Post by: Antigen on December 19, 2007, 11:23:21 AM
Post by: Anne Bonney on December 19, 2007, 11:37:24 AM
Post by: Froderik on December 19, 2007, 11:41:29 AM
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 12:27:47 PM
Post by: Antigen on December 19, 2007, 01:52:38 PM
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 01:59:49 PM
Mention of the Thelma Box controversy is made about halfway through this piece:
=========================================
SALON.COM
In addition, a former business partner of McGraw's, Thelma Box, alleges that McGraw sold his stake in their self-help seminar company, Pathways, to a third party a full year before he let her know about it. Box claims that she co-created and coauthored the materials used in the Pathways seminars, traces of which are found in Dr. Phil's approaches and strategies on his show, but that no credit or mention of her name is offered, either by McGraw or by the associates who eventually purchased her share of the company.[/color] Unlike some of the other sour-grapes critics in the book and in other pieces, Box seems a reliable character witness. She compliments McGraw and says she gained a lot from working with him, and she appears to report the facts of her history with him without going out of her way to attack him. Mostly, she's alarmed that, despite her influence on his work, he's never mentioned her name in his books, on his show or in interviews about his background.
Taken alone, such criticisms might ring hollow. After all, a man with McGraw's obvious talents and charisma should hardly have to march around, reciting a list of credits. And generally, when the usual complaints about abusive or egocentric behavior are lobbed, as they have been at McGraw by former associates and employees of his show, it's not difficult to write them off, since McGraw's strong personality is a big part of what makes him a natural leader. The man is a polished brand in motion, a remarkable presence onstage with a likable, self-assured manner, a quick wit, a knack for giving straightforward, sure-footed advice, and an uncanny ability to address criticism before it appears.
"I don't expect you're going to substitute my judgment for your own," he tells the young woman who's just put her wedding on hold. "Y'all are gonna decide what you want to do."
McGraw will often stop at the end of a guest's spot, or at the end of a show, and address the audience. "We're not doing 8-minute cures here," he tells viewers, over and over again. All he's offering, he insists, is "a wake-up call" or "an emotional compass."
Still, on show after show, it's clear that Dr. Phil eclipses the boundaries of the innocuous role he claims to fill. It seems as though he can't stop himself from getting far more involved and magisterial than would be recommended by most licensed therapists.
On one show, a teenaged son is tricked into appearing under false pretenses, and is then confronted and threatened with a total withdrawal of support and protection from incarceration if he doesn't enter rehab on the spot. Such interventions may be necessary for those with drug problems, but surely taking such avenues on national television should be considered cruel and unusual punishment for a teenager, who's apt to be consumed by appearances. Indeed, the boy seems mortified by the situation and appalled that his parents have lied to him.
But drug users aren't to be taken seriously, you see, and with every legitimate expression of anger and betrayal that comes out of the kid's mouth, we're reminded that "it's the drugs talking." The kid eventually storms backstage, where there are more cameras, of course, and in a "private" conversation, Dr. Phil insists that he decide whether to go straight to rehab, or face the consequences. The kid angrily chooses rehab, and he and his parents fly directly from the show to the facility, escorted by a bodyguard -- apparently the boy doesn't have the option to change his mind once the cameras aren't rolling.
Whether Dr. Phil has just saved the kid's life or shamed him in front of millions of viewers goes unchallenged -- by both the audience and the kid's family. Instead, they all stand around, wide-eyed and obedient, waiting to see what the good doctor will prescribe next.
This "Surrendered Family" phenomenon is most evident on the episodes of the show surrounding the "Dr. Phil Family," a couple and their two daughters who have chosen to subject their lives to around-the-clock scrutiny by the show. Dr. Phil's immersion in their lives is complete, from the use of around-the-clock video cameras to the involvement of therapists and lawyers to the family's regular appearances on the show. They have completely yielded their lives to Dr. Phil's tough love machine, and on each "Dr. Phil Family" episode, their problems, which range from infidelity to teenage pregnancy, are dragged out and dissected. Naturally, their ongoing struggles make for some seriously entertaining television. These episodes constitute a mini Dr. Phil-branded reality show, featuring all of the denial and outbursts and insults you'd expect from members of a wildly dysfunctional family. While the advice Dr. Phil offers is consistently sound and reasonable, and may indeed offer hope to other families in crisis, his role as the ultimate authority is hard to ignore. Alexandra, the 15-year-old daughter who has just decided to raise her child on her own, is shown talking to the baby's father on the phone.
"Dr. Phil actually thinks it's best that you and your family don't visit the baby until you actually speak to him," she tells the boy. Alexandra and her family hint that the baby's father and his family are trashy, irresponsible people, but you can't help but admire the class they demonstrate in refusing to throw their lives into the ravenous Dr. Phil wood chipper.
The irony, of course, is that the very behavior that allegedly led to McGraw's receiving a public letter of reprimand is exactly what makes him "America's Favorite Therapist" today. It's his aggressive, confrontational approach that appeals so much to a nation that's lost its faith in the talking cure. While traditional therapists often encourage a client to discuss their feelings in an uncensored, unlimited way, for Dr. Phil, feelings are merely a brief rest stop on the way to committing to life-altering behavioral changes. This is a macho approach to therapy, couched in the tough-love language of football coaches and wood shop instructors.
"That dog won't hunt!" Dr. Phil blurts at guests like an impatient daddy, giving them firm instructions on how to stop messing up their lives, while disparaging softer approaches. "Trust me, I'm not going to spout a bunch of 'guru-ized' stuff about thoughts and emotions, or tell you to go up on a mountaintop and get in touch with your 'inner child,'" he writes in his bestselling diet book. "You can either sit around and stew about the situation, or you can make the choice to be self-directed, take action, and adopt a solution-side approach to your life."
Although that solution-side approach -- exercise, don't eat when you're emotional, control your portion sizes -- is far less groundbreaking than it sounds after it's been spiked with down-home Dr. Phil flavor and marketed by the Dr. Phil juggernaut, his fans don't seem to care. They're anxious to have him weigh in on one more aspect of their lives that feels out of their control.
In fact, it's difficult to imagine devoted disciples of Dr. Phil changing their minds about him for any reason at all, since the nature of his authoritative, instructive relationship with his guests, viewers and readers protects him from scrutiny. Just as taking your football coach's advice is predicated on turning a blind eye to the fact that he's sort of an abusive jerk, so does accepting Dr. Phil's word as the gospel mandate that all criticisms of him are ignored, or treated with utter skepticism. Viewers can take the cue from Dr. Phil himself on this front. As he recently told the New York Times, "I guarantee you there is absolutely nothing -- nothing I could do that somebody wouldn't have a problem with. If I was on the air and was just kind of a plain-vanilla personality that took the safe road and the safe way trying to please all of the people all of the time, I'd been gone in two weeks."
The message is clear. Part of being empowered, of "getting it," of "telling it like it is," of being a tough guy and a winner instead of a whiny little loser, is wrapped up in ignoring the criticisms and complaints of others. Thus, no matter how many times Dr. Phil's ego and overbearing tactics bring him negative attention, it's clear that his devoted viewers will continue to see him as comforting and decisive father figure in their lives. And what could be more American, really, than a macho, charismatic leader who blunders arrogantly into disastrous territory, while a nation of obedient children looks on? (http://http://dir.salon.com/story/ent/feature/2003/11/24/phil)
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 02:47:06 PM
Quote from: ""Antigen""
Now this is fucked up. I had about 5 or 6 options there, not two!
Maybe you could edit your post/poll and put those other options back in?
Post by: Oz girl on December 19, 2007, 03:17:01 PM
His wife is also a capital H holy roller. She is involved in some group called the Women of Faith ministry program. This explains their obsession with the devil drink.
