Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

While I was imprisoned at Mount Bachelor Academy, I was able to obtain copies of a lot of their promotional literature. I have decided to post the largest of those documents, entitled Heart to Heart: A Parent Survival Guide to Mount Bachelor  Academy. I wish that I had a scanner with which to upload, but I don't, and will unfortunately have to type all of this by hand, but I think that it is important that their operating MO is exposed so that more parents won't be deceived. If you are a parent or perspective parent of a child at MBA, I encourage you to at the very least hear out what I and others on this forum have to say. Worst comes to worst, you end up listening to a differing opinion. I think that listening to both sides of any argument is important for ultimately discerning truth.

It seems that the deception in this particular document starts right at the beginning, with it's assertion that it was compiled "for parents, by parents." In fact, the whole packet was written by one Mina Steen, a former parent of a student who is still currently on Mount Bachelor Academy's payroll.

It is my opinion that the marketing practices used by Mount Bachelor Academy are endemic to the "troubled teen industry" as a whole, and that they should thus be examined and taken apart piece by piece publicly so that desperate parents in the future won't be as easily manipulated. I will post this entire packet in installments and starting from the beginning. All material was copied word-for-word from the original, except where noted by the [brackets.]
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Tip #3 - "Keep the lines of communication flowing"
It reflects an enormous leap of faith on your part to turn your child over to people you don't really know and to a program that initially seems pretty structurally complicated, especially when you and your child are at your most vulnerable. It is doubly difficult since there is no support organization like the "PTA," and you may feel you shouldn't "bother" MBA staff though you have many, many questions and more keep occurring. You can "bother" MBA staff with what's hard on your mind. Feeling comfortable and developing trust takes time and acquiring more information.
>Communicating with other parents: A New Parent's Lifeline
The first thing you can do is join the parent (email) listbox. To subscribe, send an email with your name(s) and your child's  name and peer group number to [email protected]. You will begin to receive the email posts and you can then post your own messages by sending email to [email protected].
Once on board the listbox, you can introduce yourself and ask other parents any questions you might have. It is consoling to realize you are not alone. Parents of current and graduated students share experiences, and you will find this parent network is incredibly supportive and full of insight that cannot be gained elsewhere. The listbox can also be your place to "give back" by sharing your experiences and perceptions. But don't be intimidated - you can participate in the listbox without ever writing a thing, if you chose to only read other parent's messages. The listbox is entirely confidential and is not available to anyone except other MBA parents. No MBA staff member has access to the emails. Any potentially sensitive information you learn on this listbox should not be read with others or your child without permission.
>Communicating with your child
Staying in touch during Phase I (Discovery Phase)
Within about a week or two of your child's enrollment, you will begin to hear regularly from your child's Phase I mentor. Those calls, usually made on a weekly basis, become your pipeline to your child's new world, especially since you will not be able to talk with your child directly for several weeks. Because time on these calls goes very quickly, we have found it helpful to prepare for the weekly call by writing down ahead of time any concerns or items to discuss.
Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, the calls do not always come at the appointed times (in spite of the fact that parents might have rearranged their work schedules to accommodate the call time!) If you have not received your call within about 15 minutes of the scheduled time, call the school to see what has happened and offer some times for rescheduling, if necessary.
You may be asked to place rescheduling information in your mentor's voice mailbox. Though they may also have an email address, you need to check with them to see which is their preferred method for contact.
During Discovery (Phase I), you will communicate with your child only by written mail (or perhaps fax.) Even after regular phone calls between you and your child begin, you will be encouraged to continue mail contact throughout his stay at MBA. Remember that you are your child's lifeline to the "outside world!"
Don't be too upset or surprised if your child does not write profuse or frequent letters to you. Although students are in theory required to write home, that doesn't always happen, and some of the letters may be very short and uninformative. That, too, often improves over time. Also be aware that there may be some circumstances that prevent your child from receiving or sending mail, such as being placed on a self-study. If you have questions about communication issues, ask your mentor.
There is often a lag in the mail or in faxed items, usually because the mentors read the communications to and from your child. That aspect of the mentor's role helps him know your family, your feelings, and your day-to-day happenings, as well as how your child is communicating his experiences. It also alerts the mentor to events at home that your child may find disturbing (like the death of a pet, a friend having trouble with the police, grandma having had a stroke, etc.)
Finally, with regards to the mail, your child may not communicate with any of his prior friends until an assigned point during Phase II when you and the mentor agree he may do so.
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There you go, parent guide installment 2. More installments to come, there's 36 pages and I'm only on page 9.

