was the one that they'd always bring the parents to.  As far as I know, she was the one trained or degreed person in the place (other than the teachers in the school, which I never went to since I had my GED)  and I really do not know what exactly she did for them; she never ran any groups or anything, and was always in the back.  And there was one social worker, I remember now, one actual social worker with a degree that did intake stuff, and that's it.

Here's a little more:  

I remember now, thinking about all of this stuff, pulling up old memories that I have not thought about or processed in years (this is really taking me back) that one thing phrase that got thrown around a lot in one form or another, whenever some kid was acting rebellious or being disobedient or "copping an attitude" in any way, went something  like this during the haircut or whatever:

"THE SIGN ON THE WALL SAYs DAYTOP, NOT PLAYTOP, SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU CAN LEAVE, AND DON'T LET THE DOOR SWAT YOUR BUTT ON THE WAY OUT!!!"

Or, sometimes instead of the "It's not PLAYTOP, it's DAYTOP" line they'd use  "It's called DAYTOP, not DAYCARE, so if you don't like it why don't you LEAVE and see where you end up!!!"

...or some variation like that, therefore erecting the bars in our minds.  A lot of us were forced to go into DAYTOP by our parents, and some were probated there.  If we leave, split, where are we gonna go, the streets?  Deadinsanejaildeadinsanejaildeadinsanejail...and our parents were duped into believing us to be a bunch of fuckups, too, so who's going to believe their kid when the kid comes home at night and says "I hate that place.  I'm being abused and degraded there.  They're trying to brainwash me."  You know?

My Dad would say, "It's tough love, not a recreation center."  At the center, Marcia would tell me not to think too much: onedayatatimeonedayatatimeonedayatatime...And I started to actually to be grateful for the ongoing punishment.  It was just one long coercion in DAYTOP.

A couple more DAYTOP values, too, that I recall now are these, maybe these people will be held accountable one day, according to the very principles they taught us:

IT ALL COMES OUT IN THE WASH (Yeah, I'd like to see it all come out in the wash, all right.)  Also

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND  (Yes it does, Marcia, yes it does...)

Or when somebody would ask about how DAYTOP came up with its methods, they'd tell us about Synanon (I heard about Synanon there and the literal haircuts in DAYTOP's early days, I think that the old director there was in Synanon) we were told that a lot of this stuff was borrowed and adapted from Synanon, but then (and this, remember, was before the Internet existed) they'd tell us "But you know, Synanon was a cult, and we just took some of their best methods and adapted them; Synanon was abusive and fanatical, but DAYTOP is humane and nurturing and here's why..."  

After all, the head guy is a priest, he must be keeping our best interests at heart, right?  Yeah, right.  Not an abusive cult my ass.