Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Freedom wrote:

 He has again become one of my very closest confidants...See, I was convinced that we deserved it...til my precious children became teens and then I realized that I had been just a regular, normal, sometimes judgement impared teen, who so wanted to be loved.

I had no siblings in the program, I was the "bad girl". I am the eldest and even though my brother Jay was doing many things (shoplifting, B& Es, drugs), "boys will be boys", my father would just take him out back and beat him.
 I had a stepsister Kim that did nothing wrong in her mother's eyes. My halfsiblings were living with my mom and were too young (7&5).
I have just begun to heal my relationship with my youngest sister.She and I have had many good times in the last 6 months and are grateful that we took another chance with each other.My mother has intentionally worked one person against the other. But we are now onto her games and keeping our own relationship away from her.


I also can relate to learning through my own teenager just how badly my life was altered because of the Seed. It was so nice to see him so involved in his HighSchool (class rep, NatHonorSoc officer, JROTC Lt & Commander, band member), even went to all of the plays at school to support his friends, all of the football games... He was able to have a very diverse group of friends.I never went to anything in HighSchool why would I? Just to place my self in a situation for more abouse? Not likely...had enough of those people in school.
 In fact, somehow I have managed to raise a child that does not need to hide his feeling by doing drugs! But then again I actively did even thing differently than my parents ever thought of!I tried to make sure he was confident, felt good about himself and learned to walk to his own drumbeat. He just graduated from High school with a 4.8 GPA and has been admitted to New College!It is so wonderful for me that he will be living in the dorm, experience college years healthily, but still be in our town! Oh this mom is happy! LOL!!
I was so afraid for so long worrying about the teen years (even when I was preg. I worried about the teens to come... LOL).
 I wish I had been able to feel as good about myself at his age! I truly feel that we had our teen years stripped from us. My son's friends are always around my house, and I think they are wonderful, even the "Eddie Haskel" clone (I love that kid...he has had it rough too at home and I am glad I was here for him!).
 The worst damage i have done to my own son is that he still tells me he "loves me"....even when his friends are around!!! I think he helped to heal me as well.
 I am glad your children have given you so much too! At least we have learned what not to do to our children!!! LOL

Take care, debi


_________________
"...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh..."

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[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-07-23 05:45 ]

I am sorry I missed your post earlier!
 I am sure we were incarcerated at the same time. Although I never had the "fortune" to have my hair cut by my oldtimer! LOL!!
Actually my oldtimer was relatively very nice to me, and so was her family. In fact, I would have been happier to never move back to my father's home.
My father was an active alcoholic and very abusive (mentally and physically). Imagine how bad he must have been for the Seed Staff to have barred him from the "open Meetings"! My foster family was very nice the night I was to have gone back home, but had to return with them because nobody would come and pick me up to go home!What a world we lived in then.

I am very glad that you have your brother to discuss these things with, and you say we have been healing! That is wonderful. Best wishes. debi

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-07-22 09:08 ]

Me too! LOL

Thanks for the info, it has helped clear up so issues for me.

I must have gone in April '73 because I do know it had just moved there. So I was 14, Spring means I would have still been in 8th grade, NO wonder I kept vacilating between "was i in 8th or 9th grade", because i was in both!!

I had gone to live w/dad right before 8th grade started. I do know I was no longer in the program when High School started (10th then)! Even though many people at Gibbs gave me such a hard time for neing a "seedling". I do think there was not as many of us at Gibbs as there were at Lakewood. Which makes sense because of the demographics of the area and the program!
 I remember feeling really alone and out of place for such a very long time!

You know something, my mother taught me by her example all the things NOT to do. I have actively chosen to do it so differently. So now she says things like "gee, I wish i had been as good a mother as you are"! The answer I am supposed to give....sticks in my throat....so there is just a great long quiet space!
Yet she continues to do it at least twice a year! My son just turned 18, so you know I have had to endure her naked plea to say she did alright too many times....I don't want to be mean, and hurt her feelings, but I refuse to lie to make her feel less guilt!So I say nothing!