While I was an inmate at Mount Bachelor Academy, I was able to obtain copies of a lot of their promotional literature. I have decided to post the largest of those documents, entitled Heart to Heart: A Parent Survival Guide to Mount Bachelor Academy. The whole packet was written by one Mina Steen, a former parent of a student who is currently on Mount Bachelor Academy's payroll.

The first installment can be found here: viewtopic.php?f=48&t=26311

It is my opinion that the deceptive marketing practices used by Mount Bachelor Academy are endemic to the "troubled teen industry" as a whole, and that they should thus be examined and taken apart piece by piece publicly so that desperate parents in the future won't be as easily manipulated as mine were. As promised, I will post this entire packet in a series of installments. All material was copied word-for-word from the original, except where noted by the [brackets.]
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Tip #3 - "Keep the Lines of Communication Flowing"

It reflects an enormous leap of faith on your part to turn your child over to people you don't really know and to a program that initially seems pretty structurally complicated, especially when you and your child are at your most vulnerable. It is doubly difficult since there is no support organization like the "PTA," and you may feel you shouldn't "bother" MBA staff, though you have many, many questions and more keep occurring. You can "bother" MBA staff with what's on your mind. Feeling comfortable and developing trust takes time and acquiring more information.

>Communicating With Other Parents: A New Parent's Lifeline
The First thing you can do is join the Parent (email) Listbox.

[Instructions are then given on how to send and receive email from the listbox]

Once on board the listbox, you can introduce yourself and ask other parents any questions you might have. It's consoling to realize that you're not alone. Parents of current and graduated students share experiences, and you will find this parent network is incredibly supportive and full of insight that cannot be gained elsewhere. The listbox can also be your place to "give back" by sharing your experiences and perceptions. But don't be intimidated - you can partici[pate in the listbox without ever writing a thing, if you chose to only read other parents' incoming messages. The listbox is entirely confidential and is not availableto anyone except other MBA parents. No MBA staff member has access to the emails. Any potentially sensitive information you learn on the listbox should not be shared with others or your child without permission.

>Communicating With Your Child
Staying In Touch During Phase I (Discovery Phase)

Within about a week or two of your child's enrollment, you will begin to hear regularly from our child's Phase I mentor. Those calls, usually made on a weekly basis, become your pipeline to your child's new world, especially since you will not be able to talk with your child directly for several weeks. Because time on these calls goes very quickly, we have found it helpful to prepare for the weekly call by writing down ahead of time any thoughts or concerns or items to discuss.

Unfortunately,due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, the calls do not always come at the appointed times (in spite of the fact that parents may have rearranged their work schedules to accommodate the call time!). If you have not received your call within about 15 minutes of the scheduled time, call the school to see what has happened and offer some times for rescheduling, if necessary.

You may be asked to place rescheduling information in your mentor's voice mailbox. Though they may also have an email address, you need to check with them to see which is their preferred method for contact.

During Discovery (Phase I), you will communicate with your child only by written mail (or perhaps fax). Even after regular phone calls between you and your child begin, you will be encouraged to continue mail contacts throughout his stay at MBA. Remember that you are your child's lifeline to the "outside world"!

