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Messages - Withdraw

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406
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / @
« on: October 22, 2004, 09:35:00 PM »
Doh! That Anon post was me, But I am sure most of you knew that ..

PS. I cant edit my spelling error in the anon post on ** Changed * instead of hanged. last paragraph, lol

 Peace![ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2004-10-22 18:38 ]

407
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / @
« on: October 22, 2004, 02:07:00 AM »
Im not real sure, I have always been a very rightous person. I do not bend easily. So I in turn had alot of negative feelings about myself because I didnt "give in" . Everyone around me was so I figured there was something wrong w/ me. Staff use to tell me " you know a normal person w/o a drug problem  would just give in and conform" So many Lies !  But for whatever the reason I just couldn't let them take my soul. Funny looking back now, They did take alot of it tho. Just being there watching it all go on, somehow messed me up pretty bad. Then to get out and no one could understand what I was saying about straight just led me to disassociate from it . Like it was a bad dream. I have so much compassion for the people who were in there. I still feel their pain along w/ mine. I will never forget the horror. Like I've posted beofre, I didn't wanna hurt other people in there, so in that I did "give in" I couldn't just randomly lash out. Sometimes today I wish I did just keep running for the door no matter who it hurt.

408
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / @
« on: October 21, 2004, 11:04:00 PM »
My principles did not get Lost . That is why I spent most of my time in Straight on the floor, hungry, thirsty, quiet, sitting on  my hands, lacking medical care, not seeing my own reflection, no extras, etc.. and fighting those who's principles were lost. I often wondered why most caved.... Cause yea, would you restrain a classmate ? Funny thing is had we all banded together then  , we could have beaten Straight...< snickers>

409
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Intakes and Birthdays
« on: October 18, 2004, 10:38:00 AM »
Another thing that bugs me today .. I have read many , like myself, should have come up clean on the intake ~drug test~ ( I just didn't do drugs, drank sometimes, but had only expirmented several months before w/ only pot and decided it wasn't my thing ) How did they convince our parents  that we had a DRUG problem? I had a family problem....Happy Birthday to me!!

410
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Intakes and Birthdays
« on: October 17, 2004, 11:36:00 AM »
I was told we were going shopping for my  14th birthday.My parents use to go to warehouse stores where companys would buy quantities of clothes.. So comming to the building didn't seem odd.. I will never forget sitting in the intake room. 4 other teens came in and an older person. I assumed we were going to be told of the rules or there was a wait to get into the buyers warehouse.. Then the lady said, "Do you know where you are." I responded" yes,a place to shop" she said"You are at a drug rehab". I was stunned.. Thats when the 4 teens blocked the door. I couldn't do anything.

To this day the whole week of my birthday is one big sad , crying time.I never celebrate it, ever. I will probably never forgive my parents for doing that to me the way they did.

411
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Another visit, anybody know me, say hello! Wash DC 84-86
« on: October 17, 2004, 01:35:00 AM »
Quote
On 2004-10-15 22:31:00, misbehaver wrote:

 WE enjoy the pride of conviction.



Although I am "proud" of not conforming. I was not bragging, I was simply describing who I was while I was there, That is what people would remember me for. When I was withdrawn/terminated I just disappeared hoping it was all a really bad dream.

 So the first couple days of finding all this stuff is comsuming. I have read that is a somewhat normal  response, because my wrist sure does hurt from all the searching the web for more. I hope it fades soon.  :exclaim:

412
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Common Ground
« on: October 16, 2004, 11:22:00 PM »
That sounds so familar.. I think that is correct. It is amazing what I tucked away from the time there. Thanks

413
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / abuse testimony
« on: October 16, 2004, 08:06:00 PM »
I would give anything to have my "records and intake sheets" I look back and , Wow , I just can't belive it happened.

414
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / abuse testimony
« on: October 16, 2004, 08:04:00 PM »
It is so interesting the memories returning. On my intake  I didn't lie about anything, I just didn't see a reason to lie. So I told of being raped and worse. My parents were told it was a lie to manipulate them into beliveing I didn't have a drug problem. So nothing was ever done , except staff to stand me up in group and spit in my face about how I had lied about it.

I am so sure I passed their intake drug test as I had only smoked pot 3 times and had been several months since I had. I just wasn't interested in doing drugs. I didn't like it, so I didn't do it.

