Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

i remember when i was still new in the (springfield) program. i was on front row(in shock) and hadn't had my hair cut yet.  i remember Tracy Anderson who was an acting 5th phaser on that particular day as he came to pull me out of group. i remember he grabbed me by the beltloop and was taking me somewhere, when i asked him where we were going and he responded with something like: "you're going to get your hair cut". i was like: "No way, i'm not cuttin' my hair". Tracy was real cool about it, he said: "O.K. if you don't want to get your hair cut you don't have to" and he just turned me right around and took me back to group. I had been expecting a different response, i expected some kind of a confrontation, you know, about how i wasn't in touch with my drug problem or something if i didn't want to cut my hair. i remember i was real surprised at how nice Tracy was about it. i think i waited about 2 more weeks and then began to realize that if i wanted to ever make it up to some higher phase to cop-out that i would have to cut my hair(among other sacrifices i would have to make). All together i think i was able to put off that first straight hair-cut for about 25 days.
Tracy was cool.  He was on the younger side, i think he was like 14 or 15 when he came in. He was one of the kids from Delaware. He had brown hair, parted just off the center, because that was a guys side rule: no hair parted in the middle. He had a way of just barely following the rules, like his hair was always on the long side but he got away with it because he was a likeable kid. He got away with alot of stuff others wouldn't have. i don't know if he ever graduated or if he eventually got withdrawn or what but sometime after straight i heard that he drowned somehow. i wonder what happened to him. Does anyone have more information on Tracy??
And oh yeah: Fuck Straight, Fuck all authority.

who was the executive staff member at straight, springfield, that had a tattoo on his wrist and rode a harley, was probably about 6', had straight brown hair and wore a beard?  Was that Miller Newton?  i only recall him ever leading like 1 rap but i remember seeing him around the building.  Did Miller Newton work at springfield?

i remember this time, at the springfield program. It was friday night review. Some poor kid got stood up. He was still pretty new in the program and hadn't quite figured out how to handle the whole situation yet. i don't remember who it was but i do remember how staff was all over his shit about something and the group was all worked up and ruthlessly confronting the hapless newcomer, getting all up in his face 'n' all, who had absolutely no idea how to respond. i can't remember how long this went on for, but suddenly another newcomer just stood up without being called on and began to verbally defend the other newcomer who was taking a lot of abuse. The newcomer with all the balls was Steve Howe. i think he was from Reston,VA.
Steve came in with a liberty spike mohawk that he was still sportin' at the time, because he hadn't been in the program for very long and hadn't had his haircut yet. Of course his spikes were not up so his long-haired mohawk just fell off over one side of his head. It made for a dramatic and radical appearance. Anyway Steve did what i only wished i had the balls to do at the time. He actually stood up to staff and the group and vigorously began to defend a weaker person, what a beautiful thing. i think he probably ended up being restrained for his righteous action. Anyway that was the only time in my nearly 2 years in the program, 10 months of which i spent on first phase that i ever saw anything like that happen. i was impressed with his selflessness and i always thought he was cool for that. Speaking truth to power. Right on.
Steve was in the program for maybe a few months or something, i don't really remember and then one day he was just gone.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-06-15 11:54 ]

He was a metalhead from Rockville, MD and came into the Springfield, VA program maybe like a couple of months after me, but he was one of those kids who assessed his situation and just decided that the best thing to do was just to kinda go along and not draw heat.  i don't think he ever misbehaved or anything.  Suddenly i can remember him standing up in group while still on 1st phase, kinda timid-like, half nervous and half cool, hoping for the best.  i remember the tension in his speech, his hands gesturing nervously and the way he looked around at the group as he stood in their midst trying to gage their mood, well aware of his tenuous position.
 He made 2nd phase before me and at one point became my oldcomer.  Every night when we left the straight building his mom would drive us to her townhouse in Rockville.  When we got there she would cook us something to eat and Jim and i would do that whole M.I. routine thing.  Then Jim would get out a pack of playin' cards and we would have push-up contests.  Whatever # was on the card you flipped over was the # of push-ups you had to do.  Face cards were worth 10, i think.  We got into it and enjoyed the friendly competition and i often did as many as 300 push-ups a night.  We became freinds.
Then what happened?  ...let's see...  Well i lived w/Jim Brown and his mom for a while, 'till i got transferred to another host home for some reason.  But though i no longer lived at his house, Jim continued to watch out for me and remain concerned about my progress or lack there of.  When he did finally graduate from the program he would still come into group every so often and stand in the back and show me signs of support.
i, too eventually graduated, probably about 6 or 7 months after Jim.  One day i got the news that he had been changing a flat tire, on his Toyota MR2, which he thought was so cool, on the side of interstate 95 somewhere down in Florida, when he was hit and killed instantly by a tractor trailer. He might'a' been 18.  
i find myself wonderin' what really happened to Jim.  i wonder what went through his mind just before he died.  i'm kinda stuggeling here to find my words but i wonder if Jim ever felt crushed, lost and beaten, as i felt after straight.  i wonder if he might'a' felt demoralized, ostracized and stigmatized, the way i did.  i wonder if he just felt like he'd been raped so many times that he lost his will to live.  i wonder if he might'a' saw that truck a comin' and just might'a'been relieved to die.  i don't know...i wonder.
i went to the funeral.  It was a closed casket.  There were a lot of people from straight there.  As the service let out i saw his mom standing amidst a crowd of sympathizers just outside the church doors.  i instinctively called out to her by the only name i ever knew her: "mom"!  i will never forget the way she turned toward me. Our eyes were filled w/tears as we reached to embrace one another.  Looking back i realize that i only intensified her heartbreak by addressing her as "mom".  It was not intentional, it was simply the way all newcomers addressed their host-mothers.  it was the only thing i had ever called her.  i don't think i'll ever forget that irrational and desperate glimmer of hope that i saw in her red and weary eyes as she grieved and wailed for her son and i called her "mom" and held her tight against me.  i will never forget that.
i dreampt i was standing in front of a casket.  The lower lid of the casket was raised up and my friends' bones were sticking out.  i gently put the bones back in the casket and closed the lid.
Rest in peace Jim Brown and God have mercy on your mother.

