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Messages - Sam Kinison

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151
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / who is still sober
« on: March 01, 2007, 02:01:40 PM »
Considering the fact that I am not,nor never have been, a drug addict nor alcoholic,who cares?Straight's greatest crime,in my eyes,was orienting their clients/victims/patients to believe that they were hooked on drugs and/or alcohol when it was a known lie for 90% of said people.I said known lie because Straight's directors knew this to be true.How can any form of therapy be positive when it's based on a lie?Let me explain it's damage, instead.
                 When my mother signed me into Straight,I was almost seventeen years old(almost 30 years ago).I had just ran off for the first and last time.I was definitely a teen with serious issues.My drug use was moderate and decreasing by this time.By slamming this  "you're a druggie,that's the problem"warehoused bullshit in my head,they literally forced me to ignore the real issues in my life.They totally took away my periphery to confront my true demons by planting this artificial one in me,crippling my chances of coming to terms with them at a later date.Many of those issues that were haunting that sixteen-year old thirty years ago are just being dealt with recently,many with the help of these forums.Most of the credit goes to my commitment to being a loving a caring father which these demons were impairing that.Maybe love won't conquer all,but at least it's giving me a fighting chance.
                  I refuse to villify any former victims/clients/patients who became staff members later on because they only reacted to the same abuse that we did in a different way.While Wanda Minton was indeed a vicious bitch as a staff member,I remember when staff forced her to hot box a pack of Kools for stealing one of her mother's cigarettes.Reading 85DJ's post started me to wonder why my program took so long,now I realize,they might have needed my stepfather to supply the trucks to help them change buildings one more time free of charge(I was in three of them)and of course,he was always there to lend a hand,especially if it kept me away.
                   I don't carry any grudges.I'm just grateful to have the chance to clear this stuff up.Some people die never facing this stuff.I easily could have.Now it's time to fix this old machine for real,as best as I can.

152
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Who remembers these?
« on: February 25, 2007, 02:00:44 AM »
My first week,Chris Cassler was returning to 4th Phase after being put back on 3rd phase for copying his newcomer's MI's.This is important to mention because as so many villify(maybe correctly)Chris for his involvement in the Sarasota program,he many ways he was in the same boat we were.Doug Hemminger was on first phase.Liz Cassidy(Gay)was a staff trainee.Dave and Cynthia Crock were both on Senior Staff but not yet married.
                      Aimee Wright and Mike Murphy were both on Junior Staff.Wanda Minton participated in my intake while on a 3rd phase refresher(talking about a great first impression!)along with Jimmy Cassidy.Interesting note,nobody paid monthly,it was something $800 for the entire program.There wasn't any fifth phase yet.Let's say the group was a lot tougher in those days,many kids being there right out of juvie on court order.
                      Straight was barely thirteen months old.As an interview with a former trustee board member mentioned,that was the time when Straight changed their "Modus Operandi".Their target market became a lot more upscale,they were admitting kids who were a lot less at risk than the kids in previous months.Many original board members resigned at this time.The program changed from an alternative to JDC and State School for at risk juveniles to a facility designed to exploit the fears and frustrations of naive,sometimes blindfolded, parents of middle class and wealthier families.This was about four months before Woof entered the facility.Helen Peterman was running amok all over that warehouse across from the Milton Roy Building.The average graduate took eight months to finish.This was beginning to change.They were sstill boasting that no graduate from Straight had returned to using.When that changed so did everything.
                      I guess thay figured that we weren't being brainwashed enough.They created the fifth phase.Fourth phase was lasting an eternity for some kids.Being called a "woodwork fourth phaser" wasn't that uncommon.Undefined goals,biased opinions of unqualified staff and rampant paranoia were the norms.One of my life's biggest regrets are not talking about pulling myself to my parents going into my senior year in high school,because I found out years later that they would have gone along with it.

