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Messages - studentsmom

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CALO - Change Academy at Lake of the Ozarks / Re: Why the bashing? What is an alternative?
« on: June 09, 2011, 12:58:01 PM »
Wow... interesting assumption that I'm the problem.  I am a healthy, stable adult with two other healthy, stable children.  I have attended therapies with my troubled daughter as much as her treatment teams have asked, and have been told by 4 different hospitals, two psychiatrists, and 3 therapists that I'm "doing everything right".

Even if there are things in the family dynamic that will help, those things take time and my child is at risk now.  

The article reference does indeed state that there is little evidence that RTC in the aggregate is effective, and then cites violent teens as those least likely to benefit.  My child needs 24/7 care as a threat to herself.  Inpatient hospitals (cited by the article as possible interventions) have repeatedly told my she needs residential treatment, that they cannot give her the care she really needs.

So folks on this forum assume the mother is to blame for a mental illness?  I will follow your logic... I am open to saying I am an imperfect human being and have made some mistakes.  At this point, however, my child's issues are an immediate threat.  Any treatment takes time to affect change.  So even if my parenting is at the root of some of her issues, she still needs to recover from how she now processes the world, interprets events, and how she views herself.  Changing me at this point, while it may be beneficial, does not address how she can change her.

You ask about taking her from school and the effect that has... and I think you have a valid point.  However, removing her from the primary school setting was not my choice to begin with, as the school could not manage her behavior problems and was sending her home several times a week.  Her grades were suffering as a result.  I am trying to keep her options open for her future.

The responses I see here sound to me to come from adolescents themselves who believe they understand parenting.  Don’t assign chores as punishment, I’m told.  I totally agree.  I do not believe in “punishment” either.
I do believe, however, that I have a duty as a parent to provide a consequence to my daughter for poor choices in preparation for the fact that the world has natural consequences, and she needs to learn that consequences come from choices.  This is the context under which I have assigned chores.  This is how I have explained it to my daughter.  If I do not teach her cause and effect, she will experience it outside the home in a much more severe way and I will not have fulfilled my responsibility as a parent to teach my child.

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CALO - Change Academy at Lake of the Ozarks / Why the bashing? What is an alternative?
« on: May 31, 2011, 04:29:40 PM »
I am confused about the negative posts I see here about CALO.  My daughter is a student there and is not experiencing the negative things this board suggests.  She has been placed in a hold a couple of times for behaviors that I agree needed to stop  (danger to herself).  I have talked to her (privately) about those experiences and they were not traumatic for her.  What alternative do you suggest for an out of control teenager bent on hurting herself?  They need some mechanism.  As her parent, we've been in the situation where we've had to call authorities, who are not as kind as a trained de-escalation process.  The students are warned prior to holds and know what to expect.  You can't simply say "please stop" to a teenager with behavior problems and expect it to magically stop.  Students are in the center because of very real issues and other efforts have failed.  Our family is nurturing and loving and stable, but some kids need more help than what outpatient or even inpatient short-term hospitalization can provide.

I've seen a lot of CALO bashing here without any suggestion of a positive alternative.  I am in touch with CALO staff almost daily and with my daughter regularly.  Yes, there are a lot of controls in the environment, but my daughter's life is at risk if there isn't.  We couldn't provide those controls at home and her life was falling apart.  She needs that level of environmental control.  Teenagers at best create a level of chaos.  I expect a population of troubled teens to create even more chaos.  Have you ever sat in a high school and seen how "non-troubled" teens behave?  Any environment designed to help troubled kids needs a process they follow.  While it may not be the right process for each person, CALO has a reasonable philosophy.  My child is treated as an individual.

What alternatives are suggested by the folks posting here?  Your sympathy for the "abuse" suffered by students there doesn't seem to come from knowledge of the inner workings of the program or the variables at play.    You criticize things like "regroup"... but I'll tell you that as a parent I've assigned chores as behavioral intervention.  CALO uses discipline in a controlled way and communicates care and compassion to the students through the experience.  I've met many of the coaches and they genuinely care about these kids.

My child is there now, so I have first-hand knowledge of the environment.  And I love my child unconditionally and miss her terribly, but she needs more help than I can offer at home.

How does the group suggest she get the help?   We’ve provided repeated hospitalizations, partial hospitalizations, outpatient therapy – both individual and group (multiple times a week for months on end), and psychiatric medications.  We’ve taken time off work to focus on her needs, gone part time to work through her issues, and “been there” for her for every poor decision she’s made.  We have never abused her (though her father – my ex-husband has).  She has been in day therapy schools and could not succeed there.  She self-harms, has attempted suicide multiple times, and has even become violent with her family.  If you were her parent, what would you do?

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