well... i attended mms from january 2004 until i did not return from a home visit in june of 2005. after my off-campus, i had a hard time adjusting to being back at mms. i ended up using self-mutiliation as a way to cope with the fact that i had no support from anyone around me, with the exception of three girls. because of this, i had calls to my parents cancelled for three weeks, i had no contact with them at all. anything i wanted to say to my family, had to be approved a relayed to my family. my first home visit, over christmas, was cancelled. on my first home visit, i was involved with a male friend of mine. when i returned to mms and was honest about what i had done, the school took away another home visit, my therapist met with me daily to see if i had realized that anything sexual is bad forever, and every group session was focused on what the other girls thought about what i had done. i felt like all i could do was agree with what everyone was saying about me and the way i felt emotionally, while holding in all my true feelings. i kissed another student at the school, and for weeks, the other students, again with the exception of my three friends, would not even approach me. my history of sexual abuse was denied by staff and students alike. i did not even start working on it until a couple months before i left. in my first session of addressing this issue during group, eight girls held me to the ground while i tried to escape. this was at the prompting of my therapist at the time. i could not sleep for weeks afterwards, fearing that my past abusers would find me. i could see nothing but their faces when i closed my eyes. i think that this was just a part of the school's way of dominating me. i have recently taken out my journals from my time at mms. the things i wrote during my time there are highly disturbing and it makes me sick to my stomach just to read about it now. well... if you guys want to know more, you can email me at
[email protected] i would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has had any similar experiences, or anyone who will not judge me for what i have to say.
-kim