153
Read this URL.Learn where it really all began!

154
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / 29 Years Ago This Date; 01/21/78
« on: February 05, 2007, 03:11:24 AM »
Maybe that's how I smile after 11 years of marriage......maybe that's how she smiles,too.By the way,how did I look on the Snickers commercial during the Super Bowl? ::bigmouth::  ::bigmouth::  ::bigmouth::

155
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / To Woof and others
« on: February 03, 2007, 01:20:14 PM »
Straight is based on a lie for over 95% of their clients(victims),that lie being that the youth involved is a drug addict or alcoholic.If Straight's client acceptance policy was as honest as they insisted their "patients" should be,they would have needed only a couple of suites in an office building rather than an entire warehouse.
             MK-Ultra and other forms of behavior modification may or may not have it's place,for me the jury's not entirely in.However if it does,there cannot be a question of its necessity.Speculative nonsense,like a "dry druggie" or "ón his way",should not even be considered for this type of intervention.Even so,it should be conducted by licensed,qualified competent,literate professionals who are held responsible for their conduct while performing their duties.Straight failed miserably in all phases of that last criteria.
            Having been with Woof on his first day,I would say that institutionalizing him that way at that age for what he did was probably less sane than any act he may have yet committed and probably any other one he would have committed for the next two years.In the 70's,our parents would rather commit us than face up to the idiocy of their own conditioning.Straight capitalized on that fear and ignorance.(Please,please!Do anything!Just don't show me I was wrong!).
           To sum it up,to try to convince somebody they're an alcoholic or drug addict when they're not should be considered a crime when done in an institutional capacity.The reason being,all human animals have some sort of baggage to confront.This type of brainwashing just hinders the individual when he has real issues to confront.Real treatment and therapy,in theory,enables the patient to do just that,face life on its own terms.Smoke and mirrors just cloud the issue,especially when its for the benefit of others,just creates additional problems,sometimes with deadly consequences.

156
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / 29 Years Ago This Date; 01/21/78
« on: February 01, 2007, 05:04:36 PM »
If you look at my location and read the papers,you can get a hint on what I do for a living.On a personal level,I live very comfortably and send my children to private school.That's all I'll say on this topic on this posting.Any more detail than that would require a PM with you telling me who I'm chatting with.By the way,remember the Str8 BS rhetoric of my "druggie image" as a gambler.Funny,nobody else had that image.What a bunch of morons!Funny how none of us could talk to them about their image of being assholes.

157
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / 29 Years Ago This Date; 01/21/78
« on: February 01, 2007, 05:10:47 AM »
::hehehmm:: And to think somebody who spent that first evening with you responds to this thread.Remembering that night,you sort of had a look on your face like"Oh Shit,here I am now,what do I do?"Trying to discuss the program in its true light with your parents is futile.My mother actually thinks that she saved my life by putting me in there,not knowing the astronomically high mortality rate of Str8 graduates as opposed to others.I went through my 20's so angry that I'm amazed that I didn't kill more than just once,and not by accident!We were fed so many lies that I'm still sorting out the BS thirty years later.Here I am,now in my mid 40's focusing on neutralizing every neuroses I have,that if not caused by,was nurtured and eventually festered due to my time there.Until I became a father,I never saw any importance to staying alive.I was petrified of ever becoming a father for fear of bereavement.Now it happened for the first time in my mid 30's and, hopefully,for the last time five months ago.My challenges today are real,anything but imaginary.After thinking about so many others who passed on prematurely and how close to the edge I lived for so long after Str8,I guess I have an obligation to myself and others to maintain my life and be an exemplary parent,in spite of my countless flaws.As messed up as I might be,I owe it those who love me and need me to push through this insanity to make this world a better place for them,if not myself.

158
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Micheal Patterson
« on: June 10, 2006, 06:33:00 AM »
So many people just letting themselves go like that.In a spiritual sense,the greatest tragedy in life is one cannot love ones self as those around him do.I rmember having lunch with him and his kid brother at Clearwater Mall in the mid '80s.No talk about Str8,no talk about steps.People needed him amongst the living!

159
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Straight Inc's 1st Black Victim
« on: May 29, 2006, 11:21:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-01-08 05:01:00, Woof-a-Doof wrote:

"His name was Dion.



Seemed not unlike any other monotionious (sp) day in the group. It doesnt seem that we had been in the Morgan Yacht building that long. For myself I was still mesmorized by the garage doors on either side of the group, over on the 4th phase side. They always made such a sound when being opened/closed. I remember feeling like it was something special to have the doors open, as if we had done something particularly worthy of fresh air. I remember them calling for those that had "responcibilities" so that they could "watch" the door. But of course, the door wasnt what needed watching....it was the group. Not long after we had moved to the Morgan Yacht Building I recall the entire first row bum rushed one of the doors in one swift, planned and seemingly calculated move...For those of us not involved in the mass exidous, we sat in utter amazment. Chairs...or delapadated church pews were splintered as they over turned being trambled by "Door Keeps" and those fleeing the scene. Those of us left in the group had a sense of exhileration for our brehteren (as I recall it was all males that bolted for the door).  At the same time there was a deepening sence of chagrin. Those of us who had been there for a considerable time knew that the doors would more than likely forever closed and the luxury of having the rolling doors open would be lost forever.



