Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Author  Topic: Does having children predispose one to depression?  
FS
Member
Member # 3142

  posted February 11, 2006 08:14 PM                        
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Psychologist/author says childless couples are happier:
http://www.webmd.com/content/Article/11 ... genumber=1
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Posts: 105 | From: Southeast | Registered: Sep 2002  |  Logged: 24.127.204.34 |  
 
mose
Member
Member # 2980

  posted February 13, 2006 07:17 AM                        
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How fascinating and depressing at the same time!
I don?t think I will hand out copies of this study to the expectant and new parents my business works with.

Do you think parents are more depressed now because of the current parenting trends that places a huge emotional investment on children at the sacrifice of most parents own wellbeing and happiness? In our current culture, children are definitely first in most families and marriages and it is shocking when we hear about or meet someone that says their self or husband or wife comes before their kids as an emotional priority. There was a huge uproar when the author Ayelet Waldmans article ran in The New York Times http://www.ayeletwaldman.com/truly.html she wrote about her husband coming first before the four kids. I thought she was narcissistic, selfish and a fool for gaining so much of her happiness from her spouse when I read the article, hey, maybe she is onto something. Who knows?

Our culture for the past few decades has been completely child centered and this study indicates it could be to the determent to ones own overall happiness. Parenting was not historically like this, think about our own childhoods if you were born in the 1950?s. I know I was loved and attended to, but not nearly, anything coming close to the adoration and the way our generation is all consumed with our kids lives and their educational, recreational, psychological and emotional well-being.

[ February 13, 2006, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: mose ]
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Posts: 915 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2002  |  Logged: 66.108.212.226 |

http://www.strugglingteens.com/cgi-bin/ ... 4;t=000055
Author  Topic: what's with fornits?  
heleneb
Member
Member # 4818

  posted January 11, 2006 03:23 PM                        
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Is anybody real on that site, or are they all disgruntled teens looking to trash every therapeutic program?

I can't wait until they have kids of their own!
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Posts: 63 | From: home | Registered: Jun 2005  |  Logged: 151.201.23.173 |  
 
HStreet
Member
Member # 3697

  posted January 11, 2006 06:02 PM                        
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Unfortunately, many of them have chronological ages way beyond the teenage years. However, almost all are disgruntled former program kids. They are one trick ponies with a sole agenda of bashing every single program. They use the mature tools of vulgar language and insults if anyone dares to support a program. The few specks of accurate and useful information on the site is obscured by all the trash talk. My advice- stay away.
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Posts: 462 | From: TX | Registered: Jun 2003  |  Logged: 70.251.87.157 |  
 
katsmom
Member
Member # 4446

  posted January 11, 2006 07:23 PM                        
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I received vile emails from posters of that site (most seem to be mid 20's?) when I posted here that my daughter was thinking of leaving her program when she turned 18 (she didn't). They basically said I lost the TBS "lotto". Ugh, I feel sympathy for the parents of the people who post there.
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Posts: 210 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Nov 2004  |  Logged: 69.234.47.26 |  
 
maggie0325
Member
Member # 3191

  posted January 12, 2006 08:50 AM                        
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I, too, have read some of the posts on Fornits. I am a graduate of 20 years and when I read some of the posts referring to the program I graduated from, I can't help wonder what is going on in their lives. I don't understand. I don't think that I am braishwashed (which is what I have been accused of on Fornits)nor am I an advocate of child abuse (another accusation), but I do feel quite strongly that I benefited greatly from my school. I have never claimed that it was perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be perfect as a result of graduating from a TBS ( I just am... hehe). I just did not witness the abuse that is decribed on that site. Never.
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Posts: 36 | From: NC | Registered: Oct 2002  |  Logged: 12.149.100.21 |  
 
