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I am Bill H, aka billybananafish 438
QR code download still eludes me....

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Compliance
« on: February 12, 2014, 10:05:00 AM »
Why comply?
Why not?

Did you?  (puss)
Will 7ou as our country falls as we watch?

Wonder if the percentage of pussies will be the same?
Hope not.

Waking up is Hard To Do!

Welcome to the boards.  Welcome to the survivors family.

This is truly what we have found through our shared experiences and unique bonding.

It is our hope that you find understanding, help and healing during this difficult time.


The Terms. 

"waking up"  or "awakening"  We use to describe the process of memory recall that occurs years after leaving Straight (the average survivor,  we are finding upon waking up is approx. 20-25 years out).  This time frame is unique to the individual's circumstances also.  Current life stress/trauma can trigger the awakening process, or if one is not ready/able to process sometimes it is delayed.  We define it as waking process, as the memories return for many of us in fuzzy/fog like bits and pieces to very detailed memories.  Similar to waking up and feeling groggy, then more awake, until fully aware.  This may happen over many months/years or in a shorter time frame.  You might also see the phrase "out of the fog".


Why didn't/don't I remember?  How did I forget or block this out all these years?  Why am I remembering now?  Why can I remember some things/people/details and not others?

Dissociative Amnesia is a memory disorder characterized by extreme memory loss that is caused by extensive psychological stress and that cannot be attributed to a known neurobiological cause.  Dissociative amnesia is due to psychological rather than physiological causes and can sometimes be helped by therapy. Situation-specific amnesia occurs as a result of a severely stressful event, as in post-traumatic stress disorder, child sex abuse, military combat or witnessing a family member's murder or suicide, is common in cases of severe and/or repeated trauma. 

Straight was daily long term abuse/neglect.  As survivors, we witnessed violent abuse/neglect, lived in terrorized conditions over period of time, experienced profound sense of loss of control of being able to meet basic needs of life(nutrition, hydration, toileting, hygiene, comfort, love, emotional bonds, education).  We were forced into dependence on the abusive system, brainwashing/coercive thought reform methods.  While this process is typical for most of us, the time frames are more individual.  Some of us have come to into a full awareness quickly, some more slowly, and some not having reached a full awareness though they have found an understanding of what happened.   


What happens now that I'm remembering? 

1.  Physically - your body will respond to the stress physically.  Body memories can also manifest (i.e. feeling bruises down your spine, hunger pains when not hungry, sleep deprived when well rested).  Be aware of the changes that occur during this process.  The symptoms can vary greatly.  See "symptom list" in the Documents section.  Please make sure to eat well, sleep as best you can and exercise to your ability level.  Seek medical care if/when needed.  Taking care of oneself physically will improve your ability to cope better with this process.

2.  Mentally - Memories, some clear, some vague notions that may not seem real, anything in between.  People, places, vehicles, homes, even colors, clothing, chairs, etc.  The mind holds the memories as the body does.  Triggers may occur and bring on flashbacks, memory recall and nightmares.  A trigger is a specific item, person, place, smell, sound, song, etc that "triggers" a response based on those traumatic memories of the past.  Triggers can cause "flashbacks".  Flashback is seeing, smelling, hearing, experiencing the event all over again (partial or fully).

3.  Emotionally- Emotions will be a huge component of waking up.  The range of emotions is not limited to these, though these are the most frequently discussed:  Fear, anxiety, paranoia, anger, rage, shame, guilt, and pain.  Excruciatingly painful this range of emotions that occur can and will be overwhelming at best.  You may have already had many go rounds with these emotions prior to the memories resurfacing without really understanding what was happening.  Many report the fears and anger issues since their time in straight, and only now beginning to understand them.

4.  Spiritually (NOT RELIGION) - no matter what faith/belief/nonbelief system you ascribe to, this is a component that touched us all with various "God" issues while in straight.  If you have a faith/belief system that works for you, please rely on this/these practices to help with the process of healing.  If it's as simple as getting a walk in the woods once a week or sitting on a beach, star gazing, meditation, prayer, good thoughts, karmic living, becoming involved in or reconnecting with a church/religion, or finding a new spiritual walk of life, hopefully you find one that works.


Straight affected us.  Straight harmed us.  Straight was traumatic.

Please see the SYMPTOMS LIST(in Document section) for a more complete list of what you may have already experienced in life up until now and what you may now experience as a result of waking up.  It may offer you a better understanding of you, how you have survived and coped over the years.   


This is a PROCESS.

The following has been edited to more aptly suit the process of grieving our losses and facing the life we have left to live despite the damages done.  Some of us feel more damaged than others may; the damages may not seem severe at first and then may seem overwhelming.