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 03:37:58 PM
The Dallas Morning News[/i]. At the time, I had no strong opinion about Dr. Phil. I'd seen him a few times on Oprah, and he seemed OK. He was entertaining and made sense. In fact, unlike many other public advice-givers, McGraw has a doctorate in clinical psychology. I have nothing against pop psychology, and as a psychology student myself (literally, in school), I saw this as an opportunity to learn how to make a gazillion dollars as a psychologist.
Kirk would edit the book before it went to Wiley, and my co-author was to be Lisa Gutierrez, a reporter at the Kansas City Star, covering the city where McGraw grew up. We had six months to get the manuscript to Wiley and a shoestring budget on which to do it. Kirk assured us that once we started making calls, it would all fall together. We knew what to do. You do your research, make calls, conduct interviews, get referrals, travel as necessary, piece it all together, and tell the story. We were experienced newspaper reporters, and we were confident.
Lisa and I divided the work between us. She would write chapters on McGraw's childhood, youth, and family life. I would take up the chronology from college through the present, focusing on his professional progress.
It was McGraw's successful Dallas-based litigation-consulting firm that first brought him together with Winfrey, when she was sued by Amarillo cattlemen for speaking unkindly about hamburgers. It was a fateful meeting that launched his celebrity. How hard could it be to find people in Dallas who knew Phil?
Lisa already had a compelling start on covering McGraw's early years. After an article about the Dr. Phil show appeared in the Kansas City Star, a reader tipped Lisa off to Phil's hometown connection. Lisa found an old yearbook containing a photo of McGraw dancing at his high school prom. She tracked and telephoned the girl in the picture.
"I knew you'd find me some day," the woman who answered the phone had said. Lisa had a scoop: A first wife whom McGraw never mentioned, even in his most confessional moments in his books or with Larry King. The story had run in the Kansas City Star and was picked up nationally.
The first thing I did was call McGraw's publicist at Paramount to request an interview and perhaps a behind-the-scenes day on the Dr. Phil set. The publicist told me to fax a request.
Rereading that fax now makes me blush: It's so hopeful, so starry-eyed. I was enthusiastic, excited, confident I was the ideal person to plumb McGraw's secrets for success. I listed my credentials, sent clips, concluded by writing, "I remain hopeful that Dr. Phil will meet with me and allow me a glimpse into the inner workings of his phenomenally successful show."
And that's as far as it went. I called and emailed with the Paramount publicist for a while. He was friendly, but he put me off for weeks by telling me that he hadn't yet broached the subject with McGraw.
Then McGraw's attorney called. In a menacing monotone, he tried to intimidate me off the project. He advised me to keep his name out of the book, as well as the name of a mutual Dallas acquaintance. He made no threats but his tone was ominous.
"You people just want to dig up dirt and bring people down," he said, or something along those lines. And by "you people," I don't think he was talking about journalists in general. McGraw had recently started making regular appearances in the tabloids, and this rankled the attorney and no doubt McGraw. Clearly, his "you people" was lumping me in as "tabloid scum."
"What 'you people'?" I protested. "I'm a journalist. I worked for The Dallas Morning News. I'm just doing a job." The attorney was unmoved, ordered me again to keep his name out of the book, and we hung up.
Next time I checked in with the publicist, he told me that any further contact would have to be through the attorney.
And so the tortuous saga began. We'd decided to write about Dr. Phil just as his success launched him into the stratosphere of celebrity; now he didn't need us and wanted nothing to do with us. The project changed and we—naïfs in celebrity land—could only press on and do our best. We were now writing an unauthorized biography. We had to dig to get the story and keep our noses clean, both to maintain journalistic integrity and because we sure as hell didn't want to be sued by Dr. Phil.
McGraw is a harsh, charismatic man of high intelligence and higher self-regard. His quest for success has left a trail of dislike, admiration, envy, loyalty, respect, mistrust, and gossip. Not surprisingly, pissed-off people were happiest to speak with us. McGraw's friends and colleagues, who would presumably have painted a different portrait, were likely to agree to interviews then never again return an email or phone call. We assumed they were checking with McGraw before speaking with us and being warned off. Eventually, our calls to the McGraw camp were formalities. We called because we had to, expecting nothing.
For every interview we landed, we made dozens of fruitless phone calls. Some people indignantly refused at first contact, sometimes out of loyalty, sometimes out of what sounded like fear. We quickly learned not to leave messages, which were rarely returned and only gave people a heads-up. Some people agreed to talk with no names or identifying details, others told stories with trembling voices and then panicked and refused to let us use them. McGraw's first wife decided that she wanted to write her own book and refused to speak further to Lisa.
Courtroom Sciences, Inc., McGraw's litigation-consulting firm, was impenetrable. Database searches revealed little existing press on CSI. To get a look at the CSI office, I hand-delivered to the receptionist a written plea for an interview with a CSI principal. (No response, of course.) I landed interviews with two former CSI employees and considered myself lucky. Another person seemed anxious to talk about CSI but then balked, claiming McGraw was known to stage mock press inquiries as a way of catching indiscreet employees.
People told us tales about McGraw's bullying childhood, youthful indiscretions, betrayals, infidelities, and rages. The most damning accusations were whispered, too tentative for us to touch them. We cautiously used only what seemed plausible with appropriate qualifiers. We ran everything past Wiley's attorney, who advised us to remove a tale or two.
As our deadline approached, I found myself calling people and begging them to do McGraw a favor and speak well of him. Lisa and I were determined to write a balanced book. We mined published interviews extensively, letting Phil speak for himself with previously published words. At this point we were making sausage, but we wanted it to be honorable sausage.
We're proud of The Making of Dr. Phil: The Straight-Talking True Story of Everyone's Favorite Therapist, an honorable sausage if ever there was one. We got our story—and we could have done even more with another six months, once we'd hit our stride.
But the book was released in November 2003 to resounding silence. Traditional attempts at publicity mostly failed. Our big coup happened months before the book was out, when the E! True Hollywood Story came to Dallas to tape an interview with me. Presumably, they were hitting the same brick walls we were and an unpublished biographer was better than nothing. (The show is still in their on-air rotation.) I was recently contacted for an upcoming update of A&E's Biography of Dr. Phil.
But there was little notice in the traditional press. We got a snide write-up on Salon.com, which complained we didn't have enough new dirt. Lisa got some press in Kansas City; I did interviews with Canadian radio stations and Internet sites. My former employer, The Dallas Morning News, ran a blip on the book. And that was about it.
We know we achieved balance because every interviewer who bothered to read the book asked, "So do you like Dr. Phil? I couldn't tell." We speculated that the balance we had strived for was actually a liability. Tabloids wanted more dirt, and other outlets, perhaps anxious to stay in Phil's good graces, wanted less. Balance has proven a dud on the marketplace. When people ask me how the book is doing, I say, "Well, we haven't been sued." No small feat, to be sure, but we'd like to sell some more books, too. We tell ourselves that better books than ours have failed and worse succeeded, but we're frustrated nonetheless.
Meanwhile, I seemed to have lost my benign ambivalence towards Dr. Phil. After six months of pounding my head against the wall of silence, of being treated like a bad smell, of hearing stories about McGraw's rages and self-serving life strategies, of watching him bellow at his guests every weekday at 3, I turned sour on the doctor. I admired his success. I'd learned some things from him. But he'd become my nemesis.
So when, via a connection made through colleague, the New York Post asked me to write a story about Dr. Phil, I bit. Press is press and we wanted to sell books. In his "Life Laws" Dr. Phil says, "You create your own experience," "People do what works," and "Life rewards action." According to Dr. Phil, if wanted to sell books, I had to do what it takes, even it if meant being exactly what I'd tried not to all this time: one of "you people."
I had a nice little scoop—a class action suit filed against Phil over his ShapeUp! weight loss products—and again did the grim dance of evasion with Phil's people to report the article. I got my facts and interviews, upholstered the story with the careful ambivalence of balance, and turned it in. When it came back to me, the editor had stripped away all the waffling and qualifiers to get down to the basics of the story. It was a masterful job, and chilling. It was a tabloid story. Truthful and carefully reported, but stark and with only the slightest nod to balance.