HStreet
Member
Member # 3697

  posted January 12, 2006 12:03 PM                        
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What bothers me is the complete refusal of the Fornits posters to recognize that there might actually be some good programs out there and that there are kids who NEED these programs. Any parent who sends a kid to a program is attacked and accused of abdicating all parenting responsibilities.
No program is perfect, and it is not always easy to find the right program for a particular kid. As we know, by the time we get to the point of considering a residential program, we have tried absolutely everything. But- the Fornits geniuses will tell you to "try sitting down and talking to your kid". Why didn't I think of that?
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Posts: 462 | From: TX | Registered: Jun 2003  |  Logged: 70.251.87.157 |  
 
mose
Member
Member # 2980

  posted January 12, 2006 12:19 PM                        
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I do think there are people in this world that have truly unloving abusive horrible parents. These parents continued to ruin their child?s life by sending them away when they really did not need this level of intervention. It seems as if all those kids (who are now young adults) found each other on the internet and congregate complaining about their misfortune at Fornits. They spend endless hours basking in the horror of their teen years and family life trying to convince others not to do what their parents did to them. They all seem to have been dealt a bad hand in life and can?t move on.
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Posts: 899 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2002  |  Logged: 66.108.212.226 |  
 
FS
Member
Member # 3142

  posted January 15, 2006 12:21 PM                        
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It's too bad that this website is so negative and at times down right abusive. It COULD provide a valuable service. Is there a reputable one that allows people to talk freely on the web about programs? If you don't feel comfortable mentioning it here, please private message me.
Thank you.
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Posts: 101 | From: Southeast | Registered: Sep 2002  |  Logged: 71.57.132.103 |  
 
[ This Message was edited by: Dr. Frankiln on 2006-01-15 15:32 ]

Injury at reform school probed
Saturday, June 25, 2005

By Barbara White Stack, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette



State police and the Department of Public Welfare are investigating an incident at a Butler County reform school last weekend that left a West Virginia teen with more than 20 stitches in his face.

Officials at The Summit Academy, a residential school for delinquent boys, told welfare investigators that the teen's face-first crash through a glass cover on a fire hose cabinet was an accident. But doctors at Children's Hospital apparently don't believe that.

After treating Devon Cooper's disfiguring wounds Saturday night, the hospital reported the incident to ChildLine. Doctors are required by state law to inform ChildLine when they believe a youngster has been abused by a parent or caretaker, such as staff at a reform school. Physicians aren't required to report what they believe are accidents.

In addition, Children's Hospital refused to send 17-year-old Cooper, of Charles Town, W.Va., back to the facility with staff member Joe Vacanti, who had driven him to Pittsburgh after he was injured about 9 p.m.

Vacanti was one of two workers directly involved in the incident, but according to an academy spokesman, Vacanti was not the one who "put his hands on the child" during the confrontation.

Hospital officials called Summit and demanded that another staff member drive from the school in Summit Township to pick up Cooper.

Children's Hospital declined to discuss the case, citing federal confidentiality regulations. The academy refused to allow a reporter to speak with Cooper, noting that state law prevents the school from even acknowledging Cooper is a student. And both staff members involved, Vacanti and Dave Akers, said they would not talk about it.

The Summit suspended the two, but they're still being paid, according to Joseph Daugerdas, a spokesman for the nonprofit corporation that operates The Summit Academy and The Academy, a South Hills program that delinquents attend after school and on weekends.

Daugerdas said it is routine for staff to be suspended with pay while such an incident is investigated by The Summit and by welfare officials. "We do not want them around students until we can really find out what happened," he said.

The Summit has filed a report with the state on the incident. It says staff member Vacanti confronted Cooper about going into another child's room when Cooper was supposed to be in bed in his own quarters. Then Akers, a supervisor, intervened.

The report says Cooper "became aggressive and pushed away from the supervisor. [Cooper] lost his balance and fell into a glass cover for a fire hose receptacle injuring the side of his face and ear."

