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Topics - Woof-a-Doof

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16
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Healing/Forgiveness--Continued
« on: February 08, 2009, 09:25:51 AM »
Not too awful long ago, I was privy to a conversation in regard to the Japanese Army personnel left in the jungles of various islands through out the Southern Pacific. They, for one reason or another had been instructed to stay, continue to fight the war until they were told otherwise. Now, seems the Japanese people in general are a most dutiful group of people, and as it turned out many of these men did as instructed.

It was not until the mid 1970’s these last few warriors were plucked from the jungle of the islands they had well protected since the early to mid 1940’s. The Japanese government sought out the remaining, high-ranking officials(all retired). They had them re-dressed in their finest military garb of that time period, including medals and samara swords. They went trekking thru these jungles calling out to the warriors, cajoling them from their entrenchments along mountainsides, valleys and ridgelines.

One by one the warriors, recognizing the military leaders of their time, complied. They laid their arms down and slowly came out of hiding. They were loaded on ships and taken back to Japan, where they received a hero’s welcome. Full military services were conducted for these men in their honor. They were thanked (and ya gotta admit, the Japanese are masters at “thank you”) for their service to country and for their unwavering loyalty and devotion to their posts, instructions and to their “superiors” that had given the orders to “Stay Put” and fight the good fight.

Now surely, somewhere along the line, someone, somebody, some entity informed them….”Um…fellas…the war has been over now for some 30 odd years.” And the realization must have sunk in, that they had stayed in the jungles, with loaded weapons, dilapidated uniforms…for no reason, the war was over. They were unaware a truce had been made.

Their own countrymen did not laugh at their “being stuck in a jungle, fighting a war that no longer existed”. As I said, they did just the opposite. These men were highly honored and viewed as heroes…not doddering old fools that didn’t have enough common sense to say WTF, we be screwed over big time. The men were not upset, they had somehow managed to save face and save ass at the same time (not an easy task).

The conversation struck a deep cord within me. Ever conscious of Straight Inc, it’s aftermath. All the suffering endured, by myself and scores of others during incarceration, after incarceration and a life time since incarceration. This conversation resonated thru me. Thoughts of “No Child Left Behind” and “Human Rights” swarmed thru my head real thick. Yet mixed in with these types of thoughts, bubbled up another thought: “The war was over!”

My apologies for taking this as personal as I did and still do. I received no heroes welcome, nor was I enshrouded with “Honor”. I was not held in any high esteem…. However, for me, indeed, the horror of the war, my incarceration in Straight Inc was long over, over 30 years now. But like so many others, there is/was this stigma left hanging over my head, not unlike some dark cloud, looming over my head like “Bad Luck Schleprock” from the Flintstone cartoons.

Over the following days, I kept reflecting on Richard Mullinax’s LOA. For the first time in many many years I felt a sense of respect for what I had endured. A high ranking official calling from the valley floor, apologizing….Was it really true? Was the “War” really over…was there no longer a need to take up arms, to hide in the thickets of my own inner landscape, poised to attack, ready to execute my best training received within the warehouse walls of Straight Inc.?

My circular thinking brought me back to my thoughts of “Healing” and further into my thoughts on “Forgiveness”. With Richards LOA, which I felt to be sincere, I could allow myself to “Heal” and to no small degree, “Forgive”. Of course each of us have our own unique definition of “Healing” and “Forgiveness”. It is beyond the scope of this post to imply that my understanding (as it unfolds) is appropriate and fitting for everyone. My personal “Healing” is just that-my personal healing. This does not negate my genuine wish for all of us to have “Healing”, yet I understand we all will “heal” in our own way and so I continue to strive for words that promote “healing”.

As far as “Forgiveness” goes, I am of the opinion that this also is an individual matter. I cannot think of, nor do I want to draw up an outline of the “Forgiveness” process. This I can do for myself, this I can come to understand for myself. But, for others, not so much. I haven’t any answers that would universally appeal to all who have walked in my shoes. As I think on it further, I am not sure it is my place to suggest that anyone “forgive”. We each have a burden to carry here, and no one person I think is capable of doing that for another.

For me, yes, the war is over! I don’t require a hero’s welcome. I don’t require any special treatment because I continued to fight, long after the war was over. And it, I believe, was a personal fight, for personal reasons…which shouldn’t be difficult to understand. I simply don’t want to fight anymore; I am tired of the raging internal battles. I saw, personally a need to “forgive”, so that I may have some hint of peace. As before, with my personal battles, this venture of “forgiveness” is also personal. None of you can “forgive” for me. As that stands, I cannot “forgive” for anyone else. It is strictly a persons choice. For my own sense of sanity, I saw the need for “Forgiveness” for what happened to me personally.

Stating that I saw the “need for forgiveness” I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking I have gotten any further than that… I simply saw the need. As such, my “forgiveness” is very much still a work in progress as is my own “Healing”.

I recognize that my conceptualization of these notions may not sit well with others. I understand the fact that some may be diametrically opposed to these notions and that is ok. It is not my wish to bring anyone to one side of the table or another. That’s your choice. I simply got up early, finally had the time to write. And I chose to write what has been on my mind as of late.  

Much Healing
woof

x-posted

17
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / A Gallery of Medical Marijuana
« on: January 24, 2009, 07:02:18 AM »
Whilst doing my morning reading, one of my regular stops is Alternet.org. This morning I stumbled across an article on the legalization/decriminalization of Marijuana. Actually it was a responce to a television show which airs on 1/25/09 @11pm, 2/16/09 @11pm and once again on 2/23/09 @1am...all times are EST.