A few days later, the story ran. There was my byline under an "exclusive" banner and the headline, "DR. PHIL A BIG FAT LIAR:SUIT."
I'd become one of "you people."
And I lived. What the hell? Buy our book.
Sophia Dembling is also author of The Yankee Chick's Survival Guide to Texas. You can buy The Making of Dr. Phil at Amazon.com. (http://http://www.mediabistro.com/articles/cache/a1938.asp)
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 03:46:48 PM
This interview is quite long, but I think it is important to be on the forum somewhere in its entirety, as a reference point for many programs (e.g., OrangeWorks, AsiaWorks, etc.). I'll be posting it later in the General Section, link to be provided at that time...
UPDATE, Dec. 30, 2007: Entire interview has been posted in the thread "LIFESPRING / John Hanley Sr." (Feed Your Head forum) in three parts; the excerpt below is from the 2nd part. Link to full interview:
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p=303414#303414 (http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?p=303414#303414)
=================================
INT: Can you just give me a rundown of the history of the development of Lifespring from its inception?
JH: I can. Actually we started in San Francisco and then we expanded to Portland, Oregon. Then we went to Orange County, and then from Orange County to L.A., and then we went way across the country to Washington D.C., and then we spun off the East Coast from Washington, and then ultimately the hub of the East was New York. Then from New York--sorry, we did Washington, Philadelphia then New York--and then from New York we had people coming in from Florida and Atlanta. Then eventually we spun Atlanta and the Miami area after that. Then we went back to the Midwest. We had Dallas, then we opened Chicago, and so it goes, you know. I think we had fifteen or eighteen centers in the US.
INT: Over what period of time did this expansion take place?
JH: Well, let's see. The first three or four came within the first couple of years, and then the next ten took about five or six years more.
INT: So you started in the mid-70s…so that takes us up basically to the mid-80s, right? So you're at that point?
JH: Yeah.
INT: Then at that point you just worked on continuing to develop into these cities?
JH: Yeah. We started also to work on new products. By that time we'd come up with several workshops. We had invented a new training called the Masters Course which we felt was a premium piece of work, and we really took it upon ourselves to continue to develop our staff, our trainers, and our trainings.
Then we began to look overseas. We opened up Tokyo, Japan in 1977 and then, about 1990--I cannot remember exactly, maybe '92--we sold the license for Asia to a company called AsiaWorks. And then we trained all their trainers as well as our own. AsiaWorks is a big company today and is doing very well. Again, all Lifespring trained personnel and Lifespring technology.
And then we saw several spin-offs around the world, with several here in the US. I think the most interesting spin off is Dr. Phil. In fact, the first day somebody called me and said, "Did you know that Dr. Phil on the Oprah show has the Lifespring training?" I said, "No, I did not." And they said, "Well, you should tune into this and watch it." And I did, and I was simply amazed that somehow this guy had gotten our manual and, verbatim, took the basic training as his own and then followed with the Advanced course as his own. Really, if you watch Dr. Phil, for those who've seen the show and have done Lifespring trainings, you will know that there's only one place he could have gotten that information and that is the Lifespring Basic and Advanced courses.
INT: So you're not aware of how he ended up having that information?
JH: No, I'm not, actually. But, he got it.
INT: That is wild.
JH: Yeah, it really is. Well, it's wild because, when we started out, we were (how would you say?) 'high risk.' And people were sort of looking at us cross-eyed saying "Come on now, is this really possible that for five days you can give me my life back--you can turn my whole life around? I don't think so." So this was met with a lot of scepticism, and I think most everything is. FedEx was met with a lot of scepticism too, so we're in good hands. You know, today, if you really look carefully, you will see experiential learning and, really, the center-points of the Lifespring training in almost every corporate training in America. I think, globally, you'll see pieces of it here and there, and I think the next step is going to be seeing pieces of it in the high schools and colleges around the country.
So you know, that has all of us win at the end of the day, anyway, because, after all, we really started out as young, enthusiastic, can't-be-stopped-by-anything kids. I was 27, and we really were on a mission, and the mission was to transform the planet. Everybody goes sort of thing, everybody wins. We were coming out of an era where that was not the case, where there was a lot of suppression of people's thought and value-systems and ability to step outside what called the establishment and think for themselves. But, of course, today, as we see, that's "pc."
So it's funny, I really enjoy looking from the abstract at the thirty year process, the evolution, the transformation. And it has gone from sort of 'very risky, we don't know if this kind of thing will actually work,' to mainstream. You know, if you want to know more, turn on Dr. Phil and you can watch Lifespring every day if you like.
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 03:49:15 PM
Quote from: ""try another castle""
I thought Dr. Phil was bullshit from day one. My friend posted in her journal about a thing he was doing with a group of people, and he was asking them "Are you a giver, or a taker?" The blood drained out of my face. I said "What the fuck? That's from fucking Lifespring! He's using Lifespring!"
I go online to discover that he has a five day workshop. Most of the activities are kept secret, but it does talk about the red/green game, another lifespring/CEDU(summit) exercise. Except I believe he called it the red/black game. I'm assuming that the rest of the workshop was pretty much the same script, since LS is also five days, and the summit is 6.
So yeah, he is a total program tool.
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=233039#233039 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=233039#233039)
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 03:54:28 PM
- Other Transformational Encounter Groups
- PSI World Seminars - Founder: Thomas Wilhite (Mind Dynamics)
- Context Associated - Founder: Randy Revell (Lifespring/Mind Dynamics)
- Life Training - Founder: Roy Whitten/Brad Brown (est)
- Lifestream - Founder: Jim Quinn (Mind Dynamics)
- Pathways/Temenos - Founder: Carole Kammen/Jodi Gold (Actualizations)
- The Art Works - Founder: ?
- Personal Mastery - Founder: Brian Klemmer (PSI World)
- Summit Workshops - Founder: Paul Larsen
- Future Coaching/I Am Workshops - Founder: Pat Grove (est/Forum)
- Pathways Educational Corp. - Founder: Dr. Phil McGraw
- The Experience - Founder: ? (est/Forum)
- Global Relationship Centers
- Human Awareness Institute
- Lifeskills Curriculum/Access I Education Founder: Jeanne Sterner - Mainly an LGAT with some Avatar material
- Sportsmind
- The Option Institute
- The Conversation Founder: Arnold Siegel (est/Forum)
- The Kiln/August Institute
- Sterling Institute
- ISA Experience
- ASSET Founder: Larry Jensen
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 05:03:22 PM
Dr Phil McGraw (http://http://gopathways.org/dr_phil_mcgraw.htm)
(http://http://gopathways.org/assets/dr_phil_mcgraw.jpg)
Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, star of the "Dr. Phil" Show, #1 New York Times best selling author and "The Oprah Winfrey Show's" resident expert on human behavior is clearly one of the world's most recognized experts in the strategy and management of life, and he is the founder of Pathways LifeStyle Management. Drawing on his 30+ years experience in psychology and human functioning, Dr. Phil meets people where they are, dealing with real issues arising in the real world rather than the touchy-feely fantasy relationships people cannot relate to. His books and new TV show are filled with humor, clarity and scorching reality, and have revolutionized the country's approach to self-management and relationships.
As he told Andy Lawrence, "Pathways is one of the top two things I am most proud of".
He founded Pathways in 1985 in Wichita Falls, TX where he was a professional psychologist in private practice with his dad, Dr. Joe McGraw. According to Phil, he developed Pathways because he knew there had to be a better and quicker way for people to knock down the barriers preventing them from being successful in all areas of their life, and he was right! Since he opened Pathways' doors, the classes have filled by word-of-mouth for 18 years and have changed the lives of thousands and thousands of people nationally and internationally.