That, however, is not the kind of incident that certain officials, such as doctors, are required by state law to report to ChildLine. They must call in when they have "reasonable cause to suspect that a child has been abused." And, the law says, abuse is "non-accidental serious physical injury."

Daugerdas said that if The Summit determined that staff members involved in a confrontation with a student failed to follow proper procedures, they could be fired.

In addition, he said if a welfare investigation found that a staff member abused a child, the worker would be fired.

The Summit can house as many as 350 boys. Most are delinquents, but its license from the Welfare Department permits it to accept youngsters abused or neglected by their parents. Summit charges the counties that send boys about $90 a day.

There are 263 boys living at the school, including 53 from Allegheny County, 127 from Philadelphia and 16 from West Virginia, Ohio and Washington, D.C., also send youngsters there.

John Law, a spokesman for the West Virginia Department of Health and Human Resources, said he could not discuss an individual child's case. But in general, when a youngster is seriously injured in placement, West Virginia could send a caseworker to the school to investigate or it could bring the child back to the state to hear his side of the story in a setting away from the facility where he was hurt.

"We would look very closely at the provider" to see whether the facility is safe, Law said.

This next question comes from Webcrawler:

Dr. Franklin:

Will you please make arrangements for this anon fukker of a troll that is spewing filth about me to have special visits with Gary the Gorilla?

On 2005-06-05 06:45:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Well I was "invited" to view your forum.  I belong to strugglingteens.  I am one of those insane parents who has placed a child long term in residential treatment.



I am struck by the anger, the language and the condemnation thrown in our direction.



I am sorry if you have had abusive experiences at the hands of a therapeutic school.  :sad:  I am also sorry that my daughter required more help than I was able to provide her with.  :sad:  Unlike many of you, my daughter is not angry with her placement.  She is the first to admit that she would be dead, pregnant, homeless or severely drug addicted had we not removed her from her drugging self abusive lifestyle.  That is all I need to know... that I have made a loving decision!!



I earnestly hope that at some point you can all make peace with your pasts, with your parents and move in a healthy happier direction.



A loving parent."

We are now taking psyco parents like you at Straight by the Sea. The straight mobile is on it way to take you out of your delisional lifestyle.
http://fornits.com/SIBS

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Enjoy the front row!

On 2005-06-05 05:46:00, Anonymous wrote:

"My mother showed me this link and offered me the opportunity to respond.  I was taken from my bed by escorts in May 2003 and sent to a wilderness program.  I was furious, I tried to escape- almost killing myself and the escorts in the process. I hated my parents for doing this, but I hated them before I went, too.  I was out of control and ruining my life.  I had gone from a top student in an elite private school (having been kicked out of my prior elite private school) to a truant student at a terrible public school. I had a sick relationship with my girlfriend and was drinking and smoking pot. I was ruining my academic and athletic future. I didn't care. All I cared about was medicating the pain. I won't go into the whole background, but I WAS out of control and my parents had no ability to manage me. No one could have managed me.  I lied to my therapist, even though I really liked him.  I lied to everyone. I did whatever I wanted. So-imagine my shock when I was not able to escape from my escorts and I found myself in the Utah woods!  I love nature and the outdoors and I liked the physical challenge of wilderness.  I resisted the therapy for weeks. I wrote mean and angry letters to my parents. I was devastated at being separated from my girlfriend.  Within days I realized I needed to be in wilderness, but I thought a few weeks would be fine to get my head straightened out. The therapists and my parents had other ideas. After about 6 weeks in wilderness I admitted, honestly,how screwed up I had become. I wrote volumes of journals. I opened up to my peers and the therapists. I agreed to transition to a therapeutic boarding school. I absolutely despised the school- I had very little freedom and they lied about the opportunities for me to pursue my sport. I thought the academics sucked, although it turned out there were a few great teachers and I did fine. I was furious at my parents all over and I planned to run away from the school.  I actually helped some of my classmates escape (they were caught in 4 days and sent back to wilderness) but I didn't go. I took a different approach and made the most of my experience. I made my parents miserable for awhile, then we managed to work together on a plan for my future.  I broke a number of rules at the school (hey, that's what I do!). I did not complete the program because I was admitted to a normal prep boarding school for fall 2004 and the therapeutic school made me leave early because I wasn't "committed".  The school helped a lot of kids. Wilderness helped even more. Did they all "make it"?  Not at all.  The kids who have big addictions tend to go back to their old ways. What I learned was that I was costing myself my future. I treated people badly- my parents, my girlfriend, my teachers.... That needed to change. I came home a year ago and I am succeeding in every area of my life. I am sorry I lost a year, but it needed to happen.  I hated every minute of the school, and resented being removed from my life for wilderness.  I actually went back to wilderness for a second stint when I got in trouble at the therapeutic school. That offered me a good opportunity (I asked to go back to wilderness) to see the attitudes and problems of the new kids coming into the group. I laughed at how they sounded just like me the year before. I heard, "This is a mistake. I'll be home in 3 weeks."  "Just because I smoked a little pot my parents sent me away."  "I don't need school."  

