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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Due to this little bit of news, we are going to need a new name for apall:
viewtopic.php?f=73&t=26284&p=320566#p320566

For each of the new blogs, i'd like to have a repeating page where parents can quickly get informed about what tough love is, where it came from, and why it's so dangerous.  While I could write it myself (and probably will write a draft), I believe in the principles of competition, and that there are many around here who are more capable and influential writers than I. What better way to create this important piece of content than to offer it up to the community to write and then vote on and/or edit collectively.

I look forward to reading your submissions in this thread.

 :notworthy:

Suggested starting point: Phyllis and David York (lots of information on them if you search on fornits, as well as elsewhere).  They wrote the book on tough love.  Reportedly it didn't go over so well with their own kids.

The reason I am suggesting this article: "troubled teen" and "Troubled teen industry" are keywords that are already firmly locked down on apall.org.  "Tough love" could also get a fair amount of traffic.  How do I know this? I follow the industry's marketing (something that we should be matching):

http://www.4troubledteens.com/toughlove.html

Their target market is our target market.  Let's take advantage of their market research and copy them.

This is written for the websites we're making by a parent you probably all know and can probably guess.  Check it out.  She requests we edit for spelling / gramar.

To the program parents out there, or those considering a "Specialty
Boarding School" placement, let me say, I have had first hand
experience with this program. I do know what I am talking about.
 
I don't want to go into a lot of detail about our family situation. I will say though, that our situation was fairly typical. I made the same decision you did (or that your considering) probably for many of the same reasons, and with the same hopes. I want to tell you a bit of my story and explain some of what I have learned.

Something that got my attention pretty early on and hoisted some red flags,
was the reaction of the persons on the BBS when concerns about the program
were raised.  I saw that it was widely accepted that none of what the kids wrote home about was true. Anything that wasn't positive about their experience;
anything that might cause a parent concern about the quality of the
education, or sanitation, or meals, or abuse that was reported, was
dismissed as lying manipulation.
 
I noticed that often students had written home about the same disturbing treatment.  This was explained away as conspiracy. They sit and conspire. They think up tales that will push the parental buttons hoping to be pulled. The parents must stand firm. They must respond with the simple statement that the kid should quit manipulating and work their program. Or, it was commonly advised to not write back at all. It was commonly advised to send the kid a post card, as if the family was off on vacation, telling the kid how much fun they were having with out them. This was supposed to make the kid stop manipulating and get to work on their program.

(In reality, I now believe this was intended to increase the teen's
feelings of abandonment, helplessness and despair, so as to help create the
psychological conditions required for "behavior modification" i.e.
brainwashing)

It occurred to me it was impossible for kids in facilities scattered across
the country, and indeed the world, to conspire. Yet, they were telling
similar stories. This was also dismissed as simply being a shared common
knowledge; all kids know their parents will be upset if they complain about
being hungry, or filthy living conditions, or violence and so on.   I had my
doubts. I found the consistency worrisome. But in truth, it seemed
impossible that such stories could be true. I believed, just as do so many
others, that if such were true, the programs would be shut down.

[To my great shock, anger and frustration, I later learned how ignorant and
incorrect this thinking is.]

A related concern was the realization that with the parents so willing to
ignore the pleading and complaints of their children - their children had no
one at all they could report abuse to, that would believe them and
investigate.  I was amazed no one seemed concerned about this. They all
insisted you simply had to trust the program. But haven't you ever been lied to by someone you trusted, I would ask them. How can you just trust them?
Get to Discovery and you'll see, was the reply.

[Discovery was the title of the first of the seminars at the time]

I noticed that anyone posting with a gripe or concern, no matter how legitimate, was shouted down by the majority of posters. They would use mocking terms for them - calling them BMW's (Bitchen' Moaning Whiners) or suggesting they need to step left; occasionally telling them if they couldn't be supportive, then they needed to just pull their child and let them go to jail or die. (The inevitable consequence of pulling a "Half-Baked" teen) They would suggest that the parent’s complaints were non supporting, and that the kid would pick up on this and this would feed the kid's manipulation attempts - which might affect their kid's attitude and hold their child back. So, it was very important everyone be totally supportive of the program.