Don't be too upset or surprised if your child does not write profuse or frequent letters to you. Although students are in theory required to write home, that doesn't always happen, and some of the letters may be very short and uninformative. That, too, often improves over time. Also be aware that there may be such circumstances that prevent your child from receiving or sending mail, such as being placed on a self-study. If you have questions about communication issues, ask your mentor.

There is often a lag in the mail or in faxed items, usually because the mentors read communications to and from your child. That aspect of a mentor's role helps him know your family, your feelings and your day-to-day happenings, as well as how your child is communicating his experiences. IT also alerts the mentor to events at home that your child may find disturbing (like the death of a pet, a friend having trouble with the police, grandma having had a stroke, etc.).

Finally, with regard to mail, your child may not communicate with any of his prior friends until an assigned point during Phase II when you and the mentor agree he may do so.

-Notable Changes in Phase II

In Phase II, which happens after students complete The Bridge Lifestep, your child may place a weekly call on an evening that typically remains consistent throughout the MBA stay. (Hint: Provide the school with phone cards or calling card numbers to avoid expensive collect calls.) A staff member is present in the room when the child calls. The staff may check with you to ask how the call went and to see if you need to hear from or relay anything to a mentor. This is particularly true if the staff member perceives that the call has been "difficult" for the child.

These calls fly by quickly. They will likely be more satisfactory if you have compiled a list of things you want to be sure to cover. Be sure to save time to let your child express himself, too.

While students are encouraged to call home weekly, they are not required to do so. Some parents have encountered the difficult situation of waiting anxiously for a call, only to have it not occur. If this happens more than once, don't hesitate to discuss this with the mentor. The opposite situation can also occur, in which a child calls home only to be disappointed by the parents not being available. Since most students eagerly look forward to their weekly phone contact with folks at home, parents are encouraged to make every effort to honor these appointments.

Further into Phase II, there will be occasional (typically each week or two) conference calls that involve your child and his mentor. Issues may arise that would cause ether you or the mentor to initiate additional conference calls. While these conferences can, at times, be challenging experiences, they can also offer some real breakthroughs in family understanding.

-Greater Freedom In Phase III!

By Phase III, (after the The Promise Lifestep,) communications will take another turn. The conference calls between you, your child and the mentor will continue, but depending on your child's circumstances and your new mentor's judgments, they may be less or more frequent than Phase II. After The Venture Lifestep, weekly calls with your child will be extended to 15 minutes, and most students are given the option to send email. In short, efforts are increased to reconnect you and your child as the process evolves toward reuniting the family, and students are afforded the opportunity to taste more freedom.

>Communicating With MBA: The Logistics

Most often, your child's mentor is your conduit for all questions and information. However, there are staff members who have specialties and other assigned duties with your children. These may also be contacted with regard to their areas of responsibility, such as academics, more severe discipline, substance addiction, health care, or travel arrangements. Your mentor and the MBA phone list can help you determine the appropriate personnel and how to contact them.

It is sometimes hard to reach a staff member, and this can be exceedingly frustrating. Given the nature of the school, the day-to-day needs of our children, and the unforeseen events that require their attention, staff is often occupied and away from their phones. You may find it easier to reach the support staff, who are usually available to take calls during business hours. If you really have a problem that needs immediate attention, and cannot reach the person you need, let the administrative office know and they will help direct you.

If you dial the MBA number and reach only a message or answering machine (such as after business hours or on weekends), you may dial Ext. #202 to leave a message. We advise that you only do this if you feel your message is very important for the staff to receive before the next school day. The on-call staff member will respond to you as quickly as possible, or at least deal with the contents of your message.

If you are leaving your hometown and won't be available at one of the numbers MBA has listed for you, let you mentor know how to reach you. Either leave your temporary number with your child's mentor, or with another administrative person at MBA for delivery to the mentor.

