Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

I was denied access to a lawyer or any other outside help. I was not court ordered or given any form of trial. I was denied access to mail, email, or telephone and had no way of accessing any outside help. I was not allowed to physically leave the building, and those who tried to walk out of the building or host homes were physically restrained (usually by having everyone present sit on the person). I was subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. Such acts of this punishment would be:

Being kept isolated from society and loved ones.
Denial of ability to continue education or work.
Denial of efficient sunlight and exercise.
Denial of proper movement (being forced to sit in only one position with feet flat on the floor and hands straight down aside, unable to move at all)
Being denied water.
Being denied to speak of my religious beliefs, attend religious functions, or read material about my own religion.
Being forced to stand in one place for an extended time period.
Being denied access to doctors while suffering serious illnesses.
Suffering verbal degradation and hostility.
Being denied proper clothing to keep warm outdoors and inside unheated area's of the building.
Denial of time alone, even under supervision.
Being forced to partake in regressional therapy for extended periods of time.
Forcibly being subjected to graphic discussion of sexual abuse, rape, prostitution etc, and being forced to partake in this discussion (as a child).  

I list these things because they disobey basic human rights, however they are certainly not the worst things that I witnessed or experienced in AARC.

I'm sorry but I let go of my account which had everyone's emails saved to. Does Ginger have it?

Anonymous - Thank you for posting. I'd like to say that for someone who is going crazy, your post is very sensible and diplomatic. I'd also like to say that I have no idea if you are an addict or an alcoholic, or could be, or was. You're the only person here who knows that, so what you chose to put in your body is up to you.

Even though you may have only dabbled in a way that may not have caused you harm, you're now realistically living with a secret that would most likely change the way that most people in your life feel about you. You've done something that you've just spent a long time learning is the ultimate evil. Why wouldn't you feel crazy?

It's a horrible thought that you should loose your parents because of this. I think that Antigen's advice to you is valuable for this subject. Can you tell your parents that adjusting back to life outside of AARC is hard and you need them to stay connected with you?

As for feeling like a bore, that something is missing, having no social skills.... I can completely understand this and have spent many years trying to fully overcome it. When you said that something was missing, it took me a long time to understand that the hardest part about overcoming AARC for me was regaining the passion for life again, along with regaining my strength in never caring what people had thought about me, and always having faith that what was in my heart was the right thing. That had been taken and felt impossible to rebuild.

In AARC I was taught that anger is a defect. Lust is a defect. To disagree, question, or debate is "fighting". To day dream, be creative, or relax was an "escape mechanism". Also almost everything I'd enjoyed was no longer allowed incase I have too much fun and then am "escaping". Connecting was "cliquing". We were only allowed to feel "hurt", "powerless", or "serene". That doesn't leave a lot of the human brain left, does it? Something feels missing? Maybe it's the rest of you.

It also took a while to learn how to have silence, when anything other than being in raps, 1 on 1's, or on a feild trip was "in your head". And learning how to deal with feelings without having to call someone up and "spill" to them  can be a rough hurdle. Spilling and confessing all the time made it hard for me to understand when it was okay for me just to handle something on my own, rationally.

As for social skills... They'll come. My first 2 tips if you haven't learned them already: STOP HUGGING! And when someone asks you how you are today, all that they want to here is "Fine. Yourself?"

I know that you are probably sick of the idea of therapists, but what if you found someone who understood what you went through? Most therapists/psychologists will. If I didn't have someone there to talk to when I got out, I don't know what I would have done. My friends were overwhelmed when I tried to explain it to them. They were overwhelmed already by how much I'd changed, they didn't understand any of it. I needed to talk about everything that had happened and that was happening then to someone who could keep my confidentiality and remind me of what "normal" was. If you can't find free services, I'm sure that your family would pay for therapy if you told them that you needed some non aarc support.

I'm sorry this is a really long post! I hope that some of it is useful. Sadly, there are so many graduates feeling the same as you, probably located near you. You're not alone. There are also many graduates who have overcome it. On that note, the fact is that whether you had used or not, if you drifted away from AARC someone would start a rumor about you using so that nobody else would continue to assocaite with an outsider.

Sweet Girl, I'm not sure you understood the content correctly. The original post you responded to was deleted, leaving yours there. I renamed the subject "voicelessness" because that person had just lost their voice. You kept yours.

The purpose of this forum is not to debate the benefits of AARC, Rehabs, addiction, or religion. It's not to be hostile or to carry on AARC/like anger. It's to support people who have left it.

"sweet girl with a  bad attitude", that's something that they said to you, isn't it?

I'm so sorry that you had to spend 14 months of your youth in there. That's such a long time to take out of somebody's life. I hope you have supportive people around you now.

I'd just like to remind everyone that the purpose of this board is to support survivors of AARC and similar facilities, and to educate about AARC and cult recovery.

Usually each person has an individual IP address (which yes, us hosts can see but you can't). The cable company servicing most people from Alberta who post here in lamens terms, hands out group IP's. Jessica M happens to be sharing an IP with AARCGrad. However if needed we can always still find out the exact personal IP and find out who is who with help from the cable company, which has been pretty helpful.  

Her point I believe was to out someone posting under various identities, (not so much their names, but their different stances on the issues). However in this case it's a little different and the identities are legit.

I had a dream last night including AARC. I was driving, and a white SUV swirved out of it's lane and I couldn't get out of the way in time. After he hit me we got out of our cars and talked. It turned out that they were AARC staff and had to get back to the center. I told them I was a graduate and went back there with them while waiting for someone to drive me home. The center was a huge palace, but still just as cold and dull inside. Everyone including Dean invited me in and we sat at a large dining room table talking as if it were my first time talking to them since grad and they were happy to have me back. I asked them all about what they've been doing. The male staff were all quite wired and crazy. They went on angry tangents. The women, (all of which were girls I knew and who are still a part of AARC to this day in real life) were very quiet. They all looked exactly the same except older and heavier. They were dressed just as plain and had the same hair styles and colors. I felt very sad for all of them and didn't want to tell them about all the things I'd done since I'd left in order to not make them feel bad. So I stood up and said goodbye to all of them, and asked Jen (C? I forget her last name. She's been there practically from the very beginning) to walk me to the door. At the door I put my hand on her shoulder and looked at her wearing the same glasses and all and I said "There's a whole life out there. Don't be afriad to go live it". I didn't want to encourage her to leave AARC because I knew that she never would, but I hoped she would be inspired to do at least some things that required thinking outside or AARC's box.