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CALO - Change Academy at Lake of the Ozarks / Re: Why the bashing? What is an alternative?
« on: June 09, 2011, 12:58:01 PM »
Wow... interesting assumption that I'm the problem. I am a healthy, stable adult with two other healthy, stable children. I have attended therapies with my troubled daughter as much as her treatment teams have asked, and have been told by 4 different hospitals, two psychiatrists, and 3 therapists that I'm "doing everything right".
Even if there are things in the family dynamic that will help, those things take time and my child is at risk now.
The article reference does indeed state that there is little evidence that RTC in the aggregate is effective, and then cites violent teens as those least likely to benefit. My child needs 24/7 care as a threat to herself. Inpatient hospitals (cited by the article as possible interventions) have repeatedly told my she needs residential treatment, that they cannot give her the care she really needs.
So folks on this forum assume the mother is to blame for a mental illness? I will follow your logic... I am open to saying I am an imperfect human being and have made some mistakes. At this point, however, my child's issues are an immediate threat. Any treatment takes time to affect change. So even if my parenting is at the root of some of her issues, she still needs to recover from how she now processes the world, interprets events, and how she views herself. Changing me at this point, while it may be beneficial, does not address how she can change her.
You ask about taking her from school and the effect that has... and I think you have a valid point. However, removing her from the primary school setting was not my choice to begin with, as the school could not manage her behavior problems and was sending her home several times a week. Her grades were suffering as a result. I am trying to keep her options open for her future.
The responses I see here sound to me to come from adolescents themselves who believe they understand parenting. Don’t assign chores as punishment, I’m told. I totally agree. I do not believe in “punishment” either.
I do believe, however, that I have a duty as a parent to provide a consequence to my daughter for poor choices in preparation for the fact that the world has natural consequences, and she needs to learn that consequences come from choices. This is the context under which I have assigned chores. This is how I have explained it to my daughter. If I do not teach her cause and effect, she will experience it outside the home in a much more severe way and I will not have fulfilled my responsibility as a parent to teach my child.
Even if there are things in the family dynamic that will help, those things take time and my child is at risk now.
The article reference does indeed state that there is little evidence that RTC in the aggregate is effective, and then cites violent teens as those least likely to benefit. My child needs 24/7 care as a threat to herself. Inpatient hospitals (cited by the article as possible interventions) have repeatedly told my she needs residential treatment, that they cannot give her the care she really needs.
So folks on this forum assume the mother is to blame for a mental illness? I will follow your logic... I am open to saying I am an imperfect human being and have made some mistakes. At this point, however, my child's issues are an immediate threat. Any treatment takes time to affect change. So even if my parenting is at the root of some of her issues, she still needs to recover from how she now processes the world, interprets events, and how she views herself. Changing me at this point, while it may be beneficial, does not address how she can change her.
You ask about taking her from school and the effect that has... and I think you have a valid point. However, removing her from the primary school setting was not my choice to begin with, as the school could not manage her behavior problems and was sending her home several times a week. Her grades were suffering as a result. I am trying to keep her options open for her future.
The responses I see here sound to me to come from adolescents themselves who believe they understand parenting. Don’t assign chores as punishment, I’m told. I totally agree. I do not believe in “punishment” either.
I do believe, however, that I have a duty as a parent to provide a consequence to my daughter for poor choices in preparation for the fact that the world has natural consequences, and she needs to learn that consequences come from choices. This is the context under which I have assigned chores. This is how I have explained it to my daughter. If I do not teach her cause and effect, she will experience it outside the home in a much more severe way and I will not have fulfilled my responsibility as a parent to teach my child.