Curious, I went to the promo site on CNBC site which can be seen here ( http://www.cnbc.com/id/28281668/ ). Of course I gravitated to the slideshows, specifically "A Gallery of Medicinal Marijuana" seen here ( http://www.cnbc.com/id/28561896 ).

Oh man! The article refered to the use of 'blatant pot porn" to promote the show...and the slide show is anything but pornographic...stimulating, exciting and without doubt enticing! But pornographic? Damn near made my eyes red just looking. California is the place ya oughta be. Makes me wanna load up the truck and move to Beverly. Interestingly enuff the promo site said that Medicinal Marijuana "now makes up as much as two-thirds of the local economy. "  Duhyam!

The slide show shows various buds and rates them and gives an estimated cost. (Just like High Times used to....I asssume they still do)

Some of my choices would be:
1) Chemdog
2) Island Sweet Skunk
3) Kali Mist
4) NYC Diesel
5) Trainwreck
6) Super Silver Haze  "ampheta-weed"
7) Sweet Tooth
#8) Purps ----Simply a beautiful plant

No particular order of preference.

Check out the Gallery...my oh my, how things have changed from the early 70's!
 :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:  :rasta:

Much Healing
In Peace
woof

18
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / But I never do terrible things...
« on: January 22, 2009, 08:14:56 AM »
During my morning readings I came across something I thought very interesting, and hauntingly famliar. At first I read this:

"Please don't hurt others...
Please try to work with people and be helpful to them.
A fantastically large number of people need help.
Please try to help them, for goodness sake, for heaven and earth.
Don't just collect Oriental wisdoms one after the other.
Don't just sit on an empty zafu, an empty meditation cushion.
But go out and try to help others, if you can.
That is the main point...
Your help doesn't have to be a big deal.
To begin with, just work with your friends and work with yourself at the same time.
It is about time we became responsible for this world."
Chogyam Trungpa

Then immediately following it gave two psycological/sociaological experiments. It reads as follows:

"1. Please take some time to reflect on a famous scientific experiment done in 1963 by Stanley Milgram:
Test persons came after an advertisement: "Join a memory experiment, one hour for 4 dollars". It was explained that the people were the "Master" of the experiment, and the "real" test person was in another room, connected to electroshock equipment. The research was to verify if people learn better when being punished. Whenever the other gave a wrong answer to a question, the Master should push a button to give a shock. To clarify what the other person was undergoing, the Master was given an very unpleasant shock of 45 volts. Every time when the other person would answer wrongly, shock must be given, 15 Volts higher than the previous one, from 15 to 450 Volts. The other person could be heard, and would be screaming and banging the walls at shocks over 300 volts. At the highest voltages, the other could not be heard anymore.
The crux of the experiment: the "other person" in the room next door was an actor, not receiving any shocks at all, the real test persons were the masters giving the shocks and the experiment was about how far they would be prepared to go.
The truly shocking about this experiment was that two-thirds of the test persons would continue (though often sweating and nervous) after some simple assurances from the test leader that they should continue in order to make the test work, until the maximum shock of 450 Volts was given. This means that as much as two-thirds of people are potential torturers who merely need a little encouragement and 4 dollars per hour! The experiment did not clarify if people are really bad, or just easily convinced by a man in a white coat, but it does make one think....

2. If you think the above is not representative of normal human behaviour; please reflect on the following equally disturbing experiment. (Recently a German movie; 'Experiment' was made inspired by the findings of this experiment.)
About 30 years ago, Professor Philip Zimbardo carried out this experiment in Stanford University.
24 Students were put in a fictional prisonward (set up in the university) and divided into two groups. The 'guards' became a uniform, a batton, handcuffs and dark sunglasses. The 'prisoners', merely dressed in shirts were put into cells. The professor intended to observe them for 2 weeks via videocameras. However, already after 6 days the experiment needed to be stopped, as the guards treated the prisoners awful - the experiment had become dreadfully serious.
To quote from the conclusion: "We had created an overwhelmingly powerful situation -- a situation in which prisoners were withdrawing and behaving in pathological ways, and in which some of the guards were behaving sadistically."

The "experiment" can be followed here http://www.prisonexp.org/

The reading ended with a quote:

"Do your best and do it according to your own inner standard - call it conscience - not just according to society's knowledge and judgment of your deeds."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Of course I think I find this intriquing because yesterday 1/21/09 was my 31st anniversary....and it was a sluggish, miserable day. I wonder about the people who I sat in group with, and I recall the staff. I also thought of Rich Mulinax's public LOA. It is still rather early and I have to get things moving...to make up for yesterday. As such I have not throughly formed any opinions, yet I can feel the unrest in a vague but undeniable way.

It's amasing to me how we treat other people, and do so feeling fully justified in our action....Whats your take on this?

Much Healing
In Peace
woof

19
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / This Date
« on: January 21, 2009, 03:55:39 PM »
January 21st 1978

I was taken to Straight Inc.

The date just dawned on me. Explains a lethargic day....ok, slothful.

31 years of this shit. Un-fucking believable! It's old...way fucking old.

I am so glad I believe in...

Much Healng
Om Shanti
woof

20
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / On Forgiveness
« on: December 29, 2008, 09:10:16 AM »
I am no saint by any stretch of the imagination. Yet I am not an evil individual either. I strive to be the best person I am capable of being. I don’t use the word “potential”, because it implies that some day I will reach my “potential”…and fact is tomorrow, or ‘some day’ never really gets here. All I have is this day, this moment and so I strive to be best I am capable of, which denotes fulfilling the capacity I have as an individual now. Not tomorrow, or some day in the future.