I digress...



As standard procedure, some lame staff memember came out and asked if anyone knew Dion. To my memory, none raised thier hands. The staff shrugged thier shoulders and returned to the intake area and the mundane group went on.



As the group ended and the chourus began to resonante thru the bare concrete walls and fiberglass coated floors, the door to the staff offices opened and immediately staff and 5th phazers yelled/demanded "Eyes Front"....but it was tooo late. Many of us had already seen the first black male (In Straight Inc.) being escorted into the front of the group for a formal introduction.



Dion seemed to be a good natured soul, infact, during his short stay (or my short memory) I don't recall him ever acting out. But what has wrang thru my remaining memory cells was how he was treated like a court jester at best. Liz Cassidy (as was Helen Petermen) was one of the main contributors to having Dion jump thru hoops....for "fun"



What kinda hoops, one might ask. There was a song the group sang for a long long time called "Shortning Bread"...you know the one...Mammy's lil baby loves shortnin shortnin, Mammy's lil baby loves shortning bread. Least I forget, as I burn my green leafy substance, there was another song, even more inflammatory, IMHO. "Pick a Bale of Cotton"........Consider the words to that song for a moment....



Interesting that these seemingly "harmless songs" had thier roots buryied deep in the heart of oppression, essentually Slave songs.



Liz Cassidy/Ms.Pete, would call Dion by name, have him stand up and either where he stood, or make him come to the front of the group and sing these songs. It was like she had her own lil pet mandingo, some lil black minstrel for her amuzement...oh, and of course the groups morale....cuz it always cheered the group up to see Dion not only sing the songs, but to act them out, mimicing the words which he sang.



Perhaps he was young and didnt realize what was taking place. On the other hand, maybe Dion knew he was in a bad bad place and if it meant demeaning himself and his culture, he would do what ever it took to endure.



As my anniversary nears, feelings/emotions/memories dont come to me in multiple waves. Yet, they come to me in a single wave and persist untill I either talk and spill my guts on ears, that with all good intentions have no posssibility of understanding...or I ride those waves out, that may take weeks/months to subside. Both methods seem to work well for me, other times they dont.



Dion is one of those waves!"
I sang ¨Pick a Bale of Cotton¨,too.Who won the Grammy?Dion was a good-hearted person who stayed at the Cassidy house in his first days.Jimmy used to misguidedly call him his nigger.I´m sure he didn´t mean anything by it,as he really wasn´t capable of deliberately harming anybody.I remember in a guys rap one time,he and I were picked to talk one-to-one.We spent the whole time arguing which team Julius Erving played for.I caught crap for ¨BSing¨ with a newcomer!

160
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Straight Inc's 1st Black Victim
« on: May 29, 2006, 05:01:00 AM »
Str8's first black client was named Ruben Hayes and he came in the Rahall Building.Came and left before my intake but it's well-known in my generation.Dion's last name was Fortt.The other blacks during my time were Charles Neavens and Darlene Berry.I'm curious about what happened to Darlene.Definitely a moody person,she went from 3rd phase to Staff Trainee at 15 years of age.One day,poof,no more Darlene.Her father ran the time-out room at Largo High.

161
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / How long were you in Straight?
« on: May 29, 2006, 12:29:00 AM »
17 1/2 months.Sept '77-Rahall Building;program moved to Milton Roy;program moved to Morgan Yacht-Seven step w/first group ever in 3/79.

