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« on: September 17, 2002, 10:53:00 AM »
I think that many of the Survivors of the Seed or the Straight program lost the ability to distinquish between sick and twisted "love" and real "love".
I also had a first marriage that was very harmful to me. Of course I thought I could make it work, if only I tried really hard... so much for my ability to discern the difference.
I was vulnerable, separated from my family and there he was. Saying all those great things, I wanted so much to believe. Married him within 6 months..... then I realised what a disaster. I should have left in that first month, but I did not want to be a quitter!
Five years later, I discovered I was wife #5, not #2 as told. Found out he had a separate life I knew nothing about: had bought a man a wedding ring, had been using lots more drugs than the bit of pot I knew about,had been placing my infant in the care of a stranger while I was at work and he was "doing his thing".
I took my 3 month old son and ran away. Changed our names, following my divorce that gave him no visitation, and moved away.
I felt even more vulnerable. I kept to myself and raised my son. I dated rarely, but never let them meet my son, as I did not want him to see people come and go. Nobody slept in my home. I had been through many marriages with my mother as a child and knew first hand the damage that could do.
When he was 6 I met a man,Mike, dated for over a year before he ever met my son, dated for a total of 7 years before we married. Been married 5 years now and am very happy and lucky.
My son was asked before I was if Mike could marry me. Mike and my son love each other very much. My son (18 now) just started at New College, still comes by to see "Dad" and have him meet his new friends.
My son has been searching for his "father" for over a year now. Needless to say, we never recieved any child support, or saw him. It is a nightmare for me! But I hope he finds him, I guess. I have never spoken badly about him. Especially,when my son was little.
People who tell their children horrible stories about their exspouse do a lot of damage to their children. It is important that the children feel good about themselves and it is hard to do so if 1/2 of you is being negatively spoken about.
Did not mean to run on so much. Sorry
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