Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Yes, I admit -- I'm a troubled parent.  I've never raised a teenager before and it's scaring the hell out of me.  I only want him to have a shot at happiness and a whole life, not to end up in jail, without an education, homeless, hopeless, whatever.....  and that's where I see him heading.  I'm willing to do anything and everything to help him.  I've been researching TBS's and have an appt with an independent educational consultant in 3 weeks.  We live in a major metropolitan city with reasonable resources.  

My son is 16, failing school, doing drugs (painkillers, mj, inhalants, xanax, coke...that we know of), is defiant, hot-tempered, depressed and has threatened suicide.  He's recently been enrolled in a non-profit teenage drug abuse program (but still doing drugs) and we have an appt. with a psychiatrist next week.

So you guys tell me, what DOES work???

Despite what you see on primetime television, you do have a completely normal teenager. My biggest worry would be the more dangerous drugs, inhalants and coke. I'd tell him I'd rather you smoke weed and take xanax than huff spray paint and nose candy, because you love him and don't want him to be physically harmed. Everything else you are worrying about is not an emergency. Is he stupid? Then he won't be that bad off if he doesn't get an MBA. Is he crazy? Then he won't be homelesss, you can house and feed yourself on minimum wage. Hopeless? A program sure won't solve that, unless you want to fill his head with meaningless buzz words and ideology.

Now that we aren't freaking out, let's look at some reasonable options. He is failing at school? Then how about giving the option of attending a charter school, perhas he is terribly bored and unstimulated. Maybe now that he is 16, he would rather work and do charter school. Smart kids, creative kids and most human beings in general get tired of sitting in a chair receiving basic and normally useless information for 12 years. He's tired of it, change it up and make it different. That's what inspires hope, not more of the same. He's doing drugs? Well unless you want to physically control his body (lock him up somewhere) there is not much you can do without his own willingness, other than speak to him like an adult and have a real conversation about the danger of drugs like inhalants and coke and painkillers. If he wants xanax, get him a prescription from the psychiatrist, maybe he is physically uncomfortable and nervous at school and self medicating. Talk to him about it, don't make him afraid of you because communication will shut down. The mere mention of a program could do this.

As far as the anger and suicide threats, that's typical for a teenager who views their familial relations as a battlefield. That must change. If every teen was locked up for their temper and overly dramatic threats to end their life, there'd be a new camp every week. Seems we're headed that way. If you think he's serious about suicide, you can call the cops and they will detain him and take him to a psych hospital for 72 hours, can be extended to 14 days. But again, once this happens trust is gone, communication is down and will take years to repair.

If I were in your situation, I would start talking to my kid more and trying to find out the reasons for his behavior, and not freak out about the individuals behaviors themselves. If you try and control these actions, this will only result in physical control (ie locking him away in program) and that doesn't help anyone unless they are insane and a danger to themselves. If he were willing, I'd try an outpatient psych program. If he weren't then I would pray he doesn't get arrested or killed, but I would not be willing to risk his psychiatric future by taking irrational action in order to satisfy my parental fears, because that would not be fair to him, it would be selfish to get rid of my own uncomfortable feelings. That's all WWASPS and other programs sell, the alleviation of fear to parents. Everything you listed is normal teenage behavior, but then again reality can be scary to some people.

Quote from: ""Guest""

Call and ask him

I think it would be funny to call him, and order a large, half pepperoni, half sausage mushroom pizza. He'd be like, huh?!!! What the ****?

 :rofl:

It's so appropriate they used the name of an insect for their organization, because that's exactly what they are. Spreading across this country sucking the blood out of the youth for their own sick pleasure and profit, using parent's worst fear and ignorance to rake them over the coals and drive a wedge between them and their child indefinitely. Fuckers.  :evil:

MA, you are wrong.  Juvie is horrible. It will ruin the kid's life.  I can't believe you would suggest a parent go that route.  See what the rate for going to and graduating from college is after juvie.

The problem with this site is that so much of the information is wrong- both with respect to individuals such as Karen and with respect to issues such as alternatives for teens.  You are really off-base with your comments and I hope no one comes here looking for truth.

I am curious if you saw the TB documnetary that was on Google Video for a while, a few months back. There was a kid on it interviewed (now an adult) who said a group of other kids ganged up on him and attacked him, attempting to murder him in the surf of Jamaica, so that the program would be shut down and/or the kids would get put into juvie, or some other sort of detention other than WWASPS. Talk to WWASPS graduates and drop outs alike and you will hear countless rumors of students attacking other students in an attempt to be charged with assault and enter the justice system in order to escape WWASPS.
Juvenille hall is better than some programs, kids know it, and are willing to hurt other kids in order to prove their point.
I've been to juvie, my life is not ruined. I've been to abusive programs as well, and I don't spend any time posting on juvie abuse boards, why do you think that is?

WWASPS opened up a school just for pregnant girls.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-jk3VvjGoE

As he stood about 10 feet away from Cheney and his friend and some camera operators from CNN and other media filmed the scene, Marble suddenly yelled, "Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney! Go fuck yourself, you asshole!"

http://opednews.com/articles/opedne_jac ... told_o.htm

I suspect the point might have been to give back some of what you all dish out so constantly.  Someone actually treated you with the same disdain and lack of accurate information that you throw at all the parents.  I think it was actually a good exercise in seeing how it can go both ways.   While it is perfectly acceptable on this forum for you to attack parents and use crude language and insults, it isn't so much fun when it comes right back at you, is it?  
You generalize about program parents and kids, you make incorrect and insulting remarks about their futures and family dynamics, but in reality you know very little about each family situation OR the specific programs.  You certainly don't know how the kids (now young adults, in many cases) view the situation since they don't waste their time letting you know.  You hear from a small sample with some sort of agenda.  NO parent would want their child or anyone else to experience abuse in a program or be the victim of the types of things you seem to think occur every day in all programs. NO parent wants to resort to a residential placement and have their child go through this.  NO FAMILY wants to go through this.  You promote this view of parents as planning this from birth because they are not interested in parenting. Sometimes the best efforts at parenting still lead to a teen with problems that can't be resolved while staying with the family.  Sometimes one kid in a family has these issues and the others do just fine.
I assure you that your views are incorrect.  Nothing will change your mind because you have too much emotionally invested in your position.  Zen, I am sorry if your child suffered due to a poor choice by a custodial parent.  It must be heart-breaking.  Please don't project this on every other parent who chooses to send a teen to an emotional growth program.  There truly are good programs with excellent staff.  No, I won't discuss them here.  We have all seen how well that works.  There is no room for debate here.  I don't know why you seem to think there is.  Read almost any thread where there has been an attempt at sharing personal experiences and viewpoints and see where it goes.
With that, I will leave you to your anger.  Moving on.

I read : bla bla bla, you guys aren't giving me the negative attention I want anymore, I'm taking my toys and going home. Waaaaaa!