I think the bigger question is why a kid will run from a place repeatedly in the first place.
It is often "that awful that the kids can't stand being there". In my experience, kids
do not have to lie about their experiences in program, though many believe what they say to be lies becuase things sounds so bad. If the parents or authorities were doing their jobs, giving people the benifit or the doubt, and investigating the situation, things might turn out differently. You would think more people would be suspicious considering the "coincidental" likenesses of the stories from kids all over the country.
Reading the CEDU forum on fornits is like reading from my memory, and the same shit is happening over and over and over again. I wish more parents did research on the internet. The would find the same stories their kids try to tell them (labeled as manipulative) repeated almost verbatim again and again. Sure some kids lie, but in my experience, most of them did not becuase the truth was bad enough.
I can understand a parent's scepticism though. Parents, who have entrusted their children to an institution, are more likely to believe the official program story. Keep in mind, many of them are also under a financial burden, having already paid in advance for the program. They often view their kids as "throwing their education away" when they get into trouble in program.
It has been my experience that debates are won based on who has the most persuasive arguments, the most experience, and the most time to argue. The program wins this competition every single time by restricting and/or manipulating communication between child and parent. When all you hear is one side of the story, it becomes the truth to most people. Just look at political polarization if you need a good example. Critical thinking skills are not valued anymore as, more and more, people look to others for answers they could (and probably should) find themselves.
Parents have no comprhension whatsoever of what goes on. It's one of those things you have to experience to truly know what it is like. There is no book or documentary that can really do it justice. There is no easy way to illustrate what it is like to have your mind cracked open and fucked with like a toy. In this way, it is not easy to describe exactly what made things hell.
Some programs physically beat you down, other programs break your mind, break your will, and remake you as a mindless pawn. When you're broken, it's like your watching your life being lived, rather than actually being behind the driver's seat. You relinquish control. You become who you must become to survive, and a part of you starves to death in the process. Physical injuries heal but the emotional death inflicted by these programs lasts a lifetime. I've seen people on this forum who got out of program 20 years ago, and they still are crushed by their experiences.
The worst of them never realize the abuse they underwent and as a result become supporters of the program, most likely sending their kids off at the slightest sign of independant thought. The victim becomes the victimizer, all the while living in a dream world where severity of punishment indicates love, where compassion is naive, where mercy is harmful. They start to believe that they know what other people think, and can "call you on your shit" when most of the time they have no idea what they are talking about.
Studies have shown that experienced cops, when asked to judge whether somebody was lying or not, more often than not, were wrong. When their results were compared to a group of randomly chosen people, it was discovered that the cops scored worse. Often they scored so badly that they would have been better of randomly guessing. The only difference is that the cops were more certain in their judgements.
This type of fanatical self-confidence Is what the staff are in these programs are infected with. They go off on power trips, fueled by their belief that their experiences somehow gave them supernatural insight into the minds of others. Often, this confidence aids in convincing kids that who they are is a lie. Eventually you believe it (almost all do for at least a time, though few would admit the shame of it), though endless the exercises, workshops, rap sessions etc. You are mentally raped in program and it carries a greater degree of shame. At least if you are raped you know you couldn't have prevented it. When they break you, at some point in time you think "i wasn't strong enough to resist."
I believe many program councelors and staff believe they are doing the right thing. I believe this to be for two reasons:
- how could one live if one did not believe this?
- they have gone through the same things?
Even then, it is doubtful many of them could keep themselves in this state of self denial for long. Staff in programs often burn out, after which they either leave, relapse, or both.
There are a few (thankfully rare) completely sociopathic staff members who know exactly what they are doing, and either derive enjoyment from it, or have no problems doing whatever it takes to put money in the bank.
Councelors in my program often went through the workshops (profeets et. al. for CEDU people) with the kids. They underwent the same Lifespring-esque programming we did. They ended up believing the shit they said, and it made it all the more convincing when they said it with conviction. When you are immersed in such an enviornment, it is futile to try to be normal or "work the program." If they suspected you were not "honest" enough about how you felt, even if you were being completely honest, they would apply more pressure until your head popped open and they could insert whatever truth they wanted you to believe.
Let me reiterate, the damage done by these programs is permanant. Things get blocked out, but they never go away, and when you ignore the past it pesters and pokes at you until you deal with it. My mother used to tell me to "get over it, you're out of there now, move on." At the same time, i never realized why now i am different. I never put two and two together (until just recently, when reading my memories online) to realize how much i had changed since i went into program:
i don't trust anybody more than superficially
it is worse with people i know
i rarely sleep
when i do i don't sleep well
i don't like to be around people anymore
i find comfort in isolation
i'm more paranoid than ever
I'm hoping somehow, by writing this, that maybe it will convince some parent not to send their kid away. I'm hoping maybe it will help somebody to remember, to get pissed off, to heal. I don't know whether it's possable to heal but i do know it is possable to shut down these programs. I know that will make me feel better, to know it will not happen to others. All it takes is a loud enough scream.
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