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Messages - tamtam

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Mission Mountain School / Positive MMS emperience
« on: July 03, 2005, 05:39:00 PM »
Gee-- why on earth don't more people feel supportive of the people on this website?  Kat, you do a pretty good job of staying calm and rational in your replies.  Many of you "anonymous" people, I'm not sure why you don't say who you are.  I probably don't know most of you, and don't want to.  For the record, this is Tamara and I know Maridell well... it is extremely difficult for me right now to not just lose my temper and sink to levels many of you already have with insults and degradation.  I love how there is SOOOOO much anger on this website that no one can believe for one moment simple facts: like Maridell IS a therapist (retired now, but a fabulous and rational one- not to mention she has lived a life equally as challenging as ALL of yours... you little fledglings-- myself included), and also that many of you have so much anger and defensiveness, I am not sure how you plan on making a difference anywhere unless you are able to calm down and pull your head out of your *** long enough to communicate effectively with each other, authorities over boarding-school regulation, etc....  Follow Kat's example- she obviously has enough sense to make clear points, focus on her goal and take the actions to accomplish them.  Anyway, this place is definitely not a place to get healthy and get help, even if that was its intended purpose.  There isn't an encouraging word anywhere on this site that isn't followed by a belligerent and nasty remark by someone, usually ANONYMOUS.  I keep checking the site, but it's rasing my blood pressure and not because it makes me want to change something, it just makes me want to shoot some of you-- and I don't think that's a good sign... I have had the opportunity to talk with some alumni now that I lost touch with, and we are able to find support in each other for our bad experiences without becoming steaming rageful, which is what I see HERE.  I hope you succeed in making sure kids get treated right in schools, healing from your own traumas and learn some manners while your at it.  Judging from your responses, I imagine I am not the only one who feels pretty furious at many of you when I read all the angry "throwing of insults"-  Instead of wanting to support your efforts` I find that I can't stand the way these mind games make me feel... Kat, I wish you could start a new topic or something where people are really sincere in being there for one another, because this shit is pitting me against people I don't even know.  It's exhausting just READING the retarded elementary name calling and insults.  Anyhow, if you ever get something like that going, contact me.  Otherwise, I think I will just go back to interacting with people who contribute to my life and leave you all to dwell in this nastiness.  I am sure those of you who I refer to will have a ball ripping this letter apart and rolling your eyes and discrediting everything I say... have at it.  I think this place brings out the worst in us, underneath it all some of you might actually be really cool and kind, and so am I-- so I am leaving to find poeple who really WANT to be supportive.

2
Mission Mountain School / Missing Alumni
« on: June 30, 2005, 02:37:00 PM »
If this site was strictly about getting in touch with old friends, I guarantee a lot more people would want to be found.  However, after reading through it, it's really a pretty heated and often times vicious forum where a lot of people are employing thir very best cutting remarks to cut down anyone who disagrees with them.  From both sides, those that had good experiences and those that had bad ones.  There are some people who have attempted to express their opnions without imposing on others, but it seems like a no-win situation.  This certainly doesn't apply to everyone who has written on this forum, but this is my generalized observation- if this doesn't apply to you then just breeze through it...For those who had bad experiences, the people who had good ones brush off the damaging effects, saying "where would you be without MMS?" or something like that.  No one can discredit the experience someone else had, I am sure for some more bad than good occured.  FOr those who had good experiences, it seems that the ones who had BAD ones can't possibly accept that this is a potential reality for another individual, and that the only possible explanation is brainwashing. Both outcomes are possible-- yes it's true.  I think there is a lot of clear evidence that while some people accept the experience as a valuable, helpful one, others really did not feel helped at all, and probably the therapy methods applied were not really appropriate for those individuals.  

When I got on this website I was really excited to see some long lost familiar faces, and that was why I said anything.  My personal experience has been neither extreme, to be honest I don't really remember most of my time at MMS, it is a blur of skiing, biking, crying, laughing and various sad and funny memories.  I also don't remembe much of the years following MMS, as I went through a whirlwind of trying to be "straight-arrow" teenager and then rebelling against the rigidness I had been holding myself to.  The last 4-5 years have been my biggest learning years, and I assure you it has not been brainwashing, rebellion, or any other extreme that attributes to feeling on track now.  It is just normal (can I even USE that word.. haha) life growth and experience, balancing what does and doesnt' work in life...etc...  

Anyway, my point is this: Those alumni don't want to be "found" may not want to be involved in this war against MMS.  It doesn't mean their experience was peachy keen... it means they don't feel so much animosity in the present that would make them want to pursue their experience from 10 years ago.  Plus, some of our current day situations conflict with some people's highly negative opinion on certain individuals.  I mentioned I have continuing relationships with Mike and Deb... and while I didn't particularly get along with them 10 years ago, now my relationship with them has changed.  It is one of friendship and respect, started up just a few years ago mainly because of my mother's close friendship (and her proximity) with Deb, and now I am glad to have them in my life.  Everyone on this site has had a different experience, some more similar than others.  I would love to get the chance to renew or restart some friendships with many of you, but I have to be able to be honest for that to happen. This is probably not the place to JUST renew friendships... since it IS a sort of focused forum on shutting down MMS or reforming it... so maybe I won't write again on here.  I just wanted to put this out there because this is first place I have seen in a long time where many alumni are gathering, and I hope some of you can still remember that friends don't have to agree on everything and will stay in touch!  I love hearing what everyone is doing now, I think many of you are very inspiring people.  That's it... signing out.

