Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

On 2006-04-13 12:00:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Lars, in three separate posts you wrote:

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Also, when the school figured out who I was, they actually contacted me and later mentioned it to my parents in a fundraising appeal.

Then you wrote:

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The faculty member who called me spent the conversation trying to convince me that I'd really had a positive experience there.

Finally,

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On 2006-04-13 09:05:00, Lars wrote:


They have no business discussing my feelings with my parents.  I don't go to school there anymore.  My conversation with my former schoolmate was a PRIVATE conversation, get it?  They have a moral duty to respect that.

So, first it was "Hyde" contacting you.  Then it was "Hyde Faculty".  Now its a "former schoolmate" and a "private conversation".  Sorry man, that looks like a lot of bobbing and weaving to me. Lars, dude, if Hyde faculty contacted you, former classmate or not, given the context, I see no basis for your presumption of some obligation of privacy, moral or otherwise.



You openly identified yourself on this PUBLIC board and posted regular PUBLIC diatribes against Hyde.  Even us stupid non-lawyers would expect the call to you from Hyde was part of a public discussion you started here, that continued into the halls of Hyde, and then into a phone call to you.  



I could see your argument if you had requested your call to be private and Hyde agreed.  Cool.  Moral duty, agreed. Definitely.  But absent that, I would love to hear your basis for this "moral duty".  Personally, in context of a discussion you chose to make public (i.e., the posts on this board), I think it was your duty to make the phone call "private" and you failed to take the simple actions that would have achieved that goal.



Too late for that now, so why not blame Hyde for your mistakes, huh?  You certainly seem to have a lot of practice at that.  Now alternatively...and I'm just throwing this out here....why not just admit your pot-shot at Hyde about not respecting people's privacy was inaccurate, misleading and inappropriate?



Lars, you appear to have a long history of being an admitted lier. The progression of this discussion suggests nothing has changed on that front.



So before I sign-off for the day again, will you please tell us all the story of how you are sooooo happy and successful despite Hyde?  I love that one.....

"

The faculty person and former schoolmate were one and the same, sorry if I didn't make that clear.  Also, if you read my earlier posts, you would know that I don't blame Hyde for anything in life. I just think the place sucks and I hated it there.  Who's lying now?

I don't lie, kid.  I challenge you to find one thing that I've posted on this board that isn't true. The only liar on this board is you ("blame Hyde for your mistakes").  So sign off, you miserable bitter prick.  

Life IS good...three years in third rate Maine shithole couldn't change that. ::cheers::  Too bad if that pisses you off.[ This Message was edited by: Lars on 2006-04-13 12:39 ]

On 2006-04-13 10:49:00, Anonymous wrote:

"

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On 2006-04-13 10:25:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Damn,





 BSing! Why didn't I think of that.  I was honest and got no diploma :nworthy:

On 2006-04-13 10:24:00, Anonymous wrote:

"and don't call your elders "kid"

I could buy and sell you like the cheesy ambulance chaser you've become..."

 ::both::

On 2006-04-13 08:51:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Lars, fascinating to see how you lawyers work.  Bob and weave.  Deflect.  But whatever you do, when you are wrong, stay off the original topic and never admit your were wrong, correct?  



The question to you stands:  How does a former friend calling you ONE TIME out of concern, and then Hyde calling your parents for funraising and mentioning you -- how does show that Hyde does not respect privacy?



That's all I've asked.



Now, as to antigen/antipasta whatever your name of the week is....brilliant comment to bring up anti-stalking laws!  How close exactly do you think one call is?  Shite, we must be right up against the edge here, dontcha think?  How insightful of you.  Lars, quick, call the police so they can get right on this!!  Oh the humanity!!!"

Actually, my response was pretty straitforward and you know it.  Feeble lawyer bashing can't change that.  They have no business discussing my feelings with my parents.  I don't go to school there anymore.  My conversation with my former schoolmate was a PRIVATE conversation, get it?  They have a moral duty to respect that.

And you still haven't answered my question - which Hyde campus do you teach at (sure sounds like Bath)?  And while we're at it, (and since, as you claim, it's not a privacy issue)which Hyde faculty member discussed the matter with you?

On 2006-04-12 12:21:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Lars said

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I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family."

I didn't miss the point of your original post Lars.  I said in my first response that I actually agreed with you there are good reasons not to disclose one's identity here, but that it's also a personal decision.  I didn't elaborate on that, but personal or not, I only agree with this to the extent one speaks of their personal experience. Acuse Hyde of a crime or mistreating others when without having the details or inside info, yes, that seems inappropriate and self-serving and worthy of challenge, including exploration of the posters bias, which requires their identity.



The concept of bias brings me back to your (secondary?) point that "Hyde doesn't respect privacy".  Lars, when you were a little boy, your parents established a relationship with Hyde that focused on you.  When Hyde called you recently (out of compassion) and then mentioned this to your family, that was business in the ordinary course.  My issue is thus not with the primary point of your post, its how you chose to present it.    



Lars said

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Also, when the school figured out who I was, they actually contacted me and later mentioned it to my parents in a fundraising appeal. Hyde does not respect anyone's privacy and I don't want anything to do with the place.

"When Hyde figured out who I was"?  Lars, you outed yourself.  That was your choice.  Take responsibility for it.



"They actually contacted me".  What I find interesting was your use of the word "actually", as it seems to imply impropriety instead of presenting the facts about the compassionate nature of the call.  And later Hyde "mentioned" your call with them to your parents.  (And that's really all it was, right "mentioned"?)  I have to say, big whoop there Lars.  So what?  You know as well as anyone that Hyde calls former parents and talks about former students.  This was no surprise, and was both predictable and standard in the industry.