I so want to remember you! Yes we are the same age. It is just that my mind has quietly blanked out so much of my youthful life.

I was about 5 ft, light brown shoulder length hair (now blonde and short, courtesy of Loreal LOL), I wore wire rimmed gold glasses, and went to Tyrone Middle School during my time in the Seed, and then to Gibbs, not Lakewood.We lived on 23rd Ave N & 50th St.
I did not go to too many Oldtimers Raps, I vaguely recall being at a person's home attempting to have some type of group there. It that a real memory?
When I received permission to work I worked at Aunt Hatties Restaurant downtown, then acroos the street at Uncle Ed's. I started when I was 14 going on 15 they thought I was 16, so when I turned 17 they thought i was 18--started serving beer & wine.
 Of course that was fine until i left home, then my dad went and told them my age and got me fired. No I did not go home, I just got another job!(after starving for awhile!! LOL)
I hardly recall people by name.The Stephenson's were my foster family, I think the girl's name was Lisa. I remember she had a brother and sister(who golfed)as well, but not the names. I remember Linda & Bob Boudette, Mark Sibilia, Mrs Peterman; but that is about it.
 I remember some faces, I hung out on the South Side Lakewood area following my stint in the Seed, but mainly with older people (in their 20's) from work, because they were less likely to be placed in the Seed and put me at risk of reentering the program.
Those people were Michelle, Ron, Mike, Franklin, Tom Byrd (tbird), Steve Sharpe(DixHollins)....

I don't recall having gone to a track meet, but that is not to say I didn't...Just honestly do not remember much from that time period. I left home in the 11th grade and had small apt downtown and went to work/school via city buses.So I did not do any extracurricular school activites.
I had left my mother's house in Tampa right before my 13th BD to live w/Dad, went to 8th & 9th grades at Tyrone Middle.

It is so strange, to have so few memories. I do not even have a year book or any memorabilia from those years of my life. My husband has lived such a different childhood, He is always so surprised when I bring up another instance of my life following the Seed.
When my son started High School I had to go to the football games, as he was in the Marching Band,I had never even gone to one when I was in High School. So very strange...

Perhaps you can help me to remember some things. I know that I entered the Seed almost as soon as they arrived in St Pete. In fact, it was the first or second Sunday. We were in the warehouse behind Tyrone Sq. Mall. Was that '72 or '73, I can't even remember if I was in the 8th or 9th grade! I had thought it was 8th , but upon reflection it might have been the 9th....do you know?

Thanks for everything.This site has helped me to see that it was not just me that was so damaged in my youth. I had always thought there was just something wrong with me and my family, and while that it true, it is some kind of comfort to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-07-19 10:30 ]

You were really lucky the second time around!


I am glad that you learned to make a believable tale for those trusting souls.
I am also glad your mom let you come home!


Just out of curiousity,How is your relationship with her now? My relationship with my mother still suffers the effects of my not trusting her.

I too have a hard time even remembering my entry and exit dates. I know i was placed in the Seed a few days following their move to St Pete, I believe I had just turned 14 in Sept. or maybe I had just turned 13 I was in the Eighth grade at Tyrone Jr High. Maybe somebody remembers for me? I would love to learn.



I know I was there through the Spring so I must have been there at Christmas. I do know that it is not my favorite time of the year even now.



I do know i started smoking cigarettes in the Seed...remember everybody lighting up on the hour?? I was not satisfied with my lifesavers....



I do know that my father was stopped from coming to the Open meetings on Mon and Fri because he was always so damn drunk!! Even the night I had "earned the right" to go home, they had to call him to come get me...No standing up for me yelling "Mom, Dad, I'm coming home!!". In fact he refused to come get me and I went to my foster home, the Stephenson's, anyway!



UGH what ugly memories of my youth. It is no wonder really that I stopped seeing my father for years, his emotional abuse never stopped. ....

My mother and I had patched things up to a point, but for the last 6 months have not spoken either as she refuses to accept my boundaries and keeps crossing them, acting surprised and hurt when I stop her! Oh well.

debi



_________________
"...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh..."

[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-07-18 15:00 ]