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Messages - Edward Kahn

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This lady needs to get hold of me right away.  She's dilly-dallying far too much while junior is on his way to jail, the insane asylum or the mortuary!  There is no time for taking pictures, ma'am.  Your child's very life is at stake.  Call me at 1-800-SUCCESS as soon as you are able and I will arrange the proper placement of your child without undue-diligence delays.

Let's talk about the weather... / Re: Israel and the weather -
« on: May 20, 2011, 03:18:49 PM »
Quote from: "BuzzKill"
Quote from: "seamus"
I look forward to the day when its a kinder ,gentler planet. Where noone expects a reuinion from anyone ,of any kind.
Not even The Buzzcocks.

Isaiah 11
The Branch From Jesse
 1 A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
   from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
2 The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him—
   the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
   the Spirit of counsel and of might,
   the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the LORD—
3 and he will delight in the fear of the LORD.

   He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
   or decide by what he hears with his ears;
4 but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
   with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
   with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
5 Righteousness will be his belt
   and faithfulness the sash around his waist.

 6 The wolf will live with the lamb,
   the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling[a] together;
   and a little child will lead them.
7 The cow will feed with the bear,
   their young will lie down together,
   and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
8 The infant will play near the cobra’s den,
   the young child will put its hand into the viper’s nest.
9 They will neither harm nor destroy
   on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the LORD
   as the waters cover the sea.

 10 In that day the Root of Jesse will stand as a banner for the peoples; the nations will rally to him, and his resting place will be glorious. 11 In that day the Lord will reach out his hand a second time to reclaim the surviving remnant of his people from Assyria, from Lower Egypt, from Upper Egypt, from Cush, from Elam, from Babylonia,[c] from Hamath and from the islands of the Mediterranean.

 12 He will raise a banner for the nations
   and gather the exiles of Israel;
he will assemble the scattered people of Judah
   from the four quarters of the earth.
13 Ephraim’s jealousy will vanish,
   and Judah’s enemies[d] will be destroyed;
Ephraim will not be jealous of Judah,
   nor Judah hostile toward Ephraim.
14 They will swoop down on the slopes of Philistia to the west;
   together they will plunder the people to the east.
They will subdue Edom and Moab,
   and the Ammonites will be subject to them.
15 The LORD will dry up
   the gulf of the Egyptian sea;
with a scorching wind he will sweep his hand
   over the Euphrates River.
He will break it up into seven streams
   so that anyone can cross over in sandals.
16 There will be a highway for the remnant of his people
   that is left from Assyria,
as there was for Israel
   when they came up from Egypt.


Hello, Buzzkill!  I just wanted to make you aware that you have posted this quote without proper attribution, which is copyright infringement.  This post is a verbatim copy from our participating schools' curricula.  It is ripped directly from our World History textbook.  Please remove it or provide proper attribution.

Hello, FreeOfCC!  Thank you for your kind words.  I'm assuming you are a parent of a child in a traditional boarding school with special purpose because your handle indicates you are "Free Of Child Care".  I'm glad you are enjoying your life so fully while the school is preparing The Child of Your Dreams©!

For anyone else who wants to lead a life free from the demands of parenting like FreeOfCC, just give us a call at 1-800-SUCCESS to get your child placed in one of our participating schools.  Let the Positive Peer Culture™ transform your child and your life.

Hello, Jill Ryan!  This is actually a fairly simple matter.  As long as the Special Education teacher is just a little bit smarter than the students, he or she should have no issues teaching these special needs kids.  For example, a third grade teacher requires a fourth grade education to excel.  A tenth grade teacher should have an eleventh grade education in order to succeed.  It's a rather simple concept.

The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: New project: The sovereign School
« on: May 20, 2011, 02:59:14 PM »
Hello, JElkins76!  I'm not sure what all the hubub is about.  This school looks legitimate to me.  Do you know if they are accepting referrals at a discount before they open?

The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Academic Adviser Q & A
« on: May 12, 2011, 03:36:52 PM »
Hello, Pile of Dead Kids!  I see in your signature area that you are promoting academic advisers.  That's wonderful!  Would it be possible for you to replace "Call your educational consultant" with "Call Edward Kahn at 1-800-SUCCESS"?  

I'd gladly pay a per-call premium for the exposure.  This form of networking can be very lucrative.  Let me know!