Although no longer involved in Pathways, Dr. McGraw works with Pathways in a consulting fashion in order to ensure Pathways stays true to his original training model. He trained Andy Lawrence, the lead facilitator, and personally conducted the Pathways Weekend /Walk in March 2001. Dr. Phil invited Andy and Christie Lawrence to assist him in creating the "Get Real Challenge", which aired on the Oprah Show in the fall.
Dr. McGraw also provides strategic guidance and planning for the world's leading companies when they find themselves in the litigation arena. Fortune 500 companies the world over, rely on Dr. McGraw's counsel through Courtroom Sciences, Inc., the company he co-founded. CSI is the world's leading litigation consulting firm.
Dr. McGraw is an avid golfer, tennis player, scuba diver, and little league basketball coach who currently lives in California with his wife, Robin, his wife of twenty-three years, and their two sons, Jay and Jordon.
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 05:04:30 PM
We're the training seminar he designed and delivered for eight years.
Dr. Phil McGraw no longer conducts the training personally, but he did train Andy Lawrence, the lead facilitator. In March of 2001, Dr. Phil conducted the Weekend and part of the WALK training for Pathways. It was the first time he was back "in the room" in over a decade. Dr. Phil remains an ongoing supporter of Pathways. He has sponsored over a hundred of his personal friends through the training.
Based on exercises designed by Dr. Phil, the program uses his same down-to-earth approach for getting real and gut-level-honest about how you are managing your life. If you've read his books or seen his TV appearances, you probably know that Dr. Phil doesn't coddle whiners or rescue volunteer victims. He does, however, cut right to the heart of being compassionate to yourself, living your commitments, and becoming accountable for the results you are creating. That's what we do, too.
• If you have a friend or family member who's been through the training, and they won't tell you what happens in the training
They're trying to not spoil any surprises.
When you've seen a great movie, you avoid telling a friend anything that would spoil the experience for them. You want them to have the same delightful results later, so you don't give away the ending. You don't tell them the butler did it, Ole Yeller dies, or Darth Vader is really Luke's father. It's not really a secret, but you wouldn't want to spoil it for their experience.
Because Pathways is an experience-based training, telling you "what happens" would deprive you of spontaneity and immediacy. It's a sign your friend cares greatly for you that they are willing to frustrate you now so you'll have some great joy later.
Pathways doesn't require any secrecy from participants. In fact, everyone is given explicit permission to talk about their experience any way they want to, after the training is over.
With one exception.
We have a firm commitment to "what is said in the room stays in the room," meaning that trainees don't disclose what anyone else says during the training. Keeping that kind of confidentiality makes the training a safe place for people to do the kind of significant work they need to do. That's the only promise about keeping secrets that every Pathways trainee makes.
Anything else they're holding back from telling you is just a gift that's waiting to be unwrapped.
• If you've been to other self-development programs, group counseling, church retreats, or leadership training. You're wondering how Pathways compares
Pathways' main distinction is that it is experience-based training, meaning it is…
Individualized – What it's really about is YOU, what YOU want, what's keeping YOU from getting it, and what YOU need to do about it. No formula, no program, no list of steps to work through. You, your heart, and your life.
Involving – You are very seldom being lectured – you're constantly doing something. It's impossible to be a passive observer.
Interactive – Most of the time you're working with one other person or a small group. Sometimes the whole group. It's more about conversations than about listening to lectures.
Intense – You work on yourself at a heart level. And everything about the process is crafted to help you to get real.
• What Pathways is not...
Like most seminars, there's some content that you learn from the facilitator, but unlike most seminars, you don't spend most of your time just sitting there listening.
Like a support group, you talk about your life and how you got here, but you don't stop with complaining – you make changes.
Like at church retreats, you get some inspiration, some time to reflect on what really matters, but there's nothing that's specifically religious, no doctrine, no preaching.
Like many leadership trainings, you work with other participants in small and large groups, but you are working on your life foundations, not your skill with leading.
• How much does it cost?
About 10 dollars an hour. Each of the weekend-long trainings is 399 dollars, and the WALK is 799 dollars.
Paying for the entire series in advance entitles you to a 10% discount.
• Will insurance cover it?
No. Pathways is not counseling or therapy, and we don't make any diagnoses or prescribe any particular course of action. Some companies and churches have decided to subsidize tuition for individuals. If you are interested in exploring that possibility, send an email to [email protected] or call at 972-791-0337 (800-866-7284).
• Do professionals support it?
Yes. Along with Dr. Phil, the individuals who have sponsored the greatest number of trainees are therapists who have recommended the training to their clients after having experienced it themselves. If you would like to speak directly to one of those therapists, please call 972-791-0337 (800-866-7284) for contact information.
• How long are the courses?
Each training lasts from 7:00 p.m. Friday to Sunday afternoon about 5 p.m., except for the WALK, which begins at noon on Wednesday. You are involved with the training for 100% of the time you are awake. (There's plenty of time for adequate rest and meals, but almost no time for diversion or shopping. Don't plan on doing anything except the training during the training events.)
Click here for a calendar of training dates. If you attend the training events in the shortest possible sequence, you will graduate about four months after you begin. It is possible to skip months, but not to change the sequence. Nearly everyone tries to avoid missing a training because they want to proceed through the training with the members of their class.
• What about lodging?
All trainings are conducted in hotels in the Dallas-Irving area, and trainees are required to stay in the hotel during the trainings. The cost of your lodging is not included in your tuition. Pathways will make your hotel reservation, and you will be charged the "Pathways" group rate upon checkout. (You pay for your own meals and your transportation to and from the hotels.)
• Is Pathways good for couple relationships?
According to Andy Lawrence, lead facilitator, formerly a family counselor, Pathways saves more marriages / relationships than any program of which he is aware. One of the reasons it saves marriages / relationships is because it is NOT a marriage retreat or program. The training compels you to take a look at yourself, and as each partner changes themselves they rediscover why they fell in love in the first place. The doors open for the friendship that used to exist to experience new energy and delight. The Relationship Rich Seminar can make a substantial improvement in your relationship. Are you ready for a relationship? In Relationship Ready, you can find the confidence that you can have a fulfilling, successful relationship.
• Can couples attend together?
Yes, but you should know that the training is designed for individuals, not for relationships. You'll get to work on your relationship from the perspective of how the choices you are making – as individuals – affect the relationship. If you won't or can't take that approach (i.e., if you believe your partner alone should change), your relationship is unlikely to profit from the training. In the Relationship Rich Seminar you learn how working on your personal issues can greatly improve your relationship as well.
©Pathways, 2004 (http://http://gopathways.org/enterprise/cm.php?page_id=39)
Post by: Che Gookin on December 19, 2007, 06:01:52 PM
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 07:21:31 PM
http://www.worldbulldoggealliance.com/ (http://www.worldbulldoggealliance.com/)
Post by: Che Gookin on December 19, 2007, 07:32:57 PM
WIFE BEATERS ANONYMOUS, WERE EVEN A WORTHLESS WOMAN BEATING PIECE OF CRAP LIKE YOU IS WELCOME.[/url]
Post by: Ursus on December 19, 2007, 07:53:38 PM
Quote from: ""Che Gookin""
...should you imbibe in a late night session of pugilism with your other half then come see us.
Well, they certainly call it "pugilism" for a reason.
(http://http://th228.photobucket.com/albums/ee251/Macqueen2007/th_Bulldog1.gif)
Post by: Che Gookin on December 19, 2007, 09:07:26 PM
Post by: Ursus on December 21, 2007, 12:54:02 AM
(http://http://th256.photobucket.com/albums/hh162/WolfDeathnNight/th_BullDog.gif)
Post by: Anonymous on December 21, 2007, 01:15:24 AM
Dr phil could be one of the biggest douchebags walking the planet.
Post by: Anonymous on December 21, 2007, 09:54:43 AM
How can u justify FORCING anyone to appear on a tv show against their will?
Post by: Ursus on December 21, 2007, 10:06:40 AM
Quote from: ""Guest""
he kidnapped a kid who didn't want to appear on his show, and MADE him appear.
How can u justify FORCING anyone to appear on a tv show against their will?