Another common defense often used to deflect a parent's nagging doubts went
something like this: What do you care if he is hungry/ frightened/ anxious/
depressed . . . He got him self there. You work your program. Let him work
his program. He'll work his program when he gets tired of manipulating; when
he sees that it won't work. Just trust the program.

Those who had left the program amid complaints of fraud and abuse where
dismissed as Chattering Pigs. "They're just chattering pigs" or, "Why are
you listening to the chattering pigs?" was a common refrain if something
they said was brought up on the board.

(I now know that the use of jargon and catch phrases to dismiss critics as
ignorant, irrelevant, un-enlightened and not worthy is called Loaded
Language. This helps the group member maintain a pleasant sense of
superiority and belonging; as well as being a handy way to easily keep the
critics viewed in a negative light, not worth notice)

The friendlier folks would try to sooth worried parents concerns and tell
them to trust the program - and to get to Discovery as fast as they could.
Once they got to Discovery, all would be well. They would understand
then, why it was so important to trust the program, and not feed the kid's
attempts to manipulate. They were assured their life would be changed. This
was a great promise. This change was much lauded as "wonderful".

But I wondered what if you like your life? What if you are basically
satisfied and happy? What if you don't believe you are responsible for your
teen's poor life choices? What if you don't want to change your thinking and
values? This was seen as being stuck in your head (or trapped in your box)
a very bad thing to be.

I found the blind faith of the seminar attendees alarming. That blind faith,
coupled with the near fanatical devotion to the Program, seemed disturbingly
cult like. This chant to 'Trust the Program' in answer to any expressed
concern, brought to mind Orwell's Animal Farm.  The lack of any real debate,
the sameness found in the thinking of the group, the hostility toward any
expression of independent thought,  brought to mind other examples of
"brainwashing" in movies and literature and cult history. It was kind of
creepy.

(Another use of loaded language is to re-enforce the teachings of the group,
as in: "Four legs good. Two legs bad" repeated in response to any troubling
question; effectively halting all debate)

I was told repeatedly that there was no right or wrong - only what works.
(Another common chant) This is the essence of values clarification thought
reform, and is contrary to my faith and personal belief. I was greatly
alarmed to think this was what they were drumming into my son's head.

Something else I noticed that seriously troubled me was how the program
seemed to create an adversarial attitude in the parents toward their kids.
It seemed like the longer a parent was involved with the program (the more
involved they were with the seminars and support groups and so on) the
more likely it was that they developed a very cold and callous attitude
toward their child. You could easily see the changing attitude in their
writing before and after the seminars.  At times this coldness was
truly chilling. The change in these people was chilling. And yet they seemed
to think they were becoming better people. It was disturbing.

Despite these nagging concerns, that fear they instill of certain death or jail had
gotten under my skin. I was beginning to think this was a mistake but I was
also very afraid to pull my son for the fear he would end up dead or in
jail, and it would be my fault for not giving the program enough time; my
fault for being so paranoid and "stuck in my head".  I was at this point
afraid of the program (which a clear head would tell you is a very bad sign
all by itself) but I was also afraid to leave it (a classic cult member's
dilemma) So, I registered for Discovery.

When I got the rules for the Seminar, I realized exactly what it was. This
was a Large Group Awareness Training event - not an educational seminar. I
had long been aware of the controversy surrounding this kind of training; I
had heard and read much about the dangers, and knew something of the
history.

I would strongly encourage you to educate yourself as to what LGAT is.  Not
all change is good. Change for change's sake, is not such a good thing.
Sometimes, change is very bad indeed. And sometimes, when under the
influence of powerful psychological manipulation, a person is not able to
tell the difference. Worse yet, sometimes, a person finds the stress
involved in making such a rapid change to life long values and beliefs
to great, and they break down.

Of corse, with LGAT, all are *intended* to be broken down, then built back,
with what ever the facilitator wants to put in there. (In there, being your self.) The idea being, they will help you abandon the "junk" holding you back and build you back better than before. The intent is to change you in fundamental ways that will free you to be many wonderful things.
 
