Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Iv been on fish oil for many years.  I was taking 4000 mg Omega mood (high epa)by country life but ran out and am taking now foods omega 3 now.  I need to order more soon and its the best time to ship it now in cold weather. I ask my family take it also but they dont always unless I remind them.  Grass feed beef from my dads farm.  Organic eggs from my buddies farm.  Real whole grain bread and pasta.  But the fruits and veggies could be more.   I ride my bike rain or snow to work so I dont drive or do the shopping and its tough getting the good foods.

I dont mind working on toilets. I like to, no, love to work with my hands. Keeps me in shape. But it doesn't pay well.  Cutting and splitting my firewood in the fall is one of my most favorite things to do with my dad.  But my kids hate it.  They would rather play video games all day.  I cut , split and stack a seasons worth of fire wood and its like pulling teeth to get them to bring it inside as we burn it.

I will remember what most of you said and work harder on my self esteem.  I wish my family would say what you people have said.

I can see why you would feel that. Yet do you think it would be a long term solution?

No I dont.  Like I said.  I "want" to kick his ass.  Not that I was actually going to.  But there are moments when I need to just walk away or I might "try" to get physical.  Im now wearing hand me downs from him.  Hes as big or bigger than me and in better shape.  It would be a close match.  But it would be devastating to our relationship.

Now, if you can't gain cooperation, how will a program? What methods will they employ to do so?
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I have given up with most programs.  But I just talked with him.  In fact hes walking in and out as I write and says he hates me and wants to go to a program.  I told him some kids get abused and commit suicide at these programs.  He needs to get away from here though.  Scattergood here in iowa my be a option.

Then I reminded him that I love him and we both agreed we love and hate each other.

Yes.  The Drama.

I need to let the little things slide for now and hope he stays out of trouble. And spend more time with him. And its not easy hiding who I am Oz girl..
 We had some quality time when Mom left for a while.

Thanks all.

That's a approach or angle Id never heard of.  But it does make sense.  School did seem like a prison or cult to me.  But my son "says" he likes it and is getting good grades.
  At this point of my life I feel I need to obey "the man". Iv been beat by him to many times and have learned.  But my son is completely opposite.  Small things like cleaning his room or shoveling snow only happen after a long drag down fight.  My wife starts to cry after demanding and being told no.  I step in calmly and then she screams at me.  Im walking on egg shells.  He finally does the chore 1/2 way after he sees us fight about how to deal with him.  He says he wants to spend time with me.  But I dont enjoy anything anymore.  The hobbies I loved are boring now.  And I find it hard to reward him for his behavior.

This unschool thing wouldnt work with him.

"It requires tremendous dedication and discipline to assume the responsibility that is normally entrusted to schools. If they decide to go this route, teens have to look for their own teachers and seek out classes if they can't learn something on their own. They have to think hard about what interests them and research the skills they need to accomplish it, so that they can make sure to take the necessary steps. "

My son and myself are more focused on instant gratification. Classic ADHD.  Not long term future goals.  What many would call lazy.  Then when it is to late I feel beat.  Its to late.  I find myself dreaming about life before my son was born.  I also wonder if I would still be a pothead alky.  Maybe he saved me.  But now it feels like he is destroying the family.  My wife and I are very confused and exhausted. We Havent taken a vacation for years.  If we went alone.  We would never hear the end of it.

I wish I could find FFT. And Im leaning more towards meds at this point.

FFT isn't available unless my son is in the juvenile system.

Things have slowly reverted back to what they used to be and worse since he got back.  He makes his mom cry on a daily basis.  And just got done tearing his room apart. Then he said he was leaving forever.  But returned 1/2 hr later to eat and continue his rein.

Another 4 years of this?

I have more issues than he does.  Im talking to a shrink.

He was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD when he was in 3rd grade.  The latest sign of trouble was last year in 8th grade.  We only asked him if things in school were going OK.  I was so busy with my second job (the house) I didnt take the time to follow up and make sure things were as good as he claimed. My wife also works. We, my wife and I, were still smoking pot back then.  He ended up failing 5 classes.  He went to summer school only to fail them again. The school didnt want him back until he made up the classes elsewhere.  My wifes sister (Pat) & husband offered to take him up to minneapolis to a charter school.  He passed all the classes but had many disciplinary problems.  Throwing things in class.  Swearing. Stealing. Trying to be cool.   I still dont know all the details. But I will when he returns this weekend. Pat couldnt control him and has given up.  It was a situation she could not handle.

Pat spent at least 6 hours a day between school and home working with him.  And the charter school had small 15 student classes.  The public school he will attend here has around 30 students per class.  I know he will be to shy or embarrassed to ask questions.  And is already behind because the trimester started 2 weeks ago.

I hope to hire I younger Tudor he can get along with.

Im just so worried about him because he has no goals.  When I was his age I was into modeling, BMX (I was expert) and practiced drums for hours a day.

How do I motivate him? And help him realize that its so important to use his time wisely? Because He wont have the time when hes my age.

New here.
  Im a father of a 14 year old boy who reminds me of myself.  Except I was already a major pot head at 11 years old.  I Hated anyone with authority.  Planned on a career of selling drugs and corruption blah blah  blah . Was emancipated at 17.  And have completely fucked my life up.  My sisters are doctors.  Im a blue collar looser.

So you say I should never have become a father?  I agree.    But whats done is done..  Right?  I love him regardless.

After researching WC's it sounds like "I" need the reality check for even thinking about this.  So where do I go to get MY ass kicked, humiliated, abused and reminded how big of a dirtbag I am?  Somewhere where my son could even watch?

Would he then forgive me for the abusive things I have said and done?  Maybe.. Would I?

Is there a WC that both of us could attend and benefit from? Because after reading here.  I would never send him anywhere alone.  Some where that teaches character building, family values and Self esteem.  And in a beautiful remote area?

Or should I just take him and go alone?