The parents probably signed off on it. They probably thought he'd end up deadinsaneorinjail, and Dr. Pill could help, right?
Anyway, it's all about the ratings for Dr. Pill; anything that'll pull more people to tune in is A-okay in his book. He's a such a narcissist.
Post by: GregFL on December 24, 2007, 12:10:41 AM
I have long suspected he was in some program connected to our particular brand of torture. Last week I was channel surfing and became transfixed to his come down on techniques.
i mean, just how many 'normal' people tell people to "get honest", "dont' give me that druggie crap", and "Druggies are lying when their lips are moving".
these are clearly program classics.
How about another? The other day when he was berating some crack head, he mentioned someone in the audience and very confrontational like said " John H. stand up"...then proceeded to waylay him with information about him that the poor schlep didn't know the "dr." knew.
No, this anal wart has spent some time in/around some straight/seed/growing together/other teen torture camp trash heap. either that, or he was trained by someone who did.
watching Dr. Phil is like watching a train wreck. bad therapy doled out to idiots.
Post by: Oz girl on December 24, 2007, 02:41:22 AM
Post by: Anonymous on December 24, 2007, 11:13:48 AM
I even married one who twists everything, lies, states own opinions as fact, and generally treats me how the proogram treated me. Now that I can connect the dots and see that I married the program b/c of the program what do I do now? The program has taken to much of my life already. I don't want to live in it anymore!
Post by: Che Gookin on December 24, 2007, 12:07:24 PM
enjoy.
Post by: GregFL on December 24, 2007, 01:33:48 PM
Quote from: ""Oz girl""
Greg- I understand that The Seed etc were based on synanon and the human development movement but do you think that there is some kind of fundamentalist religious influence? ( both on Dr Phil and Straight separately) I once read an old Washington post article on straight in it's heyday that said kids were allowed to read the bible but no other book. Dr Phil's wife is some sort of capital H holy roller. So I wonder if he was influenced so much by straight etc or if he just has in common with them a combo of skinner style psychology and a fundamentalist religious mentality that makes them sound the same.
No.
The seed allowed you to read the bible for political reasons. Virtually no one did as the culture of the Seed was decidedly anti-religious. You had to get special permission to go to church in your later phases.
the program was taken and then twisted to fit fundamental religious dogma. this was seen in countless programs, including teen challenge , and for a time the former straight Orlando branch SAFE when Loretta Parrish was at the helm. This is about the only way to make the program even worse and more totalitarian, IMO. that is, to take the program modalities and to make people bend and break down around a religious dogma.
Post by: Anonymous on December 25, 2007, 09:17:31 PM
Post by: Ursus on December 25, 2007, 10:58:54 PM
John Hanley Sr., who developed Lifespring, claims that Dr. Phil uses/copied his program. It is even listed on Hanley's website as such (an unofficial version of Lifespring).
Post by: Ursus on December 26, 2007, 12:06:02 AM
==============================
(http://http://www.themarriagebootcamp.com/images/jim3.jpg)
Director Jim Carroll
http://www.themarriagebootcamp.com/marr ... drphil.php[/url]
Post by: Ursus on December 26, 2007, 01:02:21 AM
=========================================
http://www.themarriagebootcamp.com/marr ... _about.php[/url]
Post by: GregFL on December 26, 2007, 10:09:16 AM
Happy programites make me feel all yucky.
Post by: Ursus on December 26, 2007, 10:47:46 AM
"All of the directors have been divorced and none of them want you to go through the agonizing pain of separation."[/list]
I rather tend to doubt that she was one of the "founders," lest she had a gift for it in elementary school... Looks like somebody else got booted out of Marriage Boot Camp!
Post by: seamus on December 26, 2007, 01:24:19 PM
Post by: seamus on December 26, 2007, 01:34:37 PM
Post by: dishdutyfugitive on December 27, 2007, 02:48:52 AM
OH - this is too easy.
We have to send a mole couple in to the marriage boot camp and start the revolution.
Americans (and a growing number of quasi-US westernized foreigners) are such suckers for this horseshit. It is plain as day that this boot camp crap is all about $$$$$. I've got more respect for crack dealers than these numnutz
Post by: Ursus on December 27, 2007, 03:13:27 AM
Quote from: ""dishdutyfugitive""
Americans (and a growing number of quasi-US westernized foreigners) are such suckers for this horseshit. It is plain as day that this boot camp crap is all about $$$$$. I've got more respect for crack dealers than these numnutz
Fifty participants x $600/pop = $30,000/several-day session of seminaring. Minus the cost of renting the space and paying the facilitators (although a good percentage of them are apt to be volunteers). Still...
Post by: Ursus on December 30, 2007, 01:35:32 PM
I thought that perhaps the Choice Center program noted in said list was Thelma Box's, but apparently not. It is run by a Robyn Williams out of Las Vegas. FactNet has a thread (http://http://www.factnet.org/discus/messages/4/464.html?1197273579) on it. Note: website address noted in thread is incorrect. Correct URL is: http://www.choicecenter.com/ (http://http://www.choicecenter.com/) or http://www.choicenter.net/ (http://http://www.choicenter.net/).
See also 'Lifespring / John Hanley Sr.' thread in the Feed Your Head forum:
http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?t=24603 (http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?t=24603)
==================================================
Pathways Educational Corporation - Texas[/color]
Wings Seminars - Oregon
Radical Honesty - Virginia
Mex Works - Mexico
Vanguard - Mexico
Transformacion Vital - Mexico
Next Step Asia - China
Legacy Training - China
Lifespring International - Colombia
Arquitectura Del Exito - Spain
Lifespring - Russia
Leader Klass - Russia
CSA Coaching - Holland (http://http://www.lifespringnow.com/pages/ctrs.htm)
Post by: Anonymous on December 30, 2007, 02:12:13 PM
Quote
OH - this is too easy..
We have to send a mole couple in to the marriage boot camp and start the revolution
This could be fun! Attending their weekend seminar, using a hidden camera; especially if the mole couple isn't getting the program, don't you think?
Post by: Ursus on December 30, 2007, 05:32:02 PM
=====================================
From his seat on Oprah, Dallas' Dr. Phil McGraw reigns as the king of quick fixes for troubled relationships. But what about his own?
As lambs to slaughter they come, pitiful men with middle-age paunches, clueless characters with bad teeth, tortured souls who have emotionally abused their wives and are now prepared to sacrifice themselves on the altar of daytime television. Just why they come seems incomprehensible: A trip to foggy Chicago in mid-March? A free limo ride? A chance to hug the entertainment empire that calls herself Oprah?
But just now, as these husbands are escorted to their seats at center stage -- their wives reassuring them that everything is going to be all right, that confessing their sins before 20 million viewers is a good thing -- Ernest, Jimmy, and Darrell, emotional abusers all, must be thinking: "I'll do anything, say whatever you want. Just get me the hell off this show."
The studio set is simple enough, postmodern in its design, with bold orange and yellow neon circles. Yet its arches and columns suggest something more classical, as if Oprah and not ancient Greece were the birthplace of democracy. Both the studio and Oprah look smaller than they do on television, but size has nothing to do with self-importance. After all, this is "Change Your Life TV," a relatively new format that Oprah Winfrey has implemented to separate herself from the likes of Jerry Springer, Jenny Jones, Judge Judy, and the rest of the World Wrestling Federation. Confession is good for the soul, not to mention the ratings.
The mostly female studio audience looks at these men with a disappointment that grows even more palpable when they're told this will not be the "Oscar nominee" show some had hoped for. No Hollywood hunks for their viewing pleasure. But the crowd bursts into applause as one of the show's staff members announces: "Dr. Phil is here today."
"This is so exciting," says a curly-haired "stay-at-home mom" from Chicago who knows "Tell it like it is Phil" from his work as an Oprah regular. Phil McGraw is the hottest new self-helper on confessional TV, a Dallas psychologist and litigation consultant who, in the enlightened spirit of such gurus as John Bradshaw, Deepak Chopra, and Steven Covey, is making a killing.