-Be Proactive In Communicating with MBA Staff

Share your gut feelings about your child's progress with the mentor. Mentors encourage parents to speak up and share their perspective. If you need information, or feel uncomfortable, or have concerns, make a call or email. If you have an idea you want your mentor or other staff to consider, make a call or send an email. They appreciate hearing our viewpoint and our experience with our child and consider these to be integral to the process. THat said, try to keep in mind that mentors and other MBA staff are exceedingly busy. It's beneficial to develop a sense of balance, maintaining regular and necessary communication, but not calling too often.

Communication becomes easier and feels much more comfortable after your first in-person parent conference, which typically occurs during the first parent seminar after your child enrolls at MBA. (This may not be the case if your child is still in Discovery Phase.) It is comforting to actually meet your child's mentor, and other staff, face to face, and to start meeting other students. You will also feel better informed about the program and the nature of your child's social environment. Depending upon where your child is in the program, you may have time and permission for an on or off campus visit with our child following the parent conference.

-Birthdays and Holidays At MBA

Most of your kids will celebrate their birthdays and even some significant holidays at MBA. No doubt about it, this is one of the toughest aspects of having your child at MBA. The holidays and birthdays will just not be the same for you, your family or your child.The reality of those losses will hit each of us differently and the same goes for our children. At least they have the support of each other and the staff. We remain in our old worlds, working to keep our thoughts in the positive while a myriad of feelings well up inside.

One thing that helps is to become informed. Whether it is a holiday or a birthday, the school and/or your mentor can tell you how things are celebrated and what role you and others can play. The listbox is a good source of information as well. Parents can share what they have done to celebrate and this will open your mind to all of the possibilities.

You may be challenged to think of small gifts when CD's, video games, and movies are no longer options. Even any jewelry and cosmetics are usually off-limits until Phase III. Many parents send funny gifts, like floppy animal slippers or comfort gifts, like warm "jammies" for winter. Other nice touches to enrich their MBA days are attractive journals, family photos in frames, inexpensive cameras, "stuffies" (MBA lingo for stuffed animals!) or other dorm decorations, reading or writing supplies. Some families have had a "personal" calendar printed at the local full-service print shop, with family photos and special dates designated. In the past parents have also sent bouquets of flowers or balloons. Food items such as big tubs of candy should be cleared in advance and, if approved, are usually shared with other students - and staff! It is best to check with the mentor if you have any questions about appropriateness, as having a gift returned home is a disappointment.

Our experience has been that your child is able to call you on birthdays and holidays. With this in mind, you might want to be sure that they know how they can reach you on these special days. the call is usually very brief, two or three minutes, but it is a wonderful one to receive.

Another thing that has helped us is to keep this in perspective. MBA does provide nice holiday and birthday celebration for the kids. Certainly they will be unique from other times of their lives. Yes, they miss us and it is hard for us all. However, that pain can build an appreciation for tradition and family that they may not have felt before.

Finally, remember, you are not alone. We all share in these feelings and another MBA parent can provide rare comfort and understanding. Don't hesitate to call or email your MBA friends or query the listbox for wisdom and support.
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Only the first three 'tips' have been posted so far, thirteen in all, more to come later.

While I was imprisoned at Mount Bachelor Academy, I was able to obtain copies of a lot of their promotional literature. I have decided to post the largest of those documents, entitled Heart to Heart: A Parent Survival Guide to Mount Bachelor Academy. I wish that I had a scanner with which to upload, but I don't, and will unfortunately have to type all of this by hand, but I think that it is important that their operating MO is exposed so that more parents won't be deceived. If you are a parent or perspective parent of a child at MBA, I encourage you to at the very least hear out what I and others on this forum have to say. Worst comes to worst, you end up listening to a differing opinion. I think that listening to both sides of any argument is important for ultimately discerning truth.

It seems that the deception in this particular document starts right at the beginning, with it's assertion that it was compiled "for parents, by parents." In fact, the whole packet was written by one Mina Steen, a former parent of a student who is still currently on Mount Bachelor Academy's payroll.

