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Topics - antiseed

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The Seed Discussion Forum / the seed forum & my feelings
« on: March 05, 2011, 02:23:21 PM »
i discovered this site by accident a little over a week ago after coming across marc polonsky's recounting of his time & experience while on the "program". reading his story brought chills to my body & awakened many memories,feelings & emotions i had either forgotten or chose to lock away. when i accessed fornits & the seed forum section i spent many hours reading & discovering that i was not alone with how i felt & the experiences i had while in the seed.[i was in the cleveland program 77 to 78].i will always refer to my time there as the DARK TIME in my first reaction when i joined fornits was to lash out at the people responsible for my being attacks were on staff & art & also my mother & stepfather who made the decision to sentence a 13 year old non drug user to that living hell. i constantly perused all of the topics & it started to consume my thoughts & also my actions. i then realized that the seed [by way of my own mind & actions] had once again taken control of me & i can not & will not let that happen again. I AM BETTER THAN THAT. while on the program,i thought i was the only one who feared getting called on in group & most likely getting ridiculed by my supposed peers,i thought i was the only one who was constantly hungry but was afraid to ask for anything more for fear i would be percieved as selfish,greedy or ridiculed in some way,i thought i was the only one who hated going back to school because now i was constantly ridiculed by my peers there also,[i never did get used to being called a "narc"],i thought i was the only one who while living away from home,could not wait until the time i could lay in bed w my own thoughts & not fear being "stood up" in group or getting yelled at to "get out of my head". the program did nothing for me other than fill me with feelings of insecurity,fear & taught me to hide my true feelings & deal with my emotions internally which to this day,does hinder me in some life areas.yes,i do harbor ill will towards my mother & stepfather,for placing me there when i am sure there were other ways to deal w a child with "behavior problems" & i also harbor ill will with art & the staff for the things that were done to a scared 13 year old child & not realizing or possibly not caring what the long term effects would be.i have since realized that the way to deal with this situation is not to attack those i hold responsible but to use this forum to discuss my experiences & hopefully find some answers or possibly enlighten someone else that "they arent the only one with these same feelings". it has definately helped me by being able to sound this out knowing others will read about my trials & tribulations with this experience. i will periodically refer back to this thread of discussion & add things about my experiences as i remember them or they wake me up at night in a cold sweat. this experience happened for me 34 years ago & i now can say ,i do not need to remain annonymous because i DID NOTHING WRONG. thank you for reading my ramblings....Harold Katz

The Seed Discussion Forum / seed records... rightfully yours !!!!!
« on: February 28, 2011, 06:28:01 PM »
i for one as an "older adult " would appreciate having my records back that the seed most likely still have. i am sure they are not in a protected/secure environment & would hate for them to fall into the wrong hands if someone decided to resurrect a story on the program & its history. obviously libby or shelly would be the people to contact. anyone have their contact numbers ?

The Seed Discussion Forum / Re: Resume
« on: February 28, 2011, 06:19:48 PM »
when i worked for other people,i would never admit it to anyone that i was ever afilliated with the seed. i was in the cleveland program from sept 77 to march of 78 . the absolute worst experience of my life !  still do & always will hold my mother & stepfather responsible for the i have posted here recently,i NEVER EVER did drugs before going to the mother later admitted that it was presented to her as a behavior modification program. i can also remember that i was told during my intake,"if i didnt want to be on the program after 3 days,just notify a staff member". yeah right.i do talk about my experience as an adult & deal with it better now. anyone else from the CLEVELAND program  & want to discuss it ? thank god that old bastard is dead,a shame all staff couldnt go with him . as posted before,where are my records,anyone have libbys number ?

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