Well, guys. It all depends what you want from your life. My parents knew what I wanted, and they knew I had lost my way. I was angry and violent and they could not have me in their household.  They saved me. I am still an arrogant jerk a lot of the time, but I am in a great high school and am headed for a great college. I learned some things about relationships.  I'm still pretty bad at some things, but I have more tools than I did before treatment.  So- stop generalizing about the horrors of escorts and programs. My escorts were actually cool guys and very professional once we got past me almost killing them."

She advcates sending kids off even telling parents who have a 17 year old to take them out of texas to meed escorts! If i was you i would go to the strugging teens board and read her every post about you! I wont repeat what she said about you on this board, i could do it but i respect your privicy.

We are proud to introduce the Straight by the Sea Druggie Sweatshop where all Druggies manufacture items such as hand sewn soccer balls, fine clothing, coats, and hats. All proceeds from the Straight by the Sea's Druggie Sweatshop goes directly towards the program at Straight by the Sea.

http://fornits.com/SIBS/straight.htm

Also proud to annouce a questions page feturing the answers to common ask questions about Straight by the Sea.

http://fornits.com/SIBS/facts.htm

We are now adding the following job listings to the employment page. http://fornits.com/SIBS/employme.htm

Judges
Must still be employed the the state and be willing to stay employed for the state. For every druggie you court order to complete the program at Straight by the Sea you will receive a $2000.00 cash pay-off. For every referral to Straight by the Sea (without a court order) you make you will also receive a $1,000.00 cash pay-off.

Child Protective Service Workers (DHS Employees)
Must still be employed the the state child protective services (the DHS) and be willing to stay employed for the state. You will receive a cash pay-off for looking the other way when you are called to inspect Straight by the Sea or come interview a child claiming they have been abused at Straight by the Sea. This job pays $200.00 cash for each time you are ask to look the other way. For every referral to Straight by the Sea you make you will also receive a $1,000.00 cash pay-off.

Law Enforcement Personnel
Must still be employed the the state, city or country as law enforcement. You must be willing to stay employed by the state, county, city. You will receive a cash pay-off for looking the other way when you are called to Straight by the Sea or come interview a child claiming they have been abused at Straight by the Sea. This job pays $200.00 cash for each time you are ask to look the other way. For every run-away you return to Straight by the Sea with no questions ask you will receive A $1,000.00 cash payment. For every referral to Straight by the Sea you make you will also receive a $1,000.00 cash pay-off.

Krystene (this place won't let me sign in!)"

Your more than welcome at Straight by the Sea druggie. In fact i have a place reserved for you on the front row even. Dont worry the straight mobile is on it way to get you now druggie.

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 :wave:

Look forward to the front row druggie

[ This Message was edited by: Dr. Frankiln on 2005-04-25 18:40 ]