McGraw was the jury-selection expert who assisted Oprah Winfrey in her victory over cattlemen in the now famous Mad Cow trial in Amarillo.
"Well, let's get right to it," McGraw continues, as chairs are rearranged so the couple sits face-to-face. "Cheryl, you've got one chance to tell him...from your heart, not your head, you tell him right now what he did to you."
Already, her face is wet with tears. "I never believed that someone who said they loved me so much could make me hurt so bad. Let me tell you...It doesn't go away."
McGraw sits slightly behind and between them. "Are you going to take it anymore? Look at him."
"No I am not..."
"Whatever happened, you set it up that way. You taught him how to treat you."
That was Life Law No. 8, right out of his first book ("We teach people how to treat us. Own, rather than complain about how people treat us.") In Life Strategies, McGraw serves up 10 bits of what he calls absolute truth, and guarantees the reader that if they are swallowed whole, they will lead to psychological redemption or spiritual enlightenment or, better still, success.
McGraw seems so resolute, so healthier-than-thou, you feel compelled to agree with him. But has he practiced in his own life the same accountability, responsibility, and honesty that he preaches in yours? When analyzing his past, two distinct portraits of the man emerge: one a brilliant expert in human relations who genuinely seeks to help others, the other a charismatic opportunist who developed a near-cult following and betrayed some of his own relationships.
But McGraw won't let up on Cheryl. "You tell him, 'No more, buddy!'"
"I can't allow you to do it to me anymore," she weeps. "My heart wants to feel loved, and I am not going to take anything less..."
McGraw turns to Ernest. "Look her in the eye and tell her from your heart. I am sorry for what I did to you and give me a second chance."
"I love you," Ernest says. "I never meant to hurt you. I don't want to lose you."
A single tear rolls down his face. It's the cue the audience needs to collectively forgive him. Cheryl wipes away the tear with her thumb, then gives her husband a hug. The audience applauds the couple's good fortune and McGraw's good work. The camera cuts to Oprah.
"When we come back, a woman who says her husband treats the horses he trains for a living better than he treats her."
From the start, Phillip Calvin McGraw has been full of guts and gumption, growing up fast and smart and hungry for money. Although one of four children, he practically raised himself. His mother believed he could do no wrong, while his father set out on a career path that would relocate his family more than a half-dozen times between Texas and Kansas.
By age 11, McGraw was spending his summers driving his grandfather's freight truck in Munday, Texas. At 12, he was flying planes -- without a license -- traveling with his father, Joe, to remote airstrips to deliver oilfield equipment. When his dad decided to become a psychologist at age 40, he left his wife and three daughters behind, but brought Phil along. There just wasn't enough money to do otherwise, McGraw says.
Like some motivational speaker who demonstrates how successful he has become by proving his po'boy credentials, McGraw recalls those days with his dad, first in Oklahoma City and then in Kansas City, as some of his most humbling. "We were so poor, we couldn't even pay attention." It didn't help that he was fiercely competitive, he says, and he lacked the clothes and the car to compete for girls. Football, however, became his savior. "I was Phil the Jock, and that was my currency."
After his father moved to Wichita Falls to begin his practice, McGraw remained in Kansas City, living his entire senior year home alone. "It wasn't what you were supposed to do," he says. "But I was pretty independent." Also, college scouts had begun to recruit him heavily, and he didn't want to jeopardize a chance at a scholarship by moving again.
His father had played football at the University of Tulsa, and McGraw would do the same, becoming captain of the freshman football team and starting at middle linebacker until an injury ended his career. He returned to Wichita Falls to convalesce and decided to delay his education to make some money. He worked at a health club selling memberships and wound up owning a partnership interest in that club and a half-dozen others. "That was typical of the way he did things," says Scott Madsen, who went into the building business with his future brother-in-law. "He is the smartest guy I ever met. A born leader. Even at a young age, he had the insight to figure out how things work."
Others took a more damnable view of his business practices. "I didn't know of anyone who had a business deal with Phil at the time that felt they came out on top," says David Dickenson, a former friend of McGraw's from Wichita Falls. "It's like playing golf with someone who moves the ball around all the time."
Recalls Eldon Box, at one time a close friend: "I put Phil in a couple of oilfield deals, and everyone pays me but him. Phil is a smart, smart, smart son of a bitch, but he's only out for one thing, and that's Phil."
McGraw denies he owed Box money or was ever in an oil deal with him.
After three years in business, McGraw returned to school to study psychology, first at Midwestern University in Wichita Falls, then at the University of North Texas. College was something he both excelled at and had little patience for. "I almost quit every day," he says. "The faculty just jacked with you all the time...I remember telling one professor, 'Either kick me out or get off my ass.'" He certainly had a better relationship with the North Texas professor who mentored him through his doctoral program, Dr. G. Frank Lawliss, who to this day says he considers him "by far the most brilliant psychologist [he has] ever worked with."
McGraw quickly discovered the kind of psychologist he wanted to be: He returned to Wichita Falls upon getting his doctorate in 1979, went into partnership with his dad, and developed a practice among the country-club set. His patients were doctors, lawyers, and bankers and the wives of doctors, lawyers, and bankers. "Phil moved right into the money circles," Box says. "If there wasn't a buck in it, he wasn't much interested."
His specialty was cognitive behavior, a straight-ahead cause-and-effect therapy that treats thoughts as behavior. "People would come in and say, 'I had a hard childhood, therefore I am not doing well as an adult,'" McGraw explains. "A Freudian would say, 'Let's work through your childhood.' I would say, 'That's fine, but right now, you are an adult; you have a choice to stop yelling at your kids."
His direct approach won him loyal patients, particularly among small-town Texans who appreciated his candor. Yet he still downplays his effectiveness. "I was probably the worst marital therapist in the history of the world," he says. "I was teaching what they taught me, but I was real impatient...Everybody was getting divorced."
McGraw says he was always looking for "less traditional" ways to market his professional skills: pain clinics, weight-loss programs, executive recruiting, expert witness testimony. So in 1984, when Thelma Box, an insurance and real estate agent from Graham, Texas, approached him about going into business together, he was ready to listen. Something of a workshop junkie, Box had attended motivational seminars -- Zig Ziglar, Dale Carnegie -- to help increase sales. But as an abused spouse and single mom, she had recently been drawn to workshops that were more about personal growth.
and my relationship and know that I am committed to you as a friend and associate and expect fair treatment."
"Basically, he sold me down the river," says Box, who recalls having heated discussions with McGraw about either selling her own Pathways interest or buying him out in the two weeks prior to the memo. "Phil and I hadn't been getting along. He stopped talking to me, and I knew we couldn't go on that way."
What he had neglected to tell her, she says, is that he had engineered this corporate takeover scheme by actually selling his interest more than a year earlier. On October 15, 1991, he signed a agreement for the sale of his Pathways stock for $325,000.
"I absolutely told her I was selling," McGraw says. "What she didn't like was who I was selling to."
But the agreement stated that the sale was confidential, and a memo from McGraw to Davidson dated November 25, 1991, reiterated that the deal would be kept a secret -- from the public, from Box, even from his own father -- "to minimize the inevitable pain of transition and disruption of support and enrollment."
Only when a disgruntled secretary in Davidson's office faxed Box supporting documents revealing the confidential arrangement did Box realize she had no choice but to leave Pathways. "I had no faith in the new owners," she says. "It looked like Phil had intentionally sold to people who would make it fail."
In early December 1992, the new partners stepped up their negotiations with Box for the sale of her interest at a "disproportionately low price," she says. More important, she would be forced to sign a noncompetition clause, something neither McGraw nor his father was required to do. "Dr. Joe was retiring. Phil was burnt out," Box says. "But Pathways was not only my dream, but my livelihood."
