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« on: August 18, 2004, 01:23:00 AM »
I do identify with everything you are talking about.
I can share intimate aspects of my life pretty easily until I get close and there is a mutual exchange of love. Then my old Straight thinking kicks in.
I begin having a very difficult time feeling comfortable with space in a relationship or privacy. These are healthy, normal aspects of relating to people but I Still suffer from anxiety and fear when my boyfriend needs space.
I need alot of time alone but sometimes I don't even register when I need it. I end up causing fights. I believe that claustrophobic, no space, no privacy and absolutely no trust was all accompanied by a cheerful children's song, a "group hug", and an I love you.
This for me went on non-stop, 24 hours, for almost 2 years of my life. Serious full-time pseudo parenting.
Before Straight, I was not connected to my family at all. I actually did connect with some people in Straight so I paid attention to there actions carefully and tried to emulate them.
This has been damaging to my relationships and I am working to identify these ideas and reprogram myself to see they are unhealthy and don't work.