It is my opinion that the marketing practices used by Mount Bachelor Academy are endemic to the "troubled teen industry" as a whole, and that they should thus be examined and taken apart piece by piece publicly so that desperate parents in the future won't be as easily manipulated. I will post this entire packet in installments and starting from the beginning. All material was copied word-for-word from the original, except where noted by the [brackets.]
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"Heart to Heart"
A Parent Survival Guide to Mount Bachelor Academy
Compiled by and for parents, and dedicated to the staff at MBA, whose lives are truly devoted to helping our children and our families heal themselves.
June 2002

[table of contents]

Mount Bachelor Academy - A Parent Survival Guide

Designed by "veteran" MBA parents for new parents upon their child's enrollment at MBA, to provide a thorough introduction, and to be an ongoing ready reference throughout your child's time at MBA. (Keep it nearby!)

Welcome! You have just taken the strongest and most loving step you can possibly take for the welfare of your child. WE know hos hard it is because we have also taken that same step. The decision can be lonely, sad, frightening, overwhelming, guilt-ridden, frustrating, and fraught with uncertainty. The MBA journey may be tremendously worthwhile, but it is not easy. This guide is brought to you in an effort to make things a little less difficult for you and your family.

In retrospect, we believe that certain information was very helpful when we started. In some cases, there were things we didn't know until we were further down the road. We want you to have as much information as possible at the beginning of your journey.

Forgive us if we sometimes seem "preachy" or like we're telling you what to do. Many parents contributed suggestions for this handbook, but, in the end, what has been compiled for you by a few parents cannot necessarily reflect the feelings, experiences, or recommendations of all parents. There may well be some opinions that differ from these. Each family takes the journey it's own way.

We offer this to you as a gift of support. It was generated out of gratitude by parents who are extraordinarily grateful that their children have benefited from the incredible experience that exists at Mount Bachelor Academy. With an outpouring of love for you and your MBA student, we wish you the same success.

Take a deep breath, relax, and try to enjoy the roller coaster ride that is MBA!

Tip #1 - "Take Care of Yourself"

Odds are that you have been through a rare form of "parental hell." You are weary. Your marriage and your other children may be suffering. Your health may not be at its best. But now, perhaps for the first time in years, you can go to bed at night knowing that your child is safe, and that someone else is monitoring his day-to-day well being.

This can be your time to recover and heal those aspects of your life and your "self" that have suffered. No one can tell you how to do this, but our experiences make it clear that you can and should do so, in whatever ways best suit you. As you heal yourself, you can simultaneously watch your child heal. If you don't take care of yourself, it will be more difficult for you to be receptive to the growth and changes in your child. Your child's antenna may continue to sense your lack of strength, and he may continue to try to take advantage of it.

Here are some things others have done and have found helpful
Make time for your own needs
Prayer
Reading
Exersize
Yoga
Meditation
Learn about chemical dependence in teens
Take a vacation
Join a support or 12-step program
Read about codependency
Journal
Find a new hobby
Family Counseling
Rekindle the spark with your spouse
Stay in touch with other MBA parents
Make an MBA scrapbook
Join the MBA parent Listbox
Spend time outdoors
Add something positive to your life
Reconnect with your other children
Keep, find and/or develop your SENSE OF HUMOR!

Special Note:
One thing that can prolong your discomfort and undermine your peace of mind is your child's attempts to convince you that he or she does not really belong at MBA. Many MBA students tell their parents that all the other kids are "crazy" and that the staff is abusive. Some of these accounts can be very alarming.

We recommend that from day one, you be firm and clear, with yourself and your child that he will stay for the duration of the program. If you child senses any ambivalence from either parent, he may intensify his efforts at manipulation and increase your anxieties and guilt. When your child is clear that your are not buying into his manipulation, he can focus his energies on the MBA program itself, rather than on trying to persuade you to remove (or, in MBA lingo, "pull") him early. Know that your child's reactions are typical and normal. Be strong! In the end it will help your child.