The 5 stages of grief are a basic tool that explains some of what will happen also.  We lost important times of our lives, our families, relationships, education, opportunities, identity, innocence, freedom, and much more.  Each of us individually will wrestle with coming to terms with our own individual losses and grief.

It's important to note that these stages are not meant to be complete or chronological. Not everyone who awakens feels all five of the responses nor will everyone who does experience them do so in the order in which they are written. Reactions are as unique as the person experiencing them.  Not everyone goes through all of the steps or goes through them in a linear fashion. Some steps may be missed entirely, others may be experienced in a different order, some may be re-experienced again and again and some may get stuck in one.

Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."  Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of what really did happen with validation.

Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"  Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy.

Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."  The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay the pain/awakening or undo the damages.

Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm not able to change the past...What's the point?”

During the fourth stage, the person begins to understand the extent of damages done. Because of this, the individual may become silent, isolate and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the survivor to disconnect from the damages becoming all consuming.  It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.

Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."

In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their trauma, their damages, and their life now.

Understanding is only the beginning of recreating ourselves, rebuilding our lives and living fully.

Validation and support from other survivors is a valuable asset in the process of grieving our losses and healing.


Diagnostic terms you may see/hear or you may have been diagnosed with yourself:  (these are not complete, just a fraction of the actual definitions...they are not meant for self-diagnosis, just informational purposes)

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) Diagnostic symptoms for PTSD include re-experiencing the original trauma(s) through flashbacks or nightmares, avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma, and increased arousal – such as difficulty falling or staying asleep, anger, and hypervigilance. It has three sub-forms: acute, chronic, and delayed-onset.

C-PTSD (Complex PTSD) - is a psychological injury that results from protracted exposure to prolonged social and/or interpersonal trauma with lack or loss of control, disempowerment, and in the context of either captivity or entrapment, i.e. the lack of a viable escape route for the victim. C-PTSD is distinct from, but similar to, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Stockholm Syndrome - is an apparently paradoxical psychological phenomenon wherein hostages express empathy and have positive feelings towards their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness. (i.e. why do I feel this trusting, close and intimate with those who abused and tortured me?)

Dissociation - is an altered state of consciousness characterized by partial or complete disruption of the normal integration of a person’s normal conscious or psychological functioning.  Dissociation is most commonly experienced as a subjective perception of one's consciousness being detached from one's emotions, body and/or immediate surroundings. Dissociation is a "compartmentalization of experience." Under normal conditions, consciousness, memory, emotions, sensory awareness, affect, etc., are integrated; with dissociation, in contrast, these traits are discretely compartmentalized to greater or lesser degrees.

Dissociative Amnesia - see above.

Depression - characterized by an all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem, and by loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities.

Anxiety/Panic Disorders - is a blanket term covering several different forms of abnormal and pathological fear and anxiety. The term anxiety covers four aspects of experiences an individual may have: mental apprehension, physical tension, physical symptoms and dissociative anxiety.  Anxiety disorder is divided into generalized anxiety disorder, phobic disorder, and panic disorder; each has its own characteristics and symptoms and they require different treatment.  The emotions present in anxiety disorders range from simple nervousness to extreme bouts of terror.

Traumatic Brain Injury - occurs when an external force traumatically injures the brain. TBI can be classified based on severity, mechanism (closed or penetrating head injury), or other features (e.g. occurring in a specific location or over a widespread area). Head injury usually refers to TBI, but is a broader category because it can involve damage to structures other than the brain, such as the scalp and skull.  While many of us may not have had an actual blow to the head, motivating may have played a part.  Damages to the brain consistent with TBI are present in our survivor subclass, which indicates there may be a psychological component to TBI with or without physical trauma.


Given the information about what is/may be wrong, it is natural to react.  Many of us have experienced all forms of regressive behavior patterns ranging from mild to severe.  Drinking, smoking, drugs, eating disorders, carving/self harm, acting out (physically, mentally/emotionally, sexually, financially, etc), gambling/over spending, abusive relationships (being abused/being abusive), isolation, suicidal thoughts/behaviors are some examples of how survivors have reacted.  These avoidance behaviors are methods that don't typically help our healing and can delay the process or create additional traumatic/damaging events to cope with.


Many of us struggle with relationships overall and our marriages/significant others, parents, siblings, children and close friends have suffered greatly as we come to terms with our past and present issues as survivors.   If currently in a relationship, please know that while those people who care and support you (friends, family, spouse/significant others, children) will not understand what you are going through, they may be supportive and helpful.  They may not be, they may become jealous of time spent with survivors, time spent online, time spent isolating to cope.  They may not believe you.  If your relationships need help, please seek appropriate help.


