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Messages - brian23083

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Open Free for All / What happened to the Torn discussion?
« on: April 27, 2011, 09:08:49 AM »
There was a seagment of this forum that I was writing in that is missing but I donít remember the title of it.  Does anyone know what happened to it?  Did it get deleted or am I in the wrong place?

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: What is a parent to do?
« on: April 25, 2011, 08:21:39 PM »
Fr0sty, A drug abuser is usually blind to the effects that he has on other people so you will never be able to rationalize with him.  He will always tell you (and himself) that his friends are much worse off than he is and they are doing fine,   Based on the information you gave so far there is little chance  life will improve with your son at home.    You know that your child needs to be placed into a detox facility.  Insurance will cover up to 30 days on average so you need to think of the next step after your child is detoxed.  Life must be really hell right now for you.
Another thing as you look for recovery programs be wary of programs which talk about recovery rates much higher than 50 %.  Your son has a 50/50 chance of recovering after his first try.

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: What is a parent to do?
« on: April 25, 2011, 05:39:24 PM »
Quote from: "heretik"
The absurdity of this thread is baffling, we have 2-3 people trying to give advice to this parent. If I may say it is posters that comment here very often and have earned a great deal of respect. All the while we have another crew working just as hard to rip apart the conversation here.
I would think at some point you would give the posters who are communicating with this parent the benefit of the doubt and move out of there way. I don't believe Oscar, Buzzkill and Ursus need to be educated on the parodies of Fornits.
Maybe we could all learn something from their actions.
Just say'in.
I am doing catch up on this thread. I wish people would listen to your good points. Is it possible to find out if Torn has really been banned? Do the admins say what rules he broke so the rest of us and new people can avoid making the same mistake?

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: What is a parent to do?
« on: April 21, 2011, 09:02:48 AM »
Quote from: "Deprograms"
It is important to not forget where you were as a teenager and what she is going through. Take a step back see the situation for what it could be. It is something we don't like to admit but teenagers have sex as do adults. If adults were told not to have sex would you follow it? If adults were told not to drink but it was at the store would you obey that? if you believe she is having sex...I would start by talking to her about practicing safe sex and why you believe she should wait. Expect her to push you away because as of now it sounds like the relationship has already been broken. As for drinking and drugs. Talk to her about the difference between experimentation and addiction. Kids are going to experiment, it's only natural. Hormones were raging at that age were yours? Maybe a trues should be met and a day out with your daughter to go shopping and hang out should be done. These are years you'll never get back. If she feels misunderstood she will rebel on everything you say. Does she have any health issues. Depression, trouble with friends, an abusive boyfriend, sleeping disorders, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome. Anything that could mimic what you are seeing? Sending her away is not going to fix this problem. Sometimes it's not easy but we have to give our children space to breathe, experience freedom, and allow them to make mistakes as much as we want to guide them with the best of intentions. Sometimes we can mix this up and start to micromanage. No child is perfect. Were you perfect at 15? It is important to not forget these times of raging hormones. KNOW HER CYCLE!!! If your daughter is crazy once a month or for 2 weeks out of the month on her cycle...well this is something that affects us all! And our poor boyfriends and husbands too :) Get her a tutor for grades. Let her have freedom to go out. Spend time with her once a month just the 2 of you to do something fun! And she needs a therapist that will not tell you THE PARENTS her private thoughts!! She also needs a journal that can be kept private. I hope this helps and I'm soo glad you reached out!!! Keep us posted on the situation!!! I am seeing a therapist for the rest of my life since the brainwashing I endured. It's not the answer, it will never be. The answer lies within your family. When a couple breaks up and has a falling out one doesn't send the other away. When best friends have a falling out one doesn't ship the other one off for treatment and blame the mess on the other. In this situation it sounds like you and your daughter have had a falling out...no one else can fix this. I do think talking to a therapist could help if you find one she is comfortable with. I also think maybe once a month or 2wice a month a joint session couldn't hurt. I would strongly urge you NOT to put her in an impatient or outpatient treatment. Maybe suggest what I have written and see how she responds. It is 50 50 here on making this work. The damage has been done and the blame game won't get anyone anywhere. Try to keep an open mind with her...she's a teenager with raging hormones, experiencing boyfriend troubles for the 1st time, possibly sex, pressure at school, and at home. Allow her the freedom to discover herself. This is a time when parents don't want to let go and children need to discover themselves. Trust me you don't want her discovering everything for the 1st time in college. Kids who aren't allowed to be teenagers are extremely wild in college.  Good luck I hope I have helped in someway. Stand up tall and know everyone makes mistakes and you are doing your best. A new beginning can always be made. :) Keep us posted...much love!

That was very insightful,deprograms, I am sure most parents lose the memories of being a teenager themselves and can only focus on the job at hand which is being a parent to a child who is out of control and not understanding what is causing all this behavior.  I think it is dangerous to just do nothing but trying to put yourself, as a parent, in the childs place and trying to get closer to the child, as you suggested, is certainly a great first step.

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: What is a parent to do?
« on: April 19, 2011, 02:34:41 PM »
Torn, you know your daughter best.  I see value in both ThomasC and Mark1985's advice.  My advice is to be a parent first.  Think of the long term and dont worry about whether or not your daughter will like you or hate you.  Dont try to be her best friend, be firm and look after her best interests.  She may say she hates you for awhile but in the end she will thank you for being there for her and getting her past this.  She will be an adult soon herself and will see that you were trying to help her not hurt her.  Dont ignore the red flags like so many other parents do.  Stay involved, talk to professionals at her school as a start and keep an open mind to the direction and advice they give you.

Good luck

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Feed Your Head / Re: NATSAP staying strong in todays economy.
« on: April 19, 2011, 08:24:28 AM »
The kids are the ones receiving the bad press .
If they were all good well-adjusted little children then they would be living at home instead of residing in a program.  The riots, rapes, assaults and robberies just further justifies the decision their parents made and these kids need to be there versus running loose in society.  If these kids were fighting for a better education or something positive versus raping and assaulting each other I may agree with you.  Rarely do any of these kids continue to rape and assault people after completing the program.

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