3
Mission Mountain School / Missing Alumni
« on: June 28, 2005, 10:44:00 PM »
Jewlz!  how are you girl??  Email me sometime... I don't know who is on myspace... but I am on there under my email address which is in my profile.  And to "anonymous" that posted the "Liz suicide" note--- I don't know who this is (or maybe I do) but I gaurantee that this is not the story her mother would relay to all questioning minds, and unless you know ALL the facts, do not make such statements without KNOWING, this is not something light.  I will clear it up one last time so there is NO CONFUSION.  Liz entered rehab for 6 months prior to her overdose.  Once the treatment was up and her body had detoxed, she had a relapse, and becuase her body could no longer handle the doses she could handle 6 months ago, her "normal" dose killed her. THere was no evidence of suicide, in fact her journals and other things found on her person indicated the contrary. SO don't go saying SERIOUS things about something you know nothing about.  She was my friend, I respect her family, continue to have contact with them, and feel extremely angry when untrue rumors start spreading about something as serious as a young death.  Boy, now I sound like some angry freak-- but the truth is this is one of the few things that really angers me, ESPECIALLY since many people on this site KNEW her and should not remember her as the poor girl who committed suicide, which is FALSE!!!!!!  That's it for me.  Whoever wrote that, I should spank you, and I don't mean that in a fun dirty way. :flame:

4
Mission Mountain School / Missing Alumni
« on: June 28, 2005, 08:30:00 PM »
Kat-- I got there in May 1993-- I remember you though and I heard about you a few times through Jill Porter... since I think she was keeping tabs on us both for a while.  I have a bunch of pictures of you too.. from some camping trips we went on that summer.  Anywho.. yes it has been a while!  Claire-- I sent you a long email just a few hours ago... it's great to hear from you!  Liz was the really quiet girl, always slouched, always sagged her pants, blue eyes, from SF area, sandy brown hair.  Really sweet.  She got into heroine.  Anyway-- really really nice to see some familiar faces!  We should catch up!-Tam

5
Mission Mountain School / Missing Alumni
« on: June 28, 2005, 02:43:00 AM »
Well HELLLLLLOOOOOOO!!!! I do, in fact, know Tamara Roberts... she resides within my skin!  Hey Kat!  I heard about this website from Heather via Betsy via I don't know who... you know how Operator works... but anyway.  Here I am, and I am surprised to see some people I have often thought of.  Kat, I can't believe how long it has been, I feel like I didn't really know you, but what I do remember was nice!  Claire, Carolina, Sarah F, Jen F, Emma- I am probably forgetting a few names... I am glad to konw you are all alive and doing well I hope.  I am doing really well, I live in San Diego, CA now, attending SDSU (I took lots of time off after going to U of Montana with Laurel and Melanie Kietz)-- I would love to catch up with some of you on a more personal note... please feel free to email me [email protected]  and just as an update on some people I do keep in touch with....

Shana Reitzenstein- well we turned out to be best friends believe it or not, she is still crazy Shana-  but now in a healthy and fun way and I love her to death- we have a great relationship and she is now a nurse at UCLA medical center.  We actually went to Israel together in January on a trip for Jewish college students, what an amazing experience -- I am not very religious but it was very spiritual.
Melanie Kietz (now Dewald)- she is great, married 3 or 4 years happily, living in Texas, I saw her last weekend while she was in So Cal helping her sister plan her wedding. Trying for a baby now...
Laurel Hahn-- we lost touch, I saw her last at her wedding several years ago... but I hear she is doing very well.
Heather Phelps- going to visit her in a week for her Wedding party!!  We are still very tight.  
Betsy-- we also keep in touch...I will see her at heather's party.
Liz McKenzie-- Betsy mentioned she passed away.  She and I went to Midland school near Santa barbara after leaving MMS, and we just went very different directions.  She got sucked back into drugs her senior year and after going through an intensive rehab program she overdosed (not intentionally I don't think) and passed away a few years ago.  Going to her funeral was probably one of the most difficult things I have ever done, and it in some ways renewed my inspiration to LIVE... I hope you understand what I mean by that, not a morbid comment by any means.

Ironically- my mom just moved to Tucson and she and Deb have become best friends, traveling all over the WORLD together... they are neighbors now, and so my relationship with Mike and Deb has been rekindled in a very different way then it ever existed at MMS.  

OK ENOUGH summary-- would love to talk more... see some pictures... all that jazz.  I am still the same me, just 10 years older and at least a few years wiser =)  
Tamara

6
Mission Mountain School / Graduated 97\'-Hey Kat
« on: June 28, 2005, 02:23:00 AM »
Claire-- it's Tamara... =)  I haven't heard from you in ages!  Anyway, we kept in touch for a while, and I have lots of fun singing memories with you.  How ARE you???  Daughter? Living in Montana... I would love to catch up with you if you.  [email protected]

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