Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Mission Mountain School => Topic started by: Anonymous on December 06, 2005, 02:58:00 PM
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1.Naming myself an "addict" rather than dealing with my real disorders.
2.How to be the greatest manipulater and lier
3.Analyzing every detail and life causing misery
4.Numbing real life situations..I can shut off from reality at any time.
5.I am capable of making anyone and everyone feel like they are completely crazy. I constantly play blame games. I analize the hell out of people to piss them off and make myself feel worthy.
These are top five things that I have learned. I am constantly trying to stop myself from doing these things. I learned to be worse than better if anything.
What about everyone else?
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Ok, I'll play:
how to truly become a machine of sorts and close myself off completely from reality and my mind.
how to make myself cry for hours when I wasn't really sad to begin with.
how to blame myself for evertyhing that is problematic in my life b/c the simple belief in a 'higher power' and taking inventory was not working and was in fact a far over-simplification of what really was bothering me and causing me emotional distress.
How to zone out for hours when things become unpleasant
How to pretend being powerless was a good thing, and accept lack of agency instead of creating my own agency.
Like stated above- how to pick apart people in an extremely judgmental fasion- dividing the world and people in fucked up/non-fucked up categories in really stupid John like ways.
How to fear men completely.
How to fear being intimate, fearing forming 'fucked up' relationships with animals/people- as John was constantly suggesting to me...I learned how to further no 'need anyone' and that 'needing' people was a neagative thing.
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oh, and how to ski and camp.
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1. I learned more about drugs than i ever did in my life, and when I left the school I did all of them because hearing everyone being an addict I wanted to try it. It was fun while it lasted anyway. It was also like I did the punishment, might as well do the crime.
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Actually, I must say I did the same.
I heard so much from everyone else, i was curious. Yet, as I took that first drink or first hit of whatever it was I couldn't help feel like a frog about to be turned into a princess.....you know what i mean.
I had been told if I drink ill be an addict or whatever so I thought maybe addicts felt differently right away...hahaha....stupid me
i was just a kid.
B