What keeps me from reaching my capacity? For me, today, and days, weeks, months, years and decades gone by, the one thing that keeps me tethered to my lack of…for lack of a better word “growth” is the haunting memories of Straight Inc. and the indoctrination of practices I sadly still employ to this day whether it is my intention or not. This brings about extreme frustration, disappointment (in myself), anger, rage, and general malaise.

I have written before about the percentage of brain washing that “took” and that, which did not take. I spoke how the internal battle, between the brainwashed portion of the mind and the Non-brainwashed aspects of the mind are at constant odds with each other. This of course generates further discontent within. I am not of the opinion I am alone in feeling this way.

Having been a member (at fornits) here for sometime now, having read the experiences of others and the experiences since incarceration in the confines of warehouses spread through out the United States. I feel like a thread woven into the cloth of commonality, which we all share. I often think of a sweater unraveling or the fraying of jeans at the heal portion of the trousers. I often wish that to be the case, and yet I am horribly afraid of the result of such an unraveling. Would I come apart completely? Will, who and what I imagine myself to be worse off if I abandon my resentments of past events, circumstances and memory. At other times I can’t image letting my resentment, my rage, my anger…wouldn’t even consider the thought. Because I feel justified in my indignant frothy rage and torment.

Perhaps it would be different if I was “court ordered” to Straight Inc., but I was not. My parents placed me there. If it had been the courts, my anger, I believe, could be strictly aimed at Straight Inc. and the Courts. But this is not the case. My anger is not only with Straight Inc and those who perpetrated the abusive environment under a guise of therapy. But my parents are also included within this quagmire of anger, rage and disgust. Why? Simple, they put me there. Now lots of psychological bullshit can be amassed stating that my actions placed me there. But it’s just that, bullshit. This line of thinking absolves all responsibility of those guilty in the abuse.

Like in quicksand I grabble for something to keep my head above disaster. Unfortunately it is a constant effort, as twigs snap, ropes fail, hands reaching out cannot reach, nor understand…even with the best of intentions. And so the struggle continues 3 decades later.

A word that continues to enter my mind stream is forgiveness. At the best of times my inclination is to say “FUCK THAT”, yet in reviewing my options at breaking away from the chains of Straight Inc. it seems most logical. Yet, I find myself without the capacity to forgive at this time. Even though, it is my wish, a true wish to be able to forgive I have yet to be able to do so completely with out reservation. Certain individuals have been forgiven and even some circumstances have been forgiven. But in large, there has been no sense of genuine forgiveness.

Most, if not all the great Holy Text’s promote the idea of forgiveness and go one-step further, to have compassion for those I forgive. This idea meets extreme opposition tween my ears. I cannot begin to fathom the idea of having compassion for an institution, along with a broad spectrum of individuals contained within that institution, namely, Straight Inc.

Perhaps there is a reason that the word “forgiveness” continues to pop into my consciousness.  I seriously wonder if I have the capacity to forgive. Even with the amount of purging I have done in past 4-5 years in regard to Straight Inc. I still continue to doubt my ability to genuinely forgive.

I read this morning a passage about forgiveness, which said in part:

“However, forgiving another does not mean we allow the same wrong to be repeated. We have to realize that while it could be our negative karma that we are wronged, we should put in the effort to prevent the person who did us wrong from doing more harm, creating more negative karma for himself.  By being complacent, we could well be creating more negative karma for ourselves!”

How do I read this? Could part of forgiveness be stopping, exposing the atrocities? Is it saying that to forgive is not only for myself but an action to and for another? Is it saying that if I merely forgive and become complacent in satisfying the heat of the rage for my own happiness, I could be creating more trouble for myself?

Quite simply, what is the best thing I can do to exist in relative comfort within my own skin and tween my own two ears?

I realize as I write this and present it to a group of people with varying opinions. I don’t know what to expect as a response. In no small way do I feel exceptionally vulnerable, not unlike handing over a sharpened blade to a people who I know much about, may very well slit my throat for suggesting such an idea. However, it is not the first time I have visited this idea and written about it and in looking back, I survived. And yet I haven’t any recollection of how I survived, but here I am.

I wonder, please with out attacking me, what are your thoughts on this idea of “forgiveness” as it relates to Straight Inc.? Is it possible? Is it feasible? Would it be too painful to revisit, to examine and to forgive? Would it be possible to forgive and continue our efforts to expose such places as Straight Inc. and people like the Semblers, the Petermans, the Ross’s, the Newtons, the Casslors, the Hemingers we all knew…. perhaps with different names but with similar functions?

Or would it be just as simple to continue to hate and despise?

Answers have come to me slowly and with great effort and I still continue to doubt them because of the attachment I have to the anger/rage etc. Swirling about my brain are questions of; Is forgiveness out of the question? Am I willing to forgive if a public apology is made? Am I willing to forgive with out an concession of wrong doing? Am I willing to forgive unconditionally? Will I be at peace with Straight Inc., if I forgive? Am I less of a person if I forgive?

Unable to come to any conclusion in this matter I pose the same questions to you, the reader, in the following poll.

Much Healing
In Peace
woof

21
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / On Healing- A Continuation
« on: December 20, 2008, 09:05:56 AM »
For years, well over a decade to be safe, I have read most if not all spiritual teachings. My reasoning is this; if no human (other than you foks) can understand the horror I went thru, I must find some sort of internal answer. For too many decades have gone by and I continue to suffer in one way, shape, form or another. Whether it be internaly, with family, with loved ones, with friends, even employment...the suffering I experianced, and still experience continues internaly and manafests itself outside in dealing with other people. It is as if the "suffering" is not content to effect me as an individual. It seems to affect my perceptions of others, my sublime mistrust of humanity...thus bringing failed friendships, failed relationshits,
misunderstandings along with an air of cynacisim in general.