Facility Question and Answers / Re: What does work?
« on: May 11, 2011, 03:04:05 PM »
Quote from: "AdviseAMom"
My son has been using marajauna for about a year.  He's 14.  Six months ago he started huffing and he was snorting something but I don't know what because whatever it is isn't showing up in a screen.  He's been seeing a counselor, psychologist, and psychiatrist for roughly 2 - 3 years.  He's attended school roughly 50% of the time this year and will have to repeat next year if he isn't expelled.  We go to court at the end of the month (more larceny from breaking in to neighbor's homes) and I'm told we may be given the choice between juvie and a residential program.  We've been "sentenced" to outpatient drug rehab before.  He told his friends he wants to live at juvie because he can't get drugs at home.  

I'm a single mom and I've been keeping him when he is out of school etc. but my job is on the line now because I've missed so much this year too.  I started looking at residential programs because even though we've eaten up all our savings on these (legal issues, doctors, emergency rooms (suicide attempt), and short term stabilization), I can take out a loan against my retirement and get him into something if it would help him.

I've read the forums and you tell people to work with them, and I have endlessly but I'm pretty sure I can't do anything that is going to work because he doesn't want me to help him.  Whenever I try to do anything with him at all, he runs away and gets high.

Isn't there any good and caring program out there?  Isn't there anything or anyone that can help a child who is unhappy?  I don't want to lose my son.  I don't want him to go to prison/juvie.  I don't want him to die.  I don't want us to become homeless.  What do we do?


Hello, AdviseAMom!  Please don't take the feedback from these anti-parent choice treatment people too serously.  Just give me a call at 1-800-SUCCESS and let's get your child the placement that he needs at a bonafide traditional boarding school with special purpose.

You are just a single phone call away from the Child of Your Dreams©.  Don't hesitate.  Make that call right now!

Those kids are getting smarter and more resourceful every day.  This is the best benefit of Positive Peer Culture™.  These children are so eager to learn from their peers!

The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Academic Adviser Q & A
« on: May 11, 2011, 02:25:02 PM »
Quote from: "Inculcated"
Lol, well that’s somewhat more illuminating than “Not every question needs answering”

Offering a re-placement is one thing, but a deal sans hyphen would really give you an edge over your competitors. In the all too common event that the child is lost or damaged while in placement, can we expect to be provided with a replacement?

I'm assuming that you are being facetious here, Inculcated.  Of course we cannot offer direct-replacement children, but we do transform your child into the Child of Your Dreams©.  Guaranteed (or you get a partial refund).

Hello, Jill!  Please include me on your list so any prospective clients wishing to use RCS can contact me directly. Thanks!

The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Academic Adviser Q & A
« on: May 06, 2011, 12:29:01 PM »
Quote from: "Inculcated"
What methods do you use to determine the needs of the child?

We don't determine the needs of the child.  The parents do.  If they require additional assistance we are happy to make a diagnosis over the phone or through a questionaire.

Quote from: "Inculcated"
What is the cost of your services and what does it cover?

Our rates are very competitive and our fees cover all services required by the parents.  We can do escorting for an additional sum.

Quote from: "Inculcated"
Do you follow up on cases after placement? If so, by what methods do you do so?

We send out surveys to the parents who engaged our services.  All positive results are published.

Quote from: "Inculcated"
What factors do you consider when recommending particular *therapeutic* wilderness programs TBS or RTCs ?

We consider the placement reward we receive from the programs and the parents' wishes and economic viability.

Of course, we guarantee the success of every child and offer a partial money back guarantee or re-placement.

Hello, NIGEL!  You are Whooter's father, correct?  I have read her testimony and she seems to be doing wonderfully.  She also makes a great plug for Aspen.  Good job, dad!

Hello, DEE!  I'm actually an Academic Adviser.

The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: What is a parent to do?
« on: May 04, 2011, 06:41:17 AM »
Hello, LeahKrosses!  I also recommend boot camps.  Only for children though, not parents.  Remember, it's the children who need punishment, not their parents.  Plus boot camps are inexpensive.

Hello, Guest3!  I think you may have overlooked some qualities of RCS.  #1 - This is a fine looking student body comprised of obvious overachievers.  #2 - It's inexpensive.  What's not to like?

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