The questions that will rage on.....

Who's to blame?   What really happened to me?  What is wrong with me?  How did they brainwash us?  How did they get away with this for so long?  Why is it still affecting me? Why can't I just get over it?  Will I ever get better?



If you have physical issues see your doctor.  Stress can aggravate and create physical illnesses.

If you have mental/emotional stresses that you need addressed, PLEASE find a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist that SPECIALIZES in TRAUMA, this is a unique field with specialized practitioners (see doc on finding a therapist).  If you can't afford one, many states and veteran centers(if you qualify) have ones available at low/no cost.  If you can't get in to see one and need immediate help Call 911 or go to an ER or call a HOTLINE - see docs for Hotline info and numbers.


We are here to be supportive, helpful and are healing ourselves.


1.  Slow down the best you can.

2.  Take time to breathe deeply, slowly and often.

3.  Develop a written self care plan that you can follow even when overwhelmed.  Address your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. (i.e. eat, sleep, nap, exercise, meditate, garden, draw, watch a comedy, go out with a close friend, etc.)

4.  Don't lash out in your anger and rage.  (Regrets, shame and guilt are only additional damages you can incur with this).  Find healthy outlets for these strong emotions.

5.  Pace yourself.  Take time off when you need to.  i.e.  2 days online, 1 day offline.

6.  Exercise is great stress relief and anger/rage management, moderation is the key.

7.  Vent on the boards or private messages with other survivors.

8.  Write or journal, draw, play musical instrument.

9.  Music is very meaningful and helpful.  Create playlists that help, that are readily accessible.

10.  Set healthy boundaries.

11.  No rash/major decisions while overwhelmed.(i.e. calling/bashing parents, threatening them/anyone, or vandalizing, divorce/separation(unless needed for safety), job changes/quitting).  Allow yourself time to process the emotions and make healthy, positive decisions.

12.  Learn coping skills that work for you.

13.  Prioritize.   

14.  Have fun/meaningful activities.  Make time to feel and heal, yet make time for fun/enjoyable activities also.


This process is difficult at best, please be gentle on yourself.  Many of us have been there and still experience much of this, know that you are not alone.  You are a survivor of a horrific experience at a very vulnerable time in your life.  You have made it this far, hang in there.

Just know that you are not alone anymore, you are understood, you are beginning to heal.

Healing is possible.  Hope is here.  Help is available for you.

Much peace, love and healing.

Thanks to , well, we will call her One Happy Bunny!!
Great writeup

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / ATTACK SURVS: Your links await you
« on: September 06, 2013, 12:39:11 PM »
ATTACK SURVIVORS:  A program veteran with a desire to denigrate or otherwise bring to light the history of the people who created, covered for, pulled political strings over, and generally screwed with us, our families and our futures.

Background:  Woof a doof was wooffing about, and got me thinking (scarey) about a resource quik link for Str8 babies like us.  Medical MJ is pushing petitions all over Florida, with John Morgan, and other powers behind it like Charley Crist.  The RECREATIONAL conversation is not far behind.  Over 50 percent pass for rec, and almost 80% pass for medical in current Fla polls.
So, you knew this, so why are we here?
The people who brought us the "WAR FOR PROFITS made from drugs BEING ILLEGAL" are freaking out a bit.  Calvina Faye over at DFAF is acting like she needs to get that damn kidney stone the rest of the way out.  THe Straight-Mobile is revving up to put a spin on EVERYTHING related to the drug wars debate.
They are making sure they are the "Go To opposition" in reporters inbox.

If you find a DFAF email addy, a Mel Sembler recognition article, anything that in any way can be linked to Straight or KIDS, a drug legalization article's comment section post a clean link of the comment box and or your comment itself as well.  
Play nice on the big newspaper and TV station comments will keep your posts alive.
I will link the list up if it grows onto other pages nd keep the links up on post #1

Let It Bleed / Madonna in her 20s vs Miley
« on: August 27, 2013, 11:47:52 PM »
I just watched the master of sexy sing and dance, Madonna, do Like a Prayer and La Isla Bonita, and compared to pops latest abomination.

Madonna is so sexy in those vids BECAUSE of the boundaries:  the flamenco dress, sexy as hell, barely shows a thing.  The sexy guitar, her moves with the music in a traditional Spanish dress.
The Catholic icons in Like A Prayer...You have to have morals before you can shockingly violate them.  Kiss the saint, the black boy, nearly the lady in the choir.  Hell yeah, that was a hard won recording too, and brilliantly engineered too.
Madonna has me ready to dance or love.  Modern pop chicks usually leave me feeling gross and insulted.  