In LGAT, Everyone gets broken down. But sadly, not every one can be put back together without a lot of cracks showing. Also occasionally, a person who seems to have come through it OK – who seems to have benefited - will after a time, begin to fall apart and show the symptoms we now recognize as Post Traumatic Stress. Some poor souls have psychotic breaks. Mind breaking is in fact a dangerous process which can be devastating to the integrity of a person's self.

If you would like to learn more about this, get and read: Cults in Our
Midst, by Margaret Singer. The entire book is of great value but I'd suggest
paying special attention to the chapter on LifeSpring.  You can get used
copies very reasonably on Amazon and most any library will have a copy.

So, anyway - as a consequence of my coming to realize "the Program" was
teaching a life values philosophy that was opposed to our family's and that
they were using what I believe to be psychologically abusive methods of
thought reform to do so - I pulled my son.

Amazingly, it still wasn't easy. Even with all my concern about the
deceptive practices, and what I felt was an assault on the minds of the
parents and students - I was afraid to pull him. They had gotten their hooks
in me, and I was afraid to leave. But I was finely more afraid not to.

At this point, I wanted no part of it; I wanted out, but I had no desire to
rock anyone's boat.  I was concerned - but I wouldn't have dreamed the
problems were as serious as I later learned they are - and frankly, I would
not have thought the reality possible, had I not been slammed with so much
evidence.

I don't want to go to much into the situation with my son. I will say he was
glad to be away from the program; but there was no great spilling out of
information. The stories he told were mostly funny and mostly he talked
about his friends. He had lost a good deal of weight off his already lean
frame, adding credence to his constant complaint of always being hungry.
Also, I noticed he was wolfing his food and declaring it great, when it
was in fact not very good.

I was still on the BBS, even though this was against the rules. As long as I
was "supportive", which in my case meant trying to remain neutral, I could
stay on. I wanted to, simply because I had come to think of many of the
other parents as friends - and I didn't want to be cut off from the group,
as a parent usually is, when they exit the program. I promised not to talk
about removing my son - so I was allowed to stay on. I have wondered why
this was allowed. Perhaps they felt it was better not to have people
question why I wasn't there as long as I didn't go negative on them.

[I realize now, that this desire not to be cut off from a group one has
bonded with, is a powerful influence keeping the group members well in line,
and reluctant to break from the group thinking, by doubting or criticizing
the program, or the cult leader.]

One day, a program graduate (at the time, program grads were also allowed on
the general BBS board) posted a list of links to forums about the program,
which had a lot of accounts written by ex-students. I did a quick copy & paste
so I could look at them later. I knew the BBS would yank that post, which
they did in a matter of minutes. I just happen to be on in that short space
of time the post was up.

The accounts I began reading were hair rising. I was shocked.  These kids
were out. They had no need to manipulate anyone with tall tales of abuse and
neglect; and yet here were dozens and dozens of accounts, all remarkably similar in the treatment they described, telling very disturbing stories about their
program experience, from many different facilities associated with the
Program. This simply couldn't be dismissed.

I eventually ran across court transcripts containing sworn testimony in a case where a family member was trying to get a child removed from a program facility; and what these kids testified to was deeply disturbing. It supported much that
the internet forum kids had related, with very similar accounts of filthy conditions, brutal abuse (physical and mental) forced and extreme exercise, very poor quality diet, and never enough of it.

I felt that the shear number of these accounts, combined with their
consistency, was a powerful indication of their truth. But I foolishly told
myself none of this seriously alarming stuff applied to my son's particular program. It wasn't mentioned. I still didn't realize they are all just exactly the same.



Shortly after this, I had a conversation with another ex-program parent. She
was talking about the physical abuse that is so common. She asked me about
beatings; had my son reported seeing anyone beaten up. No he hadn't (and surely he would have told me) but it nagged at me. That night I asked
him had he ever seen anyone beat up? The answer was yes, he had. He explained he didn't often actually witness it, but that he did often see his friends showing evidence afterward; and he also often heard the kids screaming in pain begging for the staff to stop. I should perhaps explain, that while there were kids who got beaten badly by staff, most of this screaming in pain was a result of restraint, program style; a very painful and very common event often described by ex-students. Why didn't you tell me? I asked. He replied: "I thought you knew."