The abuse was to much for a 14 yr old to bare,   ( imagine being a girl in straight just reaching puberty )All the already stated general abuses of my freedom and privacy happened to me as well.
 
The food was abuse in itself,in Va. we often had maggots in the fruit and ashes ( ciggerettes I assume) in the food alot. I only remember getting 1 small cup of water and 1 at dinner a day. Yea, wow, I forgot how thirsty I was there. I dont eat meat, so my food was taken from me alot for not eating it all. I have no clue how I got "1st phase spread" as I didnt get much to actually eat.
 
I have a fear of berettes..and velcro closing shoes....Living 6 months on consequences was horrible. I got very little sleep until I was at a host home for awhile and the oldcomer tired of keeping me awake night after night.

I didn't want to infringe on anyone else inprisoned there so I turned to hurting myself. Somehow watching myself bleed made the inside pain seem less.

The sound of the breaking chairs is loud in my head still today. We had a guy who would regularly stand up at random times to only run head first into the cinder block wall. I can still see the spattering of blood. I learned to punch walls there , maybe I did that to see if it was all real.

There are some people listed as deceseased that have haunted me to this very day for their part in the abuse. I suppose that tells me how much they were hurting to have done those things to so many of us.

Thinking of my time in Straight just blows me away. I am convinced we are a "phenonameon" ( man I can't spell that ) It amazes me how so many of us were so damaged forever by that place. It amazes me more to see many actually survived to give testimony to it all.

It saddens me so many were lost due to the abuse they endured in Straight, but I understand , somedays I am so close myself. Although, Living well is the best revenge I can take.

415
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Common Ground
« on: October 16, 2004, 03:10:00 PM »
I stumbled to this site during a monent of " What the heck is wrong with my brain" as many have done before me. I have back -read alot of posts, I see several topics that I can relate to. I think this is a emotional phenomenon (sp?)

  There seems to be alot of controversy about "oldcomers", "misbehaviors" etc. I have never had the courage to discuss Straight w/ anyone. Yep I touched on it w/ friends before, but never really was able to tell how it damaged my life.

  I was a "non-conformist" true blue, I sat on my hands, I hit anyone who tried my "will". I tried to not disrespect anyone, I didn't ~act out~ to just anyone. If you respected me, I in turn gave that back.
 
  I must admit after reading all  the posts ,Memories have flooded in. There were some decent conformist in Straight, (They always told me to conform,it will get me out faster than rebelling)So I assume they too were not conforming in their own way. I respected that as their coping defense. On the other hand those who restrained me, spit in my face,knuckled my back , attempted to motivate my arms, took me into tiny rooms w/ several "oldcomers" to blast me , wouldn't let me out of the Host bedroom to use the bathroom in the middle of the night,refused me medical treatment, made me lie to appear honest,ridiculed me for trying to tell my truth, I will never forget.
 
 So many memories have returned that I can't even type here, for they are to horrible to discuss publically at this time.
 
 However I can move forward knowing they too were dealing with this horrific experience in the way they could handle emotionally. In each secenerio (sp?) We have come away from Straight with our own personal emotional issues, most of which we have in common. Being in Straight set us apart from the rest of the natrual world. We are a product of "peer induced brain -altering thought patterns" That makes us all diffrent and unable to function ~normal~. Some are angry , some are lost in their own past, some are ~em-powered~ by the sheer abuse they did to others, some are/have been suicidal. Facts are we are all affected.
 
  I am grateful to see their are people out there trying to Stop this from continueing. There is a common ground we can meet on. Let those who are angry have a place to let that out. Let those who ~were in control~ have a place to take responsibility/or feel they did some good. We all have a diffrent sort of response to Straight, but the over all factor is many of us were degraded, humiliated,abused, and ultimately damaged. There must be a place for us all to "share" our story and what has become of us as individuals.
 
  As a teen in Straight, this was almost impossilbe to come away from there as a better person for being there...
 
  I went back at 16,it was first on my list when I got my drivers liscense. I sat in the waiting area and asked to speak with ( wow wish I could remember her name Exec staff woman short brown hair, tall thin, she was terribly emotionally abusive to me in Springfield Va. 86') I asked for my records, I was escorted off the property and told the police would be called.I knew I had been wronged , its a real tragidy (sp?) that my parents didnt believe me. I was forever mentaly and physically damaged.