Dont get me started on autotuned electro-voice pop...bleeding into country and alt too.
F dat.

FB is great for meeting up with other str8 folks but here we can keep out stuff findable forever...
MUSIC.  SANITY.  Expression of love hate hope joy jealousy rage vengeance...
What made your days bearable singing in your head?
What album do d you wish you never told mom and dad to get rid of?
POST your You tubes here!!!
FB just gonna loose them in a day anyway!
Dead Kennedys - Kill the poor

[EDIT NOTE: 8/27 or so  HELLO , check it out and sign up kids.  Say hi here, another thread  or start your own thread.]
 I have no earthly idea who might see this.  FACEBOOK SUCKS FOR RANTS AND WORTHY THREADS.  great conversations vaporize in a week.  
Then they seel your demometadata to advertisers.  ICKY.

I wanted to do this off of Joe's complaint that FB sucks for more in depth stuff.  
We had a rockin lil post discussing perv raps and the need to puke confessionals at staff and group.
So say hi, start a thread, invite a friend.  

Where else are ya gonna find a forum set up and running for free...  :notworthy:

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / We need a new thread
« on: June 18, 2013, 07:41:40 PM »
So, who the hell is poking around here nowadays?  I am afraid to hurt feelings in the FB groups...

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Been awhile, anything new???
« on: December 05, 2005, 10:24:00 PM »
Thought I'd see what the old straight board was up to....WOW.  
Loads of people I dont know, millions of anon posts and trolls everywhere.  Well, I got a few PMs, some over 2 years old...SORRY...had to get away.
Did the ISAC thing go anywhere?
Mike Sherman and the Safetynet?

Anybody from the 80-82 era figure out what happened to Bobby Ruggles after I left Atlanta?

Hi to GregFl, Ginger, Bob (Charo still around...I have Golden Birdy is sitting on my chair).
Thought I'd say hi, and see if anybody says hi back...

Bill H
St pete & Atlanta
12/80-12/82[ This Message was edited by: Tampa survivor on 2005-12-05 19:25 ]

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Newton got me thinkin....
« on: May 03, 2005, 02:24:00 PM »
Well hello to anybody I know.  Been a while since I hit the board.  I got run over on my M/C a couple times, ate lotsa Vicodin and limp a bit.
My favorite fascist surfaced in the Times again, and it made my wonder WTF is Old Miller up to out on the beach?  I thought he was a cardiac cripple.  I'll  look up Ginger and friends to get the scoop, I thought.
Is intervention planned?

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Atlanta 1982
« on: May 04, 2003, 09:52:00 PM »
Yo peoples, does anyone remember a blonde Irish guy and his sister who were in ATL in 1982.  He was named Reed, I think, but the sister slips my mind.  I remember they were involved with staff too....
Jay and Travis Crow, and Darren Chastain are others I am trying to reach from Atlanta. The Crows house was the source of many vivid memories, mostly good, and it would mean a LOT for me to hear from them.  I know Ann Crow is an Atlanta realtor now, still in the same Dunwoody area...
From Sarasota, Bobby and Cathy Ruggles, and St Pete, Bob Cody, The Rice brothers,Mark Newton and Dawn Harbor.
Any info, [email protected]
Bill Hadley
St Pete & Atlanta

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Melvins having a birthday party...
« on: April 25, 2003, 07:11:00 AM »
Well, on the FRONT page of my beloved St Pete Times this morning, announced for all the world, is a huge article about
MELVIN and Betty's wedding anniversary.  
Everything he has done well is loudly stated.
An "A" list of guests, travelling to Rome for the party to end all parties in conservative power circles.
$800 a night rooms in Rome are available for 500 a night, if you are on the list.
I almost puked my coffee.
No mention of Straight anymore by the St Pete times.  Just an aside about Betty's work with DFAF.
do I hear letters to the editor?  
You can send online letters to the links I shall soon post.  The Times has in the past worked hard to expose Straight.  Why is Mel getting front page now?
PS Please God, don't let this post get hijacked...

SAFETYNET=Such A Futile Effort Yet No Evident Transitions

ISAC's=Intrepid Straightlings Arrogantly Controlling Speech

FART= Furious Assholes Really Traumatized,

SPERM= Straightlings Pissed; Eating Raw Meat

or my fav...NEWTON=Naughty Evil Women;Turn-on Nightly.  Can ya picture V. Miller in a bustierre? Sorta like Burt Reynolds in that movie...