[The point here being, if you don't ask you'll not be told; they think you
know and approved it]

When I asked why he thought there were no accounts about these conditions at
his program, when there were for so many others, he pointed out that his
program had been a new one; there hadn't been time enough for kids to get
out and start talking in any numbers yet. I felt like such a fool. That had
never occurred to me.

It was about this time I got myself evicted from the BBS; and was cut off
from all contact with the Program faithful.

Since then, I have been an outspoken critic of "the Program". Consequently,
I have spoken to, or exchanged email with countless program students and
their parents. Some are pro, and others like myself, outraged that this has
ever taken place; and worse, been allowed to continue.

I have learned a great deal over the past few years that has been shocking
to me. This industry has a long history - going back directly to the now
notorious Synanon. All these "behavior modification" programs are built on a
Synanon model. The harm this does has been well documented. Yet, it
continues. There are many reasons why. Money and influence in economically
depressed regions is a major factor. Divorce, remarriage and the
fragmentation of the family is another. Zero tolerance policies are another.
Drug war propaganda, keeping parents terrified beyond reason, is yet
another.

I am not saying there is no reason to be concerned when a child is doing
drugs, but I am saying, those who profit from these programs have a lot
of political influence. They keep parental fears fanned to a fever pitch
that is far beyond the reality.

For you upper level parents:

You say your kid likes it "now"? What about at first? The upper level kids
have great advantages and power over the lower level kids. They often quite
enjoy this, after so many months of being victimized by the upper levels
that came before them. Its on the lower levels, that they are not allowed to
talk, or look up at the sky, or out of a window. Its on the lower levels,
that they are frequently put into torturous restraint, for breaking any of
the many inane rules. Its on the lower levels, that they are fed so little,
and so often placed in the horrible discomfort of stress postitions.
 
Once they make it to the upper levels, except for the dread of being dropped back into hell, they may find aspects of the experience gratifying. Often they are extremely reluctant to leave friends behind.

Also of corse, it is possible they fear and dread the exit plan. If you are
holding the exit plan over their head you can't expect anything like the
truth from them. If they are typical, they will tell you exactly what you
want to hear and bide their time until they are out from under the threat
of the exit plan, or if they're home, the guarantee.

There is something I sometimes suggest to parents who doubt its possible
their child has been treated in any abusive or negligent manner by their
program. When you see your child, or if they are home, print out a few of
the accounts available on the internet. You can find some in "the
Tranquility Bay report" ISAC (www.isaccorp.org ) put together. Give them to
your son or daughter. Give them a highlighter. Have them highlight anything
that they witnessed or experienced. But first - (and this is extremely
important!)  promise them that they will not be penalized or given any
consequences for doing this. This is an exercise in truth, and between you
and them and no one else.

You see, if they have spent any amount of time in the program, they know
that complaints are viewed as manipulation and result in very unpleasant
"consequences". Even with heart felt assurance of confidentiality, they may
not trust you (they may never trust you again) but you can try.

If your son or daughter is on, or goes back to the drugs and so on, please
don't fall into to deep a despair. They inevitably grow up. It can take a
painfully long time but they do seem to nearly always eventually pull it
together - program or not.

In fact, in all honesty, after talking with dozens of post program kids, I
can tell you a program experience only delays this process. They invariably
go further into the depths of what ever they were into before, once they are
free of the program or the threat there-of. They seem determined to prove
they belong to themselves and to make up for lost party time. Also perhaps,
they are self medicating. Believe me when I tell you, the ends do not
justify the means, besides which, the ends in this case are by no means
positive. If you place your kid in a "Specialty Boarding School" or "Boot
Camp" you will not get yourself a drug free kid; you will get a drug abusing
kid with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

What to do? Educate yourself. Knowledge is power.  If drug and alcohol abuse
is the main concern, get a copy of: Recovery Options. By Joseph Volpicelli
and Maia Szalavitz. It is extremely helpful and full of hope.