My readings and my study seemed to bring me to a point and could go no further. Not unlike the Peter Principle, which I believe was recognized in the mid to late 60's. The "Peter Principle" simply stated, as I understand it, is simply that we each will reach our own level of incompetence and we as individuals can go no further. Or at least untill something new is learned, percieved, or expeirianced that will allow our level of incometence to increase. And so we (as individuals) can evolve a wee bit more than which we had previously been unable to do.

Although I gained much from my readings, along with my searching. Something still seemd unresolved. A seething cauldron of anger, resentment, contempt, and absolute hatred for that which happened some 30+ years ago. Granted, I spoke with physicians, psycologists, psychiatrists, respected elders of various native american cultures and anyone else who I thought would be able to listen, maybe understand and possibly have a key to fit the lock to the many guestions. Yes, that key was heavily sought for, like the Holy Grail by the Knights of Templar. Yet in my quest I found only visions and hints of relief...certainly nothing resembling actual relief...a healing.

 A recent book, read this year (forget the name off the top of my head...after all it is 5am and the cafffine has yet to cross the blood brain barier.)

The author of the book was Chinese and the subject of the book was the Dali Lama. For 15-20 years he had followed the Dali Lama, in between assignments. He had gained an audiece several times with the Dali Lama, and this book was the essence of his experiance with the time actually spent with the Dali Lama over that extended amount of time.

What made the book so intriquing was the author, a Chinese befriended by the Dali Lama. Briefly, The Dali Lama, secular leader of the Tibetian country as well as spiritual leader of the culture and presided of the teachings of thousands of Tibetan monks. The Dali Lama left Tibet in the night, in disguise in an effort to avoid capture or worse frpm the Chinese occupation of his native Tibet. This is fairly recent history, simple to research and easily Googled.

The author repeatedly explained his discomfort as a Chinese, a biological nemisis to Tibetian country men. The Dali Lama accepted him without hesitation at his residence in Dharamsala, Himachal Pradesh, India. As the Dalli Lama now lives in exile because of the Communist Chinese occupation of Tiebet. It doesnt take alot of research to find the atrocities endured by 10's of thousands of monks descimated at the end of a rifle butts, to see the hundreds of Buddhist Temples destroyed by the Chinese along with manuscripts, sacred texts, thousands of years of art and culture swept away in record time.

Fact was, botom line was...the Dali Lama not only accepted the author as a reporter, as a chinese reporter, as a chinese...but as a person without reservation. I thought this was astounding! The ability to forgive this reporter, this Chinese reporter with out any hesitancy. He was welcomed by not only the Dali Lama, but by his security guards, the folks who worked around the compound, all the way to the kitchen staff.

The atrocities endured by the Tibetian people exceeds the scope of this post...although it is free knowledge....just do a lil Googleing.

What struck me...profoundly...was the Dali Lama's absolute forgiveness and compassion he had, and continues to have for the Chinese peoples.

Fast forwarding to recent events. I was called to a Southern Vietmanese (sp) womans house because she heard sounds in her attic. I chase rats and other fur bearin vermin out of peoples homes and secure the home from future occupation. The woman, in her mid 60's....maybe 70's was hysterical. I did my job. I followed up three more times to check traps. The first time I drove infront of her home I found a Red Tailed Hawk siting on the appex of her roof. Elders from the Lakota people who winter here once told me when birds of prey are present, this is a good omen. As I mentioned, I did my job to the best of my ability and knowledge. Each of the three follow up visits, to check traps etc...I found squirels frantically running about the roof of the house. I followed them around and around the house. Consistantly the squirrels went to the areas that I had effectively sealed. The woman had the trees cut back from her home and the squrriels were in a pickle...They couldn't scamper into th attic of the home as they normaly did to seek refuge. And the trees they used as a land bridge to gain access to the roof were beyond a simple run and jump escape. But they ultimately made the jump into the trees, not gracefully, but successfully.

The woman, in broken english was elated, she had been able to sleep. She could sit quietly in her home without hearing the scampering of the little feet running thru her attic. She slept comfortably for first time in weeks. She invited me in for tea. With little knowledge of her customs, I felt obliged to accept, not wanting to offend. Once inside and seated, I noticed a simple photograph of the Buddha. One one occasion prior to thisshe asked that I be specific about the time I would be arriving, because she had to go to "temple". Seeing the photograph of the Buddha I asked about her temple and if it was a Buddhist Temple, to which she said , yes. With great enthusiasim and genuine kindness, she asked if I would like to visit her temple...In short I accepted.

Aside from the ascetic beauty of the Temple, I noticed how freely the children dropped thier shoes at the door of the temple and proceeded to run about the place, playfully and peacefully. My beloved, who attended Temple with me was in as much awe, and perhaps culture shock as I was. Three monks, in yellow/amber robes approached the main alter, which was laden with fresh cut flowers, fruit and a 20 foot gold replica of the Buddha. We were met shortly after passing thru the door by an american female Buddhist Monk....I didnt know females could become Monks, they call themselfs Nuns, or simply female Monks.

