Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

A couple weeks ago I read the chapter about Straight in Trebach's book, The Great Drug War. Every word hit me pretty hard, but one part really fucked up my world.

regarding one 18 year old...."...her mother came to the door of the friend's house where she was hiding and told her emotionally that her brother would be terminated from the program if she did not return. her mother grabbed Arletha by the arm and started dragging her toward a car. Two adult men and a woman, all strangers to the young girl, joined in the violent kidnapping, which involved 30 minutes of battling, and then they forced her into the car and drove her back to Straight......After many hours of such harrassment, the young girl was taken to Dr. Newton's office. On this occasion, the Reagan White House endorsed expert told her that if she persisted in saying that she was being held against her will, "the state of Florida would take over and they would put my mother in jail for kidnapping."  :mad:  :mad:  :mad: [ This Message was edited by: Nonconformistlaw on 2005-11-07 19:09 ][ This Message was edited by:  on 2005-11-07 19:10 ]

I'm reading that book based on Straight called Come Clean which is making me really irritable and nervous. Its pretty obvious where my anxiety problem comes from as I read. But it also has me curious about how accurate it is.

For example, one part goes into detail about Lunch. In the book the chairs are cleared away and tables are set up where everyone eats lunch at. They were also given McDonalds Happy Meals to eat.

Here's a couple excerpts:

"As in the rap session, the boys and girls are separated but facing each other. The boys' side of the table is much longer than the girls', maybe ten or fifteen bodies more."

"Once everyone is seated, Dwight hollers, 'Who here is hungry?' 'We are Dwight!' the group responds at full volume. 'And who here is thankful for what ya'll are about to receive?'....'We are Dwight!' 'Who do you have to thank for it?' 'Our Higher Power and our programme!'"

Okay so my questions are....

1. Did any Straight ever bother to set up lunch tables and seat the group this way?

Where I was we ate in our chairs in group...no tables.

2. Did any Straight program start lunch by thanking their higher power, etc? If so what was said...does anyone remember?

Where I was we never did that. I also would have died for McDonalds! Never got anything like that!

I want my childhood back! It was mine...Straight took it away without my permission. Whlie locked within those walls, glued to my blue chair, motivating my ass off on cue, and all the while in a state of fear and confusion...what was left of my childhood disappeared.

I WANT IT BACK! IT WAS MY CHILDHOOD...Straight had NO right to steal it from me!

I missed out on all the things normal teenagers take for granted. We all did.

I went to a formal dance a few years ago even though I despise formal shindigs. But I wanted to pick out a formal dress for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE at age 34. I picked out the most beautiful red dress I could find, and then I just started crying because I didnt get to do that in high school. As I write this it almost seems like such a trivial detail I missed out on...but it was one of those moments where I was painfully aware of how much was taken from me.

And as the years have passed, I've always noticed how I have hung on to childhood for dear life. On my 19th birthday, I promised myself that I would always be 19. I am an overgrown kid in a lot of ways and I know it was because of Straight. In my heart I am the teenager I was not allowed to be. Now matter how old I get...I will always be frozen in childhood.

I find this to be an interesting comparison. I found this on the Diamond Ranch website...where their description seems to put a real pretty spin on Milieu Control.

http://www.strugglingteens.us/therapy.php?nav=therapy

"1. Milieu Therapy
Milieu (Mill-you) Therapy consists of the entire structure and environment of Diamond Ranch. This includes a token economy and the process of student advancement. It also includes the open ranch setting where students can be outdoors in a beautiful, safe environment. Through milieu therapy, the youth learn the law of the harvest, the consequences of their actions, and basic life and interpersonal skills. In it?s simplicity, milieu therapy is everything Diamond Ranch Academy offers your youth."

Less than two weeks ago dateline jolted me out of my comfortably numb state when it aired its piece on program restraints. And then I found this forum immediately...

I didn't know there were so many Straight and other program POW's out there....and so I read, and read and read....so many things that I have forgotten about....at times I had to stop reading because I couldn't handle it...way too much reality...

I always thought I was able to put Straight behind me...and after years of post-Straight stuggling in every way imaginable...I became, for lack of better words, an "over-acheiver." I guess you could say I drove myself to "sucess" out of sheer determination to forget Straight, forget the label of being a bad kid/druggie, and partly, to prove every last one of them how wrong they were about me.

I thought I finally silenced the Straight demons, calmed that uneasy haunnted feeling that never goes away, I though I had it under control...

Yes Ive always been very aware of the anger that I carried with me, knew perfectly well how much Straight damaged me, have felt resentful every day since my incarceration in Straight and the kidnapping incident. But since I knew there wasn't a damn thing I could do to change the horrors of Straight, I just refused to think much about the entire experience.

And now.....I read on the verge of tears everyone else's experiences in Straight, nodding, yeah I remember that. But yet I cant cry, I cant break down, cant even comprehend my own emotional turmoil that is just beneath the surface...nor can I reach it...BUT I know its there....

I feel shell-shocked, just like the day I was first sat down in group....I'm numb and its so damn uncomfortable...and at the same time, I feel as if I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown of sorts...

What the hell is this? After 20 years how is this possible???

Can somebody please explain this to me??