And please read: Help at Any Cost, by Maia Szalavitz. It explains the
Troubled Teen Industry, with clarity and compassion, and a great deal of
well documented research. In the final chapter the author explains how to
evaluate the actual need for intervention, and how to obtain legitimate help
if needed.

And you really should educate yourself with regard to cults and thought
reform. I do hope you will read Cults in Our Midst. There are numerous other
volumes on the subject, and probably many well worth reading; but Cults in
Our Midst is a classic, that covers the issue in an easy to read and
understandable manner.

Finely, if you’re a believer - pray. I honestly do believe a parent's prayers
do more good than all the drug therapies in the world combined.

I realize this is long and a bit rambling. I tried to hit the points I think
most important. If you think me some sort of "chattering pig" and want to
dismiss it all as hogwash - well, I regret that - but this is my firmly held
opinion, based on my personal experience. I hope it is helpful.

Dear writers.

When writing please keep in mind how search engines see a website.  There is something called "keyword density"  essentially what it means practically is that instead of abbreviating a facility as "PV", it should be written as "Peninsula Village".  Try to frequently use key words you feel might be used in a search (but not to excess, and not where it breaks the flow of the writing).

I needs them.  The higher quality the better.  It's for a big project.

For each of the new blogs, i'd like to have a repeating page where parents can quickly get informed about what the troubled teen industry is, how it operates, and why it's so dangerous.  While I could write it myself (and probably will write a draft), I believe in the principles of competition, and that there are many around here who are more capable and influential writers than I. What better way to create this important piece of content than to offer it up to the community to write and then vote on and/or edit collectively.

I look forward to reading your submissions in this thread.

 :notworthy:

Well.  A few days ago I was invited to antiWWASP to take place in a discussion on how to end the industry.  The general consensus was that at the moment we, as a collective community of survivors were too divided.  In order to truly fight the industry we must work together.  A central organization, to not control, but to coordinate efforts, could exist to help us to organize ways to work together.  We came up with a name:  A.P.ALL standing for Anti Program ALLiance.

Here is a sketch of what I envision the organization looking like (Pam, an ex-wwasp parent is working on a prettier one at the moment).  Most of this is in the design phase so it's not final at all (pls peoples.  if I make a mistake do not kill me).  This is what I propose.



At the top is the constitution (bad name, I know) which basically a mission statement and a set of rules saying: we're going to fight the industry, and by the way no referrals, ever.  Below that we have the members of congress (explained below), and below that there are two divisions (maybe more in the future, for example, for protesting)

Basically we're brainstorming starting an organization to mass produce anti-program websites (a-la Benchmark exposed). The idea I set forth on the right side of the chart is to have three teams, a research team (R), a writing team (W), and a tech team (T) that does the SEO for the website and makes sure it appears high on Google. Sort of an assembly line. Research team starts off the first phase digging up dirt, interviewing survivors, and presents that information to the writing team that assembles the website (we'll have a template to help this out). Finally, the SEO team polishes the website, analyzes keyword density, and does SEO on the website.

This project will be separate from either AntiWWASP or Fornits itself, governed by a panel of reps from most of the anti program organizations (FICA, TAUSA, CAFETY, ISAC, etc.. but not CAICA of course). We're calling this new organization "a.p.all" (anti program alliance). The purpose of this panel is to agree on which program to focus on next with the websites, to coordinate resources, make decisions or amend the constitution (2/3 majority) and revise the Constitution (unanimous decision.. probably only to go back on amendments if there ever are any). This will keep us to the strict focus of digging up dirt on programs and making websites unless, and only unless, there is a clear consensus to focus on another area (protesting, for example).

Above all the organization will be governed by a constitution dictating two things: purpose (making websites, or other purposes as amended) and rules (NO REFERRALS and a very strict definition of what constitutes a referral... something as strict as the referral free zone for both my peace of mind and to get ISAC on board). Organizations or members can, of course, leave at any time.

I will coordinate the website creation division while Kev will create and control the central website (will have things like social networking, protest coordination, etc...).  An ex-wwasp parent with connections (Pam) will handle fundraising and stuff as well as helping to manage the central team of the "congress" (manage, not control). I am in favor of this (and suggested her for the job) because of the woman's management experience.

So what do people think?