This is not to say that you should squelch your fears and doubts, or fail to follow up on statements your child makes if you are truly alarmed. Many of us have had similar feelings and have found that addressing them directly with MBA staff answered our concerns and reassured us.

Tip #2 - "Foster a Strong, Trusting Relationship with the MBA Staff"

The decision has been made and your family life has changed. With your child now entrenched in his Discovery Phase at MBA, your shell shock may gradually abate. You bay have dared to clean your child's room, removed the old chicken bones from under the bed, and washed three weeks worth of his socks you found stuffed in the back of his closet. You may also have destroyed three feather pillows with your tears.

The newness is starting to wear off, and you're beginning to wonder what MBA is really all about. You may be curious about your role and may be confounded about such things as all the new terms and acronyms, the timing of Lifesteps, who should be called, and when. You may start to question whether you really made the right decision in sending your child away for so many months, putting him in the hands of complete strangers. A sort of buyer's remorse may set in!

Our advise? Trust. Keep trusting. And trust again. The staff at MBA has had years and years of experience dealing with troubled teens. There is probably nothing they have not seen or heard. They are probably no longer shocked at what is said and done by our kids. Your child may be a unique individual, but many of his actions are the same ones the MBA staff has seen in one form or another over a long period of time.

Early on, you may worry that your child will "freak out" in response to his new life. There is probably not an MBA parent who hasn't laid awake many nights haunted by every possible negative scenario about his child at MBA. Have confidence. The staff is adept at skillfully and quickly helping most kids settle down. They know what to do.

You will soon discover that the staff is kind, compassionate, direct, smart, and frequently take time out of their personal lives to help us as needed. Their instincts are amazing. It is almost magical how they seem to know just what to do at just the right time for each child during every stage of the program.

A number of the staff members have themselves been in programs such as MBA or participated in wilderness programs. They know first-hand what our kids are feeling. Their experiences provide a unique connection with the MBA students.

If there is an episode, whether it is a child who leaves campus without permission, or attempts a gesture of self-harm, they are prepared to deal with it. If a true crisis happens, which is very, very rare (and in the occasional mini-crisis, like a broken bone in a sports accident), they are experienced and know how to effectively deal with the situation and sensitively respond to the child, the parents, and the rest of the student body.

Serious danger loomed for many of our children before they went to MBA. As parents of kids who have been in need of an MBA-type of program, we have become accustomed to having to be ever-vigilant, awake and in control. It is now time to let go a bit, to trust the professionals.

"Letting go" doesn't mean that you shouldn't be proactive in becoming involved with the MBA program, and to regularly and honestly express your feelings and concerns. You may continue to have periodic apprehensions about our child's physical physical well-being or emotional reactions. Often these diminish with time. But if not, or if they become oppressive, let MBA know. This is important for the staff, for your child, and for your own sanity.

Intuitively we know that the highest priority for the MBA staff is our kids. The parents, quite frankly, must come second. That can sometimes be very frustrating, even though we know it's the way it should be. Occasionally, while the mentors and others focus on your child, you may feel out of the loop. Trust that in good time you will receive a full report from the mentor, and that you will be brought up to speed on your child's progress and challenges. You will be advised about how you as parents can best help your child from a distance. You will be given every possible opportunity to express your views. The more quickly you can come to accept and respect MBA's rules and procedures and the values they support, the better you and your child can progress.
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I have only posted the first two "tips" for now, more to come, thirteen in all.

I decided to do a little independent research on Teen Challenge because one just recently opened in the town where I live. I posed as a father who was looking for a place to forcibly convert his son to Christianity.  After inquiring if this was something that was even possible, I was assured in an almost offhand way "Oh, yeah, we can definitely convert your son." I was informed that the facility near me does not take children against their will, but that other Teen Challenge centers do, and that the nearest place that I could get my fictional sixteen year old son forcibly converted to Christianity against his will was the Teen Challenge facility in Branson, Missouri.

Forced conversion... sounds like brainwashing to me.
Fuck that place majorly.