Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

CEDU was the Jack Baur of Theraputic Boarding Schools. PERIOD.





















think about it.

It's good to be back

I have noticed there are a few strings dedicated to this and they remain pretty hollow. The reason why I haven't contributed more is that a lot of the "excercises" didn't make sense to me at the time. And while I remember thePropheets quite well, there is a blanket of confusion over the happeneings of the three day I and ME, and the six day crowning achievment of the place- the Summit. There was the writing of your own eulogy and that was nice. The fantastic voyage, some pillow pounding/ forgiveness sessions. The "dis" ease where we all pretended to barf and cough and puke for an hour or two and by the end virtually everyone was kinda sick. That was an interesting excercise to see mind over matter, me over I?
Point is, and I'm aware that there is not too many of us here that have the gumption to view their journals from the time (these were the two experiences that I remember everyone was to write for at least a little while every day.
I'm going to view my own entries, but it would be nice to have another voice here.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER anything?
There were the Keys.
The win/win and red green game
I remember going to Spokane for the day very well.
I remember the confrontation to "hit your partner" that was described so well by SOS or Bryan a while ago.
I remember the Rocky fight for Me's life and
who's winning. that was where they ran us until total exhaustion.
and if i wasn't just skirting the issue but really thinking about it, i'd remember much more. Someone help me remember? I know you're still out there. Some of you.

the book is coming along and I'm finally back into new territory.
It's hard to remember being an older student than being a newer student. anyone else have a perspective on that?

-blownawaytheidahoway

There has been some really interesting information exchange lately. Often behind the front lines, and I just want to invite anyone and everyone to write me here or at

[email protected]

I'm finding that some people are interested in where the money or parents' monies went, while many want to contact old friends and check in on the existance of aquaitances. Still others, like myself, are interested in dredging up old memories and self- analyzing. I'm thinking that all of the above are worthy projects. It would be a real expose to follow the money trail of the CEDU school system. And finding out what happened to people who went there, ALL of them, with a short blurb on how long they stayed would be an incredible project that I think would reveal much. The "skool" kept pretty terrible or records, or has a keen desire to keep that sort of documentation from people like us. The point is that now is the time to continue to push this issue: Places like this must have some sort of oversite. On site degreed, specialized, outwardly paid, DOCTORS - must be a part of places like this AND the wilderness programs associated with this industry. I'm not a fucking guru or an activist, but this is important.

We, and our parents, were duped. Kids were hurt. I was, and am still healing. There is good. As a replete pessimist, I hope to turn back the pages of time in my personal documentation of RMA and purge this pessimistic heart from my core and replace it with what I know (I pray) CEDU meant to instill in it. If it worked for you, bless you. God bless you, I have no reason to have animosity. But for me, CEDU education has insisted in denying me many things essential to the total Love and fulfillment of living life. I can't sue for soul, now can I?

It keeps getting longer when I think I'm approaching a point in it that will be hardest.

Already, I've written about my arrival and my splitting and most all of my experience about being punisheed for splitting. I've descrbed a lot about my "story" and why my parents decided to send me there and I've been really fair. But I want to be accurate about the program and what IT DOES. The long term effects, but MORE importantly, the accurate description of the black/white outlook that we learned there, and what seems to have been a totalitarian/modification in my thought patterns about myself and magnified views of myself when I came out of the place. There were some positive and negative views and veiws- that errant, took a while to get out and some that truly never did. And to really get in there and show a total change of PERCEPTION about myself and life and right/wrong and the shame and guilt and rage involved it seems overwhelming.

I'm also a bit caught up in trying to remember as much as possible about the workshops and propheets and describe them as badges that presented obligation to the skool. Expectation to be complacent grows the longer you are there, you must act involved. Acting was necessary at first and then it wasn't acting any more. You know?

So, I'm getting this final half done in my mind but haven't barfed it out yet on paper. wanna help me remember the robot mentality?
Awww, it'll be fun!

thanks, if you can get into it for a bit. I'll be remembering more from every transmission.

thanks all
-blownawaytheidahoway

see Cedu section and search my name out to see other writings pertaining to opinion about matter and content.

Richard Armstrong, Dana and Stacy Wasserman, Bruce (dildo) Wilson, Dan Earl, His daughter Shannon (maybe married to dildo), son Tim, Carmen Earl, her daughter Nina, Caroline(Jenny) Wolfe, Randy Eide, Vicki Jones and her husband Chuck with a different last name, Steve Rooky, Thompsons, Patrick Stambusky, Tim Brace, John Aaron, Rea and his wife Sharon Krieger, Brett and his wife Lisa Carey, Mike Bonner, Ken bulky guy, Mike dimarco? tall skinny guy started in 1989ish, Ned Murray,
these are just mostly senior staff whose faces I can see purple as they scream their upsetting lies at me. I can't wait to remember more? Sheila the big blonde aerobics instructor, how could I have forgotten to mention Doug and Mona Kim-Brown, or Joe Sweeney, Dan and Mare Krumpatitch, or The Spaniard Alberto who was Carmens relative who was fired for fondling?, Ken the big guy with the mustache who I think lived with his momma, or timeless Lou at the farm, Glenn and Lisa Sutton, Matt Fitzgerald, Greg Burton, Will and Nancy Venard, Alan Milar and his wife, Bob Silfie(s)who had been there for a long time and could pretty well pick a guitar to orgasm, Greg Springer, some balding mustached guy I think was named Tom Waters, Joan- hippy with art, Ed Katz, Susan Nelson, yes Russ Hershod with really, really thick glasses. Blockhead is a fine description for both Russ's. (not rous's...rodents of unusual size)
what about these guys: Mike Parr, L.J. Mitchell, and some other bounty hunter dude? Please comment on any or all of these present/former RMA/CEDU staff who I knew first hand.
-blownaway