Your point about not wanting to share your association with Hyde with the world is valid, at least to the extent you are talking about your personal experience.  Your jump to a point about Hyde not respecting privacty, based on your bizarre example which includes you outing yourself (a cry for help?), Hyde contacting you compassionately (and you leaving these details out), and then mentioning it to your parents like every fundraising group I have ever known, is unwarranted.  What I find more interesting is why you make this connection, because you do it again in your latest post.



Lars said:

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I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family....who the hell wants to have a potential employer finding out that you've been involved with such a fucked up place?

In that Hyde actually does have "business" bringing your conversation up with your parents, it started me thinking about what was really going on for you, so here's my guess: The fact you left out was that Hyde mentioned to your parents you were posting on this site.



Your real concern is that now your parents know you are posting on this site and that fact raises a host of potential issues, as it potentially highlights your unresolved issues with them (they sent you to Hyde, right)...and you don't like that one bit, so instead of dealing with the source of your issues, you project them onto Hyde.



Just a guess.  I know I wouldn't want my parents to see all of my diary-like posts I make on various sites.  That's why I would never out myself (on those sites)....and if I did, then even a non-lawyer would know I can't hold anyone other than myself responsible if my post somehow ends up on the front page of the New York Times.

"

I'll ask you again, which campus do you teach at?  If you can't answer that, you have no business offering any criticism of those who choose not expose their posts to google searches.  I don't care that my folks know about my posting here.  In fact, I told them about it before this whole business came up.  And how the fuck do you know that their calls were compassionate?  The faculty member who called me spent the conversation trying to convince me that I'd really had a positive experience there.  It was none of my parents' business and your inability to understand this displays an astounding degree of ignorance and lack of respect.

And your guess was wrong.  I don't project anything onto Hyde.  I just told it like it was.  The place is an emotional toxic waste dump and a cesspool of hypocrisy and incompetence.  If you don't like the way I present my views, well you know what you can do...

On 2006-04-11 10:50:00, Anonymous wrote:

"

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On 2006-04-06 06:36:00, Lars wrote:


"Hyde does not respect anyone's privacy and I don't want anything to do with the place."

Hmmmm.  Let's see.  



1. You effectively outed youself by providing tons of details about your life that made it obvious who you were.  (Didn't you even provide your own name on here at one point?  I haven't looked back to check.)



2.  It's my understanding that Hyde contacted you as a way to reach out to you and see if you were open to a dialogue.



3.  Hyde contacted your parents for fundraising, and in the course of the conversation, mentioned they had spoken with you.



So where is the lack of respect for privacy?  You outed yourself.  They called you to talk about it.  They called your parents in the ordinary course (fundraising, where you would be natural subject of the call, just like any fundraising of this sort).



Anyway, I'll bet it would rock your world to learn that Hyde contacting you was based on compassion and concern for you.  



Point is, for some it may be helpful to out themselves.  For others, not so much.  Its a personal decision.  But make no mistake, this is a public forum, and not a private AA meeting, as someone else suggested.



Hyde's actions could be consistent with either (a) a school so terrified by this board that they will stop at no lengths to put an end to it, or (b) an institution that cares about its alum, no matter how disgruntled.  



You seem to have chosen (a), but provide no backup for that.  



On good information, I happen to believe it was (b).

"

So, asshole, which campus do you teach at?

I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family.  If you're too clueless to understand that, you're not even worth responding to.  You missed the point of my original post as well...who the hell wants to have a potential employer finding out that you've been involved with such a fucked up place?

You might want to take your foot out of your mouth before it chokes you.

I haven't posted here in a while, but I thought I'd point something out to the Hyde folks who keep telling people to disclose their real names.

In this day and age, prospective employers often google potential employees to see if they've been posting on the internet in blogs or discussion boards.  Guess what?  Even successful graduates of Hyde may not want to associate ourselves with the place.  I'm a successful graduate, but I've achieved success in spite of Hyde, not because of it.  The place is an embarrassment to me.  Also, when the school figured out who I was, they actually contacted me and later mentioned it to my parents in a fundraising appeal.  Hyde does not respect anyone's privacy and I don't want anything to do with the place.  Forunately, in my profession (law) and most others, nobody cares what you did in high school.  Still, I'd rather not have my name associated with the place.  So to all the jerks trying to get people to out themselves, get a clue.  Life is not a Hyde seminar.

I appreciate your thoughts, but I have to tell you that I think that your experience puts you in very small minority of people who attended.  I would definately take issue with your statement that Joe Gauld has changed thousands of lives for the better.  Undoubtedly, some folks do benefit from the place, but for many like myself, the constant drama & confrontation made it a brutal, soul-sucking, cult-like experience.  To put it another way, I graduated from Hyde and have gone on to a successful career and I will NEVER go back.  Understand that the people who hate the place are not just people who "cowardly shrank from the tasks in front of them."  To the contrary, many who can't stand Hyde are people of strong moral character who recoiled at the emotionally humiliating and intellectually stifling atmosphere of the place.  The principles they preach are, in and of themselves, fine.  But the ways in which they try to instill them are often abusive, wrong-headed and even criminally negligent.  You seem to buy into their mantra that their way is the right way for everyone - It isn't, not by a long shot.

I'm glad you had positive experience.  Some do.  But take it from someone who stuck it out through the whole process (and, contrary to what one of the trolls on this board claimed, worked hard & busted ass to get a diploma), there are good reasons why most of us who made it through that place never look back, my venting on this board notwithstanding.

Hope that helps.  If not, read over the earlier posts on this site. Some are crap, but there's some powerful messages to ponder.  Don't take this wrong way, but given some of the phrasing you use, you may not have realized that many good people suffered terribly for reasons other than "not having the courage to face the truth" - consider how horrible it would be to have a serious affliction like clinical depression treated as a character problem.  It happens there all the time.

Food for thought...