After the ceremony, which lasted about a half hour and consisted purely of chanting...which I couldnt understand...but found it soothing. After that ended, the female Monk, named Ann invited us to a Meditation Class for Americans...the Monk teaching the "class" was a Tibetian Monk, with remarkable mastery of the english language, in addition to that I noticed how quick he was to literally burst out into laughter, uncontrollable laughter...at his misuse of the english language and interestingly enough at his own mistakes and misunderstandings, misperceptions and the areas where his own anger still haunted him...but still he laughed like a toddler in a state of glee.After his brief talk and explaination of meditation, the meditation began, lasting about 15 minutes. At this point Ann, the female Monk explained there was ample time for questions, to which the Monk giggled and nodded his head in approval. One man in the class asked a simple question and the Monk replied in a no-nonsence manner. At this point, he giggled once more, looked me directly in the eye and pointed at me saying..."You, you I know have many questions, so begin"....Vaguely I recalled the memory of being "stood up", yet I didnt have the fear. I repiled to him that indeed I have many questions, but am unable to formulate them into words....In English, Tibetian, Pali or any other language. He was resistant to accepting my answer, which he aparently understood. I broke down and asked him a most superfiscial question regarding teachers/gurus of the past and how they compared to Buddist thought. I tried to articulate the questionto the best of my ability...again he giggled (gleefully) with warmth and compassion that I must admit I am not accustomed to. I was advised to approach the Monk with my questions and now I found myself in a situation where the Monk had taken an inexplicable interest in me. Apparently he understood that there was much more to be devulged. He asked that I give my questions, inquiries, time to cyrstalize and agreed to see me next week.

Now I come to you folks. Survivors of Straight Inc. What questions would you ask a Tibetian Monk, literally beaten out of his home land, his culture all but destroyed, his people thrown out of thier country. Yet has forgiven the Chinese, prays for them and has complete unbridled compassion for them. I have my own questions, for my own internal peace. But what I would like to do is to have a discussion with him about Straight Inc. explain the atrocities we experianced, the horror we endured....the long lingering effects of being incarcerated as youth. I hope to have the conversation video tapped so that it maybe sharred for all of us.

I don't pretend to say he has all the answers....never trust one who says they have all the answers. But I believe in my heart of hearts he has forgiven the Chinese, but still struggels to bring peace to the world and all that inhabit it. I have this hunch he has a few pointers they may indeed help heal areas of our heart and soul as it relates to Straight Inc.

Officially we have an appointment for wed. night. However, he is aproachable at any time, which is good....for this may take awhile.

So my question is...If you had a chance to sit with a Tibetian Monk...what questions would you ask? I will compose them as I will do my own...I have a good memory, just painfully short.The depth and wieght of this mans insight and compassion is pallbable...The simplicity of the responces are astounding...leaving my brain completely blank. With questions on paper, it is less likely that I neglect to ask pertinant questions.

I just wonder, if the Tibetian people and thier Monks can forgive the Chinese for thier atrocities and stil maintain peace with no ill will...Could it be possible....do we want it to be possible to forgive Straight Inc....and still fight the atrocities that continue to this day.

I know that peace is not only possible, but inevitable. Healing is the question!....is it possible?...is it inevitable?

My apologies for the length of this post....but much had to be said. And also for any mis-spellings, gramatical errors...please accept this post with intent inwhich it was written.

Much Healing
In Peace
woof

22
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / (Straight Inc Related) Mid afternoon musings
« on: September 09, 2008, 08:18:45 PM »
Long ramblinng post...consider yourself forewarned.

The time I have had to sit quietly, gather my thoughts and present them has been at an all time premium. Starting last January I began working for a friend of 20 years or so. Because he and I have such a deep friendship it never really seemed like work. We spent a lot of time talking in depth and explored different areas of our deepest thoughts.

At the time he was reading 1984 by George Orwell. It was being read to us on his iPod, I forget were he got the copy, probably Audible or some thing like that. I caught several pages and ultimately convinced him to begin having the book read to us again from the beginning.

One of the passages I found to evoke a sense of déjà vu;

“Even when he is alone he can never be sure that he is alone. Wherever he may be, asleep or awake, working or resting, in his bath or in bed, he can be inspected without warning and without knowing that he is being inspected. Nothing that he does is indifferent. His friendships, his relaxations, his behavior towards his wife and children, the expression of his face when he is alone, the words he mutters in sleep, even the characteristic movements of his body, are all jealously scrutinized. Not only any actual misdemeanor, but any eccentricity, however small, any change of habits, any nervous mannerism that could possibly be the symptom of an inner struggle, is certain to be detected. He has no freedom of choice in any direction whatever. On the other hand his actions are not regulated by law or by any clearly formulated code of behavior.”

And another:

“Winston's heart sank. That was doublethink. He had a feeling of deadly helplessness. If he could have been certain that O'Brien was lying, it would not have seemed to matter. But it was perfectly possible that O'Brien had really forgotten the photograph. And if so, then already he would have forgotten his denial of remembering it, and forgotten the act of forgetting. How could one be sure that it was simple trickery? Perhaps that lunatic dislocation in the mind could really happen: that was the thought that defeated him.”

The mind fuck!

I explained to him that although the book and it’s characters where indeed different from my experience, however, the overall theme was hauntingly familiar. He had prior knowledge of my time incarcerated in Straight Inc. yet he never connected the dots until he began reading 1984 and having a graduate of Straight Inc. at his immediate disposal.

He asked me once why I never discussed it (Straight Inc.) with him in any great detail. I explained to him at the time, 20 years ago, he would not have really comprehended that which I spoke. But now into his third reading of 1984, his vague memories of the Seed (which he did not attend) and his fascination with conspiracy, coupled with his familiarity with the Semblers, Betty and Debbie (Brent’s wife) mostly…Straight Inc was the topic of many of our conversations.

As I said he is a conspiracy enthusiast and has a wide knowledge of MK11 (or whatever), Timothy Leary, Robert Anton Wilson and a host of others…our days were filled with discussion of how little regard the government had/has for us.