Well, this place has gone bonkers again and it only took 2 months.  
Last time it was a lawyer who was in the Seed.  He did not have a message of love for ISAC.  He told them the truth about statutes of limitations, etc.  OH MY, that was not popular at all. Being that I was in the thick of the argument, I decided to hammer point with counterpoint. I picked the "WRONG" side of the arguement according to some.  I was called names. You are against US if you tell us we are wrong.  You are program.  SAY WHAT??? Fuelaw was told he was not a lawyer!! I was called a DFAF agent or some such shit.
The attacks now are similar. Personal.  Ugly. LOUD. Just not against me.
Lovers of COMPLIANCE welcome you until you tell them something they dont like.  Then you are a troll.
I rag the occasional overt moron , or religous fanatic of whatever stripe now or then, but this shit between some decent people has gone too far.  
Less than a year ago, people were logging in with real names and discussing the merits of cultivation and distribution of KIND BUDS on the board!!!!
Now we hear talk of DEA rattiness.  Restraining orders.  Stolen documents.  People who share a common bond shredding each other, JUST LIKE Gandy Bl, Austell Rd, Backlick, or whatever Straight you were in.
I sure as hell would watch my mouth if I was new and reading this stuff.
No wonder anon wrote what he did today.  Read it:

"As I read this board, it has occured to me that I have not seen any "slamming" or accusations under the name of Safetynet. I seems that the only anger and personal attacks I have seen is under the name of ISAC. I have just found this board in my looking for straight related sites. Based on what I have seen, I would not ask anyone for help. I'd just go see my psychologist."

People who are organizing should have unified postions on things.  Personal attacks have no place being mentioned ANYWHERE near the organization's good name.  It takes away the point of organizing.  Slash and burn posts under anon names leads to lack of trust.  I don't give my money to anons.Hell, I only give money to people I like.  After 2 years of Miller Newton's version of  Straight I am a little funny about trust, ya know.
I have been cornered and bitten publicly by people who didn't like what I say, and I see it again with new players.  
People are saying SEE YA.
Is that what organization was supposed to do?
Bill Hadley
St Pete & Atlanta

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / ISAC
« on: February 14, 2003, 05:13:00 PM »
The ISAC site is showing some good developements I see.  I just read some wild interviews they have done lately.  
Good job.
Bill H
St Pete & Atlanta

Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / WWANNA SCREAM????
« on: January 20, 2003, 01:31:00 AM »
WWanna scream?  WWanna know what I have been up to?

Trolling bbs related to WWASP.  Reading and posting to kids that have been through shit as thick as any I have heard of here. Trying to hack my way into the locked parent and graduate bbs's.  Learning what todays kids are facing in the treatment of their family disfunction.

So, begin your experiment with your favorite search engine.  I used Alta vista.  Type in troubled teen, or parent support.  You get hits, and I AM TALKING PAGE AFTER page of hits.  The first half of them are "Certified education specialist" whose specialty is patient brokerage.  They find the right program for you.  Click a link and tell 'em you caught your 13 yo screwing a boy, or smoking a joint.  Oh, ficticious child would soon be DEAD without FAST INTERVENTION.  And we have just the place for her.  And the LOANS for payment can be arranged through us, here at the (fill in blank) education place.

So next go see some programs.  Hmm. Jamacia, Mexico, Costa Rica, Utah boonies, these places are a lot more remote than Austell Road or Gandy blvd.

I have linked a video.  Slick.  everything a parent wants to hear.  Real puke your guts out stuff.  Oh, and you dont even need to bring them, as professional escorts are part of enrollment, for a fee, of course.

Okay if you have real player, click this link.  If not a dsl/cable modem, it will take forever, you have been warned.  If you dont have real player, click second link.
  http://www.adolescentspecialtyschools.c ... WASP100.rm

Get Real player here: ... V2GOLD.exe

Watch what WWASP sells mom and dad.

Now click above and see what the kids who got away say, interspersed with the occasional believers/current enrollee parent s have to say.  Keep in mind, at WWASP, parents cant speak to kids. PERIOD.  Sorta like only talking to 5th phasers and 7 steppers while your kids are in.

Well, a bunch of people asked where my $$/mouth/attitude/asshole energy was going, and now you know.

Parents are being duped.  Kids are being hurt.  I don't give a shit about Betty and Mel.  I care about Licthsfeld(misspelling intentional).  He is at it today. Making a PILE of bucks too.


[ This Message was edited by: tampa survivor on 2003-01-19 22:35 ]

[ This Message was edited by: tampa survivor on 2003-01-19 22:51 ]

[ This Message was edited by: tampa survivor on 2003-01-20 11:01 ]

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