  Has anyone ever brought up the Pervert Dr. (someguy)who always wanted you naked. I wonder often what happened to all those people I knew there.As I am sure many have the same concerns as I. There are many people I would love to hear from and know they are ok. (Springfield Va. 4-86 to Halloween 86.)I left Straight as a clown , ( I semi-conformed on halloween to wear Make-up! Who knew I'd be Withdrawn that day.)  :wink:

  We are all "broken" in our own ways by being in Straight. How can we all share that here w/o being condesended by or to  others here? I ask that you all embrace each persons experience as someones reality and not Mock them for describing it.

Yes Straight is in the past, but for many it still haunts us. And to my shock and despair there are still programs out there  the same as Straight. What a tragic and horrific reality those New phenonenal teens must be going through, There must be a way to stop it from happening. I hope the message is getting out  to un-suspecting parents that they are forever harming the well being of ther children.

Sorry this is so long, This is 18 years of hell. All opened up by this site. Thanks for listening and making a place for me to come to get some valadation and hopefully some closure. Peace2all

416
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
« on: October 16, 2004, 01:49:00 AM »
Hi, welcome to my world , nice to know I am not alone in here.

417
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / abuse testimony
« on: October 16, 2004, 01:36:00 AM »
I lived for 6 months frozen  on day 0 on  " the seven consequences " still today when I eat at someones house I think " by the courtesy of my most humble host blah, blah."  I was slammed to the floor several times a week,  I didn't know many " rock songs " so I had to settle to yell out country songs... That was embarrassing enough...  I was tricked into straight as a " birthady " shopping trip and left there to rot by my loving parents. I was forced into making up a "drug list " I had smoked pot 3 times before Straight. Strip searched was traumatizing at 14. Being spit on constantly was so discusting. The lack of medical treatment left me unable to ever have any children. Being in Straight is a time in my life I will never recover from. I can definately say they Never " broke " my will. I never played their game, I knew it was wrong and diminishing to my soul. It most certianly has left me with PTSD for 18 years. [ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2004-10-16 08:36 ]

418
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / effects of brainwashing on teenagers
« on: October 16, 2004, 01:07:00 AM »
I posted "I do ok " now in the Va post. That means I do ok. not great.. Straight haunts me every single day . I have ongoing depression w/ major anxiety. Whats interesting though, I feel somehow better today after reading this board. Somehow I don't wonder if ~Only I was affected~  Being in Straight made a whole new host of emotional diffuculties yet to be properly named.. After reading here , I see that "Straight Suvivors" have very simalar experiences then me. I do not believe in medicating , so I don't, /shrug. I find a way to just go on dealing w/it all on a daily basis. Bottom line is Straight F*cked me and alot of others up. Like it can't be fixxed or something, But knowing it was "Real" and not embelished by my imagination is comforting.                    I was in Va's Straight from 4-86 to 10 -86 so I probably know you Dragonfly, It was a bad place w/ bad people running the show. Whats sad is most of the staff were just other people F*cked up by "the program " also, So I try to remember that when I think of the staff that sticks in my mind. There was a time I could tell you how many bricks were in every wall and tiles in the ceiling and floor. After being there , there is no way I can be like the average person  ( who never endured anything like straight). It seems to me being a " straightling" is a whole New emotional entity in it self, with a whole set of issues that come up for all of us.

419
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Another visit, anybody know me, say hello! Wash DC 84-86
« on: October 15, 2004, 11:40:00 PM »
Hi, you all ! I also just found the courage to search the web for topics and people to do w/ Straight Va. I was  there in 1986. I was sooo rebellious. I wasn't ever gonna let them break me. I was finally termanated/ withdrawn ( Thank Goddess!) I remember alot of you , and am happy to see many have " survived" and have found their way to this site . OK no laughing .. I never motivated, I hit anyone who touched me ( i don't know why ) I was scared to death.  . I put in a w/d every chance I could < Carla took some of those , LOL. I remember you being one of the Nicer people I encountered there.   Straight has made a huge impact on my life. It haunts me everyday. I seem to find a way to process it though. I do ok. I would be interested in a reunion, I need some  closure to that entire time in my life. Wow !! No one speaks of the lovely hair cuts the  straight moms did !  they certianly did a job on me up in that tiny room upstairs. I must say tonight is the first time I have had a smile on my face about straight, NIce to see you all.  [ This Message was edited by:  on 2004-10-15 20:57 ][ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 22:43 ][ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 23:42 ]

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