He also has Hepatitis C. During his search for alternative treatments he found that the drug considered most effective and definitely most expensive has a patent held by a Jewish interest. Later he found that the Hepatitis C also has a patent held on it by the same Jewish interest. The mark up for the medication, that is from manufacture to crossing the pharmacists counter was 1800%

Once I explained to him the role Mel Sembler played in Straight Inc. and the animosity I along with many others held towards him. He went into a diatribe of government conspiracies and how Mel Sembler, along with his wife Betty were mere minions, simple pawns in a grand scheme.

Straight Inc., along with its predecessor (The Seed) were not merely grass roots organizations developed to help troubled youth. There was a reason why there were no professional staff members, no psychologist, psychiatrists, MD’s or nutritionists. There was a reason we endured 12-hour days, there was a reason for the sleep deprivation, restriction of bathroom privileges, rations of water. A separate society, dare I say a secret society was being developed. There was a reason for keeping us in a constant state of fear and not allowing natural bonds of trust to develop with our “caretakers”.

Straight Inc was allowed to practice as long as it did because of powers that be allowed it to occur. Mel Sembler jumped back onto the bandwagon, his son Brent and daughter, Diane were Seedlings. (making Mel an expert) Mel Semblers son stayed at “The Wards” while the Wards eldest son was held at the Seed. I got that information directly from Shirley Ward. But once back in the helm, Mel’s slimy nature along with Betty’s penchant for society functions brought in a whole new focus on Straight Inc and the idea of warehousing kids to the upper elite crusts of society at the time, further embedding the idea of warehousing as an option in societies eyes. Hence the idea of, “They deserved it” if they simply just can’t “Say No”…public ridicule is it not?

To think, or entertain the thought that the Seed, Synanon, or Straight Inc. (and those that followed) were simplistic grass roots effort to help drug afflicted children is just a case of wishful thinking.

By the time these entities came into place … The CIA and the NSA (along with collegiate bodies) had long studied communist reeducation camps for Mao Tse Tung, the Korean techniques and the Stalinist reform camps. And by in large they found that they worked…for the government. The reformed however didn’t fare so well.

This wouldn’t be so bad if it were simply a conspiracy theory, one that could be debated…or if it could be questioned to have existed at all. Sadly, however this is beyond reproach…it happened, it was studied. Doesn’t take a lot of effort to Google!

I doubt that a grass root operation could just spring up and almost replicate verbatim- techniques, methods and ideologies used so successfully in the past and ignore the predictable/probable results… that would come about much later down the road.

It is at this point a crime was committed; as I see it…It is at this point the victimization begins. The amounts of people behind this thing called Straight Inc were enormous. The amount of thought and discussion had to have been intense. Yet I am left to believe…and accept that NO ONE person thought of the after effects three-four decades later?

Seems to me that at this point someone has a light bulb, shaped like a dollar sign, blink over their head. The verging ethical questions quickly subside into obscurity…on a collective level. Someone sold it and some bought it….and we were the commodity.

The idea of franchising followed quickly, and the rest is infamy.

Another thing…

I do not subscribe to the idea our records were simply lost or destroyed. When I was discharged from the submarine corp. Straight Inc. was mentioned as “information withheld”…(but that’s what I was told to do by my recruiter…lying bastard). The information was withheld for their purpose, they knew all along I went thru Straight Inc….and there is no paper trail? Yeah…ok. Unlike the book 1984, there are no real “memory holes”. The whole idea that we were not observed and reports/results passed on…just strikes me as bullshit.

The question then becomes; who has the records? Then, why do they have the records?

Before dismissing the idea…pause for a moment…think.

Mel Sembler…Politics…Greed…Government…Secrecy…and Public Approval.

What can’t be done with a group of kids held under the conditions we were? What kind of studies? Better yet, what about the results of studies? To think the government wont glean in on any source of information it can access without notice is naïve. George Bush was Director of Central Intelligence and head of the Central Intelligence Agency from 30 January 1976 to 20 January 1977.

Mel Sembler and the Bush’s go way back. H.W. Bush was Vice president when Nancy Reagan and Princess Diana made their presence. And the most moronic Anti-Drug slogan was born…Just say NO!

I wasn’t there…I had long since “graduated” when the First Lady and Lady Di showed up….But I would bet my last doughnut that Mel Sembler with Betty in toe, were there. The HUGE Celebrity auctions held…Liz Taylor and all, to benefit Straight Inc. I would bet my last cigar Mel Sembler was there.

I am thinking while I compose this post that my words may be perceived as mere theory by some aging, disgruntled conspiracy theorist…That and more! Having held a series of dots for three decades and slowly connecting them I am convinced of a conspiracy probability! All along this took place in plane old open view. (well, except what you see, hear and do here remains here…maybe because it’s criminal?)

What to do with this conviction remains unclear. I have emotional damage, scars that certainly paid for many, many buildings, supermarkets, banks, Walgreens, ambassadorships and ranks of privilege.

Speculation or Conjecture? Yeah, maybe both…retribution for a stolen adolescence probably not…

Peace? Ultimately, yes. I think it is not only possible, but inevitable. The subject of Straight Inc however is not unlike a tuning fork lodged into the depths of my soul. And when struck, that tuning fork resonates for weeks at a time. With a vibrating soul, I go about my daily routine with as much focus as I can muster. Some days are better than others and certainly the opposite is true. But between each vibration of the tuning fork there is a stillness. It is during this stillness I find peace… This peace seems to be there before the fork is struck and after the vibrations cease. Which leads me to idea of the inevitability of peace…. Providing of course no one strikes the gawd damn tuning fork! Peace does seem to be a bit fickle in that way. I think I would rather have peace than any retribution Mel Sembler could ever afford. Nature has a funny way of dealing with shit heads and Natures sister…Karma, is just simply a down right cold hearted disfiguring bitch with an incredible sense of timing. He will meet the sisters again and again. And when father time takes Mel away…I will piss on his grave. Yet the satisfaction will be short lived. As my friend has said, Mel is a just a minion…a puppet. The true evil will continue on long after Mel is gone.

