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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Forgot to log in, the last post was mine:

 Can't people see that shipping their kids off is not the answer? Most kids getting sent to these programs are normal, annoying, adolescents. Because that's what this stage of life is about. Annoying the heck out of your parents, didn't we all do it? Didn't we all push our limits? Didn't we all explore and experiment? Didn't we all at one time or another do something that today could have landed us in some "program"? Luckily most of us didn't land in a program, most of us were allowed to grow, make mistakes, learn from our mistakes, and become productive and normal adults.

But today so many "normal" kids doing those annoying things - smoking a little pot (not that I think it's OK, I don't, but it's part of the process), sneaking out with their parents' car, or being unlucky enough to have ADHD or any other label put upon them - are locked up in what is supposed to be a place to help them. When in reality so many of the adults working in those places are saddistic pigs getting their jollies off of beating and torturing kids. Don't believe it? What about Martin Lee Anderson? What about the others who died while being restrained, the breath and life sucked right out of them because some 300 pound fool wouldn't listen when the child said he couldn't breathe.

Parents need to parent, plain and simple. In my opinion, when you have a child you are responsible to care for that child until he or she is grown. Not until it's no longer convenient. And it's up to we parents to show our children love and respect, to give our children a large amount of our time, not just the leftovers because our lives are too busy. Single parents are so busy dating that they leave their kids home alone, sometimes all night, and then wonder why they have problems with them later. Then when they remarry the kid is seen as a problem, and the parents find a very easy solution. Send him/her away to be fixed.

Just an opinion ......

I will copy this post to the one at Teen Help Forum as well because I want people to know how I feel about Maia?s book.

A couple of years ago, I might have had a tough time believing the things I read in Maia?s book. But that was before receiving the call that would forever change my life. The call came from a boy who I dearly loved, who had lived with us as a teen, and who was abducted from our home in the middle of the night by a teen ?escort? service hired by his parents. He would spend the next two years of his life in another country far from home where he suffered serious forms of abuse, where he witnessed abuse, and where he was forced to commit acts of abuse to others.

It was three years later that I got his call, pleading for my help to rescue his sisters who, too, had been abducted and who were taken thousands of miles from home to WWASP programs. I learned very quickly that what Maia has written in the pages of her book is real and that many of the tactics that were used back in the 80?s in Straight, Inc., in KIDS, in the Seed, are still used today. It is disturbing and the story needs to be told.

I remember when I first learned about this industry I would shutter to think ?how could this be happening here in the US.? The more research I did, the clearer it became how this industry has evolved to what it is today.

The fact that it has gone on since the 80?s, that it is thriving, and that it has become a billion dollar a year industry is very disturbing. Seemingly plenty of lawmakers and government officials know about the abuse and neglect suffered by so many.  Yet it continues to thrive. So many believe the kids incarcerated into these programs are druggies, they have a lot to learn. I've been told by dozens of survivors that most children in these programs are far from druggies, far from alcoholics, far from sex fiends. Most of them are children who have been abused, who have been adopted, who come from broken homes, who have ADHD, ODD (oppositional defiance disorder), eating disorders, and a myriad of other conditions. They are children who need help from trained professionals, not children who need "tough love". Not children who need to lose their rights, not children who need to be abused. What are these programs teaching these children? What are they doing to their families?
 
The programs tout that they build families up yet I have personally heard from dozens of families who claim their families have been broken down as a result of their involvement with them. Maia?s book helps bring that point across.

Program owners claim the children are the liars, the manipulators, and they convince the parents that this is true. Yet they encourage parents to lie to their children and to deceive them. They encourage parents to have their children abducted and taken against their will. Don?t they see that when parents do this they become the liars and the manipulators? Don?t they care? Don?t they realize this very act alone can break a bond between a parent and a child? The very act of hiring someone to abduct a child is unforgivable and unforgettable.

They don?t care because they are motivated by one thing ? money. Each child that comes into the program brings in between $40,000 to $100,000 a year, depending on the program.

What would you call a mother who deceives her 17-year old daughter, a daughter who, by the way, is a straight A student who has never tried drugs, never drank alcohol, has never had sex, by telling her that she is taking her to lunch when in reality she has hired an ?escort? service to abduct her? What would you call a mother who jumps out of the car, watching as these strangers jump into the passenger seat, as they handcuff her daughter who cries out for help, but who lets them take her away, right before her eyes? What would you call a mother who has her taken thousands of miles from home to be incarcerated, taken her from her friends, her siblings, her school, her life, to live in a place where she will lose all of her basic human rights? A liar, a manipulator? This happened to a girl I know personally, and it happens to many other children.

The things Maia has shared in her book could seem unbelievable, but they are very true.  I believe the majority of the population has no idea about the truth of the ?tough love? industry. And I believe it is our job, those who do know, to spread the word, to support one another, and to not criticize each other?s efforts.

I want to say thank you to Maia for the time she has taken to research the industry, to travel long distances to interview key players, to sit through what had to have been a heart-wrenching trial (Lulu?s), to interview parents and survivors, and then to take on the incredible task of putting it all down on paper. It?s no easy task writing a book, getting it published, and then getting it out there so people will read it.

Survivors have talked about their experiences in Tranquility Bay, about how they and others have been forced to lie on their faces in OP (observation placement) for days, weeks, and even months. I think about how these children must hope beyond all hope that we, the adults who know what is going on, will come to their rescue. I believe it is our job to try.

In my opinion, anyone who is concerned about this industry and who wants to get the word out to the general public, to lawmakers, to social workers, to educators, to mental health professionals, should all be promoting this book. I challenge each and every one of you to purchase an extra copy to give to your local public library. People need to read this. I have never met Maia, and I have no personal thing to gain if Maia?s book becomes a best-seller. The ones who have something to gain, in my opinion, are the children who might be spared from becoming a victim because someone read this book.

What I think some of you are missing is that we know this industry inside and out, we know most of the stories told in the book, so it?s not news to us (though I do have to admit that I am learning some new things about the history of the industry by reading Maia?s book).

Parents who are on the verge of sending a child away might not if they were to read this book. A judge about to sentence a child to one of these facilities might change his mind if he reads this book. Educators who once promoted sending kids away might think twice if they read this book. Mental health professionals may reconsider their recommendations that parents place their kids in programs away from home and their own communities.

Those people, the ones who know nothing about his industry, like I knew nothing until a year and a half ago, will find this book very shocking and incredibly informative.

If I was a parent of a troubled teen and I read this book, there is no way I would even consider sending my child to any program away from home. It is my hope that other parents will feel the same and will seek alternative solutions for their teens and for their families.

I think Maia's book is well-written. It bothers me to see people here criticizing it. Perhaps you don't know how hard it is to write a book and then to have it published and all it takes to promote it. She shares stories that need to be heard, stories that I believe will make people think. The important thing is getting it out there so people will read it.