Once, when i was on 1st phase at the same place in D.C. where i started havin' those crazy nightmares, i refused to write my M.I.  It was maybe a little while after i came back from leavin'and i was just sort of not motivating, but i wasn't causin' enough trouble to get thrown on the floor either.  i was pretty much compliant at that point, but i just wouldn't motivate or talk in group.  i hadn't been writing an M.I. since i got back to the program.( see a related story: "A Small Victory")
     The host parents thought they could break me by denying me food.  That night they told me that i wouldn't be allowed to eat anything until my M.I. was done.  Little did they suspect that i had been in the desert tempering my strength by the hand of God. I accepted those conditions as an opportunity to make the timeless gesture of abstaining from food as a form of protest.  Maybe as an expression of captivity i would rather not eat.  Maybe when eating is more demoralizing and leaching than the sustainence is otherwise worth it is better not to eat.  As the truth unfolds i sat there and refused to write or eat that night  While everyone else, around me was writing and eating.
     i knew the host parents had played into my hand.  i knew they were blatently breaking the basic laws of human rights.  The next day in group i reported the incident, probably to some sympathetic 5th phaser.  I heard there was a lot of heavy confronting going on in parent group over the whole thing.  Those ignorant host-parents must 'a' got blasted for leaving an opening for a law suit from a 1st phaser.  
     i knew i had some power,there, after i refused to write or eat that night. i was young and inexperienced though, and i didn't know what to do next.  i should 'a' sued as soon as possible or even filed criminal charges.  If i would 'a' had access to legal counsel i could 'a' carried the fight to a whole 'notha level.
     Just last year or so my folks were visiting me and for some reason felt compelled to pass on information about those same host-parents.  As if i would be concerned to know that the people who held me hostage and tried to manipulte/brainwash me and were willing to exploit my hunger to acomplish their crimes, were doing well and still making money.  Well, actually i forgive them now but i don't want to be around them and i don't like the idea of them still being in contact with my folks like that.  That's fucked up.  
i think my own naivete is beginning to dawn on me.  All this time i thought my parents just made a mistake by putting me in straight.  But now i am beginning to see a clear and established pattern of a serious lack of judgement on their part.
     Dedicated: in the honor of hunger strikers everywhere.  The list of martyrs is endless.
[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-26 14:11 ]

...Uhh ... i was looking through these posts the other day and some brother or sister was asking if anyone ever recieved an apology from staff.  i can't find the post now but thought this little story might be of some interest to some.
   One day at straight, springfield in about 1986 or so i was on 1st phase having returned from a cop-out.  i was rebellious and as well as refusing to motivate i wouldn't write my nightly M.I.s.  That morning in a Basics Rap led by Tony Espilliange(sp?) all the people who had refused to write their "moral inventories" the night before were stood up and confronted by the group.  Ther were about 9 of us standing up.  At some point Tony Espilliange(sp?) said "All you people standing up are assholes".  At that point i sat down.  i would not tolerate a personal attack like that.  The other 8 misbehavers remained standing.  After i sat down a 5th phaser who i could name but won't mocked me by calling me John Wayne and tried to force me to stand back up.  i immediately took a swing at his face hitting him in his glasses and leaving a cut where the rim of his specs had been pressed into his cheek.  Of course at that point i was restrained and thrown on the ground.
    Later that same day i was sitting back in group w/my hand down when Tony Espiliange(sp?) and executive staff member, Dean Mistretta pulled me out of group and took me into the infirmary.  No one was in that room but the three of us, so there were no witnesses. Dean made Tony apologize to me for calling me an asshole. Tony was actually humble to me about it.  It was quick but it was an apology and somehow i felt i had made my point.  It was my own personal victory.  Fuck Straight.  Peace.
         
                     -- starry-eyed pirate  :skull:

i have been isolated from my former comrades for a long time.  i had to get away from there to try to leave it behind me.  It sorta helped in a way i guess but straight was and continues to be an experience that is part of my conditioning as an individual.  
     Now i would like to re-establish contact w/people who were there when i was there.  Connie S***m*n can u hear me?  Nick D*ri** where are you old freind? Mike R***le? Rachel S**e*tz? Mike P***st? John K*la*d? Michelle Wi**i**s? Can anyone relate?
                 -todd eck**be*g*r,drug war p.o.w. (3/15/85-2/14/87,springfield,VA)[ This Message was edited by: agana on 2005-05-05 17:29 ][ This Message was edited by: agana on 2005-05-08 17:13 ]