In Peace
woof

23
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / (Straight Inc related) Sam Kinison MIA?
« on: August 26, 2008, 06:34:48 AM »
Has anyone seen and or heard from Sam Kinison Aka Steve W*i*e*s*s....He lives in Costa Rica with his adoring family...Havent heard from him in a while....and there have been a shit load of storms down there....the have a good infrastructure and a relatively stable government....just curious about his whereabouts and welfare.

Om Shanti
woof

24
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / CEDU, AARC.....Oh...and Straight Inc.
« on: August 16, 2008, 05:51:55 PM »
Just now....the first 8 out of the first 9 posts are about AARC…I don’t have anything against AARC survivors. I don’t wish any heat with AARC survivors. I realize that the board is now titled “Straight Inc. and its Derivatives”.  My question is; is there a board, other than yahoo, myspace… here on fornits that is totally devoted to Straight Inc Survivors?

To me, I understand the need to compare and discuss the various programs, their methodologies, their ideologies, the abuses, the time spent after the abuses…. But can’t Straight Inc. have it’s own board as we have had in the past that don’t involve CEDU, or AARC or another off shoot of Straight? It seemed to work before under the name, “Straight Survivors” (or something to that effect).

Perhaps I missed an announcement (I did check antigen’s Pssst it’s over here post…which was appreciated) Was there some reason why the Straight Inc. board was meshed with other organizations? Again, nothing against these good folk…and I don’t doubt a serious need for discourse about Straight Inc. and its derivatives. Does it have to consume digital real-estate once reserved for strictly (or seemingly so) Straight Survivors? Having mentioned real-estate….is it a financial issue that there can not be a board devoted to those of us that survived Straight Inc?

Again, I see the need for such comparisons between the two programs…and knowing the history of it all is in of itself notta bad thing. But is a dedicated space for Straight Inc Survivors to gather, really too much to ask?

I am grateful and oh so glad that this board has maintained thru its recent past…kudos to those that made it happen…I don’t wish to create heat or any negative kinda thing…Just a question, and (seemingly) small request.

Om Shanti
woof

25
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / White Noise
« on: July 27, 2008, 11:26:04 AM »
Long time… no post.

Wonder why? (Rhetorically, and those willing to answer) Why is it that although I swing by this site every time I am sitting in front of my computer (not near as often as in the past, nor as much as I would wish) I read the subject lines, and there is the same post’s, nothing added to them or new ones added. Have we collectively become blasé (pardon the “straight speak”) in subjects surrounding Straight Inc and it’s profound effects on our lives.

Could it be because such a bombardment of events in each of our own lives that have left us drained, unable to compose a thought, without ability to address a memory or series of memories?

Understanding the events in past few months have made it difficult to continue with the relative ease, thanks to those who make now happen! Changing sites to address Straight Inc issues is difficult at best, for me. Discussing issues other than Straight Inc is not why I frequent message boards regarding Straight Inc and Survival of what we endured. Anything less is a waste of time for me. It is not my intent to compare and poo-poo another message board site, survival site, or alumni site to fornits. That veers from my line of thought and strays from the scope of this post.

I wonder if brainwashing techniques have been documented to note that at some point in the persons life…that they some how disassociate in some manor in an effort to deny it happened. How is it that sometimes I can look it at I squarely into the horror and other times I am almost apathetic…well…simply apathetic. Overwhelmed.

It is as if a white noise occurs disallowing me to look further or much less care to look any further into the abyss. Didn’t some one mention ‘the longer one stares into the abyss the abyss begins to stare back’? Haunted with memories, learned fears and anxieties seep into daily thought…not constant…but daily. It is easy to trace it’s etiology, it isn’t exactly rocket science to connect a series of dots in reverse chronological order directly back to Straight Inc. Yet there is this “white noise” that forbids me to go further.

Am I alone in this? Did the brainwashing that failed, is it now attacking the brainwashing that succeeded…or could it be vise versa. Obviously a brain fuck….but those who hadn’t experienced the first brain fuck could not fathom a brain fuck of this magnitude three decades after the fact. As survivors, as individual as we are, I am of the idea that we all somehow experience this same experience I am writing about to some degree or another. I am curious to know what creates this “white noise”, but more so, I am curious as to what is beyond this “white noise”…any ideas?

Om Shanti
woof

26
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Sociopaths and Thought reform in China---- any of it sound familiar?
« on: February 04, 2008, 08:17:24 PM »
Of late a few words have jumped the synaptic breaches in my brain. They are not words that we are unfamiliar with, but they are words non-the less have struck cords recently in my psyche. Having less and less time on my hands I am finding more time making the research and having an application read them to me…lazy, yeah I know. But for me it covers more territory than simply reading.

Sociopath Personalities; yeah I have professional experience with them on a clinical level. I got the Sociopath and the psychopathic individuals confussed constantly…I never really thought of them as separate pathologies…but that is all subject to debate. For the purpose of this post I wish to avoid that and focus on the Sociopath.