What McGraw had suspected might happen, did happen. The Pathways population divided into two opposing camps: McGraw's and Box's. David Dickenson had aligned himself with Box: "There was a feeling of betrayal because Phil had compromised the integrity of the program. In effect, he helped rip off Thelma and her asset value in the corporation by selling behind her back."
At the Pathways Christmas Party in 1992, Box made her announcement: The world was big enough for two seminars, and she would be starting her own. She would maintain a passive ownership interest in Pathways until 1997, when the next generation of owners finally paid her price.
To this day Phil McGraw has never acknowledged either in his books or on Oprah that anyone other than him and his father owned or gave birth to the idea of Pathways. He does acknowledge that the material from Life Strategies, his first best seller, is taken directly from his seminar work. But nowhere does he mention Thelma Box or her contributions to his success.
"I have seen him on Oprah, and it is amazing," says Dickenson. "The phrases and the terminology and the quaint sayings -- that's right out of the program. He always wanted people to believe that the seminar came from him. His fear was that he would be exposed as not being the guru he put himself up to being."
Box suggests he take his own strategy to heart: Life Law No. 4: "You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. Get real with yourself about life and everybody in it."
Oprah was so impressed by his tough-talking insight, she made "Tell It Like It Is Phil" a regular on her show and helped make McGraw's first book, Life Strategies, a best seller.
"Dr. Phil is here, telling it like it is, talking to couples who are in emotionally abusive relationships." Oprah's voice sounds soothing, as though she doesn't breathe between sentences. "He talks a lot about this in his book Relationship Rescue, and we are trying to rescue some relationships here today."
On a large studio screen, the camera rolls video footage of Elisabeth and Jimmy on their ranch. The background music swells as Elisabeth tells her tale of abuse. "It is getting really unbearable around here," she explains. "A typical day, we get along fine and the kids come in, and he becomes this other person. Negative and derogatory."
Jimmy bounces back: "I'm not one to hit nobody or nothin'. I do call her bad names...I knew she had children and all that. It has been a big change and all that."
"The words hurt," counters Elisabeth. "Sometimes I just wish he would hit me, because the words hurt more than the physical hit."
As the video ends, Phil McGraw looks ready to fight. He is leaning toward Jimmy, scowling slightly, his fists clenched.
"I want you and everyone in America to know this," he says. "I will tell you the truth as I see it. Any man who goes home and closes the door and abuses his wife and children is a coward and a bully."
Oprah looks mesmerized, Jimmy terrified. The audience is ignited by McGraw's indignation. No applause signs are necessary.
"If you do that," he continues with Jimmy, "you choose to do it where it's safe. You don't do it at some biker bar. You don't do it at some job where they can fire you. You don't do it with someone like me. You want to abuse me?"
Jimmy lowers his head in submission. McGraw has championed the abused women of America. It's a win-win for them, for Jimmy, but mostly for McGraw. The audience loves him. They want to take him home to dinner.
The office park that houses Courtroom Sciences at Las Colinas in Irving looks bland from the outside, but step into the lobby, and things feel disproportionately monumental. A 50-foot ceiling, massive paintings climbing the walls, oversized couches with enough seating for a jury, a forbidding receptionist's desk designed like a judge's bench -- these all create the image that big things happen here.
On the second floor, McGraw stands by the desk in his office, hurriedly trying to get off the phone. "As long as it stays around $400 million, you handle it," he tells an anxious lawyer. "I won't get involved until it gets to $500 million."
He apologizes as he hangs up the phone. "A lot of clients ask me to be the point man in negotiations," he says. "So I often get involved in the actual horse trading...I have the ability to reduce even the most complex situation down to the three to four key things they are really all about."
Only McGraw can say something so self-aggrandizing yet make it come out so damn honest. He's disarming, with his self-effacing humor and his "aw shucks" country-boy charm. Yet the advice he offers comes with such certainty and clarity, you become convinced you'd be a fool not to take it and gladly pay for it.
McGraw is a bottom-line guy who has been able to make a fortune by asking one fundamental question: What do you really want? And whether he poses that question in the therapy room, the training room, or the courtroom, McGraw's trick is to come up with the answer.
In 1990, McGraw, along with his Wichita Falls neighbor, attorney Gary Dobbs, founded CSI, or Courtroom Sciences Inc. McGraw's intuitive ability to read people quickly made him valuable to trial lawyers trying to pick favorable jurors. His ability to break down complex litigation into digestible bits that a jury could swallow made him an asset to any trial team.
What McGraw savored was the competitiveness of the courtroom, the adrenaline-pumping feel that comes with winning and losing. Psychology was just too fuzzy for him, he says. "I feel about litigation the way Patton did about war: 'God help me, I do love it so.'"
As a practicing psychologist, he became an expert witness, often testifying in divorce and personal-injury cases. The more he testified, the more lawyers wanted him to help develop strategies for their cases from jury selection to verdict.
By 1989, he felt he had a decision to make. Continue in the gossipy small town that he had outgrown and the psychology practice that he did not love, or move to Dallas and pursue his passion as a jury-selection expert.
McGraw says that decision was in no way influenced by a ruling of the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychologists, which slapped him on the wrist on January 27, 1989, for engaging in unprofessional conduct. The board found that McGraw had maintained an "inappropriate dual relationship" with a young woman because they had "an ongoing therapeutic relationship followed too closely by a business relationship in the form of part-time temporary employment."
McGraw says he won't discuss details of the case because of "doctor-patient confidentiality," but considers it little more than "a misdemeanor," an employment error that he has put behind him. The woman, who now lives in Dallas and wishes to remain anonymous, says she has not been able to do the same.
In 1984, she was a college student returning home after her sophomore year depressed, lonely, and suicidal. "I was emotionally abused as a child," she says, "and suffered from low self-esteem." When McGraw began treating her, she says, he became fully involved in her life, demanding to know with whom she spoke, when she went to bed at night, what she did that day. "If I was depressed or anxious, his first question was 'Why didn't you call me?' Every time I felt bad, he insisted only he could fix me." When she wanted to spend the following summer working for a professor at the Houston university she was attending, he persuaded her to work in his biofeedback lab in Wichita Falls. "He kept me totally dependent on him," she says.
Twelve months after she filed a formal complaint against him, McGraw and the psychology board reached a settlement in the case: He would be publicly reprimanded, and his practice would be supervised for a year. Before the year was out, McGraw had put his office up for sale and would shortly move to Dallas and begin CSI.
Gary Dobbs recalls "a couple of lean years" after CSI opened in Las Colinas. Many trial lawyers considered jury-selection an art, not a science, and trusted their own intuitive feel for a case more than an expert's. "I used to be skeptical, but Phil made a believer out of me," says Dallas lawyer Chip Babcock. "He has an innate ability to isolate people who would not see the facts the way you do. It's the most uncanny thing I've ever seen. He once told me he was never wrong."
McGraw's client list includes every major airline in the world, three major television networks, and dozens of Fortune 500 companies. Whether it's mass tort litigation, patent infringement, or antitrust violations, the lessons he teaches these global giants are many of the same he taught in the training room. "Lawsuits are relationships," he says. "A lawyer stands before a jury and forms a relationship with them. He teaches them how to treat him." (Life Law No. 8.)
McGraw helps lawyers figure out what jurors need to reach a favorable decision. For $29,500 a day, CSI will "mock try" a case, taking lawyers through dry runs in its simulated courtroom before paid jurors who are later debriefed on how they felt about the attorney, his witnesses, his case. McGraw then comes in and psychoanalyzes the results, instructing the lawyer on what worked and what didn't. If something is not working, he offers strategies on how to fix it and win.
Things didn't seem to be working for Oprah on the eve of her trial in Amarillo in January 1998. She had been sued by some Texas cattlemen for fraud, defamation, negligence, and $100 million after she broadcast a show on the perils of disease in the American beef supply. Her accusers had cast her as unethical, irresponsible, and driven by higher ratings.