162
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Sense of Under Achievement
« on: May 16, 2006, 10:54:00 AM »
Woof,
Reminds me of an old TV show,written by the cartoonist/satirist James Thurber called "This is my World,and Welcome to IT!",except I'm writing my own little Black Comedy called "Its my world,and you're NOT necessarily WELCOME to IT!!".After realizing that all of my programming and other externally instilled BS was always placed there with other agendas in mind,I've reverted to as much of an isolationist outlook as,my version of,common sense dictates.I now live in 3rd World country,making by their standards,an excellent living.By design,I have as little contact with other human beings as possible,only as much as necessary.My social world consists of primarily in these castes
 1)Those I know and love,including family,friends and pets.
 2)Strangers I don't know,therefore I feel a sense of tolerable indifference,like I know what they're thinking,but they don't know what I'm thinking(I'm a Gringo after all).
 3)Those I know,don't and probably never will love.I permit them to speak to me,but a distance must always be maintained.
 4)Those I know and consider undesirable.I consider them to be society's users,abusers and predators.I don't have any patience for these types and thus consider my demons more to be like my guardian angels,suitable to be unleashed on these types.
     Straight tried to convince me me that I should expect people to love me for "Who I Am",so to say.Reality is that the world doesn't care unless you have something it needs or want.I learned for myself that I alone could only discover what that was and try to get the most I could for it,then accept the best if that wasn't enough.most of all,never forget that the Sun will rise another day and today is a good foundation for tommorrow.
     Being a father instilled realistic expectations,first of all caring for my physical self,hopefully to be there for them until adulthood.Second,trying to provide an example for my kids that life,albeit imperfect,deserves our best shot.I will never turn my back on any of them.They're both bright enough to attend Ivy League institutions in time,but unlike the wonderful elders in my life,I won't be disappointed if they choose to attend JC or trade school instead.My best shot,and theirs,is just to cope,function,and smile daily and try to put those devils and limitations,once we recognize them,in a little bag mentally and try to cast them adrift.
     Such decades of conditioning don't go easily,maybe never,but they can be dealt with.Try to control the hostility,as that almost always ends up being self-destructive.A little chuckle mentally,then thinking "Fuck off",usually suffices.More often than not,I'm still in charge.I don't argue much anymore as I realize that almost nobody truly cares about the facts.Now,I have learned a wonderful retort saying "Well,I see that we're just going to have to agree to disagree!!".Try that some time.Woof,it even works with your parents.It's like taking the gun right out of their hands.

163
Morgan Yacht / surprised to find this
« on: May 15, 2006, 03:53:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-11-30 06:55:00, lonebikerdude1 wrote:

"I just recently found this site.

Wow! Talk about feelings flooding back!

It's all I can think about from the time I wake to the time I drift off to sleep.

My name is Bryan. Last name used to be Rodocker.

Anyone out there remember me?

I was in from 76 to 78.

Right after my 18th birthday I got as drunk as I could!

I went through a period of that for awhile.

Some nights I was so drunk I don't know how I made it home. I guess it was a rebound effect from everything that happened.

I'm happy to say that today I can drink socially or alone and have not progressed to the harder drugs that I was promised I would end up on if I ever took another drink or smoked another joint for the rest of my life!

I don't smoke pot anymore though...it started making me WAY too paranoid!

How do you post a pic?

I don't see where is says how to attach a file."
I remember you well,as your brother and neighbors

164
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Sense of Under Achievement
« on: May 15, 2006, 01:18:00 AM »
Sorry for the prior quip,showing my contempt for psycho-analysis.I wish that these experts would show us how to be happy on a daily basis rather than tell me who they think I am.They can't so they won't!For me the greatest disservice done to me,by Straight,was the lie.Truth,I was on a suicidal path(I was not a six-time pot-smoking teeny-bopper).Many of my former,pre-Straight acquaintances have extensive prison records and one my stepsisters,whose mother sat and did nothing,died at 37 of a heart attack,neither a giantess nor obese.I'm not saying Straight was the answer(DUH!!!),I'm saying,unlike many former clients(victims),I really was in serious trouble.The problem was,I was not a drug addict.I used drugs,but in my case,drugs were a symptom,not the problem.Later on,I spoke with somebody who was on exec staff upon my 7 step day and is now running a program herself.I told her my dilemma.Here I was,doing well outwardly,living with this problem.I told her,not being in denial,I drink occasionally(in truth,rarely)and almost never hit on a joint.Other substances are out of the question and never experience any cravings in any form.In other words,in my case,substance abuse is not an issue.Her words,to my surprise,were "Straight treats very few true addicts!".I thanked her for clearing that up for me.The problem is,I believed that,by finishing Straight,I would be equipped to face all the challenges that I was confronted with before my intake and face any new challenges as well.They showed me nothing except that substance abuse was not an answer.Here I was,believing that I could move mountains when in reality,I was lucky to get my car started.More on this another time.

165
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Sense of Under Achievement
« on: May 15, 2006, 12:51:00 AM »
Woof,flatulence is a form of explosivity,henceforth the headshrinkers once-again pegged you right!!!!!

Love always,
Sam

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