Snooping around the internet in an effort to define the Sociopath for ones that are clear and concise was challenging, I found a bullet list that kinda sums up the general characteristic of the sociopath. It can be found here http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_kn ... _sociopath

And it lists as follows:
·   Glibness/Superficial Charm
·   Manipulative and Conning
·   Grandiose Sense of Self
·   Pathological Lying
·   Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
·   Shallow Emotions
·   Incapacity for Love
·   Need for Stimulation
·   Callousness/Lack of Empathy
·   Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
·   Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
·   Irresponsibility/Unreliability
·   Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
·   Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
·   Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
·   Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
·   Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
·   Authoritarian
·   Secretive
·   Paranoid
·   Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
·   Conventional appearance
·   Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
·   Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
·   Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
·   Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
·   Incapable of real human attachment to another
·   Unable to feel remorse or guilt
·   Narcissism, grandiosity (self-importance not based on achievements)
·   May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

How interesting it is to think of former staff members and have this list in front of me. Each bullet speaks volumes!

The DSM-IV defines the Sociopath as:

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of regard for the moral or legal standards in the local culture. There is a marked inability to get along with others or abide by societal rules. Individuals with this disorder are sometimes called psychopaths or sociopaths.

Diagnostic Criteria (DSM-IV)

1. Since the age of fifteen there has been a disregard for and violation of the right's of others, those right's considered normal by the local culture, as indicated by at least three of the following:
    A. Repeated acts that could lead to arrest.
    B. Conning for pleasure or profit, repeated lying, or the use of aliases.
    C. Failure to plan ahead or being impulsive.
    D. Repeated assaults on others.
    E. Reckless when it comes to their or others safety.
    F. Poor work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations.
    G. Rationalizing the pain they inflict on others.

2. At least eighteen years in age.

3. Evidence of a Conduct Disorder, with its onset before the age of fifteen.

4. Symptoms not due to another mental disorder

On first read the DSM-IV seems a bit restrictive, but then again…. we are not privy to the medical histories of our perpetrators. Yet we were subjected to their whims. And expected to do so willingly….which most of us did.

For years I looked at most if not all staff as pathetic pieces of shit, to be despised. I had little if any compassion for them. This is still true to this day. But the sociopathic personality has begun to explain more and more. The sociopath minions we are all familiar with answered to other “superior” sociopath's.who answered to still yet other sociopaths.

The term “7th Step Society also speaks volumes. Was the goal to create or to further establish a society of sociopaths? Didn't Hitler have a similar dream with his lil Brown shirts?…A perfect  society of Straightlings seems hauntingly familiar. To me, it is becoming more and more clear we were under the sociopathic guidance…to what end, I Am not sure. But it seems clear to me that methodologies utilized in Straight Inc. at best were corrupt. But also consider information I found from a book on the “Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: A Study of Brainwashing in China” by Robert Jay Lifton.

I had always heard of Korean Camps as the source of our treatment's . I could never find validation of that idea. However finding information of other methods proved most informative. An excerpt of the book can be found here http://www.factnet.org/Purchase_Books/T ... talism.htm It’s a bit lengthy, but the comparison is uncanny.

Just few things to consider.

Namaste
woof

27
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Imagine me working for you, HA!
« on: October 03, 2007, 08:06:08 AM »
I got laid off Sept 24th , and then I was fired and finally told to “get the fuck out of hereâ€

28
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Thousand Yard Stare
« on: September 20, 2007, 07:52:34 PM »
Lemme set the scene; 2pm’sh…after lunch. A guy that works with me approaches me; he is about 62-63yo, Vietnam Vet. He knows of my military service…and that’s it.

He says to me, “Where did you see combat? Bosnia?â€

29
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Handle disapointment well?
« on: August 17, 2007, 07:02:18 PM »
I work for a living. There was a time when I simply showed up to get paid. There were times when I was captivated by my work, enthralled with my work. But today, I worked for a paycheck. I got a pocket full of cash that will pay for this and pay for that, bills will be paid and larders will be filled, its all-good…cept,

 I feel jaded somehow.

Lemme draw the scene…I sit before you filthy. Oil, grease, muck, metal filings, saw dust…half-baked and have yet to take a shower. Not that there is any thing wrong with working in an environment that will bring me to such a state of dishevelment. Its honest work that pays the bills and its all for a “good causeâ€

30
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Talking with a Dr bout Straight Inc
« on: July 25, 2007, 07:18:23 PM »
Recently I went to my Dr’s office. Some how or another, I believe it was relating to Commit Lozenges for helping me stop smoking. Before I knew it, I was offering information to my Dr. about my time incarcerated at Straight Inc. There was a slight smirk on her face and she admitted that her daughter certainly gave her a run for her money and the attending nurse also had a son who was apparently a handful. At one point in the conversation, which I found myself very animated, she said something to the affect….”Well, you parents were considerably older…. they probably had no clue what to do with you”….I skipped school…..I smoked pot…..Does that justify two years of my adolescence lost to Straight Inc…which is time I cant get back., ever.

Knowing that my animated state in the presence of a medical professional was none to wise so I summoned what restraint I could muster. And just asked her please, as a professional that may be in a future situation in which she may need to make a recommendation…to please make recommend something other than of course Straight, or any other of the spin off’s. I doubt she will investigate as I asked, so if ya can name a few, it might help.

She asked if I thought the boot camp model of “treatment” was a step up from “Straight”…I found it a very difficult question to answer….

If you found yourself, in front of your physician (and we should all be honest with two people…Drs and Lawyers), how would you explain Straight Inc a defunct entity with various spin offs to them?

Later I thought of so much more to say, but in 5 minutes….really how much can ya say?

So then I thought I would ask your inputs…and then submit them to her…. Be nice…she is good people….

How would you explain Straight Inc to your Dr, past experience to effects it has to this day and how ever many years afterwards?

Thanks in advance!

x-posted in a few places

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