Oprah's attorney Babcock retained McGraw and his firm to be part of the trial team, and "from the first moment she talked to Phil, there was an immediate connection between them," Babcock says.
One evening she came to McGraw's room at Camp Oprah, the name given to the bed-and-breakfast where they stayed during the five-week trial. She couldn't sleep. Tears were in her eyes, he says. She just couldn't cope with the frustration and anger of being unfairly accused.
"My advice to her," McGraw says, "was that 'right or wrong, Oprah, this is happening. They are well-financed, dead serious, and deeply committed'...I was a wake-up call that said deal with the fairness later, but right now, you are in a firefight, and you'd better get in the game and get focused...At that point she became a very different litigant."
After the jury exonerated Oprah, she did a "Verdict Show" from Amarillo. Before a national audience, she introduced McGraw as "one of the smartest men in the world." His wise counsel, she said, built her self-esteem and "gave myself back to me."
"Oprah later said that over the last 12 years, she had had every psychiatrist and expert in the world on her show," McGraw recalls. "And none of them made as much sense as I did. She said she didn't want to be selfish with that. She wanted to share that with the rest of the world."
The following September, McGraw became a regular part of her new psycho-spiritual lineup, a format change under the fix-me-fast New Age banner: Change Your Life TV. No longer did Oprah need to lower her tastes to raise her ratings. Jerry Springer be damned. She would empower, enlighten, and unlock the mysteries of the universe -- as long as it happens in 60 minutes. "Deepak Oprah," as one critic labeled her, gave you a choice of gurus. If neo-cosmic soul-searcher Gary Zukav didn't reverse your karma, or Mars/Venus self-helper John Gray didn't convince your inner child to come out and play, there was always the tough love and colloquial catechisms of "Tell It Like It Is Phil."
As far as Thelma Box was concerned, her former partner had finally found the right vehicle for himself. "He always wanted to be a star."
Phil McGraw turns slightly defensive when questioned about whether he is changing anyone's life on Change Your Life TV.
"Absolutely," he says. "And I'll tell you why. In order for people to change, there has to be a dramatic event...I think coming on the Oprah show as an event in itself is a watershed occurrence in people's lives. They get told the bottom-line truth about where they are. And in that environment, I don't think they will ever forget it."
But actual, genuine change from an encounter with Oprah? Is that possible or just good TV?
"It's the psychological version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," says Dr. Ellen McGrath, past president of the Media Psychology Division of the American Psychological Association and a media consultant to several national news shows. "It's the quintessential cultural product. Get some quick advice and change your life. You, too, can hit the psychological jackpot."
But there is no quick fix to behavioral change. It's slow, often painful, and hard to make stick. "Dr. Phil is a gifted motivational speaker, and if your goal is to begin the change process, he is a master at it," McGrath says. "But igniting change is just 30 percent of the change process."
Which is, of course, better than nothing.
"But what happens after the magic of Oprah wears off?" asks Dr. Marion Jacobs, a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California in Los Angeles. "If you feel you ought to be able to do what Dr. Phil tells you, but can't, that can cause guilt. It can be anti-therapeutic."
The real work comes after the TV high craters, when those feelings of loss or anxiety return in the night and Dr. Phil is nowhere to be found. "No one changes by themselves," McGrath says. "You need to work through the problem, talk through your struggles with somebody, figure out why you do what you do. Only then can you consolidate the change by making it a habit. That takes time. Not 15 minutes of fame."
McGraw contends that much behind-the-scenes work goes on before the guests ever get on the air. Oprah staffers conduct extensive background interviews, which he studies in depth. "We also follow up with the guests," he says. "We may recommend that they get therapy. Sometimes we even bring them back for follow-up shows. It may be a seven-minute segment, but it represents three weeks of focus on their lives. I think it's a tremendous gift."
But the real value, continues McGraw, is the show's effects on its viewers. "I think it educates and inspires millions."
"Both Phil and Oprah are very skilled at emotional education," McGrath says. "But the man is also doing therapy on TV, and that raises some real ethical concerns."
Dr. J. Ray Hayes, professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at University of Texas Medical School in Houston, is more blunt. "People who try to fix people on TV are committing malpractice. Any competent therapist knows you must have a personal relationship with someone in order to treat them. Otherwise the intervention is just entertainment."
But it's precisely his entertainment value that makes McGraw such a hot property. His TV persona is anything but cuddly -- the style that builds trust between therapist and patient and is most conducive to change. "He doesn't have a good relationship style," McGrath says. "He's a bottom-liner; he loves to win. He's an attorney doing therapy. That's not the way to work with people's vulnerabilities."
But America loves that kind of "command and control" performance, someone with the absolute answers to life's uncertainties. "It's a spectator sport to watch someone be humiliated," McGrath says. "It's entertaining, it's good TV, but whether or not it's helpful is debatable."
McGraw insists he does more than merely entertain. "I don't confront just for the sake of confronting," he says. "I listen, I weigh, I respond with what I believe is the truth, whether they want to hear it or not."
And what's the truth about his life? How have the life strategies he's divined for others worked in his? He started out a workaholic, he says, neglected his wife, his infant son, absorbed with making money and building a career. "That was a real bad time for me," he admits. But one of his life laws is, life is managed, not cured, and right now, he says, he's managing just fine.
When Thelma Box watched McGraw on Oprah, she couldn't believe he was still using on her program many of the same ideas and techniques they had developed in their seminars together. So she phoned McGraw, asking whether he would send Oprah through the training or at least mention her seminar, now called Choices, on television. "I am still trying to change the world, one heart at a time," she says.
McGraw seemed receptive, she says, telling her they should schedule lunch to see where things might go. Things never went anywhere. They never had lunch. But Box thought she understood: "Phil has a real big need to make people believe he is the only person who can do what he does."
Life Law No. 1: "You either get it or you don't. Become one of those who gets it."
As the credits roll, Oprah and Dr. Phil stand side by side, facing the camera.
"I want to thank all my guests," she says. "We have books under the chairs for you -- you all need to read them if you are having trouble with your relationships, or wanting to make your relationship better, read his book. There is incredible information in that. I have a lot of respect for Phil; he is one of the smartest -- one of the smartest people I know." She looks up at him. "You are up there in the top five of the smartest."
McGraw puts his arm around Oprah and humbly bows his head. "Well, that's a good place to be."
"He is also going to be starting somewhat of a tour, because I told him to stop signing the books and just start helping the people," Oprah says.
Faint applause.
"He is going to be coming to your cities with seminars. I know you will be in Dallas..."
These weren't the seminars that Thelma Box had imagined, but rather seminars in the Tony Robbins sense of the word -- big, flashy affairs at pavilions holding thousands of people at $87 a pop. The stuff cultural gurus are made of. McGraw completes Oprah's thought. "I'll be in Dallas on May 20 and Chicago June 17."
Oprah becomes excited, animated. "I'm going to try to talk him into more cities," she says. "Maybe it will be Phil and the rock tour. We'll get a band. Check Oprah-dot-com to see if Phil will be doing full-day seminars in your city."
"It was all your idea," he says.
"It was my idea," she says, smiling.
It's obvious that McGraw gets it where Oprah is concerned. He's willing to give her credit for originating an idea, unlike he has with Thelma Box. Maybe going on Oprah can change your life after all.
Post by: psy on December 30, 2007, 06:11:27 PM
Quote
Life Law No. 1: "You either get it or you don't. Become one of those who gets it."
Oh classic... somebody's channeling Werner Erhard... Can't these clowns come up with anything new.
Post by: Ursus on December 30, 2007, 06:46:20 PM
I think the role National Training Labs has in all of this (formed 1947?), along with MKULTRA, etc., is well worth more than cursory perusal.
Post by: Anonymous on December 30, 2007, 07:50:19 PM
It's a social disease, and the immune reaction is growing amazingly fast with the Internet around.
Post by: seamus on December 31, 2007, 09:33:18 PM
Post by: seamus on December 31, 2007, 09:38:57 PM