Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

I think it's not so much "you aren't truthful" as it is: "you aren't real", and as such you "don't even know you are lying".  IMO, the point is for the most part to get you to question yourself and your own interpretation of reality, causality, identity (self concept), and past events.

Anybody else get called "in your head", or was that just a Benchmark thing?

Good point. It really did cause me to question myself and change my habits. I did alot of bitching about CEDU but eventually I got called out by enough people for "playing the victim" that I stopped complaining or talking about leaving or fighting the program for that matter.  I knew it would only get me more of the same.

Quote from: "AuntieEm2"

Amazing to me how quickly the family begins (my family began) to adopt this language--what amounts to the debasement of a whole and complex human being.

And just through the use of words.  Amazing, isn't it, what loading the language can do.

Yes. The power was in the language. It becomes more and more apparent. It'd be nice to go back with the language to demeen their language.  "You're just playing games" "Look who's talkin. That's just loaded language, a thought stopping cliche" Of course this would be when the infamous "You're in your head." or "In your thinking" would come in to play. The ultimate thought stopper. Yet again THINKING = THE DEVIL.

Nightmares and nightsweats are quite common in the fornits members. I've had the ever since I left CEDU. Almost every night I have to change clothes cuz I'm covered in sweat. It still hasn't gone away. Here's a recent thread on fd up dreams survivors had.

http://fornits.com/smf/index.php?topic=25574.0

For some reason I just remembered the oh so common cliché “you’re just playing a game…”.  It seemed that this phrase was used for just about any reason.  If someone joked around a lot, or acted weird, or even was cutting on themselves you could pretty much bet that in a rap they would be confronted by someone saying,” I think you’re just playing attention games.” Or maybe someone would complain a lot. They might hear something like,” I see you blaming your problems on other things and feeling sorry for yourself a lot. You’re just playing the victim.” As I recall it this phrase was used in just about every rap. 

What I don’t get though is how the hell it worked. It seemed to stop everyone in their tracks and disregard the persons issues. I don’t remember anyone saying, ”Hey guys, maybe this isn’t just a game. Maybe we should take it seriously.”  It seemed to be a popular tool used in raps.  For instance it was a good way to get the attention off yourself. “Do you really have issues with me? Or are you just playing games?”. Anyone else remember this? 

Ugh… It reminds me of how those raps progressed. Just an endless circle of Attacker, Defender.

The most shocking part of "waking up" happened for me once I realized I really had changed how I had lived my life after CEDU.  I hated Cedu but never denounced it. I'm sure that, for awhile, I still defended their philosophies. I actually remember telling my story to a couple of non-cedu friends .... just the way I was taught and left out no disclosures. Why I did not realize that was not socially appropriate I can only say is because that was Cedu. Whether telling OR hearing anothers story, it was a daily activity. Initially I thought that the people I had shallow friendships with were not really of value and could be disregareded. Eventually though, you realize NO ONE is open and honest and transparent... like at CEDU. B/C Cedu you were picked apart every day and everyone knew each others inner intimate details. If that wasn't enough social distortion to confuse me there was also the "look good" factor.

If I learned anything at Cedu it was to "play the game".  We all did, whether we knew it or not. Despite all the confusion of trying to understand how to fit in at Cedu I knew what to do in about a week. Sure, everyone sat alone during their first Last Light where the whole school all laid down and smooshed on command. But a week later I was smooshing too. For awhile I was just playin the game. When a school is entirely maintaned by the students you learn to follow the rules quick. Not just the rules though, the survival method necessary to get through daily life. Not only do you analyze your own behavior obsesively for things that could be thrown in your face in raps, but you analyze others that way too. We were encouraged to attack others behaviors. After Cedu that never left. The extreme analysis of myself and others, though I learned not to voice it.  Even after Cedu part of me was still "playin the game", learning how to find a niche within groups and then disconnecting abruplty once things started getting deep.

Years later I had already disconnected from any Cedu connections I had AND had begun to think that relationships were just bullshit in general. If my Cedu friendships weren't deep and real then I was just incapable of having friendships, I blamed myself. But eventually I just believed that was the way the world was. People were all just calous and indifferent and "playin the game" at the expense of others. Once I realized that this worldview was one I adopted as a result of CEDU.... that was when I really woke up. It wasn't just the time I spent there, but all the time since too.

This should be here. The most comprehensive article on the history of where our school came from. Synanon.

http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature ... ustry.html

So I began to question this stuff even more. Specifically I believe CEDU can be categorized as a psychotherapy cult. The nature of a psychotherapy cult would be one that capitalizes on proven psychological facts regarding the way our brains operate. Well, the basic unit of thought is the word…. Right? What would thought be like without having been taught language? Isn’t language a program that we’ve learned that dictates our perception of the world and ourselves?
   
Before I get too deep here (and I’ll admit I don’t proclaim to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt ANYTHING I’m saying, and welcome any other viewpoints) my point is to say that Cedu DID identify certain universal truths common amongst all people, but used them to implement insidious philosophies. I postulate that Cedu’s deception is not that “thinking” can’t be trusted. The REAL deception is “feeling” is the real you.

In the case of “Thinking vs. Feeling” as in the I and ME workshop (as well as the rest of Cedu  as an undercurrent in daily life there) I had to consider the prospect that thinking in fact COULD NOT be trusted. Perhaps our brains are “thinking machines” that urge us to respond in a “feeling” manner. Our brains create expectations out of life and those expectations are often not met OR exceeded, urging a positive or negative “feeling” response.

In conclusion, my opinion is that IF there is such a thing as conscious thought it is VERY rare, perhaps non-existent. But rather we ARE consciousness only inhabiting, experiencing, and completely at the mercy of this thing we call life. Consciousness independent of thought and feeling IS the real you….. just along for the ride.

On a different note as I recall, what we called “feeling” at Cedu (doing work, running your anger, sobbing, and even forced emotion) in the vast majority of cases was really a state of rage. A toxic, primal mix of emotions that came out all at once. In my case I believe any real “work” I did had to do with hating being at Cedu or hating my parents. But it was always accompanied by staff’s comments of “you’re feeling weak right now, aren’t you. Or. What’s really going on inside you? You’re forgetting your truth. What’s your little kid saying right now? Etc. etc.”  For me it seemed like it was for the intention of re-directing my feelings onto myself….. and it worked in some cases. What I remember of myself and others was entering an intense emotional state but confused as to where to direct the emotion…. Resulting in an almost thoughtless state of rage.

Just a thought.

Very good my friend. I agree on the Donner Party issue..... it DOESN'T apply to everyone. Perfect example of yet another peice of information I took in and regurgitate without thinking. I'll definitely think more before I enguage this topic (truth?) with you again soon. I gather at this point it may be worth tackling from the complete other end of the spectrum. For it seems $apitali$m is an ideology that plays to a heirarchal system. Have you thought about that bfore? (OK this is a little weird. straight trip talk, but true nonetheless.) Well, the topic is broad it seems.

You can lead with all new lines if you believe in what you say
then life can be just as you make it.

believe the lie and it will all come true.

If you believe in every lie you're never free to walk away.
You should be free to go today.

Believe the lie and it will all come true.

-Umphrey's McGee-

(had to edit the lyrics... i screwed em up)