Time to talk Propheets. Remember the first time you were kept up without food for a night in the bright lights and standing in a circle for three and four hours at a time in the same place? The disclosure circle. I am trying (for the same bizarre reason I like throwing up when I'm ill )
to remember what transpired in each propheet. Not just what they were about and Gibran trappings and associated music, but the overall schedules of each one. Wasn't there someone here a few months back whom had perhaps lifted a copy of the Propheet and Workshop handbooks? Come back. There were scripts for each one, I remember viewing them myself when I supported in a Brothers Keeper.

My first rap was in Walden West. Stacy Wasserman was to be the facilitator. I can?t remember who was supporting in that rap because the whole thing was so apocalyptic, anything besides it?s own happening would be unmemorable by comparison. I didn?t know what I was in store for at all. I was escorted from the house by Pxxx, who steered me down a path with a rock border, and past a few other buildings. We came to Walden and were directed into the room. This room has so much significance for me that just crossing it?s threshold in my imagination causes unspeakable feelings. All of my propheets and workshops were in Walden and it is fitting that my first step down forced behavior modification should happen in that room.
   There was a circle of black chairs interrupted by one upholstered blue one with arm rests. No one went near that one. The black chairs had different vintages and it quickly became clear that some were actually more comfortable than others. I sat down and listened to my heart throb in my ears. I didn?t know what to be nervous about, but after numerous kids asking me during lunch if this was my first rap and then their replies of  ?holy shit, who?s running it?? or ?Ha Ha, won?t that be nice? I started to become a little nervous. On the walk over with Pxxx there were many other people moving to their assigned rooms and it was quiet. There was a definite sense of forboding. And I didn?t know how to identify it yet?there was something else I got a strong whiff of as we sat down in our black chairs that afternoon in Walden West: fear.
[ This Message was edited by: blownawaytheidahoway on 2004-11-28 07:25 ]

Why is it that people say that the more time that has passed between exiting CEDU ed. and the present is equal to how "over it" we should be?

I think it works in the opposite way. For example, I have noticed in my observations of the quite elderly that there seems to be an increased interest in religious scripture. Naturally as one gets realistically close to death, one feels the need to read up on what thousands of years of spirituality has to say on the subject. In this way I now feel as I get closer to slaying the dragon inside of my mind labled CEDU, a dragon with a million scales covering it. Each peice of armor has "I can't", or "You Suck", or "Failure" inscribed on it. I find that the dragon grows larger as I grow closer. It takes up more room inside me than I ever really knew. There were times within my first year of leaving RMA that I suspected what I was going through was singular to people who had experienced what I went through. But I got lost trying to catch up and relearn how communication and relationships worked, were founded and continued outside of the CEDU model. I was thankfully distracted for TEN YEARS.
But why was I so emotional all the time? Had I forgotten that first year or so being "out" of RMA. A friggin' basket case, an emotional mass with the same metaphorical reaction of silly putty to newspaper. Tears and anger, and confusion and sadness, battled with shame and self hatred...I needed raps. I needed to hear what a dick I was, and be in the hotspot and finally to express my negativity. I needed to punch things and scream! I was pissed and very scared/alone. Why, it was like I felt when I first arrived at CEDU. The whole first 6mos- year.
     Do you honestly believe that CEDU ed builds your 'positivity' up? WHY would I miss the abusive raps? To hear again what was wrong with me. To hear again how hopeless I was and how I would be a crumpled defeated mass without RMA? I had gotten so used to it at RMA, I created my own tape to play the constant screaming of my thinking whether I was feeling 'good' or 'bad'. If I was feeling good, bad was not far behind with a flaming paper bag full of shit...
    Now, I know it's killing me. Literally thousands of messages have been playing in my head since RMA. At first there were some very arrogant ones about how noone knew anything about LIFE. About why they do what they do. I was so smart, so sure of my knowledge that these unenlightened hairless monkeys knew nothing of their reactions to jobs, family, love, fear, and 'agreement'. But it didn't last, because I didn't have the program anymore...all I had the expectation that I had been miraculously lifted up to fly!!!
It was bullshit. As soon as I understood CEDU's positive messages about how strong and FREE we were, my wings would be clipped with more psychological mumbo jumbo. More breaking down and more FEEL BAD mojo. There, there was a culture on inexpectation. You get used to your stomach flipping every MonWedFri at 1pm. Time to face the firing squad! And don't you people remember the unexpected rewards! Like I said before, I didn't really realize how screwed up the whole thing was... It didn't take long to be more of an asshole than I was before going to CEDU to try to cover up some of this new found abandonment. This new facade, and vision of the future that CEDU trys to endure. I had been lifted up where I thought was proud and beautiful, only to find that I was chipped, mangy, and very, very, alone.